Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

@Crazy Hitch Have you set the wedding date yet?

No I didnt know that, thank you for letting me know! Thats really cool

I think it was just the hotel couch. I feel alot better today. I did go back up to 50mg on my Prestiq because I was losing my mind on 25mg. This morning I took 150mg visteril and I feel pretty good. I have virtual therapy in a bit. I already got the link. I slept pretty good too.

Has anyone heard from @MuddyBoots lately? I know she's been struggling. I hope she is getting the help she needs.

I think muddy boots might be in the hospital. Hopefully she’s getting help as you say she was really struggling the last few posts. Here’s hoping she’s doing better.

Therapy went fine. She did seem a bit frazzled and distracted but didn't say what went on yesterday. We talked for a bit and then did some somatic regulation tecquines and a bit of emdr. She said the session was super productive. I do feel better now I just wish the Prestiq wouldn't stop bugging me so much. But it is friday.

Overall I feel better then I did yesterday. Both physically and mentally.

My therapist knew exactly what I meant when I said I felt like Alice In Wonderland, yesterday. Feeling taller then I am and couches being too low and stuff. She said it did seem like dissocation which is why we did the stuff we dId today

Today is a good day. I managed to get myself out of bed, into the shower, and was able to make my bed today. Any day that I am able to make my bed and get going I consider a big accomplishment. My ex is on my mind a lot, mostly because his birthday is coming up soon, and I am thinking of how special he made my birthday last year. I hope I was able to do the same to return the favor this year. Feeling guilty over my behavior lately, it's not really in line with what I wanted for myself after baptism. I want to be of service, not self-absorbed in my own whiney behavior. A lot of what I do is selfish, and I want to try to be more than that. It's a work in progress.

@raspberrytorte - I feel the same way you do about meds and weight gain; I have gained so much weight; it makes me miserable. Acceptance, and being able to celebrate my small victories has helped me get through a lot of it. You have so much going for you, especially being an accomplished author - I am yet to put together my first draft yet! I know it's so hard, and I definitely sympathize with you.

Thinking of you @MuddyBoots - I hope she is getting what she needs out there.

I hope everyone is having a great Friday so far, hugs to those struggling, and big hugs for those celebrating their small victories today.

Sorry I have to go back and read the posts to catch up.

I slept a bit later this morning, so it threw off my routine a bit. Pretty much the usual, stability tends to be a boring report to read day after day. I've been reading a lot lately, my concentration has been really good. I have spent so much time reading and drawing that I have hardly watched TV or played on my iPad at all. Well, and of course, I exercise most days. Still having to walk as my wrist still cannot support all the pilates positions. It is slowly getting better though; each day I can do more & more with it. Pretty soon I'm heading to the library with my daughter.

I drew today, only managed one picture. I did a free online tutorial drawing an eye side view and it took longer than I liked because the page kept slowly reloading, and then I'd lose my place. I should have just watched the video version, I think.

I hope everyone has a fantastic Friday! HUGS to everyone struggling

Nice eye!!!

I may be joining the art crowd soon. I ordered a book called Artsy Cats.

Oo UnaLuna that will be so fun. I’ve not been home much lately so no drawing but it will be good to get back to it today.

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna Nice eye!!! I may be joining the art crowd soon. I ordered a book called Artsy Cats.

That would be awesome!

@Blue_Bird It's awesome that you seem to have created a chain of us getting back into art again! And not to forget @raspberrytorte and those who do creative writing Creativity is such a wonderful outlet!

Happy to see it!

That eye is really really good @Blueberrybook ! Great job!

Good afternoon, I’m doing well. I ordered Burger King today through UberEats delivery. The steakhouse whopper is so good.

I’m doing good, enjoying the day. Slept well last night, 8 straight hours.

Plans for the rest of the day are to watch Final Destination 4. That’s it really. Just relaxing today mostly. It’s only a little after 2:30pm now. I know I should practice violin at some point. I have my next lesson coming up on May 5th.

My mood is good. I’m able to focus a lot better. Yesterday I read for 2 hours and played one of my games for an hour and a half. Normally it’s a struggle to get myself to focus for longer than a couple minutes.

Might catch up on some household chores this afternoon. So I don’t have to deal with them on the weekend and can relax

I had to get up early so I didn't take any meds last night.

I slept just 2 hours! And it wasn't even good. The good news is, I was up nice and early for my appointment

I had to drive downtown. I used to be ok with that, even last year. But now it's really stressful.

