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  #301  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 05:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I’m glad you have your mom to help you Moose I’m gonna go back to having a payee. It’s been so hard to manage on my own. I think part of it was I was never prepared on how to manage a budget on my own. I had a payee since I was 19 and I’m 31 now and just became my own payee a few months ago
Yeah that’s hard. My mom is very organized with her money and has taught me how to manage my money. Right now, we have to redo my budget because my rent has gone up. I have to sign a new lease and I hope my section 8 portion doesn’t go up more than what they quoted me! I already dropped Amazon Prime, Netflix and no longer have a phone payment on the device itself. I have stopped going out to eat except this donut at Dunkin because I don’t want to sit in my car until it’s time for our last choir rehearsal at 8:45. This month I’m down over $200 because it was time to renew my picture hosting service and the annual fees for AAA for me and the kids.
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  #302  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 06:05 AM
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I barely slept last night! I’ll have to take a nap after church. The kids choirs are singing a piece with the adults this morning!
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  #303  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 06:07 AM
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I finally took my valium and I had taken a new kind of melatonin 20 minutes earlier. 10 minutes later I was knocked out for almost 12 hours. I woke up for a bit but it took me almost 15 minutes to pee. I was just there straining really hard and also really drowsy. Finally I got things under control. My old therapist says theres this way of getting rid of urinary hesitation but it involves sticking your finger up your hoo hah. Um no.

I finally woke up this morning after 3 cans of iced tea and a piece of tiramasu. I'm not sure I can stay up.
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  #304  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 07:13 AM
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My buildings water doesn’t heat up till like 9am or so. I forgot about that so I went to take a shower just now around 8am cause I wanted to get it done early. I ended up just taking a cold shower. I read there’s benefits to cold exposure especially first thing in the morning. It was uncomfortable at first but I got used to it after a few minutes. I prefer hot showers still but I might start doing those cold ones a couple times a week since cold exposure is supposed to be good for you and endorphins etc
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  #305  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 07:54 AM
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Um, no, you shouldn't quit valium cold turkey if you've been taking it consistently for a long period of time. That's a bad idea. Benzo withdrawal is no joke! Would you recommend someone just quit one of their other meds cold turkey? I dont understand why benzos are treated differently. No one would be like, "Oh yeah. Just quit your seroquel cold turkey. Great idea." Fudge man.

This is what I experienced when I was taken off 20mg of valium cold turkey - extreme nausea, sleeplessness, mania, weight loss, extreme anxiety, feeling overall sick.

And no. I hadn't been abusing it. I was taking it scheduled, as prescribed.
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  #306  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 08:47 AM
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If you're seriously physically dependent on benzos or alcohol, those are the two substances capable of killing you from withdrawal.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #307  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 10:52 AM
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I'm having a great day today I took it easy with exercise, did a gentle pilates video. I showered, had breakfast, read with the SAD lamp, really got into my new library book which was fantastic. I did curbside grocery pickup, so now I have groceries for the week.

Art has been so much fun lately! I sketched a cat profile and painted a candy apple. The apple stick was tricky, but overall, the image looks pretty decent considering I'm still pretty new to watercolor painting.

Bipolar check-in thread #90Bipolar check-in thread #90
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  #308  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 11:27 AM
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The choir director wrote each choir member’s name in the bulletin and how many years they’ve been in the choir. Next to me name she put 1! I started in that choir 23 years ago. Sure- different directors and I thought I couldn’t sing for six years so obviously wasn’t in the choir but this is insulting!
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  #309  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 12:45 PM
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I didn't sleep last night either despite taking all 3 my valium in a span of 3 hours. I ended up rearranging my studio all around, putting up my pop-up organizer thing, and spending like 3 hours trying to get really good at integrating by parts and with using partial fraction decomposition. I started the unit 6 test, but got halfway through and was just done with math at that point. I reached the end of another notebook, too. Went to a park I found recently and read a bit there late morning too.

This is the only computer available and it smells horrible so I'm going to go find somewhere else to read or something.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #310  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 01:24 PM
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Had a little trouble getting started this morning. Finally got out of bed around 10:30 am. That was almost an hour ago my time. Since then, I've had some coffee and colored while watching House MD. It was a page out of a Bible verse coloring book I have. Not sure what I'll do next. Mass is at 5 pm so I've got a bit of time to try and get the few things done that I want to. I think I'll push at least one of the things on my to-do list to tomorrow though since I don't have any plans.
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  #311  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 01:26 PM
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I'm not sure how true this is but I read somewhere that if you are really dependent on benzos they might put you in a medically induced coma until your through the withdrawels.
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  #312  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 01:31 PM
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I'm doing good today. I'm just watching TV. The creepy neighbor lady keeps walking by and looking in my window. My sunglasses really help with my stomach.

I could use a steak dinner. Or a big salad right now.
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  #313  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 01:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I need help from my program manager to help me get a payee. I’m so terrible at managing things on my own. It’s been like 3 months of me being my own payee and I’ve been horrible at it. I’m too impulsive, I overspend too easily.

I’m dissociating tonight and crying and wishing I was dead because I feel like such a failure. I’m 31 years old and I can’t manage my own life apparently.
I am really sorry you're going through this. I think it would be a really great idea to get a payee again, but in the meantime, if you need help coming up with a budget in the meantime, I can totally help you out if you want.

Today was really hard for me. I got my cycle last night and it just tortured me in pain this morning. Its been really bad the past few months, and I hate the fact that there are NO female gynecologists who take my insurance in the area. Why the heck are they all men? That's just gross to me.

