Bipolar Check-In #91

I love your drawing too @Blueberrybook! The colour and shading is perfect!

My closet is in the best shape its been in awhile. I got my dresser organized this afternoon and then I did a small load of laundry with the clothes I normally wear for the week. I even matched socks which I never do. I normally just keep socks and underwear in a laundry basket on the floor.

But yeah I didn't stress about much and I left my house and then got stuff done in the house.

@Blueberrybook, no didn't eat anything "bad" but just ate I guess and felt a lot better after a proper dump. I mean, eating yogurt that was sitting out in a hot apartment for an hour just now probably wasn't a top 10 genius decision of mine, but we'll see I guess. (I thought I finished it and went back to sewing some stuff and then got up when I finished and was like "oh fk, I still have the whole thing out." And yeah, didn't taste too great.)

Blueberry - yummy looking cookie! Congrats on the new car! Thats what its like with the Zipcars - EVERY car maker has a secret way of doing everything in a car, and an owners manual is pretty thick! I sit there playing whack-a-mole trying to do anything! You feel like a moron, but its not you, its definitely them!!!

Today was a hard day. I was so exhausted this morning for some reason. I mean I went to bed around 11pm, but I woke up super tired. I was falling asleep in mass; it was SO hot in there. I am losing my connection with my faith, I can't connect in mass because it is so hot and uncomfortable, and when I went on my visit today with the Legion of Mary, I was just dragging. I fell asleep at my parent's house, and I made it through Tropical Strom Chantal and made it home, it was a wild one for sure.

Feeling a little sad right now, but I should be used to the fact he is so moody. Talked to my bestie I met on Bumble for a little while and felt good. I feel bad ghosted a bunch of women on the app, it all just became too exhausting for me. I am canceling the membership in three days.

So thankful @Blue_Bird for doing the bible study with me, starting Thursdays. I really need to reconnect with my faith too. I saw the Jurassic World movie too, yesterday and it was really good. Going to see the new Superman in Cary next week.

So I decided I'm going to get a small dog under 30 lbs. It has to wait a while we have to pay for h's school and a bike for him, and pay down our debt.

Crashed.

I need to speak to my pdoc that I’m not depressed but I’m highly anxious particularly around work and the class I have no control over. I see him next month. Don’t really see any point in bringing the appointment forward because my gp has given me stuff to help calm my nerves.

i have three job interviews this week. please send good vibes!

@HALLIEBETH87 Good luck! You've got this!

My mood is still on the lower end today with some SI. After 5 pm Mass, I wasn't ready to come home so I went for a drive and listened to music and this helped my mood a little bit. I can't stay up to late because I need to get up in the morning to go get bloodwork done for my pcp. I don't have to schedule an appointment-I can just walk in to get it done-so I have a little bit of wiggle room for when I go in. I just don't want to go to late because I need to fast before it. Which means I'll have to drive on the highway in morning traffic, something I don't have to do that often and can be kind of stressful.

An accomplishment of today is I worked on organizing the science standards (both national and Catholic identity ones from the diocese) to place them with the units I teach. The curriculum I inherited doesn't fully meet the standards so I need to start adjusting things. Ideally, I'll add a some new material to meet one set of standards. It will probably be in the form of an end of year project. If I can squeeze it in that is.

I was thinking of going to the ER last night. I was in so much pain. I took a couple Tylenol PM and I feel betteer. It was just from working on my closet all afternoon and thiis pain I've had for awhile in my left knee.

I have therapy today and my GI appointment on Tuesday. And I need to get blood work for my endorconolgist appointment on the 12th.

Took the cat to the vet. Was cheaper than they quoted me but I still have to bring in a fecal sample as the one I brought today was too dry. That will add to the cost. Plus she didn’t need a lot of shots that were in the original quote.

Seeing my primary for a follow up finally.

my friend is being evicted in another city and im in no place where i can offer him to stay. he is feeling ambivalent about living now.i really hope he doesnt hurt himself. i told his mom what he said to me.

lord.

Woke up pretty late - didn't get to the post office or do any of the other things I had planned for the day. I want to sit here and work today and get ahead on things for the week. Feeling incredibly grateful this morning. I think while I am waiting on work to pick up, I am going to clean up my apartment a bit. I have a new Star Wars Encyclopedia I bought, that is an excellent coffee table book for my coffee table. It has so much information in it! I bought it on Ebay for only $9 so it was a steal.

I hope everyone has a good day. I love coming to this forum, it is usually the highlight of my day. If you are struggling, I hope things get better for you soon. I pray for you guys all the time.

@HALLIEBETH87 - good luck on your job interviews, I know you will do great!

