Bipolar Check-in #86

If it makes you feel any better @Mountaindewed, I have low vitamin D too. I never go outside. I'm scared of sunlight. 😱 My GP has me on one massive dose vitamin D capsule I take once a week. No.biggie. 😊

Gp prescribed Wegovy. It’s the exact same active ingredient as Ozempic. Go me!

@Blueberrybook:

Yeah, i'm just astonished at what skipping such a small amount (5mg of valium) can do. It really turned me into a bbiittcchh. Will be so glad once i can rid myself of this "Satan's Little Helper" med!

My appointment with my doctor went well. We decided to do a trial of melatonin.

Hope things are well with you, too busy to read thru the whole thread, best of luck to you and all the other strugglers out there!

H@pPy V@lEnTiNe'S D@Y EvErYoNe!!!



I'm going to an event held at my building at 6:00pm. It's a mixer. The new Social Committee Director is a graphic designer who really knows how to throw a party. He was a DJ in Germany, and Croatia, and presided over light-up dance-floors of 3000 people! I peeked in our lounge yesterday, and i could see some of the eye-catching decorating he was already doing.

He sure puts on a good show! Now, if he could just relax, and be civil... I'll just avoid the Social Committee Director, since he's too stressed-out at his own events to relax, and enjoy himself. Plenty of others to have fun with. I'll just enjoy MYSELF!!!

My phone locked me out about 6 months ago. I lost all my emails and I can't do various things. I didnt know if someone on here was messing with me. I need someone that knows phones to help me try to fix it.

Really like it!

I had a good day with my caregiver. We get along very well so sometimes we get to talking and lose track of time. I have my disability update. It's just like a page. Then I'm scheduled to do a interview that has been randomly picked by dshs.

I luckily have really good cholesterol. I am on a blood pressure med, diuretic, and proponolol.. I know I spelled that wrong, lol. I have lymphedema from sitting up sleeping. After about 4 years of sitting up when I was in the hospital they gave me a wedge pillow. Then I got out and slept sitting up again. 2 days later I got my first wound. Long story, I have wear velcro wraps every day. And do a leg pump machine. It feels like a massage on my legs. I ended up with a huge deep wound that took 2 years to get rid of it. It socks.

My sin has schizophrenia and lives in a care facility. Every time we plan an overnight visit it goes to he'll. Day visits are OK he can't come back here and christmas day proved it even more.

But I feel so bad for him. All he does is play video games and listen to his death metal. He gets his meals after most people have left. He has no self esteem. He gets $25 every Thursday so only $100 a month. They use dollar store products like toothpaste, deodorant, laundry soap and body wash.

So this month I bought all those things. Well for christmas he got this big setup that was really expensive. My sister's and me all pitched in for it. We'll he wanted stuff for it and he ended up saying it didn't work so he wants another $60 for the speakers. My sister thinks we should find a place that deals with this stuff and he says he's the only one in this city that knows.

It's beyond ridulous. I think he just doesn't want to go to a public place bc he doesn't shower often.. it's just non stop with him. Ugh!

I'm a night owl and I don't think anyone on here is in the pacific time zone. On christmas he was supposed to be here at 1pm. He got here at 7am. I had promised him I would buy him these Tabasco chews. They are in like a little snack. He shows up with 4 double cans of our local brewery beers. They have higher content beers. He had brand one on the way back. So essentially 10 high alcohol content beers.

I had him open the gifts I got him and told him I need more sleep and for him to be quiet. He wasn't and he made a big mess and even opened my boxes of gifts that I hadn't put in gift bags yet.

I can't wrap completely kills my back. So I was completely piissed and I was like go back now or I'm calling the cops. I was like prison or go back. He was throwing things around and trying to take me phone. So I called my sister and I felt so bad for waking her up. But her and her husband came out to pick him up. Once he knew her husband was coming too he completely straitened up. Just now he kept calling me and calling me. He want something from ubereats. Nope, not my fault he didn't get a dinner! So I blocked him..

I weighed myself this morning and I have lost 6 pounds in the last 3 or so weeks from changing my diet. I kinda want to go to Thanksgiving with all my Ozempic cousins and say I did it on my own.

I woke up around 3:30 and I'm still tired. I went to bed around 7. I've been listening to green noise at night and it works good but it causes crazy dreams.

The kids are staying overnight. My 2 year old niece will have to sleep in my moms bed with her. Then one of my nephews will get this foldable bed we have. Maybe the other one will bring a sleeping bag or sleep in the bed with my mom and niece.

I saw something on Facebook that said "kids are like farts. You don't mind your own."

its soooooooo coooooold! my goodness its cold! work is freezing like usual. i keep an extra coat at work to wear over my sweaters so i can take off my big oat but stay warm

My maintenance guy just about gave me a heart attck! He was knocking on my door at 8:30 this morning!! Dude, im retired!! He got me all freaked out and jiggly, i dont like that feeling. I took a shower and made coffee, then called the apt office, and offered to pay a fine for not being ready today. The mgr says you are not today, you are next week.

Then why is somebody knocking on my door in the middle of the freakin night??? Very glad we got that straightened out. She could not have been nicer. I told her i just dont like people getting me excited! I didnt tell her it makes me want to cry but it does, but my meds dont let me cry, not that i was ever much of a crier to begin with. I learned to hold it in during childhood, as did a lot of us.

I've been up all night. I found the 25 mgs that must have fallen between my fingers. Luckily I don't have anything going on today. My caregiver only comes m-f. If any of you have advice about my son, I'm open to hearing it. I won't get offended.

