Bipolar Check-in #86

@Blueberrybook:

Images of dishes, as requested. What do you think? Do you like them? The still images don't really do the utensils justice, as they are iridescent, and change color as they turn, and catch the light differently. I like the little handle features on the bowl. I've already eaten some basmati rice out of one of them, and damned if it didn't taste better from the nice dish! Such a pleasure!

Good morning everyone

I’ve been reading through everyone’s check in’s. Hope you’re all well.

It’s the weekend here. Taking my son to swimming lessons. No idea what’s on beyond that in terms of plans. Well see. Something low budget. I’m broke.

I love your dishes @JaneOnceMore! So bright and cheerful And how cool to have iridescent silverware! My dishes are boring by comparison though it must be said mine don't break easily. I have had this set since college and have dropped things many times over the years, and I don't think I've broken or chipped a single piece.

@Brentus Glad to hear you are recovering! I have had chicken pox, but I have not had shingles (knock on wood), one of my younger sisters did and she said it was awful. Chicken pox was bad enough, and I got it when I was still a kid. I think there is a shingles vaccine but insurance won't pay for it until you are 50. Lots of people get shingles before 50, but that's health care in the U.S. for you.

OK, this is by far the worst the washing machine has ever flooded the house. I shouldn't be surprised. Some areas of the carpet had 1/4" of water standing on top of the saturated carpet this morning. I have to be grateful the machine did not flood this badly when I was depressed or manic because this cleanup has been going on all day. As soon as I get a load of towels dry, I start on another round of carpet drying, and the towels get saturated again. I want to get the carpet where it is not making squelching noises every time you step on it.

My feet are so wrinkly from being wet all day. At least the weather is ridiculously warm for February right now. I couldn't imagine dealing with this mess in cold weather!

My heart is broken. 💔 I'm in bed right now crying. 😭 But I guess it's good. Maybe a good cry is what I need.

Had an appointment with my therapist this morning. I was hearing music for a couple of days on and off, once while sitting right by my husband and he didn't hear anything. Usually the auditory music hallucination is the first indicator that I'm going downhill. My therapist told me to let her know right away if I have any other symptoms and we'd get me in to see my psychiatrist sooner. We decided this breakthrough symptom is because I've been so stressed out. I'm avoiding Facebook for a while. I'm going on my phone to text, listen to music, read, and check on here. And that is all!!!

I'm so sorry @raspberrytorte I get the auditory music hallucinations too. I'm pretty unplugged from social media and have been for awhile other than NextDoor. But NextDoor is getting too political too, and there's always people on there causing drama and trying to see crime in practically every person their Ring camera captures on video when odds are it's just a door to door solicitor or something. People seem to want to see crime everywhere now.

Ooo pretty!

@JaneOnceMore - how do you pay what you guys call "hydro" in your condo? $90 is just the initial cost for your heating device. Im in an apartment, so yeah they provide heat, but i also have an electric bill.

I fell asleep when I got home from the GI. My mom struggled to wake me up and I had about 2 minutes to log into therapy. I just shoved my mess on my bed aside and I didn't have time to do anything about my nap hair but I knew she wouldn't care.

It was a pretty productive session. And now I'm lying down listening to music. I haven't taken any melatonin yet. I've somewhat eaten I guess.

Hi Unaluna,

All utilities are included in my condo fees, including electricity, so it makes no difference to me financially if my heat SERVICE comes from the building or from an external, portable source.

It *is* a bad practice for the building at large to source heat electrically, tho, as electricity is more expensive than the building's hot water heating system. I guess they figure it is just a few of the small apartment-condos on the North side that have to run external, portable electric heaters tho, so the impact is not of any great concern.

An increase in electricity costs *is* passed on to us thru condo fees, tho, so it would be in the building's best interest to improve their own hot water heating system eventually. But our condo Board moves at a snail's pace, and it is hard to get anything done in the building of over 200 apartment-condos, so i'm not gonna hold my breath.

In the larger picture, the capital cost of the heater at $90 is worth it to solve the extreme, unbearable cold in my home, so i am trying not to mind having to foot the bill myself, tho it is one of the many irritations of living in a large, fifty-year-old condo-apartment building. Something is always broken. Maintenance is done diligently, but it's still annoying.

Financially, owning a small apartment-condo is fabulous, so i'll grin and bear all the minor irritations, and annoyances. After my mortgage runs out in five years, i'll only be responsible for condo fees, currently $375. I should qualify for property tax relief from the city, so my financial future as a 65+ looks solid.

