Bipolar Check-In #92

My COPD has gotten worse. It’s making sleeping nearly impossible. My psychiatric symptoms have worsened as a result. I tried to sleep earlier to no avail. I’m calling my pcp tomorrow to see about an inhaler. It’s terrifying not to be able to catch your breath. Outside of that, my mood is low and high anxiety. I’m worried about being sick all of the time. Even if I did have a job, how could I manage it while sick? I’ve been feeling really disappointed with myself. I’m 63 with numerous health conditions and I feel useless. Physically, it’s hard to do much. I’ve been thinking of going back to AA and daily mass. I see others attend meetings/mass here. That’s encouraging.

Just checking in. Believe me when I say I am not sufficiently caught up on posts to even give a hug or 2 at this point!

Probably better than yesterday though. I guess. Because I'm not sure at this point! I have been off my meds since Friday or throwing them up if H or my daughter gave them to me thru early Sun. morning, and I still can barely function! But my meds have been mostly good since then

I may even be a human being again instead of an annoying robot not giving H or my daughter 5 sec. peace at a time! No wonder they were frustrated!

Take care everyone! Yesterday seemed like a real struggle for the entire board if I'm reading it right! Did we have a full moon or anything recently?!

I realize now I had not been taking my optional 50 mg Seroquel (two 25mg tablets) either. By the time I missed ONE morning dose of meds and 50 mg Seroquel, blackout psychosis was starting for me. For awhile there, it felt like Nammu, unaluna & I may have been the most stable people on this entire board; I had been stable over 6 months, having 5 min. pdoc appts. recently b/c I was SO stable since Nov. 2024. I went into mania & nearly psychosis last year in July & constant SI depression late Nov. 2024. By yesterday, if things hadn't started improving, H & my daughter were driving me straight to the psych ER. Isn't that scary?!

Oh, and I slept like a log last night. I should NEVER even go over 24 hr. without sleep, let alone one SAD lamp session b/c at that point I need a major psych ER run! When you are living with your family, you could even lose them all by then if you have 1 manic/psychotic run, and I only live with 2 people, H and my daughter who could remotely understand my situation!

At one point there, I understood no one but GOD himself & I could understand my exact situation! Other than this board at MSF, of course

When I go into blackout psychosis, the tipping point (psych ER hospital) is throwing up constantly & having diarrhea. It may not have even been a stomach virus I had! Could have just been mania/psychosis!

@LadyShadow and @MuddyBoots: Of course i realize that if he was not getting tipped he would have been hostile. It was a fancy place and i was there for four hours. You tip at the end, at the final bill. So it wasn't that i was not tipping generously. The whole time he was serving me he was working for his tip. And stupidly i did tip 20% ~ my standard for upscale places. I felt that i wanted to keep good relations with staff for future visits. Now i'm not so sure.

Gee, you two must really think i am stupid to have suggested such an obvious explanation.

No, i think that WOULD explain it. I always tipped with each drink. Dont you pay for each drink when you get it?

Right now I am on my iPad which gets especially sluggish with the bottom page ads or nearly anyone ad update now b/c I need so much rest. that becomes a HUGE issue too. I am sure everyone here knows that too!

Thanks @unaluna. A tipping point is my big trouble too.

@LadyShadow Right now I am using my SAD lamp as I eat breakfast and drink water and am taking my meds and keeping everything down

Anyone with a long post too, I cannot focus on it ATM (at the moment). I am catching up bottom up, but that is especially slow for me.

Trying to improve my grammar too as I type

I took a long hot shower this morning before right now (still with the SAD lamp).

@Nammu I understand stomach meds too . I couldn’t keep those down or take them either but I did before my shower today. I took a shower yesterday also. Thanks.for letting us know that.

@victoriasmom (sorry if I messed up your handle). Thanks to you to as well today and the rest of the time too.

Thanks for your support especially today and all the time!

@JaneOnceMore (sorry if your handle is messed up). Thank you for understanding I am sure!

I took 2 Tylenol PM at 9:30 and I slept until 5:30. I feel ok so far. I'm not achy or nauseated and I took a caffeine pill so I feel awake.

I have therapy in a few hours. I'm not sure what other tomfoolery will happen today.

I thank muddy, raspberry, una, MD (probably escaped understand throwing up with stomach stuff even if it’s a trigger). Thank June08 and Brent us and scooter too, beyond therainbow and everyone I forgot as I say and screw handles! Screw grammar!

Moose I especially thank you for today!

I thank MSF for understanding mental health issues today especially! I thank God for MSF today and all the time!