How many of you self harm? I have been thinking a lot about it as this is a one of the traits of BPD, How long have you self harmed for? what are your triggers? Do you know why you do it?

[greentires4me]

Originally Posted by Buttercup..

How many of you self harm? I have been thinking a lot about it as this is a one of the traits of BPD, How long have you self harmed for? what are your triggers? Do you know why you do it?

I self harm...I don't how long I have been self harming for a several years I guess...stress is a big factor or trigger...it used to distress me now I have no clue why I do it I guess some form of control over my situation...

I pick all my eyelashes out, my eyebrows, bite my nails...and sometimes will cut

[HabitualQuitter]

I used to burn myself alot with lighters as a teen. In my adult life I've played chicken by putting my forearm against someone else's, puffing a cigarette until the cherry is huge and dropping it on our arms. First one to pull away loses. I have a very high pain tolerance and always felt a release after. After cleaning up (not messing with drugs anymore, having my first child, etc) all that changed. Until a couple months ago (first child now 8yrs old). I slammed an Xbox controller (first thing near me) into my forehead over and over. A second time I slammed my forehead on the counter top. I was convinced I has to have 2 black eyes. That was last year. My first (what I consider) serious self harm came at the end of a week in a manic episode. I don't remember the week at all or the suicide attempt. I dug down to an artery, was covered in burns and bruises all over my thighs. I didn't know at the time what I was doing. I still don't remember any of it. I cont'd digging to that artery inpatient because they gave me things like staples (on paperwork that had my 4 digit code to give people that I allowed to call, floor rules, etc.). I can't say I saw any triggers. But with the borderline I also have the Bipolar diagnosis and idk if that makes any difference with regards to "losing time," or "not seeing it coming." If you feel compelled to self harm just scream at the top of your lungs, do something very physical (jumping jacks for example) and stay away from sharp objects. My T told me to ask my husband to lock up all sharp objects (scissors, knives, etc.) as well as lighters because I lost time again on Easter. I came to with a 9in surrated knife, lacerations on my thigh and multiple burns on my thigh, lighter in the other hand. It's a mess, and it's really hard. Once you open that door you can't go back and it's one more thing to worry about. Hiding the wound, keeping it clean from infection, the cycle of self harm becomes addictive from the chemical releases in your brain. It's like a drug. Im sorry for rambling, but I want to be as real as i can with you. My 3 daughters still ask about the healing wounds and scars on my body. It sucks.

I've been cutting myself for about six months. I do it when I feel like it. Sometimes every day, sometimes once a week, etc. I'm triggered by stress, insecurities, thoughts. In the moment when I'm upset there's nothing else that'll help, so I do it because it takes the pain away for a little while and makes me numb. I also pull my hair out.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I self harm. I've been doing it for well over 10 years. I haven't done it in awhile, but I still get the urges often. A lot of things can trigger it, my rage, my mood swings in general, if I think someone's about to abandon me(that doesn't take much), my feelings of emptiness, stress, anxiety/panic, etc. I did it because it helped me get some relief, or conversely because I wanted to punish myself. It's... complicated ...

[wadingthruemotions]

Hot topic, thanks for posting everyone.

I do. I have for a long time in different ways. I usede to pull my hair out. I cut often in the past. I would punch things until my knuckles were sore or to the point of bleeding. Now I bite the skin areas around my nails.

Triggers, sense of abandonment, rage, intense sadness, nervousness.

It used to be for punishment. Punishing myself for anything and everfything I felt I did or said wrong. Now its release. The pain is something to focus on and I know it will go away, the only kind that will.

[BorderlineMess]

I have self-harmed in the past for years. It's probably been maybe 5-6 years since I was regularly doing it. I started when I was about 12 with pounding my thighs until I bruised. Then I moved on to burning my arm with matches. Then moved onto cutting, which is what I stuck with. Really, once I started, it was hard to stop. And I still revert to it in times of crisis. At the height of my self-harming, I was doing it pretty much every day. It was the only way I got through the day and was what I looked forward to. I did it for the physical pain, for the outward sign that I was hurting inside, for the enjoyment of seeing myself bleed, for the release of negativity that was trapped inside me, for the comfort of the ritual. And at one point I had quite a ritual attached to it. I used to spend about an hour a day with it.

Thanks for replying everyone

Myself I didn't start to self harm until about 10 years a go, Lately it has become a habit, It is something I want to try and stop, I have tried the ice cubes, elastic bands and distracting but so far nothing is working, My T yesterday says she will help if I really want to stop. I told my T the time I put my head through a window when I was about 10 years old (on purpose) she says this is a form of self harm, I remember doing it in anger. I harm myself now as it's my way of coping but at times as someone else as already said I don't know why I do it either.

