Bipolar Check-in #84

I’m a bit disappointed with my perm. It’s frizzy. But the hairdresser did dry it and overbrushed it in my opinion. In a few days I’ll wash and let dry on it’s own.

I had to blow my nose before. It was very.... interesting with a septum piercing. Lol.

I'm currently freezing my *** off. I don't know what the temperature is in here. -20F? Honestly! I have my huge sweater on and am under the blankets and everything. I already wrote in my journal and took a shower. I should be getting my tofurkey in the oven, but I'm comfy at the moment and my husband is kind of half laying on me.

I've decided for sure what Sleep Token tattoo I want to get in February (well, I already knew what lyrics, but now I know for sure what pic to go along with the lyrics. I showed my daughter and she said, "You're going to regret that when you're an old lady." I said, "I don't give a FUUUUUUCK!!!" And no I'm not anyway. She also said my septum piercing was going to look weird and admitted to me she likes it, so there. Actually, Husband wasn't too thrilled about it either but he likes it. He said it's the only piercing I've gotten that he sctually likes, so HA).

I'm not looking forward to today. If I had my way I would just stay home, but it would break my husband's mom's heart, so I can't do that.

I wish I would have thought ahead. I would have put out some extra gabbies for today. I have SO much extra gabapentin it's ridiculous, but I didn't think ahead. And I don't like drinking (unless it's a few beers at a concert. Then it's fun). I KNOW I'm going to feel trapped and have a panic situation like I do EVERY year.

Goal: GET THROUGH TODAY!

At least I don't have to see my mom!

Happy birthday @Nammu!

Good morning! Happy Thanksgiving! I slept amazing! 10 1/2 hours, really good quality sleep too according to my Fitbit. Listening to music now and waking up. Just fed my cat. Am about to make a decaf coffee, feeling pretty good today!

Hope you feel better, and that’s awesome you got a library card. My library also did away with fines. So no more late fees. I use the app hoopla and Libby on my tablet or phone to listen to audiobooks I get through my library, they also have ebooks and shows/movies

Hi. Woke up two hours ago and went to bob Evans because I figured they'd be open. That kinda took it out of me so now I'm home back in bed. My doctor just called and said one dose a day of either ibuprofen or Tylenol won't hurt but not many days. All I have is Tylenol. I'll take a nap. Not coughing now so ribs don't hurt. Nose is suddenly stuffed up unfortunately. Just feel exhausted.R

Moose - to me, exhaustion is bronchitis or pneumonia. Do you have rails? Thats when the middle of your chest rattles when you breathe. Like its not supposed to do that! But at least it tells me what i have. Maybe you had walking pneumonia.

My mother would drink some Cold Duck (sparkling wine) and sweat it out under the covers.

Take care!

Just looked outside. Was surprised to see everything covered in snow and tons of big flakes coming down! Love it

Slept late, I’m wrapped in my grey fuzzy robe under my grey fuzzy blanket, watching the parade just waiting for the dog show. I’m watching the parade with the sound off as the noise irritates me. They gotta be yapping, the entertainment sometimes singing sometimes rapping and behind it all is crowd noise.

Happy thanksgiving 🦃

Such an impending sense of doom has come over me. I want to cry but can't. I really wish this depression would lift.

They gave me today's meds yesterday, but still called to make sure I took them, and the girl calling was like "yeah, I knew you probably already took them, but I wanted to make sure things were okay over there," and then my cats started screaming, and this showed up on my FB feed haha
IMG_6389.JPG

but I'm being more awful than my mom. She got grossed out and yelled at me because I was playing with the turkey neck and guts and my cats. I've watched this video like five times since yesterday, and I don't even really ski anymore. 10 years ago my season pass cost like $350 for the year, and now it's over a hundred more than that if you get it before the prior season ends. If I got one now, it'd be $750, which is crazy! We have less snow and more crowds now, and I DOUBT they've kept the glades as clean as they were when they did that massive maintenance push.



There's no porn like snow porn!

Man! I had no idea it was so expensive to ski. Growing up the only place was two plus hours away. I was invited to go with a group going in my jr year of high school but my parents said no. Don’t recall how much it was but it was expensive then too.

Now this year all the places are making their own snow for thanksgiving weekend. But it’s gonna be cold!

No rails. Ribs feel better. Just woke up at 1. Sure sleeping a lot. Caleb isn’t answering his phone. He must’ve found something to do today.

Yeah, it's nuts now. I used to get 50+ days in on a $350 season pass, so like $7/day, but now I don't even know if there'd be 50+ enjoyable days at my local ski area whose daily tickets are $80-120 depending on day of week and if bought in advance.

