Bipolar Check-in #89

I was prescribed benzotripine in the past, just assumed it was a muscle relaxer because I'm about 90% sure the rheumatologist prescribed it, but I saw it can be used to treat muscle spasms too and some years back I had bad spasming muscles in my neck. That's probably why I was prescribed it.

Yeah I am dealing with the same thing! Its like I got a new phone. I still am having trouble finding the flashlight and the notification thing is annoying.

It is cool being able to control spotify without going to the app. Well being able to skip songs.

Okay, flashlight i had put a widget on my home screen. I checked and its still there.

What i dont like is, its messed up the power button. I always restarted after i optimized or cleared memory whenever my videos slowed down, now it doesnt restart? Its my magic thing i do to ward off viruses and creeps!

Apparently bronchitis can cause swollen ankles.

Getting ready for bed. Focus has been pretty good today. Managed to read quite a bit. It’s only going on 9pm now. Hoping to fall asleep by midnight. Im probably gonna watch some shows and read more before I actually sleep. I’m trying to stay up a little later so I can sleep later. I’m tired of starting my days at 5am, it makes the days feel long and endless.

Anxiety isn’t bad tonight. It was for a little while earlier but it went away.

I’ve been eating a lot less lately, as in not binge eating. Which is a nice change. I’m not sure what changed to be honest. I thought being really busy for a few days was stopping it for awhile but I wasn’t busy at all today and I still had no urges to go snack/ excessively or overeat.

What a day! Went to the Marvel Coffee Talk with my sci-fi group in Raleigh and had such a great conversation. We talked about Marvel, DC and branched off into Star Trek. A lot of new ideas about the new fantastic four movie and Doomsday that is set to come out soon. Also talked a lot about Thunderbolts that I saw Thursday, and Captain America Brave New World. I was the only girl there which was a little strange, but the guys were all nice. Some were cute too, lol.

Then my sponsor met me there after the Talk. We worked on my 9th step. I have some pretty tough amends to make, but I think I can do it. Came home and spoke to my ex for three hours, wow. Our phone conversations are getting deeper and more involved. I think we are doing much better. I also ordered my Galaxy Con tickets for July. It should be fun! Now settling in and watching Svengoolie with my best friend.

Oh @Blueberrybook thanks for your prayers about the job. The guy texted me today that they didn't make a decision. He will know more on Monday. So more biting fingernails till then!

What a great day though! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Today went a lot better than I thought it was going to. I didn't even get out of bed until 10 am (it was much needed sleep.) There has also been a few WNBA games on so I've been watching that on and off. I had to run some errands so only saw part of the first two games I saw. I'm currently watching a third game. I haven't decided if I'll stay up till then end of it since it will get over later than I normally stay up.

I've been thinking about ways to fill my time over summer vacation. I'm not artistically talented, but I can handle some coloring so I bought a few coloring books and some colored pencils. I also want to find a book with different writing prompts. I did see one book like this at the store, but I wasn't a huge fan of the prompts I saw. Maybe, tomorrow I'll go to a book store and see if I can find something.

Today, I also applied for an on demand job at Target. I applied to Target once before and didn't get the job. We'll see if this application goes any better.

Yeah but then the COPD is the bigger problem. Its not like "the symptoms of bronchitis are coughing and swollen ankles". I didnt want to just leave this out there as "well my ankles arent swollen so it cant be bronchitis" - Not true!

Well I definitely have bronchitis. Not so sure about COPD. My doctor says I do not have CoPD because I don’t smoke. But the hospital down the street from me has me as having COPD. I’m confused.

I had to stop the magnesium. My ankles were swelling a little more each day, and my eyes were irritated.

All that stopped when I stopped the magnesium.

I don't think it's an allergic reaction. A lot has happened during the past several months, and I think my body is saying, "Not this, not now."

I think my allergic reaction to Vrylar kicked it off last summer, followed by my recent reaction to a higher dose of Lamictal.

I'll try again when - if - things settle down, physically.

I'm still not sleeping enough. I'm so, so tired all of the time. It's one more thing to push through, but it's really hard and has a big cost.

