Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

I guess they’re wax stripping the first floor from tomorrow at 2pm till Sunday at 6pm and don’t want anyone walking on it. So I’ll be stuck up in my apartment for most of the weekend. That’s okay though. I just planned on spending the weekend home reading, watching shows and playing games anyway. Just having a relaxing weekend at home. I don’t have to go anywhere this weekend. Maybe paint or draw some too.

We have an Easter brunch in the community room in the building next Thursday morning so I’m excited about that. That’s the plans for the weekend though. Just chilling. My psychiatrist said to stop pushing myself so hard so I’m having a full weekend of relaxation.

Oh and I’m sleeping better. Since the Thorazine dosing schedule changed. Thank god. I don’t think I could have handled anymore nights of 3-4 hours of sleep daily. Less racing thoughts. Zoloft was decreased from 150mg to 100mg. To slow down the hypomania. Things seem to be improving. I’m allowing myself to relax more.

I’m making peanut butter cookies tonight yay! Part of working on intuitive eating with my therapist.

Oof da, that’s a lot of money blueberry! But much better than the 35,000. Hopefully your washer will work better too.

I’ve had a nice morning despite the lack of sleep. The pedicure was great! I picked the one with hot wax and lavender oil and hot stones. They don’t just do your feet the massage your lower leg. It’s so Devine.we go about 4 time a year.

But I’m sooooo tired. Last night I read too late and at 4 am I was still awake. I had to get up at 8am to get to my daughter’s house.

Think I’ll skip drawing today. It’s a wolf today and I’ve not got the patience I need for shading. Plus I still have the wine and paint class. But I think I’ll skip the wine tonight, too tired to handle that.

Nice job with the shading! Looks really good have you considered trying out bird watching on your walks, maybe taking some pics of them for inspiration for future drawings? That could be fun

Oh wine and paint sounds so fun! They have those here too. They also have puff and paint sessions at a local sip and paint place with uh THC lol

I learned my lesson though last spring though with the edibles and vapes. THC is not for me. And my psychiatrists is glad I stopped.

Though wine and painting sounds fun. Even coffee and painting sounds fun too. I’d probably go for a coffee/paint event.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Nice job with the shading! Looks really good have you considered trying out bird watching on your walks, maybe taking some pics of them for inspiration for future drawings? That could be fun

Thanks! I would do but usually I go walking in the dark and into sunrise. Not many birds out and about then. We don't get a huge variety of birds here - bluejays, mockingbirds, sparrows, cardinals, robins, crows, grackles, sometimes seagulls fly a bit inland or we see hawks or vultures, well and geese but they are always flying north or south in formation and not hanging out here. We used to have woodpeckers around, but I haven't seen one in years.

I think I sent a kinda dumb email to my therapist. My pdoc never got back to me. But I think things are calming down a bit. Idk

I guess my therapist was just busy. Lol

I'm doing something bad. Med stuff


So I may have effed up my insides again. I know she wants to do a repeat endoscopy. But wtf do I do at this exact moment. I needed something strong.

One of my friends has a bird feeder with a bird camera set up. Its always cool seeing her videos of the birdies enjoying their food and the squirrels that come too. There are so many that show up its so cool. I'd totally do that if I didn't live in a 3rd floor apartment lol

Had my orientation for the Humane Society, discussed once I settle in we’ll clinic hours and doing some shadowing, maybe even getting into a vet tech program which may even be more up my alley and higher paying (and more what they need right now) than vet assistant. I donated some notebooks from the dollar store to the psych unit I was at on my way back. My first day is next Thursday and I will be primarily a dog walker but have to pass classes before actually handling them (and they “rank” their dogs from blue (puppies and lazy dogs) to yellow (high energy, maybe a little jumpy or mouthy) to orange (some behavioral problems but skilled volunteers can manage) to red, red being only vets and trainers can handle them and blue all “beginner” volunteers can work with, and you can “rank up” after proving yourself).

I googled the type of cancer people are worried about me getting. Not a good idea



No wonder my GI is freaking out a bit and keeps sayIng that we need to treat the esophagtitis.

Yeah time to turn on music for the night and lie down.