There's this one mountain (not my local one, but I do consider it home in some ways because I probably skied there as much) that was fabulous, I think their tickets were like $40 the first time I skied there, and now they're $100. You know what "updates" they did there? They took this one full mountain of slackcountry skiing and turned it into lift accessed race training central AKA wide, boring, and icy.

If I ever go skiing again, it's only going to be backcountry because fk paying $100 to stand in line to fight for space on icy groomers.

I had a really hard time with the car ride



So I stayed back in the hotel since my aunt has a one story house and I don't need 20 people hearing me.

Tommorow is the 10 year anniversary of my dads death. My mom and brother and I and my sister and her family are all going to go to the cemetery. If it weren't for that I'd probably just stay at home but its a really important anniversary.



But man does a 9 hour car ride really do in me in these days.

I slept till 3:30 then went to bob evans . Used my rescue inhaler. Hour later when I got home I needed my inhaler again before the 4-6 hours which is how to use it so I called the nurse line who said to use it 3 times every 20 minutes then go to the ER if that doesn’t work especially since I’m on steroids. I’d have to drive myself there and drive home as everybody in my family went on vacation this week/end.

The urgent care near me seems to be closed.

Everything is closed but the ER. The 3 treatments every 20 minutes has gotten my O2 level up to 95 and my peak flow is in the green zone so I think I’m ok. I take my last steroid dose in 50 minutes. That should help. Tomorrow I’ll see what’s open. Hopefully the regular drs office is open.

Update. Just spoke to a hospital nurse who said everything seems fine but if they worsen tonight go to the ER or tomorrow try urgent care if they’re open. My regular dr is not!

@Nammu Happy Birthday!

Still hating my perm. I got curling tongs today I can barely use. Will require lots of practice. I’m going to have to just grow out this perm in the next 3-6 months. Why was I so stupid!,

I did a chore today that i've been neglecting for a while, i so dislike it. But it is done, and it's a big improvement. Glad i finally got to it. Did a bunch of other chores and my home is fresh and tidy again. I ground to a halt with trying to manage my boredom this evening, but then i discovered a new special by a comedian i like, so the day ends on a good note.

Thanks to everyone who participated in my thread on virtual American Thanksgiving dinner. I think there were 14 posts. Even DocJohn posted! What an honor! Hope everyone had an amazing day!

I keep thinking how I’d be better off dead. No family called or messaged today for the holiday. No one invited me over. The only family I really have left is my sister and she lives 15 minutes away. Heard nothing from her all day, I texted her happy Thanksgiving around 4pm and she texted “Happy Thanksgiving” back and that was it. I feel like no one gives a **** about me. Even my ex boyfriend who I’m good friends with now called me but my own family can’t bother to call. And no I didn’t call them because it’s always me who has to initiate any conversation or anything, otherwise I wouldn’t hear from them for months on end

I called 911. They sent an ambulance. I told them my tongue and lips felt swollen. The ER took me right back to a room and gave me Benadryl. Watched me for an hour and let me go. The doctor said I’d had prednisone before without a problem but to discontinue it just to be safe. That was my last pill tonight so no problems there. Follow up Monday with primary doctor. Take Benadryl daily for I forget how many days. I’ve got that somewhere. In my purse probably- the Benadryl that is. My asthma was non existent since I’d just taken the albuterol inhaler 3 times in an hour for another flare up. So they weren’t sure what I reacted to but told me to stop the prednisone since it was the newest med. come to think of it one of the cat’s canned foods has seafood in it but I always wash my hands after feeding her wet food. I’ll have to watch which cans have it or not. Didn’t even think of that in the ER. Also N1 picked me up and took me home. I didn’t have to take an Uber.

I'm so sorry. I can commiserate right now. I am having a lot of SI thoughts. I am feeling exactly the same about my sister. I called her crying, left a message I was depressed, PLEASE call me and all she did was texted back all the stuff she was so busy with she couldn't call me. I mean, really, she couldn't skip tae kwon do ONE week to talk to me? Yesterday, all I got were Happy Thanksgiving texts from my sisters, my mom, my aunts. Only my 91 year old grandmother called to wish me a happy Thanksgiving, and she was the one person I didn't expect to hear from what with her age and health problems. It did hearten me a little at least though I don't unload stuff about my depression to my grandmother, she's been through too much in her life to have to contend with that.

OMG, Moose! I hope things get better for you. You have been really struggling with this issue for awhile now

I'm still down. I don't know if the SAD lamp is doing a thing.

And I don't know, I could even be mixed in that I took a 5 mile walk in the dark this morning, ordered all my nieces & nephew's Christmas gifts yesterday, suddenly put a ton of books on hold at the library even though my concentration is SHYT.

On the other hand, I still have intrusive SI thoughts,



I'm just so tired of life.

I'm gonna chill out for the rest of the day though. Or at least try.

Mikaela for 100 in the Stifel Cup this weekend! Supaahhhstahhh!!!