It's 25 mgs of seroquel and I meant Monday-Thursday.

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna I didnt tell her it makes me want to cry but it does, but my meds dont let me cry, not that i was ever much of a crier to begin with. I learned to hold it in during childhood, as did a lot of us.

My meds do exactly the same thing to me. There are many, many times I want to cry, but I just can't. Now and again I do manage actual tears, but not as often as I would off meds. I know meds give me something of a flat affect too, and at times it's good (reels me in, in other words) but often I hate it. Pdoc seems to think flat is better than manic or depressed, and I guess he's right. Hell, even when I'm suicidally depressed, I still usually can't cry any more, not much in the way of tears any way.

@iloveanimals - That has to be so hard with your son. I'm sorry I don't have any advice in that regard, but you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.

@JaneOnceMore - I hope the melantonin helps. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I combined melantonin and valerian to sleep even though it's not recommended to use both at the same time, but it was literally the only way I could get any sleep at all off psych meds. Desperate times. I hope you have fun at the party. I do envy those of you living in apartments/condos, etc.that have events for the residents. There are NEVER any resident events here in the suburbs where I live, not even on Neighbors' Night Out. I don't know my neighbors at all except to maybe wave to when I see them outside. Pretty sad state.

I'm doing well this morning, had another great night's sleep, slept pretty much 8.5 hr. straight. I took a power walk, had great energy. Ate breakfast and read with the SAD lamp. Made H's lunch, did a load of laundry, pretty much the usual. I drew 2 pictures today ( both in the creative corner). I need to start using a compass for the circles instead of just drawing freehand but I don't really like using compasses, rulers, etc when drawing. Not sure why.

I need to make lunch, and then I'm going to the library with my daughter so she can do her volunteer shift. I am SO glad my car is fixed, and I don't have to worry about it nearly stalling out at stoplights any more. Maybe we'll stop for Starbucks on the way home as a Valentine's Day treat.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Blueberrybook thanks for the share, and the heart coffee!

I was so tired from getting up at 3:30. I did 500 reps with my ab roller and 60 sit ups. And I ate some sunbutter with a graham cracker and some zero sugar Coke. But it didn't work and I just woke up from a half hour nap.

But I do feel a lot better now and I got some cleaning done.

I feel like a blob. My gp wants me incorporating exercise into my routine. I just can’t be asked to lift a finger. I’m sorry for being so blunt but it’s just how it is. I don’t like going for walks around here. I live 1km from my school and the suburb is littered with school students. I don’t need them seeing me huffing and puffing away. I’d rather just eat extremely healthy and see if I can lose weight that way. I’m in thi for the long run. It would be so nice to lose at least half the weight by December - January when I elope. So long as I still fit in my wedding dress I’m good.

Had a good day so far. We had a little Valentine’s Day celebration in the community room with chili, cornbread and cheesecake. It was all really good.

I did a drawing of one of my favorite characters from an anime show I watch today and I also did a random painting of a city at sunset

Feeling pretty good today. Gonna practice violin later

Another night of little sleep. I was wide awake at midnight and decided to stay out of bed until I felt sleepy. At 2 am was still wide awake so went to bed anyway. Think I fell asleep around 4 am and woke at 9:30. So adequate. Not optimal but it will do.

Waiting on the grocery delivery.

@Blue_Bird - Love your paintings and your drawing! I tried drawing anime once and sucked at it; it's much harder than it looks! At least, it is for me!

I made some tea and got down for an hour nap and ate some baba ganoush and melba toast and i think i was able to restart my day without the jitters caused by the rude awakening this morning. I dont know WHAT that feeling is. Could be that my blood pressure and heart rate is high. I just checked it and its closer to my normal range now.

So my LFTs came back fine. I had to do a number of tests because the results weren't consistent for some reason.

So my pdoc upped Lamictal to 200mg. So I guess I'll find out in a few weeks how that'll go.

I'm still incredibly low but hanging on.

@Scooter9 When do you start the clinical trial? (I can't begin to spell it sorry).

I fell asleep around 6 and I woke up 2 hours later. Now I'm wide awake and I feel like total crap for some reason. Both physically and mentally. I didn't really eat too good today. I'm not sure why. I was just grazing on crackers mostly. I need to plan my meals ahead on my lose it app.

I need to stop eating snacks for meals

But yeah. 2 hours of sleep and now I'm awaken.

My meds still allow me to bawl my eyes out, remarkably enough.

I feel like I'm losing my damn mind. I don't feel right. Nothing feels right. I'm forgetting things. I'm confused. I'm foggy. I'm forgetting conversations I've had with people. I'm making stupid mistakes regarding the ezine. My psychiatrist is out of the office on vacation for the next two weeks. I'm lacking motivation. I'm sleepy. I don't know what's wrong with me! I think I'm on too much seroquel, so I'm cutting my dose in half. I think I'm going to call the nurses line on Monday anyway. Maybe a different psychiatrist in the office can help me.

I had an appointment with my therapist this morning and she thinks maybe the seroquel increase combined with the wellbutrin increase is having a negative effect. Something about dopamine.

Monday night I invited my parents out to dinner. Not looking forward to it. They're going to see me and tell me I'm not a 23 year old girl anymore. They have zero respect for me as an individual. And they certainly don't respect my husband. And I love my mom, but don't particularly like her. She's mean!

I'm hoping that tomorrow when I wake up I'm feeling somewhat normal, though the abnormal feeling just gets worse each day.

Honestly, WHAT THE FUKK IS WRONG WITH ME!!