The big advantage to living in a small apartment-condo in a big, mature building is that we have 50+ amenities, all of which i have access to, just the same as people who are paying five times my condo fees.

We have a lovely pool, in a ground-floor pool house of it's own, with skylights, and windows on all four sides. We have an aerobics studio with full-height mirrors, plenty of space for me to do my ballet stretching in front of the mirrors, an elliptical, two treadmills, a recumbent bike, etc. There's a monthly maintenance contract, so the machines are always in tip-top condition. The paint is a pretty pale green, and the floor is cushion-flooring, speckled salmon-colored sheet flooring.

We have a weight room, which i am not fit enough to use at this time, but it is there once i have recovered from my lifetime of anti-psychotic use, in several years, and have improved my aerobic fitness in the aerobics room. It has the same full-height mirrors, pretty paint, and attractive cushion flooring.

There is a party room, and lounge with cushy leather furniture for rent. A wedding, and reception were recently held there by a Muslim family i am fond of, and the room was decorated to perfection.

A graphic designer who is new to the building held a movie in the party room recently, and it was just over-the-top bursting with graphic design features, and cool video, and audio technology. It really bowled us all over. He's a welcome addition to our family here at the building.

There's a lovely guest suite for rent, for when visitors come, and you can each visit easily, without the nuisance of having them in your home. Each party can maintain privacy while the visit is conducted, with the ease of being just an elevator ride away from each other.

There's a herb garden in the Summer for fresh cuttings for salads. There's a dog-park, where dogs can run til their heart's content. There's an enormous backyard with courtyards, gas BBQs, picnic table, lawns, iron wrought benches, etc.

So while the building itself, and my small apartment-condo in particular *does* have it's headaches, all that is required is to be a little flexible. For this, i receive the bounty of the building, just the same as owners who paid five times what i paid for my home.

And i enjoy living in a small space. It is cozy. These people who are single and have three bedrooms, two living rooms, two bathrooms, and two balconies... They are *ONE* person! How may bedrooms, living rooms, bathrooms, and balconies can they be on at once? *Only one!* It is wasteful to live in such a large, excessive space. A maintenance headache, and stressful to live so expensively. You become a slave to your home.

Frugality was a value i learned early, and a value i have always had. I don't envy my neighbors with three bedrooms, living alone, because that is two more bedrooms to clean, repair, and maintain. I am into having *ENOUGH* but beyond that, it is just a burden, and you are in the service of your SPACE, and of the things you fill it with.

The water color supplies my friend is mailing me will be here Monday! Yay!! I can start learning how to do watercolor paintings 🖼️

I took a nap earlier today. Felt nice. I’m focusing solely on what’s in my control now. And nothing else.

Anyway, my therapists supervisor called me back today and she’s gonna get me in with one of their backup therapists while my therapist is out. Idk when my therapist will be back. She’s been out a month and a half now and isn’t coming back for a couple months I guess. So it’ll be good to have therapy again

@Blue_Bird:

Thanks for all your good news! There is lots for you to look forward to!

My mood is still pretty good. It's been about a week since I took a prn of seroquel and I still don't feel like I need one. The cold I have is making my POTs symptoms angry so I'm feeling pretty run down. I rescheduled the dentist appointment I had for tomorrow so I don't spread my germs to the people who would be cleaning my teeth.

Thankfully, since I'm feeling run down, school was very low key today because students were doing independent work in all of my classes. I came how and rested for a bit and I will head to bed early. Hopefully, I'll get a lot of sleep since I don't have to set an alarm.

Here's a funny story: As part of my school's evaluation process, the evaluation team talked with students. I guess one of the lower elementary students criticized the school by saying they would like us to have zoo animals at school. Kids really will say some funny things.

Haven't heard anything back from the job yet, but I don't think I am going to. I am kind of accepting of the fact that I didn't get it and really have to focus at my at-home job right now and really put the effort in doing that. But I am still having a hard time getting up in the morning, and the Invega should have worn off right now. I am not in the mindset of getting up in the morning, it is so hard for me, and it shouldn't be. I am still recovering so I am going to try and give myself a break.

@Blueberrybook - I am so sorry about your washing machine, that must be such a pain! I hope you get a resolution soon.

@Blue_Bird - I am so glad you are getting your paints and watercolors soon! So sad about your fall though, some people could be so inconsiderate!

