Bipolar Check-in #86

I see Pdoc on Monday morning. Haven’t seen her for two months.

Just watched the 3.5 minute Wicked trailer. Doesn’t interest me.

I’m overwhelmed by stress right now. My brain just keeps shutting down and dissociating due to it and idk what to do to cope with it, I hate it so much. I’m also in addition stressed about the whole president thing. And the world in general is a dumpster fire especially the US right now. I don’t even want to exist

Here’s a painting I did today of the Pokemon Togepi

I fell asleep for a few hours and I feel a lot better. So yeah it was some kinda flare up from the cake. I need to buy more crackers.

I'm eating strawberry Teddy Grahams and they are fine. Graham crackers are on the good list.

I hope I don't relaspe into my ED with all this good/bad food stuff but if it legit makes me sick then idk.

Took my son to an indoor play centre. It was packed. Too many screaming kids.

Can't sleep, this is so hard. Now I have to go home to pack move and come back. Victoria is not well. She's been laying in our bed since we left. It's hitting her hard. She wants to go to the hospital but we have no place for the dog. Cheapest boarding I found was $71 a day. That's at least 4 days we'll need.

Well my psychiatrist was able to do something. He prescribed 50mg of Thorazine as needed up to twice a day.

So now I’m on:

Abilify 30mg
Trileptal 1500mg
Thorazine 200mg
Zoloft 150mg

And Thorazine 50mg up to twice a day as needed

They had a hot chocolate bar downstairs in the community room today. I got hot chocolate made with milk, with spoonfuls of mini marshmallows and Hershey kisses in it , whipped cream and caramel sauce. It was soooo good the half melted chocolate in the cocoa tasted amazing. Also grabbed a free coffee while I was down there which I’m drinking now. Sorry I haven’t been as active in the forum lately just have had a lot going on, hope you all are doing well

Blue bird we know youve been chasing pokemons! Cute drawing - I was gonna make an inane boomer comment like oh you kids with your harry potter characters the hot chocolate sounds amazing.

@Blue_Bird I hope your med change will help you. I struggle with dissociation as well, and it is no picnic. Luckily, it hasn't been so bad for me lately.

@Victoria'smom So sorry for what you're going through. I hope you are able to get Victoria the help she needs.

I'm doing pretty good this morning; slept very well last night. Had a dream with my paternal grandfather in it which is weird; he passed away when I was in 10th grade, and I didn't know him that well because he dealt with a long bout of Alzheimer's at the end.

I went for a walk this morning but I should have stuck with pilates. It was very cold outside, and my Raynaud's really acted up. About halfway through my walk I saw flashing lights and the remnants of a traffic accident.

Possible trigger:

The one car was so crumpled up, I don't know how anyone could possibly have survived that; but sometimes miracles happen. I hope the driver was OK.

The sunrise this morning was gorgeous though. After my shower, I ran a bath and soaked for a long time trying to get feeling back in my hands and arms. I got wrinkly and wanted to run more hot water, but I had used the hot water up and had to get out. My K-cup maker picked this morning to not work and need descaling. On the positive side, it completely descaled on the first try; often it takes 2 or more tries to get it all the way descaled. I had fantastic concentration reading with the SAD lamp. Drawing was a bit meh though. I drew a treehouse with one point perspective, and it took me ages; my next drawing didn't really turn out either (results in the Creative Corner forum for what it's worth). Still even with descaling the coffee maker (which normally puts me in a terrible mood) and not having the greatest drawing day, my mood still is good, pretty happy actually.

I am so pleased with how much the SAD lamp has helped me. Near the end of November, when I first started the SAD lamp, I was so depressed, having nearly constant SI thoughts, wanting to end it all, and just a couple weeks later, things were improving, and by a month later, were pretty darn good. I never thought it was possible to go from so depressed to feeling so good and stable without it turning straight away into mania.

I need to get my daughter up; she doesn't have class on Fridays, but she does a volunteer shift at the library at 2 PM, and since she takes ages to get ready she needs to get up. She's such a night owl, stays up way too late watching YouTube and TikTok, but she's 17 years old, practically an adult, and she is very responsible in other ways, not at all a problem child, and H & I figure she is at the point where we need to let her be in charge of her sleep for the most part.

Good morning

I slept wonderfully from around 1am to 9:30am. But I didn’t want to get up, it was dark and cold. So spent another hour just relaxing and enjoying bed. I ran out of melatonin during the cold snap but that hasn’t affected my sleep at all so I’m going to drop it. So far I’ve quit the baby Aspirin, alive and melatonin. They are all otc but my doctors know about them. Haven’t remembered to tell them though. I’m trying to get my meds down to as few as possible.

