[Questforinnerpeace]

No support system, no family nearby. I have had to shut people out of my life because they say things that trigger me, and/or they end up hurting me. I therefore feel like I cannot trust anybody. The people I do latch onto, I put on a pedestal, and when they let me down, it nearly destroys me. I can't even talk to my mom on the phone because it leaves me feeling suicidal. My mom was never there for me as a child - I was neglected emotionally and abandoned in many ways.

I don't know how to get out of this funk. I feel like nobody cares. The only other people I know who can begin to understand the crushing pain I feel are Borderlines too, and they are in no position to help because they're always in a crisis too. Please, please, please, I just need somebody to comfort me and help me through this. I just need some friends. I am so broken. My life is constant agony. I cry alone each day. I alternate between periods of telling myself I don't need anybody, or else sobbing because I have nobody who cares. If one more person tells me an "easy fix" to my problems, I'm going to scream.

[Maranara]

My suggestion is to make friends here, among other borderlines and just people in general. We do understand and we're not constantly in crisis. I am in a similar situation. I am completely divorced from my immediate family. My mom disowned me several years ago. I am in a marriage I have to dissolve one way or another, and about a year and a half ago, I moved 2,600 miles from everything and everyone I know. I also work an at home job so I haven't been able to meet anyone.

Stretch out your tenacles here a bit. Allow people to befriend you and keep in touch with them, and you never know what may happen. I have developed a few friendships from here that I never thought possible that I hope will last a long time. They are the only friendships I have.

[Brandon_Empty]

Originally Posted by Questforinnerpeace

No support system, no family nearby. I have had to shut people out of my life because they say things that trigger me, and/or they end up hurting me. I therefore feel like I cannot trust anybody. The people I do latch onto, I put on a pedestal, and when they let me down, it nearly destroys me. I can't even talk to my mom on the phone because it leaves me feeling suicidal. My mom was never there for me as a child - I was neglected emotionally and abandoned in many ways.

I don't know how to get out of this funk. I feel like nobody cares. The only other people I know who can begin to understand the crushing pain I feel are Borderlines too, and they are in no position to help because they're always in a crisis too. Please, please, please, I just need somebody to comfort me and help me through this. I just need some friends. I am so broken. My life is constant agony. I cry alone each day. I alternate between periods of telling myself I don't need anybody, or else sobbing because I have nobody who cares. If one more person tells me an "easy fix" to my problems, I'm going to scream.

Hi. Reading your post really reminds me of how I often feel. I haven't been a member here for very long at all, but what I can honestly tell you is this place is full of supportive people who really do care. I do the same thing. I'm always telling myself I don't need anybody else. The truth is, I do need the care and support of others. I think we all do. I know it isn't easy, but try to let people in and allow yourself to pursue new friendships. Hey, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always around and I would be more than happy to listen. You aren't alone in your fight. Sometimes, just talking about everything can bring a bit of peace and calm. I hope things begin to look up soon for you, I really do. There is no quick fix. Just try to take even the smallest of positives and build upon them. Things won't always be this way. Feel better soon!

[Gingersnapsmom]

I can relate to your feelings.

[lynn808]

Hi Quest,
I do know exactly how you feel and how hard it is to cope.. Please feel free to friend anyone here for support or a shoulder. I have always found it difficult to explain myself but have found so many others here who know exactly how I feel...It's incredible for me and has really changed my daily thoughts and how I cope. My T even commented the other day that I am coping so much better than 2 months ago....This forum has definitely changed my life!!!! I hope you do find the friends you need and can trust us to be there for you....take care now and know we are thinking of you!!!! hugs

[Questforinnerpeace]

Thank you all for showing me I am not entirely alone.

I am divorced. I have been living on my own for 4.5 yrs. I have part-time custody of my 2 kids. Technically my ex has them more, and they live with him during the week, me 3 weekends a month. It is so very hard parting with my dear children every Sunday evening - I feel like they are being wrenched from me. A part of me feels like it is just WRONG, that children should be with their mother. The other part of me knows that I am sick and ill-equipped to deal with being a parent full-time, that I actually do need the down-time to work on myself. It doesn't make the good-bye's any easier though. Raises the whole abandonment issue, as well as the emptiness and loneliness I feel, which normies don't get, that those of us with BPD feel so deeply. I have stopped telling others about how much I miss my kids because I got tired of hearing, "Oh, well you'll see them again in a few days. Just remind yourself of all the fun you had." Blah, blah, blah. If it were that easy, I wouldn't feel this way! I just feel like the world's crappiest mother because I am mentally ill, and an addict, and unable to even work at this time. My house and my life are falling apart around me. I can't even have a successful relationship. I am lucky if I have a relationship that lasts more than a week, at this point! Everyone just triggers me. I don't know how I got this sick, and I don't know how to get better. The mental health profession in my area also lacks big-time. Feeling so stuck!!!!!!

