Bipolar Check-in #89

My energy has fizzled out now I’m just laying here listening to music.

It’s day 8 of being on Lamictal

Taint funny!

I'm back to 4 hours of sleep.

This is ridiculous!

I'm going to get up at night and take the zopiclone a few hours into my sleep. Hopefully, I'll be able to sleep longer.

I'm taking 2 zopiclone (high dose, each one) and Benadryl! I'd add Clonazepam if it wasn't for the reduced breathing risk.

Feeling incredibly low and other stuff (can't add a trigger on mobile so easily)

I had too much coffee! I am wired! Home though in bed wide awake. Hope this doesn’t keep adding to my hypomania! Cat is on the bed with me. My sister and niece are in South Africa! No idea why. I don’t think they know anybody there.

@Blue_Bird you mentioning the library inspired me. Before I left for IP I was halfway through The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and went for a walk intending to go to the library but ended up going 3 miles in the opposite direction to check out a tattoo shop, and it started to DOWNPOUR! Like, torrential rain, a little hail, lightning, crazy winds. Nearly flooded my apartment when I got back. The book got soaked and unreadable for a bit and I’ve been meaning every day since I got back to pick it back up, just haven’t, so packed it, headed out, and the library is closed all weekend for Memorial Day. I started reading on a bench outside, and of course started feeling raindrops (and saw a drug deal go down). I walked to another park with a better seating situation and less drug dealing and it’s pretty dry so I think I’ll do a few more chapters and some journaling. I picked out a couple DBT worksheets too to work on this week in case I get a chance to practice certain skills and can fill them out.
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I went to the store this morning and got stuff for the apartment. Some hooks to hang up my jackets so I have a couple extra hangers available, some spices, a lighter blanket for the warmer weather coming, soap, and a pair of pants that I really hope will fit. Right now I’m stuck to one pair of leggings and two pairs of sweats and PJ pants, so hopefully these work out. Not that I don’t love showing up for therapy in my Chucky PJs haha.

I’ve been hardcore dissociating a lot so trying to get back into logging my daily activities so I can tell my case manager I do stuff during the day instead of “what have you been up to?” “…uhhh, I wrote in my calendar I have a voc rehab meeting soon so I guess I talked to my counselor.” “You need to add more activities to your day.” (Actually has done 4 calc lessons and quizzes, journaled and did DBT stuff everyday, read a book, explored a new park, hung out with my neighbors, practiced violin a few times, walked a couple dogs now that I’m Rover-approved, visited my mom, did shyt for section 8 and my bank account, been busy cleaning, went to the library almost every day, etc. since seeing her the prior week is typically more like it), but, no, “I need to get hobbies so I don’t sit around in the apartment alone all day.”

That’s awesome @MuddyBoots it sounds like you have a lot of good hobbies and coping skills. I love playing violin too. Took a break from lessons cause they were starting to get too expensive for me but still play. Reading is a great hobby too, it’s super relaxing and immersive. Sometimes when I can’t focus on anything else like shows or something, reading is immersive enough to help me focus. Journaling is a huge coping skills for me. I’ve been journaling everyday since my first inpatient stay back when I was 14 and I’m 30 now almost 31. It’s helped me in so many ways. I can’t recommend it enough. That’s awesome that you’re walking dogs now! That’s so cool. Animals are such great company and it’s always good to get outside. As much as I hate to admit it my mental health is a lot better on days I’m outside walking. I have to push myself to go but when I do I end up feeling a lot better afterwards. Sounds like you’re doing a lot of good stuff! Keep up with the DBT stuff too. I have a deck of DBT cards I find helpful when I’m struggling.

The red circle with the black x inside it, at the far right of all the fonts and bolds and carp, is an instant trigger formatter.

So antsy! Too much coffee and hypomania! I feel like I won’t sleep later. Caleb is away at a race this weekend with his son.

Yeah, but using it on mobile can be tricky. Sometimes I try to use the button and it puts it in some weird place elsewhere in the post (same with other functions like making font bold). On mobile I usually just type out the code because it’s easier.

Thanks!

I'm on Tapatalk, and there are no buttons. I was thinking I'd keep the text in a note so I can copy/paste it when I need it.

Scott is texting with me! It had been days since I heard from him!

My day is going well so far. Slept in, had an IV appointment, treated myself to some post IV Starbucks, and have been home coloring ever since. After I make this post, I need to get a walk in on my walking pad. I haven't walked since April (whoops!) so we'll see how it goes. I was at the point where I could make it 30 mintues on the walking pad before POTs would kick in and make me overheat. We'll see how it goes today.

I'll check in later about how my mental health ends up doing today.

I never used tapatalk. I used lye soap... (nevermind, ya had to be there!)

That happens to me too. Its cuz ya lose track of the stupid cursor. You dont know how many times this...

Just got ready for bed- nighttime meds, pjs, brushed teeth and all! Got a shower last night so I can skip that!

