[Jazz91]

i scored 60 on the bipolar quiz

this is what it said

Based upon your responses to this bipolar screening quiz, you appear to be suffering from severe symptoms associated with a bipolar disorder. People who have answered similarly to you typically qualify for a diagnosis of Bipolar I Disorder and have sought professional treatment for this disorder.

You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional immediately.

but i am uncertain of what to do about it so i have decided to create a post of my daily mood to moniter how my feelings change

any input from people will help

[Jazz91]

today i am feeling hurt and confused i dont feel like smiling i just feel really low i miss my best friend and am not sure about my boyfriend

[Liberada]

[Conquistador]

It sounds like you should follow the advice of the test.

[Jazz91]

today it is like another page has turned in my life i feel really happy and cant belive how wonderful life feels

[Jazz91]

down again i just got alot of stuff goin through my head and feel like a terrible person

[Jazz91]

today i am so mixed up i dont even know how i feel everything is goin through my head i just dont no how to explain

i feel like hurting myself but i also feel hurt

i feel like smiling and laughing but i also feel like crying

i dont what to do

[Jazz91]

yesterday i got my report card and one of my teachers said that i didnt try and that i never did my homework i have already explained that i cant do my homework on thursday nights cuz i have to work and she doesnt care and i try my hardest in maths so for her to say that when other teachers said that my effort was good it really hurt

when i got home i took like a whole sheet of painkillers and was drinking softdrink

later last night i was talking to my best friend in sydney and i started crying uncontrolably i was tempted to end it all and was going to cut but i had a shower and calmed myself down a little and went to bed

today i came to school and went to see my maths teacher about it and she said it wasnt her problem and i was furious then i went to lunch and all the people who are supposed to be my friends just started going off at me cuz i had apparently said somthing bout one of there sisters and so i am left now feeling quite alone and wondering what the hell is the point in being alive if everything is against me

[314159pi]

(((jazz)))
you are loved person. make no mistake about it. and please don't think about hurting or cutting yourself. think about something else instead. phone a friend.
-pi

[PsyChris]

I'm concerned that you seem to be taking deeper swings in emotion. I'm not sure if that is because you now realize the possibility you may have Bipolar disorder or you realize your mood is swinging.

If you feel like you want to hurt yourself or others, call emergency services.

I think you should arrange to consult with a psychiatrist or your family doctor. Bipolar is a very rough disorder. But there are people ready and willing to help you through it.

You are in distress & should see a professional. At this point let the specialist do the diagnosing; that is his/her job. But you are having difficulties with feeling hopeless to such a point that you think of hurting yourself & that needs to be addressed.

If by chance you are dxed as bipolar, again the specialist will be the one to give you the proper advice on treatment options. Self-diagnosing can be misleading, but do honestly tell the doc all the things that have been going on in your life & your thoughts & emotions, even the ones that seem embarrassing or irrational or the things you don't want to admit (like maybe abusing drugs or alcohol), etc. He/she has heard everything, I can guarantee that so nothing will be shocking or make him/her think badly of you. All the info. will just be helpful in making a dx.

I had a lot of paranoia when I went for my intake & was abusing alcohol so I had to admit all of that (which my husband didn't even know), but you have to do it. It's confidential & if you want to be helped honesty is the way to go.

Good luck & take care.--Suzy

[bizi]

Do you have a family member who can help you arrange
an appointment?
Perhaps they could go with you too.
There should be a support group in your area for people with mental health issues that can be another source of support.
I agree with the others here...it all starts with you accepting help and calling to make an appointment.
This is your call to make.
I am sorry that you are suffering so...there is help out there.
take it in baby steps... this will get better....
bizi

[Jazz91]

last night i thought about all the things that are building up in my life and i cried myself to sleep and today i am feeling a little better but i keep thinking of myself as a problem to my family i want to leave but there are to many ppl it would hurt so yeah

[Jazz91]

last night i was going fine until my friend told me that him and i couldnt get together cuz he was going to move away. i already knew that it was coming but i had been pushing it to the back of my head then it got stuck i broke down in tears crying worse then i have in the last couple of days.

i cut and it bled making me cry more it was midnight before i managed to fall asleep

its my 17th birthday today and i am miserable

[bizi]

Happy birthday Jazz but it is not a happy one for you it seems.
I am sorry.
Are you willing to try to get some help?
How long must you suffer before you talk to someone?
THis is very unhealthy for you.
bizi

[Jazz91]

im scared that i will be treated differently if other people found out

[bizi]

It is perfectly ok to have those feelings of fear.
You are in a very fragile state of mind...you do need to be treated with great care since you are having these feelings.
please talk to someone.
WE don't want you hurting yourself anymore.
bizi

AGREE--you are hurting yourself physically & emotionally by not seeking help. There is hope. You can feel better & so who cares what other people think when you could actually face a life & death situation??

I've done some suicide attempts (to my shame & dismay) but you know, somehow, sometimes, they give me perspective--I could be DEAD so then how important would all these issues & concerns that I have now be? Weird kind of way I got a sense of relief--really what is so important that I would harm myself over it?

I think I want to make my life as full of joy as I can & maybe I just have to let go of the fear of what others will think & reach out for the help that I need--so what the heck, someone finds out I'm bipolar, a fellow employee where I work happens to be an ER nurse also & happened to be on duty (my good luck) when I had my last OD--about 1 1/2 years ago--so I don't know how incognito I am at work. (despite HIPPA--you know how gossip can be) So what? It's my life.--Suzy

[Clandestine]

Hey Jazz ,

I'm new to this forum, btw ;]

I know it's a tough one. I'm relatively new to all these things 'cause I was just diagnosed last January, and I'm just 20 years old. Like Suzy, I did a fair amount of suicidal attempts (shame, yes) and it's really hard. We all go through tough times. During my time, everything was against me - boyfriend, family, friends - and no one knew I was suicidal, and that I hurt myself countless times.

Until they found out.

I think the best way, Jazz, is to seek professional help. Perhaps you couldn't trust anyone right now, but the psychiatrists are there for a reason. It would also help if someone you're close to know of your condition. Trust me, it's effing hard to go through these things ALONE.

I also had those times when I think about "what ifs" and dark thoughts seeing as they're my escape mechanism with what's happening in reality. It's a phase, but it's not good. Jazz, you also have to help yourself but if you can't, please do seek professional help ;]

It's a rollercoaster ride, but you have to endure it.

<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>

Clandestine--welcome to the club no one wants to join!!

Your comments were very supportive & helpful. You are a great addition to the "community."--Suzy

[Jazz91]

today i am feeling strangely happy i cant understand why 2 ppl want to bash me but i couldnt care less cuz i feel they are not worth it yey

[bizi]

people who want to bash you whether they are family or friends, I wouldn't be around them...they are not your friends.
these are toxic people.
bizi

[Jazz91]

i sorted things out wit my friends boyfriend and explained why i had reacted the way i did and he was ok with that but today i just feel incompetent and like nobody wants me around and i dont know why

[Jazz91]

GOOD SIDE: i talked to the guidance officer bout how i been feeling and he said that he needed to make sure i was safe so he told my dad and my dad was really nice about it sometime this week a mental health proffessional is going to talk to me and yeah

BAD SIDE: on friday this guy who is after me threatened to kill me but we cant press charges unless he actually touches me dad is going to talk to a police officer about getting a restraining order against him but i am scared that it will provoke him and he actually might.

[bizi]

I am so glad that you are talking with your family...they will help support you.
proud of you for talking to the guidance worker and hoping the hmental health professional will turn out to be another support person on your side.
good for you jazz.
bizi