Bipolar Check-In #91

My whole left side hurts now. But we got Gary to the vet. I checked my blood pressure and it was 150/100. I waited 45 minutes and it went down to 141/94.

I see my GI in a bit. Right now I don't feel that bad GI wise.

But I do feel kinda werid right now. I don't really know how or why. Just that impending doom stuff.

I took some Tylenol so I'm hoping that helps. Its been awhile since I ate something decent.

But my left arm is killing me.

Also I'm a bit worried if I show my GI that thing from last night he'll want to do an edoscopy. I took a picture last night and said to my mom "what is this?" And she said "idk but it sure looks ugly."

Good morning , I slept well. Dissociated most of yesterday but woke up feeling better. So far.

I walked to the library to return a book and get some new books. It’s hot out but I’m glad I took a walk.

Thursday they’re having a BBQ here. Idk if I’ll go or not. Part of me wants to just isolate away from everyone.

Tonight I’m helping my neighbor/friend (Papi’s previous owner) order her groceries. I called her this morning and she said she ran out of eggs so I offered to give her one of mine since she just needed one for an egg sandwich. So I went down and gave her an egg.

I woke up to both cats in the room with me this morning. Papi laying in the bed next to me and Mustachio laying on my dresser in front of the bed.

I’m trying to be more physically active. I got on the treadmill yesterday but I didn’t stay on long, only 15 min instead of my usual 30 min, because I started dissociating and didn’t want to trip and fall or something.

There doesn’t seem to be a way to predict when I’ll dissociate. Some days it doesn’t happen at all other days it happens all day or part of the day. It’s annoying because I basically go non functional when it happens so it can wreck a day and I just end up on the couch staring off into space or scrolling endlessly on my phone to distract myself from it. And sometimes it triggers panic attacks on top of the dissociation. Which is fun. Not.

Your cats are cute MD! I hope you feel better

I hope you get the info you need from your medical team
Glad you were able to get to your church and have your virtual study group! That’s awesome

I just got up late and went grocery shopping. That was probably half an hour of walking- way more than 3-5 minutes. Then I went home and cooked some cold pasta salad. Ate a bunch and now after both of those I’m wiped out!

Good morning threadies

I got some good news yesterday. From 13 years ago I thought my neck was in really bad shape considering they wanted to do surgery on it. But the new images say different. Oh I have a bunch of stuff wrong with it, nice long unspellable words but over all it’s not bad. I don’t need surgery! The biggest problem is the nerves that branch off are in tight spaces. But I’m gonna just start with PT. The pins and needles up and down my arm may have two causes one being my elbow joint. So overall good news.

I’m especially happy I said no to neck surgery. It sounds like it’s still pretty would have been unnecessary.

Slept well last night. Goofy dreams that made me laugh when I got up. Took time to get up, was awake for hours before I got up. Being in my own bed was glorious. My sisters bed is comfortable but home is best. Got errands to run today, then a shower and 500 tonight.

I haven't caught up on any posts yet today.

I woke up dead tired, completely exhausted, so tired I was convinced I accidentally put 2 trazodone pills in my pillbox last night because too much trazodone always makes me feel completely hung over. And maybe I did, who knows? But later I started having some pink spotting, so presumably I'm going to start my period after its being over 2 weeks late. It doesn't usually exhaust me this much though it's not been this late either. Pretty much is usually like clockwork.

I did pilates this morning and don't even know how I made it through the video. I read with the SAD lamp and even using the lamp didn't help my energy levels. I painted a picture of a half-peeled lychee fruit, that turned out quite well.

Finally, I did try to lie down to nap and as is the way when you really want a nap, I didn't fall asleep despite lying there over an hour. So I got up because I need to get lunch fixed for everyone (H is working from home today.)

My painting and an image of a real half-peeled lychee fruit from the internet in case you are unfamiliar with it:

My interview today was awful. They don’t offer insurance. Nevermind.

