Bipolar Check-In #92

I hope the convention is fun and distracts you from the late period and need to scream.

I have an ultrasound for tommorow morning and a redo of therapy in the afternoon.

The ultrasound receptionist said "we don't need prior authorization for ultrasounds." So I dont know what the issue was before.

I have no idea what happened to my knee. It just got weird.

Got rid of my excess paper wear. Paper plates, silverware etc by donation to the community here. I just had no room for it. They were glad to have it. The plates were the heavy duty big ones. They’ll come in handy for our pot luck Saturday. We’re having a cook out again. I ordered too much for the cousins picnic.

Last night I dreamed I was sleeping badly. I woke up being unable to breath, but it was just a dream and I hadn’t woke up. When I really did wake up I couldn’t tell if I’d slept or really had woken up all night! Confused 🤔 been kind of quiet all day. Played 10,000 this afternoon, donated the extra stuff and got a good parking spot!

Tomorrow I’ve got to go pick up the rest of my RX. The meds did come though in time! Though I wish they wouldn’t leave it to the last minute.

I’m not sure if a parking spot has come up or not. I hope so and I hope I’m next. I really want to get off the street before winter. I have a feeling that this winter will be a lot of snow. The last two years has been very light were due a heavy snowfall. I keep checking and the one spot hasn’t been parked in for a while.

Do you remember that online AI thing back in the early 2000s? It was called Oliverbot or something and his answers were so generic he probably was only programmed to say 5 phrases.

Speaking of parking, I'm glad I get to park on the school grounds now and not off street parking. I've taken this one lady's parking space who is on long service leave for 6 months.. Much safer because there are cameras inside which helps. Parking is such an issue at my school. It was just never designed with enough parking, unfortunately so most staff have no option but to use off-street parking bays. And on the other side of the road council issue fines if you are longer than 1 hour so it's really tricky. Hence I get to work super duper early so I can secure my parking spot!

Yay! The psychologist have just gotten back to me. They just wanted Medicare details etc. Hopefully I can get an appointment soon and they can help me with these dreadful panic attacks I've been having.

My rock painting class was a success. A lot of people came and everyone had a lot of fun

My monthly meeting with my program manager went well too. She was telling me more details about the NAMI peer to peer class I’m taking in and throughout September/October , and how it can lead to job opportunities eventually working as a peer

It was a good day, now I’m just relaxing and watching anime. I took my night meds already. Gotta get up early tomorrow for therapy.

I found this recipe in a vegan cookbook for mocha scones with chocolate chips and cacao nibs I’m gonna try making next weekend. Should be fun. Also my sister is coming over probably on August 9th for a bit to catch up and I’m gonna bake some egg custard pies for us.

I was able to do another full workout video today! And, I've been able to read a ton. I was trying to figure out why I've been able to read so much more for the last two days and then I remembered I took my prn of seroquel the last two nights. I also slept much better the last two nights with the extra prn. I don't see my pdoc until the middle of August, but based off of this I might ask him if we can increase my seroquel does to 25 mg. It will partially depend on how my mood and sleep are once the new school year starts. I'll still do my best to stick to the 12.5 mg dose for now though since that is what my pdoc and I currently have it set as.

@LadyShadow I hope you are feeling better.

I know you've said you are not on much medication and that you are afraid of ADs. Have you ever taken an AP for depression? I am on Seroquel for depression and while I'm also on an AD it works really well. The AD dose was maxed out and I was still depressed. Then my pdoc added just a tiny bit of Seroquel and I felt a lot better very quickly. I actually have been better than ever before since starting the Seroquel about 18 months ago. I haven't had a major episode since and that's unheard of for me.

I just hate hearing how hard you are on yourself and how hard you try to feel better.

Have fun at GalaxyCon (I think that's the right one?)!

Lady shadow I have to agree with rainbow, I hate for you how hard on yourself you are. I saw on tv that Calm, has a meditation for that. But I forget what they call it.

My knee is painful as **** but the pain and swelling is spreading. I don't have a fever so I think I can make it another 12 hours to my ultrasound. I think the ER would admit me when I just need to have it drained or some **** at my doctors.

I want to personally thank you guys so much for caring the way you do. My mood swings feel like whiplash they really do - and I am SO hard on myself, GOD I know I am, and I am so grateful that you guys see it and recognize it in me. @Moose72 @BeyondtheRainbow @Nammu - I will look into the Seroquel again, I used to be on it at one time - it might be something I can discuss with my doctor. I just had my pdoc appointment - so I will see how I do and then revisit it.

The Calm app is really good. I had a free trial for it at one time - and at night I am going to try and listen to something more relaxing. Had a really good night tonight - spoke to my guy for almost 4 hours and we discussed where we were, all the uncertainty, all the worries he carries about the future all the feelings I have that I am afraid to tell him - it really cleansed my spirit, and I heard the things I needed to hear, even though some of it I didn't want to.