So instead of stopping the Adderall (I think she just appreciates being able to speak a full sentence without being interrupted in our appointments), she added Rexulti (because I'm doing some "mood or behavioral dysregulation" bs) and switched me to another benzo (that won't do shyt because all benzos are the same, but whatever) for sleep.

I hate when I leave and she tells me to stay safe. Wouldn't recognize safety if it hit me in the face with a gympie-gympie plant three times... but sure. I'm pretty sure I've gotten through the past week without being IEA'd because of the attempt last time. I will say I was very paranoid of the police walking out of there though. Both she and the nurse had this "you're/we're/I'm fkkked," energy about them.

Ugh. Got my stupid period. Am in excruciating pain. It's good I got it after the fourth of July weekend though (BEST FOURTH OF JULY EVER!!!). I was nauseous last night and the night before, so I knew it was coming, plus I've been a little irritable I guess.

I got all my sign in papers for the OB/GYN I'm seeing on Monday electronically filled out and signed and submitted, so when I get there all I have to show is my insurance card. I'm happy I got to update my med list online in advance! Saves on a whole lot of embarrassment. 😳

I also have an appointment with my psychiatrist that morning, which my therapist is also taking me to. We get to hang out all day I guess! Lol.

I’m gonna have to take medical transportation next week for my two appointments Wednesday to save gas. Oh yeah and at the end of the month to see Pdoc.. plus my MRI at the end of the month- it’s at night too.

Hello! I applied to some stocking jobs because that would probably be a better fit than cashiering for me. I did cashiering for 4 months back in 2023 and it was a nightmare dealing with the customers. Especially since so many of them can be rude or mean or feel entitled. Like I get you're spending money there but theres no reason to treat cashiers terribly.

Anyway, I'm hoping to hear something back soon.

Hope you're all well I'm gonna reply more I just need to grab my tablet stylus real quick so its quicker to type with that.

I slept really well, did some drawings today

I noticed I haven't been angry at all since I've been on Lamictal. Like normally I get intensely angry sometimes and want to literally punch holes in walls but I haven't felt that way in two months since being on Lamictal. My mood is a lot more stable. I see my psychiatrist on Friday and were gonna start tapering me off the trileptal and hopefully the thorazine as well. Then ill just be on abilify, lamictal, Zoloft and klonopin

That book looks awesome! I have a couple coffee table books myself. One is a Zelda Breath of the Wild hardcover game guide and one is a cookbook based on the Witcher

I need to clean as well, hope you have a good day

My mom will be here tonight! I can't wait for someone else to be responsible.

Not only did the 3rd chicken disappear leaving only a few feathers the feral cats we feed haven't been here. Yesterday morning one of them (we have 3 adults and 3 kittens right now) came but nobody else did. The female usually comes consistently but especially consistently in the morning because she gets canned food to try to help her recover from having the kittens. In the evening nobody came. I put food out but am 99% sure a raccoon ate it based on the bowls being pulled all over the place. This morning nobody came. I'm not sure if I am worried they were scared by the violence Saturday or if they were also attacked. I hope my mom will say that they sometimes skip days in a row.

I need to finish my computer break and work on cleaning the house. I hate for her to come home and immediately need to vacuum or something.

I'm praying for rain so I don't have to water plants tonight or clean up my brother's dog's muddy mess. My brother did clean it sort of but it needs washed. We have a good chance in about an hour.

My family lands in 20 minutes and then has a connecting flight this afternoon. Yay!

Rainbow, this has been so hard for you. You are going to need a vacation after your mums vacation. Home sweet home for you tonight

The pain spread to my calf and it hurts like walking on it and moving it around but not consistently. I yelped out in pain in the car when it acted up. I don't ever yell out in pain. Right now it just feels numb

My therapist thinks its just a pinched nerve or something. I'm back and forth on if I should see the doctor. Its been this way for awhile.

Therapy went well. I'm thinking of cutting down to every other week. Getting off the topamax has helped a lot with everything.

Saw primary dr. She said no sex for a while. Walk but not in the heat and start with 3-5 minutes. Already managed that today just going to my car and back at my appointment. She said my pulse is still over 100. I can’t log in to my portal. There’s something wrong with it. I set up medical transportation for my pelvic ultrasound Thursday afternoon and my MRI at the end of the month. That will save me parking fees too!

Would you have a reason for a pinched nerve in your leg, like crossing your legs a lot or sitting for a prolonged period of time in a way that could “hurt” one leg more than the other?

I think I’m having some issue with a nerve myself. My pillow was aggravating it more, but at this point I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be a while before I have more nights I fall asleep than cry, puke, and pass out from pain and anxiety and whatever else this nerve in my cervical spine is doing to me when it’s angry.