Bipolar Check-In #92

Yes that’s perfect weather for me too, I love wearing sweatshirts or hoodies

Of course the places are hiring now that I want to apply to. Then by the time I'm allowed to they probably won't be

We're getting Dennys tonight and I'm getting plain french toast and whole grain pancakes. I want to just sleep.

Wondering if I'll have time to eat my avocado salad at recess today or if I should save it for Period 4 so I'm not rushed. I'm hungry. I ate a mandarin before work because I needed a bit of sugar - I was feeling very funky.

A woman called me just now. Good conversation about how lots of people say their hallucinations are worse at night and progressive relaxation techniques. She will relay to psych np too.

I had a bit of an adventure. I partially filled the whirlpool tub and then turned it on. Someone had (I hope not to be mean) had left a few of the jets facing up and directly into the path of the water from the faucet. Water sprayed EVERYWHERE. I had to go down and get a huge pile of towels to soak it up. Then when I was drying the area where the coffee pot is I accidentally turned that on and couldn't get it to turn off. So it started to gurgle like it was going to pour water out too. I unplugged that and am now a bit afraid of the shower!

Had a pretty good day today. Got a 5-star rating on one of my work assignments - the highest you can get! Went to my Legion of Mary too, and was really good. Sleeping those 13 hours really helped a lot.

Hope everyone had a great day!!

My mood has been pretty good today-only mild SI. I've gotten most of what I wanted to get done before returning to work tomorrow done. I'm not sure exactly what time I'll go in yet (there is no set schedule, we just have to be there at some point). I am a little worried about how returning to work will impact my mental health and POTs symptoms. The start of the year is just pretty overwhelming, but this is my 10th year teaching and 5th year at this school so hopefully that experience will help.

Not much planned for the rest of the evening. I have dishes to do, will watch America's Got Talent, and try to take care of my mental and physical health because both feel like they are crashing from the busy day I had.

Best wishes June as you return to work tomorrow. Hope it all goes smoothly for you!

that’s frustrating but so funny the way you put it. I hope you got your shower without further incident and are now sleeping.

@Nammu I wish I had video. I leaped across the room to the taps but was already repeating "OH NO!NO NO NO!" which I continued to say until I called the desk.

I bet this is the last upgrade I ever get

Just realised I didn't take a benzo and I'm doing okay! I did take a Proponal for the shakes though in case I got it but so far touch wood no shaking.

@unaluna chia seeds are great! I have 2 T of them twice a day to help with constipation. I just mix them into oatmeal ad it's a nice bowl of fiber. I like the texture of them. I want to make chia seed pudding but I've just never done it.

I saw the most glorious chai seed chocolate pudding with honey on Facebook. Man it looked delicious!

Thank you all for understanding I'm trying to be funny when I post my "crazy things in my life" post. I know it could be read like I was constantly complaining but I really just think life is better if you can laugh at yourself.

I got the towels on the floor gathered up. The poor cleaning lady is going to have 20 lbs of wet towels to deal with beyond her usual work. She'll be so confused unless this happens freuqently. I'd guess it might. Years ago they didn't have the "hospital floor" and there were a lot of rooms with the whirlpool tub. They always had the faucet set to the volcanic eruption in the bathroom didn't happen. Some contractor had quite a laugh at this one.

Unbelievable! Another storm system is coming tonight between midnight and 4 am. For the last three nights between midnight and 4 am we’ve had storms. At least this one doesn’t sound bad. Like it will just be rain. So I feel ok going to bed and not needing to stay up to be vigilant. Last night it was pretty bad around us but gave my town just drowned trees. There were 4 separate fires caused by lightning and oodles oof ripped off roofs and power outages, From these storms. Always seems scarier when it happens in the middle of the night. At least the intense heat will be gone tomorrow.

I'm getting very anxious about my tests tomorrow. For one thing I'm supposed to have a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound. The ultrasound time isn't listed in the portal. However I think this has happened before and they just have me wait in the "solarium" until the 2nd test is ready. But I just don't want to be told it wasn't scheduled and I have to do this again.

Partly I'm nervous because one of the 2 reasons I have to do this is a "mass". Usually they say "a mass consistent with.....". So I don't know what they saw in there.

I should be used to this. I just have a bad feeling I'll need another biopsy. I haven't had one in a while so maybe I'm just due? I just want this to be over. And it will be.

I fell asleep at 6:15 and then I woke up at 7 to eat dinner. I woke up awhile later coughing in my sleep and then spewing in my bucket before going into the bathroom
My stomach hurts now. Like muscle wise.