Just so angry at myself or missing mass and most of all not going to see my parents; that's so important to me. I really hate this, and I really hate everything right now, awful just awful.
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  #314  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 02:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I'm not sure how true this is but I read somewhere that if you are really dependent on benzos they might put you in a medically induced coma until your through the withdrawels.
Benzos and alcohol are fatal in withdrawal for similar reasons (they say benzos are essentially alcohol in pill form to the brain’s chemistry). When I did medical detox for alcohol they put me on benzos and weened me off slowly to prevent severe withdrawal.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #315  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 03:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyShadow View Post


I am really sorry you're going through this. I think it would be a really great idea to get a payee again, but in the meantime, if you need help coming up with a budget in the meantime, I can totally help you out if you want.

Today was really hard for me. I got my cycle last night and it just tortured me in pain this morning. Its been really bad the past few months, and I hate the fact that there are NO female gynecologists who take my insurance in the area. Why the heck are they all men? That's just gross to me.

Just so angry at myself or missing mass and most of all not going to see my parents; that's so important to me. I really hate this, and I really hate everything right now, awful just awful.
Thank you I appreciate that @LadyShadow I meet with my program manager tomorrow, she said she can help me get a payee, I told her I was having difficulty managing my finances on my own

I’m sorry you don’t feel good and missed mass. I hope you feel better soon
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Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #316  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 04:17 PM
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Just can’t wake up today! Can’t focus on reading or art. Good thing it’s Sunday.
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  #317  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 04:35 PM
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I took a 2-hour nap and ate a healthy meal so I feel better.
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  #318  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 04:38 PM
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I’m still sick today with this head cold. Luckily I had cold and flu meds in the house. I need to shower but I just can’t. I’ll shower this afternoon which will be an accomplishment for me since I’m not feeling well.
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  #319  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 07:17 PM
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I fell asleep for a few hours. I feel fine. My mom thinks I'm sick but I don't feel sick. Just low key energy and stuff today. I never did get my closet done. I never actually got out of bed... but I feel fine.

I had Old Navy cash so I was able to get 6 pairs of boxers and 2 packs of socks for a pretty good price.

I just spent all day thinking it was Saturday. I was thinking "I wonder why the Sunday shows are on Saturday." Then I rememered my Nephew had a game yesterday and then it clicked.
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Last edited by Mountaindewed; Jun 08, 2025 at 09:08 PM.
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  #320  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 08:19 PM
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I’m catching up on season 9 of GrantChester on PBS. One of the main characters is a rather emotional mum, not horribly emotional but yells at the kids. She a wife and mother in the 60’s and has to do a lot. Her mum was carted away by the men in white second season. This season she and hubby are having a fight and he says she’s getting like her mum. Then they show her at the doctors office and he prescribed lithium. Now she’s all docile and just sitting around. Curious where this is going.
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  #321  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 08:51 PM
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Ugh! I finished the Unit 6 test and got proficient or mastered on 33 out of the 34 lessons covered! Just "familiar" with one BS one probably just because bed time was like an hour ago too.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #322  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 09:17 PM
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Ugh. We're going on vacation tomorrow and somehow I have lost my glasses!!! Luckily I DO have my old pair, but they're not bifocals, so I can see faraway fine, but up close is blurry! I've searched EVERYWHERE. My husband looked a bit before he left for work this morning, but couldn't find them. My daughter helped me search for them for a bit to no avail. I cleaned the ENTIRE APARTMENT BECAUSE WE'LL BE GONE FOR A FEW DAYS, and my husband's mom is coming over to take care of the cats. They're just GONE.

I had a weird night of sleep last night. Lots of weird dreams. I take my glasses off at night and ALWAYS put them on the floor beside the bed. I remember getting up numerous times and everything seemed odd and one time I put them on for some reason. I think I slipped into an alternate dimension in my sleep and left them there.

I think there's alternate dimensions stacked side by side, paper thin, and in each one you've made slightly different decisions in life. I think I went into one and put them there in my sleep and came back without them, accidentally. I don't know how to get them back. 😕
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The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous

The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token

"What if I can't get up and stand tall,
What if the diamond days are all gone, and
Who will I be when the Empire falls?
Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token
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  #323  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 09:24 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raspberrytorte View Post
Ugh. We're going on vacation tomorrow and somehow I have lost my glasses!!! Luckily I DO have my old pair, but they're not bifocals, so I can see faraway fine, but up close is blurry! I've searched EVERYWHERE. My husband looked a bit before he left for work this morning, but couldn't find them. My daughter helped me search for them for a bit to no avail. I cleaned the ENTIRE APARTMENT BECAUSE WE'LL BE GONE FOR A FEW DAYS, and my husband's mom is coming over to take care of the cats. They're just GONE.

I had a weird night of sleep last night. Lots of weird dreams. I take my glasses off at night and ALWAYS put them on the floor beside the bed. I remember getting up numerous times and everything seemed odd and one time I put them on for some reason. I think I slipped into an alternate dimension in my sleep and left them there.

I think there's alternate dimensions stacked side by side, paper thin, and in each one you've made slightly different decisions in life. I think I went into one and put them there in my sleep and came back without them, accidentally. I don't know how to get them back. 😕
I bet your glasses were stolen by the sock gnomes that take one out of the pair while you do laundry.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #324  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 09:34 PM
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I put something down before I fell asleep one night and the next morning it was gone. I looked everywhere. Whats weird is we moved a few months later and put in new carpets and it wasnt there and then when everything was loaded onto the delivery truck I looked around and it just was gone.
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  #325  
Old Jun 08, 2025, 09:36 PM
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Scooter9 Scooter9 is offline
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Oh geez, I think I'm getting sick again.

I have been unwell every other month for the past 7 months and each time it lasts a month. Except in April. That was pneumonia and it lasted 6 weeks.

My throat hurts, and I think something's starting. I'm also really cold even though it's warm today. But that could be from my really low energy lately, I'm not sure.
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