Bipolar Check-In #92

Therapy went really well. She wants to see a picture of my soda collection. I didn't have much to complain about. We talked about the heart doctor and how I was doing physically. I had asked her last week if she would say hello to my old therapist and she told me today my old therapist said "omg I love him."

Right now my stomach is kinda full but overall I feel ok.

Texted with "P," my male friend from my drop-in. It was a good text conversation. He writes even more than i do and makes few mistakes also. It's nice to have a texting partner. I sent him images of my apartment. He liked them. He mentioned weight-lifting, perhaps in reference to him overhearing me tell a woman in the drop-in that i like men with big muscles. Funny! Ha! He said we'll go for coffee.

I think i might have overestimated his relationship with the woman from my drop-in that he is so close to. It seems that she DOES have her own home, so they are NOT actually common-law, NOT actually living together. That's cool because he would make an excellent partner! A very healthy choice for me. Not terrifically exciting, but definitely good for me. We'll see. I'm in no rush.

I'm getting stressed-out by all the novelty in my life. The new friends, new experiences. We all tend to think stimulation is good, but there is a limit. I'll spend the rest of the day quietly, and hope to recuperate.

The only thing about "P" is that i like "R" better. "R" is more young-at-heart and hip and with-it and streetwise like me. "P" is more into spirituality and being serious. "R" is more rock-and-roll and has a cool t-shirt collection and is into pet therapy. I met his cat the other day, she's soooooooo soft! Plus "R" is a neighbor and we've already been thru a lot. Not sure what his status is tho. Last i heard he had a girlfriend. Well, "R" is not applying and "P" is. When opportunity knocks, i answer the door!

my supervisor got me a farewell cake here at work. monday is my last day. ill miss my coworkers and cleints

Seems like a lot are struggling with sleep right now. Hope everyone who's struggling to sleep gets some good sleep soon

I'm sorry you're struggling with those thoughts @LadyShadow , have you been to the movie theater lately or reading your Star Wars books?.Sometimes that can be a fun distraction. I hope you feel better.

@Blueberrybook your drawing is really nice!

@Mountaindewed what kind of soda do you collect?

@Blue Bird I have this big pile in the garage. I try to buy whatever is new. I recently got dragonfruit Mountain Dew and A&W ice cream sundae flavored root beer. I think the next thing is the Trolli flavored Mountain Dew.

My holy grail find is vanilla Pepsi. I've only seen it once.

3:20am is NOT the time to wake up! And it’s soooo freaking cold inside the house right now. Brrr. Might turn the heater on before I have to get dressed.

I was both right and wrong about my breast appointments yesterday. Most importantly I was wrong....no biopsy! I was however right that the large cyst I knew about how grown. It's also had some friends pop up. So just more to watch. The big cyst is approaching 2 inches in size which is huge. But at least it's just a cyst.

I'm so relieved. Now all my appointments are done and results are back. I still don't know what's going to happen to treat my nausea but hopefully I'll hear about that soon. I am wondering if my NP is off this week because I've not heard from her. If I don't hear by next week I'll send her a message.

Now I just have pdoc in 2 weeks and I get about a month off from appointments.

I have an appointment to give blood in less than an hour. I’m working on my second bottle of water. I forgot yesterday to drink lots of water so I hope it goes ok. Years ago I didn’t drink enough water before hand and they had to stop midway though cause my blood wasn’t moving. Since then I try to be mindful of my water intake. It does help that I quit soda for the most part. I just drink plain water or my carbonated water. It’s funny both K and L are donating blood today too.

Nice day excfor the smoke.

Waiting for new dose of Vraylar to work is hard. Also wondering if this is partially on-going blood clot exhaustion even though the clot is gone. Wrote my cardiologist.

Edit: cardiologist’s nurse replied but said she’d pass my message along to her. Cardiologist said I could portal message her any time.

Nice that sounds fun! I always loved Vanilla Coke so I’m sure vanilla Pepsi is really good

I had a good second day at work. The biggest tasks I accomplished were making seating charts, labeling the desks with student names, and placing my homeroom's supply boxes on their desks. POTs fatigue kicked in hard around 2 pm so I left to rest. My classroom is ready for the open house so I felt okay leaving for the day. I also already plan on working, even if just from home, this weekend anyway.

My POTS brain fog is so bad I almost threw my car keys away when I got home. That gave me a good laugh.

The post-surgery shoe the PA gave me at urgent care helped a lot. Definitely worth the trip to urgent care for that.

No problems today, no post blood giving dizziness or lightheaded ness. Picked up my library hold, Dave Barry, Class Clown. I’m expecting it to be lol. Also stopped at KFC and picked up corn and a single chicken breast. That might be why I had no lightheaded moments. Doing good. I hope to sleep well tonight. I woke up much too early. Tomorrow I’ve no plans so I hope to sleep late.

I hope all of us here sleep well tonight.