Your ankles can also swell as a reaction to medication, retaining water. I have had swollen ankles for years. Every time I've had EKGs they have been fine. Pretty much everything has been tested that could swell my ankles and nothing has been found. I am talking 20+ years. They first got swollen as after a bad reaction to a birth control pill and then never really went down (of course I had pregnancy soon after) and then onto psych meds 3 weeks postpartum. I nursed on Zoloft as it was seen OK to breastfeed on it back then, and my weight dropped into the 90s, couldn't keep any weight on while nursing, and still I had swollen ankles. I have also had to quit taking a lot of psych meds including Vraylar because of increased swelling in my feet & ankles.

If melatonin doesn't help you can try valerian which is OTC but it can react with certain psych meds, you have to check it out. When I was pregnant, I combined valerian and melantonin (recommended dosages of each) which is NOT recommended but was the only thing that could get me to sleep and finally the ob-gyn gave it the okay, but if you do that, please check with a doctor first.

Good morning, heading to walk to the store soon to buy some cat litter. So far no side effects from the Lamictal.

Got up around 7am and ate then took my morning meds. Then I played some of my videogame

Need to do some laundry today at some point

Hoping MuddyBoots is okay

I am hoping @MuddyBoots is getting the help she needs. I think last she posted she was headed to her pdoc so fingers crossed the pdoc listened and got her where she needs to be.

Pretty sure I have a yeast infection...sigh. I am prone to them but have not had one in awhile. I did message the ob-gyn to ask for whatever pill it is he prescribes for yeast infections as it tends to help me faster than Monistat does, but of course, he won't be open until tomorrow. Maybe I'll need to start Monistat? I don't know. I do at least have yogurt I can eat.

Thanks @Blueberrybook

I'm really liking melatonin, and it's not a problem. It's the magnesium that's the problem.

I'll take a look at Valerian, I'll ask my pdoc when I see her next month. Thanks!

Having a panic attack

My roses from Mother’s Day are drooping rather badly. They were sooooooo pretty. The big pink ones are drooping the regular sized white and red ones are still standing. Guess there big size did them in.

I feel like the drooping rose.

I think muddy probably went inpatient. I’m hoping it’s long enough stay to help her change some of her automatic reactions. I wish she had a better support system.

I am literally waiting on paint to dry! I'm working on a watercolor pear and waiting for the paint to dry to further define the stem, maybe work a bit on the edges of the pear, but I'm pretty happy with what I have so far and don't want to mess it up.

Here is my watercolor pear:

I also drew a cat in the jumping down position. That was harder than it looks (in the creative corner).

I agree thats a direct cause and effect. But if you were taking that medication for a broken finger, i wouldnt say broken fingers cause swollen ankles - thats ignoring an important middle step. Thats all i was trying to point out. Im afraid of "alternate facts!"

Eta - omg yummy pear!!!

@Blue_Bird I hope your panic attack and anxiety are doing better. Was there a noticeable trigger or did it just happen without one?

Oh, and I went with the Sketchers sneakers. Hopefully they will arrive today or tomorrow since I have Amazon prime.

I'm not sure if its the gel insoles, or the prestiq, or the iron or all 3, But I've had legit energy today. Energy to go places and not just stay in bed. My anxiety has been fine too and so has my moods.

I slept decently. I worked out a lot when I got up. I've eaten pretty healthy. In general I just feel good.

I plan on getting a pair of prescription sunglasses. I have $400 in eyewear insurance and I couldm't handle the contacts and I don't like regular glasses. But I need something for the car and my insurance covers sunglasses as well.

Mostly just anxiety about having started the Lamictal yesterday , cause I get paranoid about meds

I hope you like the sketchers!

Still haven't heard from Scott. Been 9 days. I was blunt with him about his relationship with his wife but he's the one who told me these things in the first place- and for three years!- and nothing has changed. So, I pointed that out! I said, "stay or go"- period. So yeah. It is Scott not Caleb. Caleb and I are good. Had a very nice weekend together.

I hope they can fix my iPhone as they already sent me a receipt for the Apple Care that I can't attach to my account! I rescheduled for tomorrow at 3:00. The phone itself works fine but I paid for Apple Care and that needs attached to my Apple account.

Well I didn't sleep well last night - it’s just weird knowing there’s someone else in my apartment- and we got up early so I'm just up from a 2-hour nap. Think I'll grab some leftover pizza!

So I saw N3 today. He said he won’t record that Bach fugue I asked him to until he can play it better! Who knows what that means! He heard mistakes that I didn’t - and probably nobody else would either- so he wants to practice more. He’s also still repairing the harpsichord itself.