Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

I hate math- but my engineering student son loves it!- and it’s coming up on finals so maybe he was up doing Discrete Math at 2 a.m.?

Ha we could go on a zoom study date (impromptu and totally unnecessary)

I've decided to reach out to my old therapist to see if she's willing to work with me/can work with me again. I unintentionally stopped going to therapy due to stress and my innate response to overwhelm which is to shut down. She's really understanding and I hope she's willing to work with me (if her schedule allots for it, or if she even still works with my healthcare system). I like to utilize all resources I have to better myself. There's no sense in half-arsing something. I don't have to go all in to the point of burnout -- but I can use my resources as needed. I've cut back my hours at work (but I haven't quit!) and I think taking some of that extra time in therapy is a good idea.

GUYS!! Doc made it possible! We can label our trigger boxes now!!

I have an idea

I went to bed thoroughly exhausted last night. Usually I read anywhere from 30 min to 1.5 hr after taking my night meds before falling asleep. Last night, I took my night meds and was so tired, I just fell straight to sleep until my little wakeup call from Pecan at 4 AM this morning, and I finally just got up at 4:15 AM. I really wish she could wait an hour more. She never does this to H. It's because she knows I'm the one who feeds her!

I did pilates this morning, a decent amount of time, just over 25 min. It was a bit difficult in spots for being classed as a beginner video, but I managed it all! I am feeling tons better from that sinus infection. Maybe still a little fighting it going on, but so much better than than the end of last week. Read with the SAD lamp as well.

I have an early grocery morning curbside pickup at 8:30 though usually I get a text around 8:15 that it is ready. My grocery chain (only found in TX I think) is super efficient. I should have ordered less though. I put in the order when I was feeling okay and did not realize I would not feel up to cooking most of the week. I have a small freezer that's already full, so I can't really freeze anything more. Guess I will be cooking a lot this week.

All that said, I'm in a pretty good mood today, especially glad to be feeling so much better. Being sick is not fun!

@June08 There may be free websites that suggest writing topics (some fictional, some more personal like your reflections/goals) which could be made into a webpage or kept as a diary that you try to write in X days a week or something?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I wonder how many else out there are up at 2am doing calculus for fun going insane listening to their fridge sound like a barred owl looking for a mate?

I absolutely HATE math! I did decent at calculus in high school but don't remember any of it. In college, I got to take a watered down version of calculus which was called "Calculus for Life Science Majors". That one I aced because it was much easier than my high school calculus class But I've forgotten it all. If you don't use it, you lose it. Or maybe it has to do with becoming a parent; you get so many other fun and also difficult things to deal with, it drowns out things useless in your current life!

My refrigerator is having trouble too. A fan blade in the freezer broke off and started making a god-awful noise. H finally broke a 2nd blade off the fan so it was more balanced and the sound more tolerable. He ordered a 2nd fan that should be here today.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brentus I've decided to reach out to my old therapist to see if she's willing to work with me/can work with me again. I unintentionally stopped going to therapy due to stress and my innate response to overwhelm which is to shut down. She's really understanding and I hope she's willing to work with me (if her schedule allots for it, or if she even still works with my healthcare system). I like to utilize all resources I have to better myself. There's no sense in half-arsing something. I don't have to go all in to the point of burnout -- but I can use my resources as needed. I've cut back my hours at work (but I haven't quit!) and I think taking some of that extra time in therapy is a good idea.

I am happy for you that you are taking this step and realizing you want help before you reach an absolute burnout state. Way to go!

Hello all. I’m doing well. Slept great. 10 1/2 hours. Im watching all the final destination movies in preparation for the new one that comes out in theater in May which I plan on going to see.

Had a good morning. Took a shower. Cleaned some. Did some laundry. Read for a bit. Am about to watch the rest of my movie.

I have some ground beef thawing. I’m making some ground beef and broccoli Alfredo. I just have some ground beef and ground turkey and figured I’d use it in the Alfredo I’m making so it has some protein in it.

@Blue_Bird That sounds like a delicious meal. I wish my daughter liked alfredo sauce, but she does not. Usually doesn't like spaghetti sauce in things either so I have to go with plain tomato sauce or just cook her pasta plain tossed in olive oil.

Picked up and put away groceries, nice to have that done.

Drew 2 pics today, both in the creative corner, one turned out one didn't because I lost interest in it and I made it too small as well.


Hope everyone has a fantastic Sunday!

Well no more hadol for me. My jaw really hurts, it hurts to swallow so either I have an infection or it's the hadol.

I'm doing good today. I was a bit crabby this morning but no one noticed. I woke up around 2 and I was drifting in and out of sleep. I turned on the TV and 4 and I got a decent 2 hours of sleep so I'm not too tired.

But I feel pretty good both physically mentally. I got some organic froo froo foods from the grocery store in an attempt to keep my GI and heart stuff under control, and I'm almost done with my laundry.

