Bipolar Check-In #92

I stopped all the benzos especially CLONAZEPAM...it was making me even worse...been off all benzos since MAY 2024. Try Acetyl L- Carnitine...I'm on no "habit forming" medications...

Welcome to the bipolar forms death.

I too am not on any benzos, for decades. Couldn’t stand em.

Welcome to the check in thread death8699. It's good to see you check in.

Today was an excellent day - I had a crazy freakout - I KNOW I took my phone out at mass this morning to put it on silent to not disturb anyone - I cried during mass this morning too. I left early as usual for my Legion of Mary duties, and as I am talking in the car with the lady I go with, she mentions this lady who used to talk to Jesus in an empty chair in her room. She helped a lot of people, and her paperwork is being sent to Rome to become a saint. I thought to take out my phone and research her but it wasn't there! I left it in church! I made this poor lady turn around and go back to the church where we were supposed to be giving communion to someone who needs it! I got back to the church and of course the phone wasn't there, so the lady called my parents to come so I could get another one. Do you know how helpless I felt? Do you realize how dependent we are on our phones?

I turned to get in my car because my parents were coming and what did I see sitting on my passenger's seat? MY PHONE!!!! Guys, I swear to you, I took my phone out to turn in on silent in the church. Did I hallucinate that? Am I dreaming? Did the lady who used to talk to Jesus in the empty chair help me? I don't know!

Then I went to my parent's, and we had an amazing day outside barbecuing and talking all day. I helped my dad out a lot today and laughed with my mom. They sent me home with a ton of food and a whole carton of chocolate chip ice cream.

Please you guys, do me a favor, when I keep telling you how I want to throw my life away, please kick my butt for me. I really feel stupid for how I acted all week.

@MuddyBoots here a grande cold brew from Starbucks is $6 and a medium cold foam cold brew from Dunkins is about $7.30. At a fancy local coffew place its normally $8-$10 depending on the milk

@Crazy Hitch how did seeing your new class go?

I'm glad you found your phone @LadyShadow!

They're a little chatty but they're not naughty! We just need to practice what "Partner Voices" looks like Easy Peasy!

Well only 2 of the past 3 nights have been all-nighters... thank God I didn't comply with med management rules so I at least got three hours one of those nights... I just got coupons for Zzzquil and Unisom so maybe I can give those a try tonight? I speak to my pdoc tomorrow but it'd be nice to sleep tonight

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots Well only 2 of the past 3 nights have been all-nighters... thank God I didn't comply with med management rules so I at least got three hours one of those nights... I just got coupons for Zzzquil and Unisom so maybe I can give those a try tonight? I speak to my pdoc tomorrow but it'd be nice to sleep tonight

Sleeping problems really suck. Sorry you're going through this.

Just checking in. I have been so sick with a stomach virus, throwing up, diarheaa, not sleeping for over 24 hr, constantly throwing, up my meds, not refilling my meds, not getting the week's groceries, not d

not taking my shower, not checking for typ0s on this post, not paying off the credit card, not doing a thing, not checking in here, nopt art, no anything at this post

Not even realizing today is my 21st wedding anniversary.

Will cathc up the posts later.

Just so sick,& weak, oh and I start a colonscopy prep on Wed. morning. Woinderful.

Oh, my god, my daughter told me I went into psychosis, and if I didn't fall asleep soon, they weren toaking me to thte hospital! I don't even remember. I toent to blackout went O [psychotic.

Yikes! How are you now?

My Pdoc finally got back to me!!!!! She’s calling in .5 risperdal for audio hallucinations and sleep and said increased Vraylar “is not magic” and takes over a week to kick in. I never rapid cycle so I didn’t recognize my oversharing, the crying then hyper sexuality, etc.

The breeder is not answering the phone so I can put the deposit to get the dog. I see my psychiatrist in an hour. I have no idea what to say

I'm not psychotic or manic, but I'm still hypo. I'm keeping my meds down and sleeping more now, that's something.

Yup! Good. Thank goodness all I did was rapid cycle though I didn’t know who my case manager was on the phone Friday when I called! And hallucinated a week ago.

Added Lexapro.

I’m still afraid my family is going to take me to any ER psych or regular. I am not throwing up my meds and am tons better. I’m sleeping some again. Not as much as normal though.

OK. I'm still manic, not just hypo My thoughts are racing, racing, racing. They distract me from everything from typing, using my cellphone, this forum, EVERYTHING. I'm lucky I remember to use the bathroom and sleep at this point, let alone take my meds if I miss the phone pill reminder app sound

@Blueberrybook can you get ahold of your psychiatrist?

I’m so tired all of a sudden. My primary told me not to nap.

My mom fixed turkey last night and I knew it would get caught in my throat so I had a cup of applesauce. I ordered some broth, applesauce, and pudding because I'm not mucking around anymore with this stricture thing. A lot of stuff gets stuck in my throat so I'm sticking with easy stuff until I get things figured out. I should get a date this week.

I also ordered a bottle of caffeine pills to take instead of drinking coffee. I took one today and I'm not craving caffeine. Or much of anything. My anxiety is fine. It says on the bottle for ages 12 and up. So I'm guessing they are pretty safe.

I did my full workout without any pain. It just took a couple days of really bad pain to get through. I ordered a work out bench from Amazon. I looked at Play It Again Sports and they had dirty ones for $300. My new one from Amazon was $59 something and had over 2000 4.5 star reviews.
I have no idea how Play It Again Sports is still in bussiness. I thought I would come out of there with one for $20.

Should I be worried if

Probably. I’m at the library and don’t have time to get there and back before I see CM but I don’t think I’m going home to meet her. I’m going to “forget” our appointment and see if she cares enough to call and meet here or if she’ll just take the opportunity for free time.

Out of the past 11x I called the team’s emergency number since getting home I got to talk to someone twice. Btw that’s about a 27% call back rate.

I don't know if H will yell at me at this point if I do

H doesn't want me to call my pdoc, and H doesn't want to reschedule my endoscopy & colonscopy on Thurs morning at 7 AM (prep starts Wed. AM, can I handle it? I don't even know at this point, but H rescheduled his entire week around this colonscopy, if I miss it, H will be rescheduling so much because school starts in 2 weeks, and H is a college professor), and H doesn't want to take me to a psych ER or any hospital, and H me to do a thing.

And I have been so, so sick

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