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Questforinnerpeace

The mental health profession in my area also lacks big-time. Feeling so stuck!!!!!!

So, if you can't get the support you need from the professionals then read all you can, go to DBT Self Help and get help that way. I have been using the self help site and the skills workbook for DBT for a few months on my own. It does help.

You are in Canada, are you in a small town? I found living in a city that there is mental health available but you need to know where to go to find it. Although I know each province is different.

Use those of us here. I was referred here by a therapist and am so happy that he told me about this site. I have been helped so much, and hopefully helped others in return.

[shezbut]

Whew, I sure do understand your predicament very well!

I am divorced as well, with 2 children. We split custody 51/49, but he gets them during the weekdays & I get them every weekend. It is a very hard "pill" to swallow. I frequently put myself down for not being the mother that I should be ~ the type that my girls deserve. Thoughts like this don't help me feel any better though & often lead me to self-kicking and intensify my self-hate. I'm trying to change that dark tendency of mine...but it's not an overnight process.

Fact: I am doing the best that I can. Giving the most that I can. Trying to be healthy enough to make my girls feel safe, loved, and able to talk with me about anything (anytime). That's the best that I can do right now. I keep hoping that my condition will continue to improve as I continue my best to try...but I know, it takes time. I wasn't made to be this way overnight & I therefore shouldn't expect to get better overnight either.

Im sorry your struggling.

I can relate to everything you said

the daily crying..the one day I love you the next f you i dont need you.

Im currently trying to dig myself out of a downward spiral that started in 2011 and was triggered by a longtime friend (more like family) that i idolized and that let me down and crushed me. The pain of that situation led me to rush into a relationship with an acquaintance out of a desperate attempt to feel validated and loved by someone.
For the last 2 + years i have been in a ****** relationship... i have stayed because i cant break free from the intense fear of loneliness. the need for some sort of validation. something.

I can be your friend

[waggiedog]

Hello and a big WELCOME to PC and everything it has to offer, which is a great deal! I can soooooooooooooooo identify with almost everything you have said, nearly everything. Yes, BPD sure has a lot to answer for, it's one of the most trying for the sufferer and also for those around them. I've been suffering all of the symptoms of BPD for around 30 odd years, having been in-patient many times in the early years. I wasn't officially diagnosed until three years ago, up until then I was labelled a '' time waster '' or an '' attention seeker '' - rather unkind really, not to mention frustrating for my family. You are in the right place here on PC, I'm sure you WILL find folk here to support and help you. Because there are so many different symptoms of BPD, you will probably find that there are a few different places for you here. I did leave a message on your visitor page, 'cos I got kinbda muddled up, found you here - then ''lost'' you, then found you again (as now) Sorry, I'm thick when it comes to tech stuff!!!!! HUGZZ. xxx

[walkerlady]

I'm right here with you, feels like I could have written that post myself, except I have cats not children. For me the pain goes away only when i distract myself by immersing myself into helping others. I volunteer at a homeless shelter. I guess it's good for me because I feel appreciated there. plus it helps me see there are a lot of people that have it worse than me. For now its working, not sure what spring will bring, but looking ahead 1 day is all I can handle. I sent you a friend request, too.

[Questforinnerpeace]

Technigal, I am in a small town in Ontario. It means that I have somewhat limited access to Mental Health Care. What I have been doing is working on my DBT skills workbook. I am glad that I found this forum. I think it is already helping. Thank you so much. At least I am not totally alone.

[Maranara]

Originally Posted by Imalooney

Im sorry your struggling.

I can relate to everything you said

the daily crying..the one day I love you the next f you i dont need you.

Im currently trying to dig myself out of a downward spiral that started in 2011 and was triggered by a longtime friend (more like family) that i idolized and that let me down and crushed me. The pain of that situation led me to rush into a relationship with an acquaintance out of a desperate attempt to feel validated and loved by someone.
For the last 2 + years i have been in a ****** relationship... i have stayed because i cant break free from the intense fear of loneliness. the need for some sort of validation. something.

I can be your friend

My situation is similar....I made a friend, the first in over 20 years....

[Fuzzybear]

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Questforinnerpeace

Technigal, I am in a small town in Ontario. It means that I have somewhat limited access to Mental Health Care. What I have been doing is working on my DBT skills workbook. I am glad that I found this forum. I think it is already helping. Thank you so much. At least I am not totally alone.

I grew up in a small town in Ontario but came out west in '96. I have been using the skills workbook and the DBT self help site. I find the more I read and find out about BPD the more I am able to recognize when I start to get out of control.