@JaneOnceMore - I love the description of your hair! And your dishes are so beautiful!

@raspberrytorte - so sorry you were crying; hope you're feeling better now.

As for me, I am hanging in there. Things aren't what they were, and I missing my ex-boyfriend terribly, but I have to let go.

I hope everyone is having a great Friday!

@LadyShadow:

You are so fun! Glad you have returned to relative good health. Hope mornings are easier for you soon. How do you insert a gif? I tried for Mountaindewed birthday message, but it just printed HTML text... ??? Maybe that was in "Preview Mode" tho... Do they not show up there? Are they not active until you "Submit" a post???

I fell asleep for another few hours. I looked up this cyclic vomiting syndrome some more. It says episodes can get so bad that you need to stay in bed alone all day and are unable to talk to people. But then other times you are totally fine to go about your day.

Yeah... textbook example for sure.

Now people will know I'm not being an unfriendly doofus.

I. Am. So. Tired. Tried to sleep whilst my son played next to me on his iPad but the noise of the iPad kept me awake anyway. Went to the mall. Had omelette at a cafe. It was totally yummy. Bought beef mince pie with wine sauce I’m going to throw in the air fryer. Woohoo nice and simple but I forgot to get salad so it will be a small dinner.

Hiya one and all!

@ Janeoncemore - they look amazing!!! I've come in late on your conversation - do you fire your own work? Sell them locally?

@Blueberrybook - it sounds like it's time for a washing machine service- you've done well keeping your cool. I'd imagine ventilating the area to get it fully dry would be a challenge. Can you borrow a machine or use the laundromat until you can get it fixed?

@LadyShadow - YAY for allowing things to play out without judgement, and so challenging to letting go.

@raspberrytote - thoughts are with you, it's great that you have a support network and action plan you can put in effect. You've got this.

@Mountaindewed - I hope you can get some sort of respite from your body, it really is having a hard time at the moment.

@Crazy Hitch - Hoping you get some sleep tonight, the weather is cooler for us which is awesome!

and @everyone else that I didn't mention, thank you to one and all. I love reading everyones posts, , and the loving support everyone gives. You're all sensational humans, please be proud of yourselves.

As for us, the day always starts well when the underpants go on the right way. Or is that just me. Nah, just kidding. They were already on. TMI? Well, in that case its a great start to the day when one can get the PJ's off without needing to contort into some sort of triple jointed ballerina. Today we had a quiet day after our walk, Treacle left the kangaroos alone and trotted along behind me for the most part. We spent most of the day inside apart from a bit of gardening. Great sleep last night, long and deep, full of all sorts of dreams. I have no idea what my brain was endeavouring to process? Like - What exactly has my brain been exposed to? Did a bit of left over Chernobyl cloud pass over last night? Sneak in a narcoleptic Monty Python movie? Dang, I hope I wasn't licking the underside of my thongs again? Best be brushing my teeth twice tonight just for good measure. If nothing else the dreams kept me entertained for the first half hour or so of the day. Mood is great today, felt like writing, so wrote a couple of draft chapters amidst other things. Arm is slowly healing so long as I remember not to pick anything up. Ah huh. Easier said that put into practice. At least we can brush with it now. LOL,. And, yay for my body continuing to do what my mind, for the most part, asks.

Happy Saturday morning to ya's all! Stay amazing

Good morning , I slept alright. About 7 hours.

Today I have to order groceries and some household essentials

My side hurts. Hopefully not kidney stones. I had them as a teenager and they were horrible. I remember throwing up so much from the pain. I ended up having to go under anesthesia to have a lithotripsy done because they wouldn’t come out themselves even after weeks of being there.

Yeah pretty sure it’s a kidney stone ugh

@Blitter2014:

I'm so flattered that you think the dishes are my own handywork. But alas, they are off an online shopping service. I've been saving money like mad to pass on to my nephew to whom i have been a lousy aunt due to my illness (whatever it is). But my sister said my nephew is doing fine financially, and to treat myself.

So treat myself i did! The dishes were expensive, but you get place settings for six, which is two more than the usual four place settings that are the only things offered at the big box discount department stores. So i figured for something half-and-again in quantity, and for the possibility of having six for dinner, and for the uniqueness of the nature of the dishes, i would spend the money.

