Bipolar Check-in #86

I feel like I am going to die, I have a stomach bug. Thats where all that sudden anxiety and fatigue came from these last couple days and why my stomach was hurting. I get like that right before I get physically sick. Weird sudden anxiety and mental health issues. But I am having so much diarrhea its crazy. They are shutting down schools because of all these viruses going around. My mom is at the store getting me some anti diarrhea meds and some Gatorade. I did eat 2 rice cakes and a small cup of hummus with some wheat thins. I have some cold sweats but no fever.

I moved therapy to tommorow. My pdocs nurse said my anxiety is most likely due to dehyrdration. Although my anxiety isnt that bad today.

Hope you feel better soon the diarrhea sucks. I had that recently severely for a couple weeks with congestion and ended up in the ER due to dehydration and dizziness from it cause I couldn’t keep any food or liquid inside so had to get IV fluids.

I’m feeling dizzy today and having GI issues again, not fun, the GI issues are likely due to anxiety according to my psychiatrist. The dizziness is probably from my meds

Doing pretty good again today. Same old, same old here. Stability tends to be pretty boring to report on. Did pilates and I was psyched I made it through the entire plank series without having to rest or nearly falling over. Progress at last! I showered, ate, read with the SAD lamp, but while I was reading, I got SO hot all of a sudden. It is warm here, in the 70s, we keep the house temp 74-75F but I'm used to that, no reason for me to suddenly feel like I'm boiling, and I'm wearing shorts & a tank top even. Had to take off my socks, I got so hot, and my feet are usually ice cold thanks to peripheral neuropathy. I don't know if I'm having hot flashes or what. Last night before falling asleep, I got super hot again, kicked off all the covers, and I was wearing short sleeves and shorts pajama bottoms. According to the gynecologist, I am at that age, I have no clue when my mom went through menopause, she doesn't either because she neglected constant bleeding for so long it turned out to be type IV endometrial cancer by the time she went to the doctor.

Drawing was okay today. I did a clownfish with marker, but ugh, I didn't have the right shades of blue marker for the final shadows on the white stripes, and I think that ruined the entire picture However, my boxing gloves turned out pretty good (never thought I'd have fun drawing boxing gloves, but I actually really enjoyed it!). Drew a polar bear & hot pepper too, the polar bear turned out pretty well (everything in the creative corner). I ordered some oil pastels and splurged on the expensive brand most recommended though because of the cost I only bought a 24 count; well, the cost and also I'm not sure how much I will enjoy drawing with oil pastels. But I want to give it a try. Ordered some drawing paper more specific for the pastels too and some art quality colored pencils as I am really starting to enjoy working in color too.

Blueberry I love your clownfish! It’s great.

I again slept long and stayed in bed long past my waking up. I was an illegal immigrant trying to come to America. I had to climb into this moving orange pick up and solve a questions about a story. The questions were scratched onto the back of the pickup. It was a story in English with questions about the weather. I was with them because I was deaf. And therefore kicked out of America. Talk about anxiety! But instead of waking me up, I’d fall back to sleep and into the same dream. The last time I found all the answers.

It seems like the norovirus. I just threw up twice after eating 6 crackers and my stomach pain returned. I guess I just wait for it to pass. I want ramen.

Therapy canceled! This time because there's 5" of snow on the road (the plow hasn't even come by yet). It is coming down fast! Going to get meds this morning it wasn't even snowing and by the time I got home I had to actually stay under the speed limit. At first they said only the southern part of the state would end in freezing rain, but I think this morning they said everyone would? I don't know. Not shoveling til it's over just in case--I like snow with crunchy tops instead of water frozen to the asphalt.



Nomad's just staring out and watching the snow haha. He's cute.

Happy FriYAY!

Poor sleep, though that's due probably to having a small snack prior to bed. The digestive system as many of you have indicated, if it's not happy, then it's not absorbing anything properly.Tablets/food/nutrients, which is the essence of stability. I knew better than to have a few mouthfuls of slice.

The sadness from the last few days lingers like a dark cloud on a warn day. Mentally, I'm deploying all my tools and can logically see the Sunshine, this cloud is Velcro to my being, feeling like a pressure around me with smothering force. Do you ever have a challenging time finding to words to describe the way you feel to your pdoc?