Man does my stomach hurt. I don't think its Prestiq withdrawel. ER will just give me fluids and tell me to follow up with my GI. Its friday night. No one is around

Oh, I’m excited for you muddy! That sounds fabulous. I was a cat person so I don’t know if they ranked dogs where I volunteered but it sounds like an excellent program.

I decided not to go to the paint and sip class. I’m too tired. Plus for some unknown reason my left leg is hurting when I walk. I’m in my pjs just waiting for an appropriate time to go to bed. If I go too early I’ll be up in the middle of the night.

Hope my leg is better in the morning I made plans to go play bingo

Youtube "turkish vet tugay" makes me wish i were him. He is just the sweetest smartest guy.

13 page s later and i AM DONE with my complex case analysis and mezzo/integrated social work class. ill look over it again a couple times before mondays due and then turn it over to god's hands lol i have an A in the class so any grade but 0 wont fail me.

i have one more project with something bigger due april 23 so i have about a week and im DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

btw cap and down and hood look great. i got a stole with the UL cardinal on it to wear too bc it was cute. im ready for graduation day!

if its esophaeal cancer theyre worried about its not good. my stepdad just died in december from it. please follow their word. he got it from years of not followin their suggestions and getting barretts eshopagus. its why i stay on top of my reflux issues and take carafate when its bad. i dont want it either

Sorry about your stepdad. They are checking me out for barretts eshopagus at my next endosopy. I can understand now why she was kinda freaked out by my xray from the ER and why she called me twice last Friday.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid but I wonder if my other doctors are like yeah Prestiq is bad. But they didn't want to scare me. So thats why they didn't give me an answer about why they wanted me off it

Love the shoe talk! Tennis shoes are one of my favorite things to buy-that and water bottles). I just had to buy new walking shoes this week because the cushion was bad in my old ones so both an old foot injury and and old knee injury were starting to bother me. I'm trying out a model I've never used, but got a great deal on-Nike Revolution. So far, they are working out. Happy shoe shopping @Blue_Bird! I hope you are able to find some good deals.

Feel better @Blueberrybook! Sorry you have to get so much house wok done...

I had a pretty good first day of spring break. I slept in and had a slow morning. Then, I did a little bit of moving prep and went to a couple of stores to try and find some tops. I found three shirts at Ross. I walked on my walking pad for a little bit, but I'm learning using my walking pad causes me to overheat so I wasn't able to stay on it for to long. I might have to break up my walks into a couple of shorter ones to get up to the amount of time I'd like to spend walking every day. Oh, I also did some laundry.

Mood wise, I'd say I've been dealing with some mild depression on and off for about a week now. Very mild SI has been mixed in. I'm a little worried about this since I'll have so much time with just me and my thoughts over the break, but I'll try to find things to do. I'm sure I've said this before, but I really do need a hobby.

Had a really relaxing day. Spent a lot of it watching "Picard" and talking to my ex - we are talking a lot more now, and I am okay with things. It has alleviated a lot of the worry I used to carry. Went to the last Stations of the Cross at the church and it was really good. Had dinner there and met with my friend. Met with the priest too who went over the things I will have to do for my baptism. It's a lot, but I'm ready. I chose the name "Maria" as my conformation name, because it's also my mother's name, and 'Mary" herself is the real reason I was so drawn to this faith and this church. It's really important to me.

Have a little bit of a headache tonight, I may have overdone it with the popcorn earlier. Feeling a bit tired so I may head to bed early - I think I want to watch Saturday morning cartoons tomorrow, so I have to get up early.

Hope everyone has a relaxing weekend!

Interesting appointment with my therapist this morning. Went to the mall because she had something she needed to pick up from Sephora's (what an awful store! Yick! I'm not really into makeup and perfuming myself and shyt). Then we went to Hot Topic and I got another Sleep Token shirt (lol. Can never have too many!). I've been totally fan-girling as of late. I think I have a problem. Haha. Then we walked the mall for a while and looked at stuff and I was ALL over the place. And finally as she was driving me home I realized I hadn't taken my seroquel at all last night, and my therapist was just like, "Okay, giggles, maybe you should take that tonight." Haha! I haven't taken it. This is FUN. 😁

Our romantic getaway was fun. We went out for sushi, and I don't know what my deal was, but at the concert I drank a beer and a half and ended up puking in the bathroom. Then I puked in a garbage can outside the bathroom twice. I was SO embarrassed. 😳 Who pukes at a POST-ROCK CONCERT?! Honestly! But the next day I felt fine mostly and we went to a really good vegan restaurant. 😋

Anyway, so now every once in a while my husband and I joke about how I puked in a garbage can at the Explosions in the Sky concert. Lol. Don't think I'm going to drink anything at the next show we go to! Just the thought is making me feel nauseous. 🤢

I'm a little scatterbrained at the moment and I KNOW there were posts I wanted to respond to, but, ugh, I can't remember now!!!

