Bipolar Check-in #84

Oh, Midsomer would be good, here it’s the Marlow murder club mystery. It’s a rerun from last week, but good. Heh heh, mentioning LOTRs heh, they are so tongue in cheek! I missed that when I saw that episode.

I’m tempted to pull an all nighter but that’s not a good idea

I missed it the first time(s) too!

Remember what you said after the last all nighter, that it wasn’t worth it. I know I used to do that because I got a bit of a rush from it, but it affects my stability too much.

Today was a tough one mood wise. Extreme irritability/anger was triggered on my way to my IV appointment because it was practically impossible to find a spot to make a left hand turn onto the road I needed to get on in order to get to the office because of some race. I got so worked up that my muscles got so tense they were sore when I finally got to my appointment. By the time I got home from my appointment and another errand, I was numbed out and depressed, especially since I had nothing fun to do. I haven't been able to handle much all day-couldn't get myself to go into the grocery store because of how crowded it was and couldn't get myself into the pharmacy because the turn lane got blocked seconds before I got to it so I just took the long way home instead. My mood is so sensitive, dealing with trying to turn around on the busy street it's on was just to much to do. I've had SI thoughts throughout the day too. Regretting choosing to see family over my Thanksgiving break isn't helping things-the last couple phone calls with my mom have been AWFUL so I am sure seeing her in person/being at her house is not going to go well. Oh, and I've had a small amount of paranoia the last two nights.

I'm going to keep taking my meds, but every time I get depressed I'm always tempted to just throw in the towel, quit them, and let this stupid disorder run its course since the meds don't provide long term stability anyway. I hate how the smallest things can push me over the edge.

I've had trips home trigger episodes before-I sure hope that's not happing now. If it does, hopefully the brunt of the episode will wait until I get back after Thanksgiving.

I may have just put up our Christmas tree….in November! Oh but the excitement of my little boy putting it up 🤗

The first Saturday night ZOOM social was a disappointment. It was unpleasant. I didn't stay. I had a better time playing my game and watching my soaps. Note to self.

Hugs to all in need!

I keep smelling some weird burnt coffee smell. The heating pad is unplugged. I swear I'm losing it.

So it's been months since I've been taking classes for my degree. I've decided to work towards go to a 4 year, self paced, non-accedited, illustration program.

I’m wondering if I have bronchitis or just a bad asthma attack.

@June08

Seeing my parents and being in their house has triggered episodes for me in the past too, so I just don't go over there for the holidays anymore, or for anything. I've disowned myself. I hear ya.

Yeah you’re right. I did end up going to sleep last night after I read for a bit

I woke up this morning feeling weird. I took what I could for my heartburn and I took tylenol for my headache. I just had some water with Iberogast in it and then I drank a protein shake and I feel kinda better.

I slept good. Up drinking coffee now and listening to some celtic music. Gonna practice violin later today for a couple hours. Feeling really motivated afer getting positive feedback from my violin teacher yesterday. Might study some music theory today too. Other than that not much going on. Probably gonna finish my game today, and try to finish the book I'm reading. Got about 80 pages left (Pride and Prejudice). Just a nice chill sunday

Hey! I just talked with a nurse who said to use my inhalers the right way and I could hear her rolling her eyes over the phone! I admit I haven’t been using them 100% the right dose every day. Just my preventative inhaler symbacort once sometimes twice a day like I’m supposed to. I use it before I brush my teeth because you can get fungal infections if you don’t rinse your mouth out after. Right now I think my rescue inhaler Albuterol is on my coffee table at home. Thought it was in my purse! I did find the symbacort in my purse but that’s not a rescue inhaler. Albuterol every 4-6 hours and symbacort two puffs twice a day. When I first called she mentioned this virus that’s going around Ann Arbor like crazy. I hope I don’t get it - I hear it’s constant coughing! I just forget to use the symbacort what with all the pills I take! I don’t think I can take steroids -because of gabapentin I think -which I had to do once this past spring when my inhaled medications weren’t helping at all. Btw chest pain IS a symptom of asthma! And you can die from asthma? Didn’t know that till I was googling asthma symptoms.

As for the partial collapsed lung - the alveoli -and the lower lobe scaring this nurse didn't seem to care. That's GOT to impair one's breathing don't you think?? I guess only my primary doctor can answer that. It wasn't there last time they took X-rays in the Spring!

I'll go look for a pulse oxymeter!

Moose - i thought the xray read said there was no significant change in the alveoli stuff from the last reading. So definitely an ongoing issue, but not necessarily getting worse? At least not that part. Hey im in ann arbor too. Man these college kids are just full of cooties! Ive been too skeeved out to swim since 2020, no joke.

Hey! We’ll have to get coffee some time!

The last reading back in the Spring- I looked it up in my portal- showed normal lungs! Another reason I think the anesthesia from my colonoscopy could’ve cause the new symptoms. Especially the partial collapsed lung as google says anesthesia from a medical procedure can cause it.

Ps N3 is going to be one of those u of m students very soon! He’s excited!

Ooo I’m so tired but I have to leave in less than an hour! I was having wonderful dreams of Star Trek, the future and people everywhere cosplaying Star Trek. I have my family thanksgiving today. I’m drinking my chai and trying to wake up. I’d say I got enough sleep last night so I don’t know what the problem is. Unless it’s that glass of Bailey’s I had last night. But ooo I’m sleepy.

I took my prescribed 300 mg Seroquel last night and still had trouble falling asleep. I was hot, cold, itchy, you name it. Finally took the 300 mg gabapentin I didn't want to take and eventually fell asleep. I had weird dreams though and in one I dreamed I was riding in a bus and the bus driver kept swerving and wrecking into traffic, and everyone on the bus thought we were going to die. Yep. Fun night.

I did pilates this morning then I had curbside grocery pickup. I got home, unloaded groceries looked at my receipt and realized I had forgotten to buy bread! So I had to go back to the store (which was very crowded with Thanksgiving coming up) for the bread. That got me out-of-sorts so I did a Starbucks run. Trying to calm down; I'm still high-strung, maybe I should have taken my other 300 mg gabapentin this morning but honestly, I don't feel like I need it and don't want to take it. Not in the best mindset with wanting to self-tinker with my meds. Pdoc appt. is tomorrow.

Moose - coffee sounds great!

I have the portal for my St Joes drs. I love it! My retina surgeon explained EVERYTHING in it last last spring. I got michael jackson drugs for anaesthesia - i could see why he liked them.

I had THE weirdest dream last night. I was in a car with my previous t/pdoc. He was driving in a parking lot, he stops, and puts his arm around and goes to kiss me, and one of us says, "oh, is this how it is now?" And we both laugh, cuz its like i forgot we were in a relationship, and im thinking its okay but we both know its really not, but it kinda was?

I AM feeling more cared for because weight watchers is working for me, in that it is helping me manage my hunger and my blood sugar. I will see how my weight is actually doing later this week. I just put in a Shipt grocery order cuz i need lettuce!

Just PM me about the coffee!

I had propofol for my colonoscopy recently . What a weird feeling those 3 seconds before you go out!

I have the St Joes portal too. That’s how I saw the X-ray results from both sets!

Yeah, the portal is great. I can read their notes. It’s reassuring.

My primary doctor is through u of m so I have their portal too.

Got on the treadmill for 30 min at an incline of 7. Did a sketch. Now I’m just relaxing a bit before I practice violin

I’m about to make a smoothie with some frozen strawberries and raspberries , milk and raspberry yogurt

I’m almost finished with Pride and Prejudice. 40 pages left. Gonna finish it today

Oh wow I wrote the date wrong on that lol it’s supposed to be 11/24/24 for today