And it will help me to eat well, to have nice dishes to eat off of. I've already had several meals off them (and served a sample of my home cooking to an expert Eritrean chef in the building for her guidance), and it definitely adds to the pleasure-in-looking of the eating experience to have attractive tableware.

The expert Eritrean chef said my bean-and-rice dish was good! I was so flattered! I expected her to sample the food and turn her nose up, but she was very enthusiastic, and had several spoonfuls! We both love zucchini. She gave me a few tips on how to "heat" up the taste, to authentic Eritrean standards, so i am looking to more adventures in the kitchen.

I've got a friend who was admitted to the hospital last night. She has lung cancer and got COVID when she was getting her chemo. Great. I delivered a meal to her door, and texted her last night asking her if she wanted more. That's when she texted me back, and gave me the news that she was in the hospital.

I know she doesn't have any family in town, and she has a bit of a challenging personality, but she has always been good to me, donating all her wardrobe to me when she had gastric-bypass and lost 130 pounds. I am writing this wearing some of her clothes now. She's a graphic designer, so all her things are eye-catching, and in immaculate condition. I am so grateful!

So i want to really return her good will, and ease her hospital stay. I've texted her asking if i can bring her meals, and if she needs any toiletries, magazines, etc. I will also bring her flowers. I *LOVE* flowers, and i bet she does too.

So i am on standby for her text. She may be busy with medical tests, or too weak to respond right away. It took her five hours to get back to me last evening. I must be ready to rush to her side today tho, so i'm keeping my phone with me at all times.

I hope she is well enough for a visitor. She's in a hospital that is easy to get to on public transit. Unfortunately, the hospital is a dump, or it was twenty years ago, when i had my appendectomy. I sure hope they have improved! I caught a post-op infection, and was in for five days.

It was a nightmare, impossible to sleep, just an obstacle to healing, and i begged them to let me go home where i could rest comfortably, and sleep without my roommate hollering for the bedpan every 30 minutes, and the alarm at the nurses station right out my door going off every ten minutes.

Christ, what a piece of sshhiitt hospital that is. It's the closest one to our home, tho, so we all end up going there in emergencies. If i have another health catastrophe, i'll consider insisting on being sent to a decent hospital in our East or West ends, just out of concern for my well-being while i recover from whatever it is.

@JaneOnceMore yeah, vinyasa is a type of yoga where there's a lot of relatively fast flowing movements.

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I'm pretty sure the app Duolingo is some spyware shyt. There's so much double entendre and innuendo in it (not in a sexually suggestive way though- like a "you should be scared" way). "Lizy's always listening" for example.

I'm doing good today. I slept a lot last night. Then I woke up at 5 and I got in the shower at 6 without an issue. CoQ10 can increase your energy. I had to order the B2 from Amazon. I read that can help with stress and anxiety along with my health issues.

I read on Reddit awhile ago, maybe on a fittness sub, where some guy said he controls everything with just a variety of vitamins.

My sister is coming over around 5 to celebrate my birthday. I'm looking forward to it. My niece and nephews are cute but they are loud and my sister and brother in law gave them ridicolous names. My oldest nephew has long blonde hair and looks a bit like a Columbine kid, but he is really nice and popular in school.

I continue to feel really low. The body pains had gotten really bad, I have trouble waking, doing stairs, standing up or sitting down, etc.

My pdoc says she might increase Lamictal next week, it depends on my LFT result.

Therapy is going well. I think we uncovered the big question that drives all of this mental unwellness I'm having. It's a big question, equivalent to the"what's the meaning of life" type of question.

I think it'll take a while to find the answer but I know part of the answer is that I have to change my living circumstances. It's really dragging me down.

But that'll have an impact on my kids, so I'm hesitant to do what I have to do (it's divorce).

I'm new here and very concerned about my dr taking me off clonazapam. I was on lorazapam with a different np before and she switched me to diazapam and the results were disastrous. I was having rolling panic attacks. Which means you have one, it starts to slowly feel like it's going away, and then a new one will start again.

I just got a new therapist but she doesn't really know cbt. My goal is to really get to know cbt and use it for anxiety. My question here is has anyone on here successfully come off a benzo? And hi! Nice to meet you all. 😊 oh I wanted to add that I slowly took myself off of 40 mgs of 40 mgs of doxepin. My Dr told me that everywhere is taking people off of benzos. I feel like since I was able to come off of doxepin, don't punish me by taking me off of clonazapam. If there's lots of typos, please forgive them I'm on a phone. I don't have a computer.