I guess there was a huge earthquake in Russia and a Tusamni in Japan while I was sleeping.

Well I went to sleep listening to a bedtime story on YouTube. Woke up a bit ago and it was off. It’s 4 now and I’m awake. Dang. Up again. But at least I was able to not hallucinate last night.

Good morning. Baking some homemade bread right now. Going to be painting with a couple friends over video chat later today, should be fun. I'm feeling great Played some of my videogame on my nintendo switch.last night and had fun with it. Really immersed myself into it for a couple hours

Hope you're all doing well

I bought a galaxy projector thing. So basically it projects different colorful galaxy light patterns over your wall and ceiling. Super excited about that. It comes today. Gonna be so cozy listening to music or reading, watching shows playing games with my room lit up like a galaxy at night. I also got a new set of watercolor paints in prep for the week long watercolor class I'm taking at the end of august. ill try to take a picture of the galaxy projection tonight so you all can see what it looks like. Its really cool.

Other than baking the bread and painting with friends today I'm gonna be reading and also playing some games.

We bought my nephew fortnite pass but my sister redeemed it wrong and now he wont be able to get what we wanted him to have. Oh well now I know what to get him for Christmas. for now he has tons of Vbucks. There's a lot of ****ed up ness that went on at my visit but I had a lot of fun. My H had to stay home. He loves his job but doesn't want to go. The 3 hour commute is probably is what makes him not want to go.But we can't get a car because we're paying 40% of our income to rent and we racked up credit cards on daily life things. groceries are killing us.we're spending close to $80 on peanut butter. So I have to find it in bulk. I'm thinking about getting a quarter cow next year because meat is so expensive but it's just my husband and I in a small apartment so buying in bulk is difficult. We got into the FSS program we have our meeting the 13th with a financial coach. Oh my school I dropped out of finally gave me accommodations so I don't know what path to go down now. I already paid for the self paced path. So I'll probably just do that. it's more expensive but I'm not registered as in school until the very end. Which helps because not everyone in the house can register as student for assistance. H is getting upset that he can't do school yet.

@BeyondtheRainbow: That's so funny about your whirlpool tub erupting! I agree, life is better when i can laugh about it. Nice that you got the luxe upgrage. I really like hotels, tho you said your's isn't the most posh. I just like doing staycations in hotels here in my city since traveling is a challenge. It's just nice to get a change of scenery. Hope your medical tests go well, you have a great attitude that i really admire. You are a good influence here!

@Nammu: Sorry to hear that storms are bothering you. It must be pretty scary. With @Mountaindewed's news of weather disasters, it makes me feel like the whole planet is unstable weatherwise.

@Brentus: Sorry to hear you had an unproductive day. I'm an old lady so when that happens i just feel that i am recuperating and convalescing and building up energy to tackle things later. You're so young i'm not sure this would work for you, but that's my attitude.

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Hugs and kisses to everyone. Sorry i couldn't reply to all but i am finding the thread pretty overwhelming.

I got these great gigantic "moving bags" online and have been culling out my superfluous clothes and storing them on the balcony. They are sooooooo excellent! My bedroom is stuffed to bursting with clothes, overflowing into small decorative storage boxes, so it makes quite a difference. I have a lot more to do. But every day i get a little more organized! Last night i made up a weekly pill box for the first time this year! Yay Jane!!!

There’s a pair of brother cats at my volunteer job. Their names? Beachball and Corn haha that made my day

Possible trigger:

Started off the morning really bad. Dreaming of how I can commit suicide and what it would be like to leave my friends and family behind. I am here all alone so no one would find me for days. I am in so much emotional pain, is suicide really that bad? I mean it would stop all this hurt.

Seeing all your posts have really helped me right now. I don't know what it is but seeing all of you and the things going on in your lives helps a lot. I am spiraling and there is no one to call, no one to help. Anyone I call or reach out to would be very worried and I don't want to do that.

I went to the grocery store to get a couple new things that just came out. Then my mom and I cleaned up the garage but it was so hot my T shirt was drenched in sweat. We did most of it but I'll have to finish it later. I got sick twice after and now I'm just watching TV with a different shirt on and a lot of Axe watermelon deodarent.

I also did 750 reps with my ab roller this morning I'm not sure if any of this is good. But I've put on like 6 pounds from my stomach and cholestrol med and they really help my anxiety so I don't want to go off them. Its almost noon and I haven't had any anxiety meds yet.

Thinking of you.