[Trippin2.0]

I do, and try not to. But the closest I get to actually quitting is starving myself or mini OD's....

Been doing it since I was maybe 15? Started with burning my hands in hotwater, slamming cupboard doors on my hands, then pulling my hair, knocking my head and eventually cutting...

Been very good with the cutting, never left permanent scars, made sure I just cut deep enough to draw blood and the marks would be gone after a few weeks. That is until Easter weekend, where I cut for the first time in 2 yrs and made quite a deep gash, its still pink and shows no signs of shrinking / dissapearing....

I self-harm when I'm hurting, I guess I try and re-route the pain? Feeling abandoned is a huge trigger, thats what caused me to relapse with the cutting Worst part is, the knife is still under my mattress, because I figure I will need it again since bf and I have officially reconciled and its the only thing that provides instant relief for my perceived abandonment...

[wadingthruemotions]

Not sure if this falls into this category or not, but i binge eat as well. To the point where I have to go to sleep/take a nap cause I am so stuffed in such a short amount of time.

Of course I am overweight because of this and I seriously need to do something about that and soon. Just another reason to hate myself and all.

Originally Posted by Buttercup..

How many of you self harm? I have been thinking a lot about it as this is a one of the traits of BPD, How long have you self harmed for? what are your triggers? Do you know why you do it?

Hi Buttercup: I haven't been diagnosed w/ BPD. Although I share allot of the charactoristics of BPD &, yes, I do self harm. How long? I guess that would depend on how one would define self harm. Some of what I've done goes back to my earliest childhood.

My triggers I suppose would include increased levels of stress & also tiredness. But also, in addition to major depression & anxiety disorder (& being suicidal at times), I also suffer (literally) from Gender Identity Disorder (GID) (it's a long story). But fairly regularly, I will see a picture or perhaps watch a video on YouTube that stirs my GID feelings & I start to feel seriously self-abusive, sometimes to the point of feeling suicidal. I have read that individuals who self abuse are not suicidal. And this may be true in many cases. But, for me, they are 2 sides of the same coin.

Yes, I think I know why I do it. It is because I detest who I am & there's nothing I can do about it at this point in my life. (Again, it's a long story.) What I don't know is why I can't control it. I'm a mature older adult at this point. I'm at least marginally functional much of the time. I should be able to stop myself. Sometimes I can. But the urge to do it tends to build up from one day to the next until I finally give in. I have some permanent physical injuries from things I have done to myself in years past.

[ruby.lestrange]

I've been self-harming for 17 years.
I'll have periods of time where I'll stop, sometimes even for months, but they don't last.
My triggers are feelings, or if my moods are becoming more and more uncontrollable and unpredictable.

I also have trichotillomania; I pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows.

self-harmed since i was in kindergarten, so i guess 18 years. first time was for a stupid test. got so nervous, dug into my temple with my fingernail. got home, grandma saw it and wanted to know what happened. idk.

nerves. anger. frustration. if i do something stupid or unacceptable to my kids.

[Ultra Darkness]

I hit my head on things when frustrated sometimes, but usually I can restrain myself. I also claw at my hands when I feel like I need to be punished, but hardly any blood is drawn.

[Fuzzybear]

abandonment... Feeling that I need to be punished

[TheRealFDeal]

I discovered self-harm when I was in my 20s. I had just started therapy and was feeling really horrid about myself. I was putting the clean dishes away and I dropped and broke a casserole dish. Picking up the pieces, and noticing one particularly sharp one, I casually ran it across my forearm, just to see. It didn't draw any blood, but it started something. I began to use a razor blade with a goal of getting deeper each time until I found a vein or artery. I didn't know anything about BPD and had never heard of a "cutter."

I eventually got better and just stopped. Except for the scars I left, I would have forgotten about it. Then in my mid-40s, I had a breakdown and went back to t. I was in pain, but really forgot that method of providing relief until I was inpatient and was triggered by another patient who was a cutter. Click! I'm much too old for this, but I still do it on occasion. I get some kind of bizarre satisfaction out of seeing myself bleed. A few days ago, I needed a box cutter and, while cutting open the box, I casually nicked myself on the hand. Just because I had something sharp in my hand, I had to use it on myself.

Because I'm partial to my forearm, I'm able to mostly refrain during short-sleeve weather. But it's no "fun."

[Luctor]

I have self-harmed only a handful of times. But I will always have the scars on my thighs as a reminder.