I didn't take a thing and I took a 2 hour nap this afternoon. It was nice. I woke up feeling fine

My mom got the new fridge but I lost a lot of stuff in my old fridge because we didn't have enough room anywhere else and the stuff in the coolers won't keep because the new fridge cant be delivered until next week.

But whatever.

I feel fine just still tired

N3 fainted giving blood yesterday! He recounted the whole thing in great detail! Poor guy. But they did pay him and then his car battery was dead so he used up all his money buying a new one.

I tried hard to keep my stimulation level under control today with very little success. It's discouraging. I did an errand this morning and managed to come straight home once it was done. A success. But i got into a text conversation with P, my male friend from my drop-in, and it was so exciting i couldn't calm down after.

I've also been drinking too much coffee, alcohol, and even smoking. I threw all that stuff away today, including my coffee maker. I've been having trouble getting to sleep. Things will go better now. Today i am too exhausted already. Don't know if i should go see my doctor about this fatigue. It seems like a medical problem. Most of my five meds cause fatigue. It may be my blood pressure med. Having to end my day at 11:00am is not manageable. Having to rest for days just to get up the juice to do a chore is unsustainable.

My mom ran out of energy at this age and had to pace herself. She had chronic obstructive pulmonary disease tho. I have other problems.

Enjoyed a homemade peanut butter smoothie today for lunch and an egg one for dinner. They are low-sodium, low-calorie, high-protein, high-fiber so very nutritious. Good Summer meals.

I join those here having sleeping problems. I'm having trouble getting to sleep and then having troubled shallow unrefreshing sleep. Geez, what i would give just to feel healthy and energetic! I think i may just be plain too tired for a boyfriend. I can't run my life as a single person. I sure couldn't take on a romantic relationship.

I saw myself in the elevator mirror and i'm so tired i *LOOK* tired. That's very rare for me. My eyes are all tiny and wrinkled and look like cigar burns in cheap acetate fabric.

There was a restaurant where I grew up that would make vanilla cokes and cherry cokes from syrups. I loved the cherry coke as well and just the cherry soda they made with the cherry syrup.

I'd forgotten that until now. Thanks for a happy memory. It made me smile.

I can't go into why because it would take 15 minutes to read but I am sad and afraid tonight. Sad because of something that has happened and afraid that something very bad may happen. My dysfunctional family is rearing its' ugly head again. Oh and angry. Can't forget that. All that I'm feeling and worrying about tonight is because of decisions someone else has made and they hurt me and my mother. What's more handling them means I'm going to hurt my mother with the words I have to say and there is little I hate as much as hurting my mother.

I wish my therapist worked more days per week. What's worse is that he moved me from Tuesday to Thursday next week so I have a week before I can talk to him about this. He doesn't work Mondays or Wednesdays so I'm just glad I got an appointment for Thursday.

I hate this whole thing.

Im sorry, Beyond.

So the concert was a lot of fun. Ghost was amazing. Now I don't feel good and have a really bad earache though that started this morning. Our next concert isn't until nearing the end of September, so we have all August off. I'm already going through post concert blues.

HOWEVER, next is Twenty One Pilots and then after that is SLEEP TOKEN!!!!!

Spent four and a half hours putting up the ezine this afternoon/evening. I'm REALLY hoping my earache goes away by tomorrow. It really hurts! I never get frickin earaches! Had an appointment with my therapist this morning. Went well. I just got some turmeric ginger tea because I was poor and only had four dollars on me.

I hope everyone who is having sleep problems sleeps well tonight. 🙏

@raspberrytorte

“I hope everyone who is having sleep problems sleeps well tonight. 🙏”

I went to sleep two hours ago and was woken up by a hot flash. The a/c was off yesterday/tonight so the thermostat is in direct line of the ac annd read 74 and the bedroom is always hotter than the living room. Suppose this should go in the perimenopause thread but oh well. I waited to take my increased Vraylar until just before sleep too.

Btw, the cardiologist wrote back and said the tiredness isn’t from the clot as that and the scar tissue are both gone. But she added it’s only been one month post clot too. I don’t see her for two more months! I want to get going on testing to find out why I hypercoagulate.

Good morning!
I got up early today to take a shower. 6am.
now I am wanting to jump back into bed for another hours sleep.I have gotten up early all week. I am taking the zepbound self injection for weight loss and I jump out of bed to go weigh myself 190.2 I want to get into the 180's soon.I did hit 189.9 the other day. I keep sabotaging my plans.
I can't afford to eat and drink and be merry.
I move up to 10mg per week. I am hoping that that dose will work for me.
Bizi

Slept 2 hours then was up until 4 talking to a nurse for 40 minutes! She said a whole bunch of stuff about sleep hygiene which I already know and my bedtime routine hasn’t changed in months so I think it’s the Vraylar increase- Dr Google says some people get insomnia from Vraylar! Fml

Feeling defeated and hopeless. I can't shake this. Had a really good bible study with @Blue_Bird yesterday that really opened my eyes, but my mind and soul won't give me peace. I am tormented, haunted, lonely, defeated. I have a horrible criminal record that is never going away. My life is over.