Alive is good. Keep deploying the tools, this too shall pass.

Off to town today for supplies after our walk. Which means I am best served by utilising Mel Robbins 54321....

Have a fantastic afternoon/ evening/ sleep.

Sent from my SM-S908E using Tapatalk

Wow, so many people dealing with snow and ice, and it's 80F here today!

@Blueberrybook Yes, we had scary ice this morning. Our dog has had knee surgery and needs a little running start to get up the steps onto the deck to come inside. He couldn't do it. I went out and immediately found out why as I slid across the deck. I got him in another door and had to come across the driveway from my mom's house to mine (I'm house/dog sitting). The walk over was really scary and my porch was dangerous. That was around 7. At noon it was 44 and all the ice had melted. It was strange but I'll take it over ice lasting for days.

Looks like a lot of the country is in for bad weather next week.

Maybe I'm just delusional, but its gonna happen soon. Hang on.

Yeah, I heard it was going to be hot in the south and snow in the north. They’ve been going back and forth on how much snow but agree there will be snow. Bah humbug. They just had a thing on the news about septic lines freezing cause there’s no snow to insulate the lines. I feel bad about that but I like there being no snow. But now it’s coming! Well Phil did say six more weeks of winter. 🥶

@Mountaindewed What is going to happen?

my husband is paranoid my t says and its not my fault. its hurting our marriage and he wont go to therapy more than once a month even though i ask him to. i gotta get more assertive and use DEAR MAN

@BeyondtheRainbow something big in the world

Taking a break from the forum for a bit until I can get my anxiety under control. I’ve been too easily triggered by anything regarding politics lately, so I need to step back a bit and focus on my mental health some. I start the klonopin this weekend. Will be back on next weekend, hopefully with some new drawings and maybe paintings as well since I’m getting that water color paint set soon 😃

Im enjoying reading my books. It’s a good escape

Interview went very well! Omg, they grilled me on questions for almost two hours, but I made it through. Right now, I am just concerned about the background check - all my friends even my therapist said, "don't mention the record until it comes up." That's what I did, but somehow, I felt like I should have said something because they were so open and transparent and understanding. Now, I feel like it's too late. Oh well, time will tell.

It's crazy that everyone is getting ice and its almost 60 degrees right now! Crazy mother nature.

@Blue_Bird we will miss you, but do what's best for your mental health. Be sure to show us your paintings when you come back!

@Blueberrybook amazing drawings as usual!

Trying to make myself feel better, still kind of in a downward spiral despite the good interview. I wish this bad feeling would leave me!

Why do my eyes look like Pete Davidsons. Lol. I took some tylenol a couple hours ago so my stomach pain is ok. The imodium has been working fine. The 3 smashed potatos I had for dinner were too greasy. I have this real bad gas. Overall I feel better but I'm not eating much. I'm eating with my meds though. I've watched the OTC stuff.

When I first signed up for Spotfiy I put my full name and my account as public by mistake. Then when I found out I had 3 followers. I'm pretty sure I know who one of them was. I fixed it.

I'm kinda worried I'm going to crap my pants in my sleep. My stomach is making funny sounds and I'm starting to fall asleep... and people just think its funny.

Yeah I'm north too and in the past week and a half we've gotten about 6 inches of snow. Didn't have any until then all year and our average is 44 ft! It's supposed to really hit us this next coming week.

Good luck @LadyShadow with the job and the interview 🤗. Let us know how you go. I’m holding thumbs for you!

I found out something more about the something I was already freaking the fukk out about and it burst my little bubble and now I AM NOT OKAY. Anxious, can't concentrate, throbbing headache, trying to figure out what we would do if the something happens, besides just watching everything crumble before my very eyes. I just want to cry. I'm completely heart broken. 💔

all the counties surrouding me have closed schools for severl days this week due to illness. one school district had 1700 students, 200 teachers and staff and 25 bus driver absent one day this week

im washing my hands like crazy

I'm new here my name is iloveanimals and if you don't mind going to page 16, I would appreciate it. It's basically my introduction. I would retype it but I'm only on a cell. I don't have a computer. I'm looking forward to your responses and advice or tips.