Today was an awesome day today. Was hard to get started, but I ended getting up, showered, made my bed and got dressed. Went to meet a lady I met on NextDoor to buy some really fancy tumbler glasses for $5. She was really in a maze in the back of my neighborhood, lots of twists and turns to get to her house. Then I went and saw the Mission Impossible movie! It was so much fun! Tom Cruise did a lot of crazy amazing stunts, it was really entertaining. Spent another three hours with my guy on the phone today, we watched "Frisco Kid" together - I never knew Gene WIlder and Harrison Ford made a movie together.

@Blue_Bird - I am so glad you're going to see Lilo & Stitch! That should be fun! I saw previews for the new Naked Gun, (I have no idea why they are remaking it), and the new Smurfs movie coming out in July. I kinda wanted to see the preview for the new Jurassic Park movie. @Blueberrybook - your paintings are getting so good! I love the cheesecake. @Nammu - I will be praying that your mood improves soon, I know I was down in the dumps just last week. The job situation still has me down, but at least I am having some good days. @June08 - I hope you find some things to keep you busy this summer, maybe some fun free classes or meetups in the area? I know for me, the meetup that I go to in Raleigh helps a lot. @MuddyBoots - glad to see you up and about going to the library and doing your hobbies, it's really important. @Moose72 - I hope you get a good night's rest. @Mountaindewed - I do hope you feel better soon. @Scooter9 - I pray that you get some good rest soon.

As for me, I am watching Svengoolie tonight with my best friend. It's Hammer's version of "The Mummy" It should be a lot of fun. Hope everyone had a good day today!

Here's something else my friend share with me today:

Struggling with mental health is so funny. This evening, some SI was starting to creep in. Then, I discovered that the NBA finals was on TV and my favorite team (the Minnesota Timberwolves) was playing and my brain decided it could be a good night. It's just wild to me how something so small can make such a big difference. It was a fun game to watch and it got done right when i normally get ready for bed. So, after I post this, that is what I'm going to do-head to bed. I'm letting myself sleep in tomorrow. I'll decide when to go to Mass based on when I wake up.

I hope everyone can get some good sleep!

1:37pm and I haven’t done much today. Lazing in bed quite a bit. Slept in till 7:00am. Went grocery shopping. Took my son to the park. Lying in bed again playing on the forums. Put my warm dressing gown on because I’m so cold!

I'm going in for an abdominal ultrasound in the morning. I'm nervous because I can't have anything to eat or drink for 8 hours. I tried last week and got so sick I had to cancel. (It's an hour away so that is an issue too). I need to do it this time so I'm going regardless of how I feel. I'm going to make some scrambled eggs about 12:30-1:00 so I have protein in my belly and hopefully that will help. One of the problems I'm having is that if my stomach is empty I feel horrible so this may be quite the event but it has to be done on the slight chance it shows something that explains the nausea.

I'm scared......

My parents can't come on Tuesday so I moved my appointments for nothing. And now I have to be alone around people, not good. Hoping Thursday never comes for me. Not going to do anything about it but it sucks

I got the other antibiotic. This one is better. My back still really hurts but I wonder if its from doing so many reps with my ab roller.

Yesterday I spent the day just sleeping. I had toast and broth for dinner. Mental health wise I was fine all day.

I coulda pulled a muscle using the bathroom too. The iron doesnt make me constipated but I have to put in work.

I’m up! Sun is up! I’m at Starbucks for ages until we have to be to choir at church. The choir year is rapidly coming to an end. We will have an end of year party at some point next month. The traffic was so great with all the blinking yellow lights and I even got a good parking spot!

Welp, finally did it. Found a nice deal for a desk & chair combo on Wayfair and ordered it. No more metal folding chair at a table barely big enough for two notebooks not on top of each other!

A melatonin, 2 zopiclone, and Benadryl. The result: 4.5 hours of sleep



I walked for a long distance several days ago, and it was good! I have had difficulty with walking since taking Psilocybin. I also couldn't drive. I tried yesterday, hoping that I might be improving in that regard, but I drove maybe 300 feet from my house and had to return because I was still feeling so strange.

It's not anxiety, etc. My mind is slow to process what's happening around me. It is a short delay of maybe a few milliseconds, but that is enough when I'm driving to really feel it.

I'm only a little concerned because i saw a neurologist and he said this will all eventually pass, and a lot of it has so far, so i need to be patient. But I don't like being dependent for my transportation needs.

Well, I kept my promise and copy/pasted the trigger thing from a note

At my volunteer shift waiting to head in. Got here a bit early so I’m just sitting outside on a bench at a bus stop waiting till around 12pm to head in. My volunteer coordinator just texted me to let me know that Bob has already had his meds. It just makes me laugh that there’s a cat there now named Bob lol

Haha, a cat named Bob! That is funny. 😁 thanks for sharing that tidbit!