I'm sorry halliebeth

Grief is really hard. It's so raw, it gets into everything.

Still sleeping 3-4 hours. I'm glad I don't have to drive as much as I used to. It gets really hard to focus.

Typing is really awful. Even AI sometimes can't make out what I typed

There's lots of great talent and art here, it's very inspiring

It’s ok. Hoping tomorrows
Goes better

I am sorry that you were disassociating @Blue_Bird - I know how frustrating that can be for you. I hope today is a better day.

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I can relate @Blueberrybook at the waking up exhausted and the period being late. Mine is late too, I should have gotten it last week. But I am in a really dark place. I was triggered this morning when my building maintenance people said they were coming Thursday for inspection. I don't know why but it threw me completely off. I just couldn't pull myself out of bed.

I feel bad that I can't go to my Legion of Mary meeting. I just can't get myself to go. I feel absolutely awful. My heart is hurting so bad, and my arm is in so much pain. I think I have to go get some Aspercreme but I think it will have to wait till tomorrow. I feel like there is such a huge weight on my chest, that no matter what I do, I can't seem to fight through. I am hoping it's just woman hormones, I did just turn 45, maybe this awful feeling is a symptom of it.

My GI doctor said my MRI showed I have a narrowing of my stomach I think. But he said there is a stricture that needs to be removed. So I'll be hearing from general surgery in the next few days.

I'm glad its not in my head or anxiety. But I can get severe post op depression. It will be nice not to be in so much pain though.

Esophagitis Diet (Soft Food) Guidelines | Cedars-Sinai

Maybe those nuts irritated you yesterday.

@LadyShadow inspections stress me out too. They do them fairly frequently here but that’s because I live in supportive housing. It still stressed me out every time though even though they’ve always gone fine.

Hope you feel better soon

What do you mean? This is something that showed up on a test. Not food related. He said its possible its a mass or tumor.

I went to the grocery store today. Was a normal shopping trip. Got home. Made lunch and crashed into bed. My doctor said to start with 3-5 minutes of walking and I probably walked for half an hour not including climbing up 3 flights of stairs to my apartment. And when I woke up I heard faint talking! I never hung up with Caleb! For 3 hours I slept still on the phone! He had gotten another call and it must’ve switched back to me and he didn’t notice! Yeah my phone says I walked over half a mile this morning.

I love lychees! Fabulous drawing as always 😊. We used to have a lychee tree in my garden in South Africa!

I've never had lychee fruit myself. I don't know if I've ever even seen it in the grocery stores around here.

I've had Lychee fruit at a Chinese restaurant. I wasn't a fan though.

It’s very sweet and fleshy

Just went out to get weight control food for the cat and gas for my car and now I’m dizzy.

Got an appointment tomorrow morning. I shouldn’t be this fatigued and dizzy! The only thing that helps is laying down and/or sleeping. Oh and I found out I have two clots!

I’ve never seen lychee around here but I bet it was at the ethnic stores in Austin Tx. Austin had everything! Yeah I googled it, these a few Asian markets that carry it. Hey what yah know! There’s three Asian stores here too that carry it! Had no idea. Hmm sweet and fleshy, I might have to go look for it.

Feeling really bad. I have to tell T why my parents house is so triggering so he can help me come up with strategies but it's a lot. I think he'll drop me if I say the things I need to say. How do I say it to not have him drop me?

My logic here is: you dont know why or what you puked yesterday. Today you are told there is a stricture, found by the MRI. I am saying, the food you ate yesterday irritated the existing stricture and thats why you puked.

The mass or tumor didnt just appear out of thin air. Strictures are caused by constant acid irritation of the esophagus, that may turn into a cancerous tumor. Yes, sometimes cancer seems to appear out of the blue, but this is a known cause. See Barrett's Esophagus, for example.

You are probably past the point of having diet "cure" your condition. Being careful of your diet now only can maybe not make it worse, or not make food feel like its stuck.