I'll just do a general.

Good night peoples! Good luck with shoes. Don't get cancer. Hope you feel better, and congrats on only having one more assignment left!

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

@raspberrytorte if it makes you feel any better, I feel like at least a third of the people at an Explosions in the Sky concert would puke after a couple beers (if you only count the medicated ones, which only exacerbates your reaction to alcohol (AKA saves you money as an alcoholic)(don't tell my pdoc I said that), that fractions gonna get a lot bigger too!), they probably mostly just didn't drink or stuck to less than that

But do be sure to take that Seroquel. Don't want to have so much Sleep Token merch you don't have space for spoons

I don't think she got arrested or anything (my neighbor, not sure if I posted about that or just wrote about it in a PM but the police came and the landlord were talking to her but I had to catch my bus and frankly I didn't want to be around) because last night she had her TV really loud really late and was banging stuff at like 3am again. Poor thing. I don't think I have to talk to the landlord now (she wrote down our meeting for the wrong time so thought I skipped out but nah, now we're meeting supposedly Tuesday and I'm just going to ask if there's anything I can or shouldn't do).

It almost felt like my mom tried holding me hostage last night. We agreed to meet up for dinner so she picked me up, after like an hour of me crying we settled on Taco Bell of all places, ate what I could, we went back to her house, I put the rest of my stuff in her fridge, I figured I'd work on my photography on her computer (was a shared computer. I have photoshop downloaded there but not on my laptop). Then she's passed out like a deer that just got clipped by an airplane. I was already feeling trapped hearing her snore loud enough to keep the bears from the neighborhood thinking "I'm gonna be here all night." Downloaded lyft and uber, compared prices, and GTFO (and recommended to the driver to not eat wallpaper? Yeah, I was tired).

But I got to weigh myself and try on clothes from when my ED was at it's worst (body/clothes size tw)
I always said I'd admit I had an issue when I could fit into those clothes again. This is me admitting I have an issue.

The agenda for today is to do another chapter of my BPD workbook (almost done!) do some reading, do some calculus review (halfway done the BC course), and laundry. Maybe violin.

I slept 8 hours instead of the 5.5 hours I had been getting since going down on the Prestiq. And I woke up feeling good. I didn't have any anxiety or restlesness or feeling of dread. I got in the shower because my cat has been sleeping on my bed during the day and he is really smelly.

I don't have any plans today. I need to get socks but I think my mom is going to Kohls.

Good morning, slept good. 9 hours. My goal is to hopefully get good sleep like this most nights. The Zoloft decrease helped calm down the racing thoughts and general hypomanic symptoms and since I’ve been sleeping better with the Thorazine dosing schedule change I’m not as impulsive as I was.

Today I’m drawing and practicing violin. That’s it really. Just aiming for an hour drawing something from one of my drawing tutorial books and an hour practicing violin. Other than that reading and relaxing.

Do you have any ideas of the hobbies you’d like to try? I have the opposite problem. I have too many hobbies lol Violin, drawing, piano, reading, videogames, painting, Trading card games, RPG boardgames , chess etc. it’s hard to figure out how to fit them all in. Right now though I’m just focusing on art, violin and reading.

If/when the weather's decent over break, I'd take every chance possible to be outside. I forget which state you're in, but I think it's somewhere in the south, right? It should be pretty good this time of year unless you're in like Arkansas (even then I'd think a lot of days are gorgeous). The heat's gonna be here soon and walking a mile down Main is gonna feel like climbing Jabal Soudah some days even here (I really didn't intend to get political with that one I just looked up mountains in Hell) and I am NOT looking forward to it.