@Blueberrybook:

Thanks for writing such a detailed post about the therapeutic benefits of drawing. I enjoyed seeing your drawings, especially the one of the boxing gloves, such an unusual subject-choice of a sketch. You first foray into working with color is excellent. I think you'll really enjoy your new colored art supplies.

Thanks also for your inspiring story about ridding yourself of benzos. I just have five milligrams of valium to go, which is a tiny amount, but i still don't like being addicted. Thanks for pointing out that melatonin and valerian are all-natural options. I must look into them as i am averaging only three hours a night.

Thanks for being the "Mother Hen" here, especially when i am too busy to assume the duty myself. We all appreciate your thoughtful and courageous feedback.

Thanks for speaking honestly and directly to Mountiandewed, as i've also been uneasy with the amount of OTC stuff they take, and not acting in their own best interests, and enabling them here by entertaining their self-destructive behavior. It was very good of you!

@Blue_Bird:

Hope you are enjoying your break. The bad news of the world is a bit much, i agree. I don't watch news at all, because of that, and because i believe the media exists to keep people stupid, and not demanding economic justice, as i studied during my Mass Communications degree in the late eighties. Hope you are getting back to drawing, Blueberrybook sings it's praises as a therapy. Who is Papi? Is that a cat you have taken in on behalf of a neighbor?

@LadyShadow:

Love the hair! I sometimes dye my grey hair turquoise. It's a semi-permanent vegetable dye. I feel tho that it attracts too much attention, and i have to be mindful of the fact that my neighbors are mostly seniors, who disprove of hair colors of unusual shades.

I have currently buzzed my turquoise hair off, because of my neighbors, and because it was too overpowering, and hard to dress for as only black really went with turquoise, which is not really ideal. I wear a lot of black, but i like some color once in a while.

I'm enjoying my buzzed hairdo. I have some really eye-catching toques, including a black one with a band of black sequins, that i have decorated with removable flower accents, and a lovely blue-and-green tye-dye ball cap.

It's nice to feel pretty!

The buzzed hairdo is so EASY too.

Who has time for hair?

@Blitter2014:

You have such a compassionate and wise vibe, i am really enjoying you. You are such a nice addition to our MSF family. One piece of good new i got about the world might cheer everyone up is this: it seems the human race has passed the point of INCREASING for the first time in history. It's called "The Last Child" phenomenon. I feel this is terrific news for us, as many of our problems as a species can be traced to simple overpopulation. I was heartened to hear this news, and i hope you and others here are encouraged as well.

@Mountaindewed:

I tried to insert a fun gif for you to wish you happy belated birthday, but had technical difficulties. So you'll just have to accept my sincere wishes for a belated happy birthday in prose. H@pPy BeL@TeD BiRtHd@Y MoUnT@iNdEwEd!!!!!!!

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I am doing well. My one close neighbor has been having a hard time, so i had her over for a beautiful luncheon and spoiled her rotten. She loved it, especially the dessert of fresh fruit and warm fondant chocolate dip.

I was pleased with my hostessing skills and am planning a small luncheon for our Family Day holiday here in Ontario, on February 17. It will likely just be three to five of us. I asked for RSVPs by Valentine's Day.

I'll rest and relax until then because hosting even a small group will necessitate moving my sofa into my bedroom temporarily, which will require removal of the metal legs to fit it thru the door, so that will be a day's work right there.

I've been saving like mad for about ten or fifteen years now and have quite a nest egg. My sister said not to be afraid to treat myself. So i bought a gorgeous set of dishes in a riot of color that suggest a Middle-Eastern vibe, plus these transfixing iridescent purple-and-turquoise utensils. They're so cool and i will enjoy dazzling my guests with my tableware.

Well, i'll stop there, since it's been a long post, and thank those who have made it thru til this point. I love all the brave strugglers here, and know that i support everyone, even if i did not mention you specifically.

@JaneOnceMore

Yes Papi is a cat I adopted from a neighbor. She’s 84 and has congestive heart failure and is no longer able to keep him. But she still visits him and calls and I let her talk to him over the phone on speakerphone

This is Papi