So tonight I'm trying a different combo, doctor approved. I hope it works.

I got Burger King today too. I took a nap and woke up and realized I needed to legit eat even if it was an artery clogging meal. I have Walmart+ so I get 25% off Burger King. I got a free whopper and some mozzerella fries and regular fries and a Coke.

But yeah I needed to legit eat today.

Now I'm just listening to music again.

I feel pretty down today but its probably just some. Visteral stuff. That med makes things worse

Oh, man my nerves are jangled after going to the library with my daughter behind the wheel. She hadn't driven in awhile, and it's just such a helpless feeling when I'm biting my mouth not to be screaming, slow down, slow down, STOP! She relies on the brake too much at the last minute stopping behind vehicles at stoplights, I keep telling her, this car is old, it doesn't have the best brakes in the world, ease into the stop. I know she'll learn eventually; I really don't know how all parents of teenage drivers manage it because I felt on the verge of a panic attack, wishing I were driving instead!

It's times like this I wish I still were on clonazepam or Xanax. I need my nerves to calm down. I'm considering making some chamomile tea but it's so hot here even with the AC on, I don't know.

@Blue_Bird That's wonderful that you were able to order Burger King and enjoy it. I haven't eaten there in forever. Well, really, I haven't eaten out in ages other than occasionally a Starbucks breakfast or lunch. It's just so expensive!

@Scooter9 I am so sorry for your lack of lack. I hope your new med combo helps you sleep better tonight.

I remember those days with N3! Almost exactly as you described! All the pestering “Can I drive now?”s! And no I wasn’t on any anti-anxiety meds back then. Now six or seven years later he’s calm and I even let him play Bach fugues through the speakers while he drives but man he jangled my nerves a lot at first!

@Blueberrybook Yes 🙌 9 April 2026 🌹

I feel pretty good right now despite the lack of sleep. But I did pretty horrible on my weekly quizes and I’m not following my MCIS show so feelings aside I’m not doing too well. Good thing I canceled going to my daughter’s house. Driving tired in the rain is not a good thing to do.

But I did go to the pharmacy but my tiredness lead to a funny moment. I drove up to the window, waited for 4 cars. When it was my turn I told the new tech my name and what I was there for, she couldn’t hear me. I tried again then realized the radio might be to loud. Still she couldn’t hear me. So I said I’d come in. I figured the intercom broke. Go to pull up to the parking spot and roll up my window. Only to find I never rolled my window down! Dah! We had a good laugh over that though. They say driving tired is as dangerous as driving drunk. I do try not to drive when I don’t sleep. But I needed my AP. I only got 5 of the 90 and need my night dose.

Finished watching final destination 4. Watching the 5th one tomorrow then I’m all caught up to go see the new one coming out in theater May 16th.

Had a good day, pretty low key day. Just chilled at home. Looking forward to the weekend.

I was feeling tired earlier but I got a second wind and now I’m wide awake. It’s going on 10pm. Just took a shower. Trying to decide what else to do. Doesn’t really matter what time I go to sleep because I can sleep as late as I want tomorrow. Kinda been a night owl the past few nights. Normally I’m in bed asleep by 8:30pm or 9 at the latest. Lately I’ve been going to bed around midnight sometimes later. Doesn’t really matter I guess when I sleep. As long as I do actually sleep

Been dissociating a lot less lately. I’m not sure why. To be honest. Could be from therapy idk. We were working on EMDR for awhile. Then took a break for a few sessions. I see her again next Wednesday. The general trend though is that it’s happening a lot less frequently. When it does happen I’m usually able to stop it now instead of it going on for hours on end and turning into panic. Idk what has changed but I’m glad it’s happening less.

I can relate @Blueberrybook. Both my kids took a while to learn but they did in the end.

I'm not sure if you did this, but I sent them to a driving school to learn the essentials and get some experience behind the wheel with someone who knows how to teach.

Driving with your child is a different kind of stress. Have faith that your daughter will figure it out, because she will, even if the journey is a little longer.

Like anything in parenting, it requires love, patience, and presence, all of which you're doing.

I was in the hospital when I was 14 and there was this boy who always wore a Napoleon Dynamite shirt and he was really skinny and he had to drink these milkshake things.

Just a random memory.

My mom texted me last night and asked if I was ok because I was coughing a lot. I didn't realize I was coughing that much. Its just this thing that is lingering.

I am so achy still but I'm trying to push through it and get some reps with my ab roller done.