My blood test results are back. The dr hasn't commented yet but every single item was negative! Fish and shellfish!

Nammu, i approve of dropping aleve and melatonin (i recently read melatonin affects blood sugar!) But you will pry my baby aspirin from my cold dead hand. This reminds me to add it to my shopping list. I need some chewables for emergency. When i had my stroke thing 13 years ago, daily baby aspirin was the only med the hospital added - i was already on everything else! But the chewables are too chokey for me to take nightly, i had a few close calls that were unpleasant. I made the transition from ibuprophen to tylenol finally.

I dropped the baby Aspirin cause I had a. Ultrasound of my heart and it’s in supper shape. I started the baby aspirin because both my parents died from heart attacks. But my active youth and adult life was good for my heart?

I hadn’t heard that about the melatonin affecting the blood sugar! Thanks, now I’m positive I’m not going back on.

Waiting for allergist and liver dr to interpret my results!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Good morning I slept wonderfully from around 1am to 9:30am. But I didn’t want to get up, it was dark and cold. So spent another hour just relaxing and enjoying bed. I ran out of melatonin during the cold snap but that hasn’t affected my sleep at all so I’m going to drop it. So far I’ve quit the baby Aspirin, alive and melatonin. They are all otc but my doctors know about them. Haven’t remembered to tell them though. I’m trying to get my meds down to as few as possible.

Have you ever tried valerian for sleep? I think it works better than melatonin, at least for me. And I have awful sleep problems without meds and sometimes need valerian too. Worth asking your pdoc about. It is available OTC at most any drugstore, Walmart even. It's a very stinky herb (some brands worse than others), but it helps me without leaving me feeling hung over the way a larger dose of trazodone or seroquel would.

@Blueberrybook

I'm really happy the SAD lamp has worked so well for you! 😊 That's great. You seem in excellent spirits. And I also think your drawings are cool (don't know if I've already mentioned that?).

...

I FINALLY got my vitamin D prescription yesterday and took my first dose. I don't know if it's the vitamin D or the iron pill or what, but I am filled with tons of energy! Omg. My husband had to tell me to calm down. He said I was getting manicky. I just took my afternoon anti-anxiety pills and 100mg of seroquel, so hopefully that calms me the fck down because Jesus Christ!!!! Holy hell. For the love of Pete. I want to run around the apartment complexes right now and it's freezing outside!!!

I'm excited because on Monday I'm going back to my piercer to get my septum ring changed. Yay! I got it down to two rings to choose from and asked my therapist which one she liked more. I'm happy she chose the black, more wintry looking one. 😊 I'm more nervous about this jewelry change than I was about actually getting pierced! I'm worried it's going to look bad or something. I don't know. Irrational fears. I identify irrational fears.

Tried valerian years ago, I don’t recall any effects positive or negative but I must have had a reason to stop.

I’m on ambian 15 mg, seroquel, gabapentin and lauda at night. It has me sleeping pretty good. My biggest problem is getting to sleep. But once I’m asleep I sleep well usually. Occasionally there’ll be nights I wake up every few hours.

Upon reflection, we DID increase my wellbutrin dose at my last appointment. That was on the 13th though. I don't know why it would be affecting me NOW, and it's such a tiny dose, only 200mg.

Maybe I was legit prediabetic. But I have so much more energy after starting the metformin. Before I was sleeping all the time and I couldn't get out of bed. Today I was all over trying to figure out this crap diet I'm on and looking for sweatpants. I was out for a few hours. I didn't have any anxiety or fatigue.

My allergy doctor hasn’t gotten back to me about my results but my liver doctor has. She wants me to get a liver biopsy on a Friday in February because my ALT is over 100! I tried to schedule it but they said they’d call me next week to schedule it? My liver doctor asked them to schedule me so I’m kinda miffed that they’re making me wait until next week!

Just a lazy Saturday morning at the moment. I slept horribly last night. Woke up every blinking beeping hour.

Going to go pick up my eldest son today. Taking him for an early lunch for his birthday. It’s on 9 February. He’s turning 25. Now I feel old lol. We’re going to one of my favourite cafes where they do the BEST French toast with maple syrup ice cream and a berry compote. Bring it on. Ohhh it also comes with bacon. Pricey but we don’t do it often so why not just treat him. I have to drive an hour to pick him up. He doesn’t have his license but he doesn’t have money for a car anyway. He lives pretty close to public transportation so that’s good.

I’ll update later on after lunch. Stay safe.

I wrote my allergy doctor and said “all my blood tests are negative. Does that mean I can eat these foods?” We were also checking for MCAS.