I started self-harming as a way of punishing myself whenever I lost my temper or had a rage incident in which I broke something or said mean things to a loved one.. My thinking was along the lines of: it's better to harm myself than to harm anyone else. I deserve pain, not the people I love.

Other than that I've broken my hand a few times from punching walls.

I no longer self-harm, as I have my rage outbursts under control.

[adam_k]

I self harm. I started when I was 17 I think. It was a way to deal with overwhelming emotions I couldn't handle. I was really depressed and cutting helped me deal with the emotional pain and it was mainly a coping mechanism.

I stopped for a long time (8 years) I would still get the urges, but I would manage them. I also had a gf that I didn't want to upset, so that helped me from doing it.

I recently started self harming again. The first time I did it I was sure why I did. I just felt this impulse. It was a couple days before my first therapy session with my T. I noticed a pair of scissors on the night stand and I made a couple of light cuts on my arm.

A couple days later my marriage hit a major snafu and I cut a few more times to help deal with it. I did it a couple more times because I was really depressed at work and I wanted to feel numb so I could function and get some stuff done. I did it another time because my wife got mad at me and I felt this uncontrollable rage towards myself. I did it another time because my wife cried because she couldn't help with my depression and I just hated myself at the time.

A lot of times when I am at work and I start to obsessively think or get emotional I bite my lip. The pain helps clear my mind. I have never made myself bleed from it, just enough to hurt.

I self harmed loads of times from too many anger and I had to relieve it by hurting myself. I had other reasons too. But now I hurt myself less and I haven't self harmed in a week.

[larakeziah]

I started about 21yrs ago when I was 8 I'd cut myself with glass and found it eased the pain, I used to cut a lot and punch walls, hit myself with hammers and other stuff, I started burning a few yrs ago and have some pretty nasty scars. I have managed to refrain from self harm for a good few months but I think about it all the time and I know I can't stop forever. My triggers seem to be when I get angry or someone has upset me or I'm just so overwhelmed I don't know what else to do. I haven't been dx'd with bpd but my psychologist thinks I have it and the test we did seemed to show that I have moderate to severe symptoms. This happened last week so haven't had chance to talk to her about it yet.

[Altinak]

I've been self harming on and off for 14 years now. It started off as a 7year old, when I would nip my arm till it bled under extreme pressure, usually if my father was shouting. The emotions I was feeling I couldn't handle. From then it's escalated. I've been "cutting" for 8 years on and off now, when I was 13-15 it was an addiction and ever since then it's again, under extreme stress and I use it to regulate my moods if nothing else has worked. Over the last 6 months, the newest form of self-harm I've encountered is punching and biting myself during my temper tantrums and periods and anger because I do not know how to control it.

Hope this helped..

[Cryptic.]

MAY TRIGGER.























How many of you self harm?
I do.

How long have you self harmed for?
Since I was roughly 7 years old - so 13 years.

what are your triggers?
Anything. Everything.

My OCD co occurs with my apparent "chronic and severe and life threatening self harm".

I have quite severe compulsions, some being cutting deeper and deeper, until it feels "enough", usually by which point I have severed nerves, muscle, gone down to bone, hit veins, arteries, requiring ambulances, police to restrain me and section me for treatment in general hospital, requiring immediate medical attention otherwise many a times, I could have died.

So, the compulsions/obsessions that go into my self harming is one of my massive triggers.

Obviously there are other triggers, it can be something small, something big, something bubbling inside and exploding, a mixture of different things, etc.


Do you know why you do it?
Yes and no.
To relieve the suffering.
To quieten the voices.
To help.
To calm down.
To punish.
To go deeper and deeper until it successfully kills me.

Sometimes, I don't know though.

Because of how severe my self harm is, the next time I engage in it, I have been told I will most likely end up killing myself,
I've nearly died multiple times, and sometimes it scares me, I scare me,
but part of me wishes for it...

I engage in multiple self harm methods, some of which are rare, so I won't disclose, and obvious ones,
cutting, burning, pulling my hair out, punching myself, punching things, picking at wounds/interfering with healing, biting myself, poisoning, overdosing, etc.

I'm going into a specialist hospital for possibly up to 2 years due to how "high risk" I am,
and honestly, the next time I self harm, I do hope it kills me.

The constant suffering and struggle just to get through an hour, a minute, a second, with the voices screaming, with external stimuli making things even harder, with internal stimuli, everything and anything can trigger me, whether my own mind, or things in the outside world.

It seems a never ending battle,
a battle which I will lose.

That's probably enough now.