Its pretty much just a normal Sunday

@Victoria'smom can you go to urgent care to get tested for an infection to rule that out (and get treated in case it's bacterial)?

They closed early today and I have an appointment with my dentist tomorrow if it's better tomorrow I know it's the hadol. I was supposed to be on antibiotics already but couldn't take it with hadol because it causes long QT and I get that easily. I'm going to email my pdoc Monday. It's like no one knows what I can take with hadol.

We’ll just finished my daily drawing. Today it was an ant and a leaf. Must easier than yesterday’s wolf. Turned out good.

Boy! This morning I slept late because the sun never showed. I had trouble getting to sleep, I finally got up and wrapped my lower legs In elastic bands then I fell asleep. When I woke up and looked out the window it was so dark the street lights were on. It was stuffy in here but I couldn’t open the windows because it looked like thunderstorms.

It stormed then brightened up and I could open the open the windows but it’s still 73 degrees in here. Ugh, not even summer yet! I did my meds and need to do my shower yet. Need to get it done before 6 as it’s the PBS lineup tonight!

My 2 year old niece got into my sisters makeup. My sister found her with her face full of stuff and she asked her what she did and after a lot of babbling my niece showed my sister her makeup bag she had open on her bed. I guess she had gotten into some lipstick and spread it across her entire face. My sister had the whole thing filmed. She should send it to Americas Funniest Home Videos.

Anyways, I'm starting the 50mg Prestiq late tonight or tommorow. Hopefully it goes as decently as going down from 100 to 75 was.

@MuddyBoots that's so much snow yet!

@Blueberrybook glad you're feeling a lot better! also, thanks for the writing idea.

Today was an interesting day - still interesting. It is Palm Sunday and there was a very beautiful church service this morning, that started outside with them giving us our palms and blessing it. It was a nice experience. Then I went to my parents, and they sent me home with so much food! It was crazy, I am so blessed.

The emails stopped about 5 hours ago, and I started my negative thinking. Mostly I am worried, because we were in such close communication the past few days. But I am trying my best to not be dramatic and just get on with my evening. I am trying my best to not feel bad, and to be grateful for what I have. My baptism is coming up soon. I am really excited.

I just hate ambiguity and uncertainty. I think it may call for some meditation and prayer. Good news is I saw a really cool show this afternoon that I've been meaning to see. "Collector's Call"on MeTV. They did the world's biggest Pez collection - it was so cool.

I took the 50mg Prestiq my sleep has pretty crappy lately. My mom is giving me a tough time about things but I don't get why the heat is set to 73 yet she keeps claming she turned it down.

Sorry about the new trigger thing. I don't get it and it was making me angry trying to figure it out.

Started dissociating this evening. Ended up doing a random water color painting and then playing some of my videogame and I feel more relaxed now. I’m about to take my night meds then read for awhile before I go to sleep. I’m super tired

@LadyShadow your posts about you joining the church bring back so many good memories. I had such a good time when I joined in 2018 and was baptized that Easter. There was a 85 year old nun who did RCIA with us. She was so sweet and made me feel welcome. I kind of fell away from attending church for the past several years, I want to go back I just get nervous the idea of going by myself to a new church since I’ve moved since then and the closest one to me now is a different one than the one I went to RCIA at. That one’s still near by it’s just a longer distance and would be harder to get to. I always tell myself I’ll go then I talk myself out of it due to anxiety. Maybe in May when the weathers nice I’ll start attending again. I miss having faith.

I am confused on my Geodon and I am using a med box. I needed to take a dose from the bottle yesterday morning since I was somehow short a dose. Then I took yesterday nights at 6PM. Then I took todays AM at 6AM which was from Mondays AM. So now am I on Mondays PM? That would make me 2 days short. So idk if I took 2 extra days... maybe I'll just fix the box and wait until tommorow AM and pay better attention.

Update to the post I just posted. My mom put an extra Geodon in a diffrent day. So I'm guessing I took all of todays correctly. I feel like I did.

Today went fast. I ended up sleeping in/going to a later Mass instead of getting up and going to the early one. Even though I slept in, I was able to get an outdoor walk in before it got too hot. It was cloudy today so I didn't have the sun roasting me while I walked. I also did a little cooking, put some dishes away, and read a bit.

Mood wise, I was rather irritable. This could be because I was overheating a good chunk of the day. Being irritable on a day I'm on break made me realize my mood follows my school year somewhat. I tend to become suicidal during the first couple of months of school and have become hypomanic multiple times over Christmas break. I think I've been okay most spring breaks since I've been diagnosed-I think...Summers can go either way since my mood is often off every few months.

i have one more presentation and 4 days of practicum tom, wed and next week and im DONE WITH GRAD SCHOOL! I cant believe i actually did it!