In a better frame of mind today, at least for the moment. I'm sure it'll turn at some point, but definitely not complaining at the moment.

[AngelWolf3]

Oh, I am finally out of the two week slump I was in. Whew. Let's see how long the upward climb lasts!

Originally Posted by AngelWolf3

Oh, I am finally out of the two week slump I was in. Whew. Let's see how long the upward climb lasts!

good to hear!

LOL! (response ---> s4)

((((BD)))) I can totally relate

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

*in a quiet voice* I'm sorry you're tired! I hope you feel better soon! *hugs*

for gosh sake, I am stunned and sort of in "I can't believe this is really happening to me" land. Along with

"I can't believe he really said THAT" (, , , )

and here comes the self talk, "Whatever you do, Rose, don't run. communicate. ask for what you need. speak up. Just DON'T run"

[BorderlineMess]

I'm in a mix of moods today. I wasn't getting a lot of sleep over the weekend so I spent it in a blur of movies and TV shows. Got some sleep Sun night and last night and feel much better. Started taking my meds more regularly (which reminds me to call CVS) so my depression has lifted. Just gotta keep forking out that money for them or call my doctor and get prescribed new ones. Not sure where to go yet on that front.

Thinking about making a relatively big splurge purchase and trying to take my time deciding it. Trying not to be impulsive. And the store I am going to buy this purchase from is a place I used to work. And a guy I used to be romantically connected to said he was working tonight if I wanted to come by. So, not sure how I feel about that. (He ended it with me, hence the apprehension.)

So yeah, feeling pretty chill atm. Happy Tuesday, PC.

I just did something stupid again. Of course many may think "big deal" but it's the story of my life. Probably both the stupid bpd and aspie in me causing this. I walked up to the water fountain. OMG there were three people there! I just stopped in my tracks and stared. the dude looked back at me like "wtf is wrong with you weirdo?' Ugh... I hate the social ineptness.

You took my heart and you held it in your mouth!

I like Florence

Originally Posted by Nikole2718

You took my heart and you held it in your mouth!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Real tired now.

I told Arvind for the umpteenth time: "I want to just be friends! I can't do the love thing right now, okay?!"

He doesn't understand.

He thinks he can love me up and cure me.

I told him to leave me alone.

I miss him. I am afraid I am going to cave and let him come over again tonight.

I better not.

Ani (mentor and support friend) told me to call *him*, NOT Arvind, if I get the longing.

I...am...working...on...mySELF...right...now.

No room for a new love now.

None!

I am very disappointed that he can't just be my friend!

Carol

Three in the morning. Haven't slept. Wide awake. Thoughts rampant. Received an email i'm too paranoid to open. Up in three hours. Again.

Originally Posted by Maranara

Three in the morning. Haven't slept. Wide awake. Thoughts rampant. Received an email i'm too paranoid to open. Up in three hours. Again.

me too, only until 5 am. Luckily one child is tracked out adn I got an extra hour in there of sleep.

Meh (again) . Too much going on, too much to think about. Everything shutting down. I need a rock to hide under.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Meh (again) . Too much going on, too much to think about. Everything shutting down. I need a rock to hide under.

Make sure to take a warm blanket so you'll be comfy. I'm kinda in the same boat myself today....

Originally Posted by Maranara

Make sure to take a warm blanket so you'll be comfy. I'm kinda in the same boat myself today....

*lifts up rock for her to visit* (must bring your own blanket. :P)

[BorderlineMess]

I feel really f*ing frustrated and angry. I want my dad (who's also my boss) to get off my back and quit pushing me so d*** hard. I'm going to lose my cool and say something rude and offensive very soon if he doesn't back off. I want my step-mom (who's also a co-worker) to give me some f*ing space. Quit hovering and trying to justify my dad's actions. It's not helping me feel better. And quit copping an attitude with me. She's not your daughter. You don't get to make parental decisions for her. That's why she's got two parents. They make those decisions, not you.

I want some support in my life. I want some encouragement. I want to feel appreciated. I try so hard to give others support and lift people up. I just want a little in return. I just want to know someone cares. My heart is breaking and my spirit feels crushed.

Anyone want to join me on the roller coaster? On the way up at the moment, but I'm sure a bump will come any minute..... Whee!!!!

I'm already on the roller coaster

What a terrible day

*Trigger*






My daughter who is 21 told me this morning that my dad has sexually abused her, I want to kill him, I haven't stopped crying since. This is my worse nightmare

Originally Posted by Buttercup..

What a terrible day

*Trigger*






My daughter who is 21 told me this morning that my dad has sexually abused her, I want to kill him, I haven't stopped crying since. This is my worse nightmare

Oh Buttercup....I'm so sorry. At least she was honest and trusted you enough to tell you. Can anything be done? Is going to the police an option? Be strong for her. You and she will be in my thoughts.

[she imp]

I don't exist.

I knew it was true anyway, but evidence is something I was NOT hoping for...

hiding

Originally Posted by she imp

I don't exist.

I knew it was true anyway, but evidence is something I was NOT hoping for...

hiding

And you'll survive....with each other's help, we all will. Feel free to PM anytime...

[BrokenNBeautiful]

a bad fight with Bruce today. I was so scared that he was not going to get some money someone owed him; it is going to affect us a great deal---our living situation. He was arguing with someone on the phone and I finally yelled out, "Take the money! We need it now; your pride will get in the way now!" (long story)

He shook his finger at me and shouted, "Shut the ((( up, Carol! I can't ever have a conversation with anyone as long as I am dealing with you!!!!"

Oh, I messed up again!

Then he talked to my mentor; my mentor came to me and told me a terrible truth: Bruce really actually does not want me for a friend. He could not tell me for a long time. Bruce had been keeping this from me forever.

I should not be so devastated. I knew for a long time. I just knew as I had known that my aunt had not wanted me when she was raising me.

The signs.

He was putting on an act! Bruce was feeling sorry for me and did not want to put me on the street and also he could not afford a place by himself.

And like many pwbpd's I still can't connect with ppl. So I still cannot make any new friends except Ani. Not yet.

I don't know if that's going to ever happen.

If ppl hate you already no matter how hard you try to deal, how can you even try after a while?!

I did not run; I went to the meeting today, but had NO connecting at all with anyone. I was so broken up and I could not burden yet some other ppl wtih my problems.

I dont' know what's wrong with me or what everyones' secret is.

I just can't fit in.

I am so lonely.

My mentor is not giving up on me, but I feel like giving up on me.

I still feel like all I do is cause grief and be a burden.

I am safe tonight.

Carol

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by BorderlineMess

I want some support in my life. I want some encouragement. I want to feel appreciated. I try so hard to give others support and lift people up. I just want a little in return. I just want to know someone cares. My heart is breaking and my spirit feels crushed.

I relate!

thanks,

Carol

[BorderlineMess]

I want to have confidence. I want to feel good about myself. I want to love myself. Where can I find this?