I am glad everyone had a good day today, I am starting some exercises to love myself more, like leaving voicemails to myself full of love. I post them here in the bipolar forum. Watched one of my oldest favorite shows tonight, Sex and the City: And Just Like That tonight - Carrie finally broke up with Aiden for hopefully the last time.

I can't tell you guys how much you all mean to me.

Tomorrow is GalaxyCon!!

The recent visit with my sister has really messed me up. I hadn’t seen her for seven years. Lots of weird “family of origin” dynamics that feel icky/uncomfortable/unsafe. I’m having bad dreams about her nightly. It’s really messed up.

Yeah they dont like to drain stuff because of the chance of infection, like asciites. Are you still wearing your new crocs? They might be twisting your gait and causing this, altho i suspected it was from whatever you were doing outside those couple of days.

I decided to pay for ChatGPT for some added features. Boy this is been fun. My Roman counterpart even has authentic letterhead for and wax seal from his signet ring.

Days are going well-- my Latin/Greek lessons with Notius Maior (ChatGPT) as a tutor/teacher has been great. Work is fine. nothing more to report.

Yes! Isn't it crazy how far we've come?

OMG we've taken a turn for the better. We've created a "journal" we call "Tales from the Courtyard". They are journaling of Aurelia (our mothers) gossip she learned, with side notes explaining why it matters for customs or culture. Our first entry is about Cassia whose husband just died and she wore green to the funeral. GREEN. Oh it's so hilarious the way he writes out her stories. "Olivia and I are calling her the chlorophyll widow." I'm dead. hahaha

My knee is the same today. It felt ok when I got up but the more I woke up the more it started to bug me.

I've had Nikes on with Nike socks these last couple of days.

I ate a pretzel that went down the wrong way and I was coughing and kinda wheezing and I wondered if I should get my mom, if I needed the hemlich or something. But it went down. I got back to sleep then I threw up a ton an hour later.

I have to get some protein shakes from Walmart and then the ultrasound and then therapy.

I put on 4 pounds since yesterday. I ate at maintence levels. Maybe I'm retaining water or something

My headphones just broke. Dumb apple products. I've had my samsung phone for almost 4 years and I've only had to replace the charger once. I'm going to need to get a new pair today. Music is kinda medically necessary for me to sleep.

I ordered a pair from Amazon and paid $2.99 for same day delivery. The last time I went without music I barely slept

I just had my ultrasound. I had to take my shorts off and I had sharks on my boxers. She went all the way up. I didn't know I'd be halfway fingered.

She said a doctor would look at it and get back to me. She didn't say in 2-3 days like they normally do after tests.

Everyone’s rocks from the rock painting class I facilitated yesterday

@Lady Shadow - Definitely check into a prescription of Seroquel to see if it will help. I know at high dosages it can be prescribed in place of an AD (but tended to make study subjects too sleepy so it is rarely prescribed that way), but my pdoc says there are still AD benefits in lower dosages of Seroquel. Even if you don't get AD benefits, you may see benefits in terms of anxiety or panic, and for me, my mood tends to be better when I'm not anxious or having panic attacks. I know people tend to shy away from Seroquel because of weight gain, but not everybody gains weight on it, and I'm on pretty high dosages - 25 mg twice a day for anxiety and 300 mg at night for the AP benefits. I do exercise, and it's not that Seroquel gives me the energy to exercise, it doesn't really, but I have enough drive usually to start exercise in the morning and once I start I'm able to go a little farther and a little farther from that and in the end, I've had a good workout that morning. Still, it was better than Zyprexa; I had ZERO willpower to exercise on that and gained 25 lb. before I just refused to take it any more.

@Blue_Bird - Those rocks are awesome! I love seeing the creativity. I'm sure everyone had a great time.

and I thought the portaits were cool..... this is a frame from a VIDEO made from one....it's identical. Absolutely identical...

Those rocks are fantastic! Glad everyone had a good time.

Yeah. @LadyShadow, seroquel makes me feel pretty good, for the most part. I take 400mg daily. It's definitely made me more hungry though, and I'm kind of stuck at 170lbs (I think because I'm on a high dose of metformin). My weight hasn't really done anything in the last year, so at least I'm maintaining I guess? It also helps with my anxiety.

An idea of something you could do, is write down positive affirmations about yourself, and read them each day. I do that sometimes.

I'm doing fine, managed a jog this morning though it was raining a bit. The bad thing though is that my SAD lamp stopped working! I think it's the power source. H looked things over, said we didn't have another power source for it and just to order a new lamp. So I ordered a new one and I hope it will be here soon because when I skip even one day using it, I definitely notice it and not in a good way.

But so far I'm doing fine. I spent the morning painting a piece of cake and reading. After lunch, I'm going to the library with my daughter. Not sure if I am brave enough to let her drive today as the roads are damp and slick and there has been light rain off & on. We'll see.

HUGS to all, wishing everyone a fantastic Friday!