Thank you avlady!!! It means a lot

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[cryingontheinside]

Feeling fed up bored lonely sad

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[Kek de la Doge]

I can't take this anymore. All of this. I just want to die and be done with it. There's no point in me staying alive. I have nothing to strive for, no goals, nothing. I can't handle the constantly changing emotions, especially when they just make me attached to people who don't give a crap. I hate myself and I want to die.

[cryingontheinside]

Had a mini melt down this morning. Everything went wrong that could go wrong . still no meds . probly be ringing up Samaritans later ! Grrrr

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[Lonlin3zz]

Been 4 weeks since I've completed my Internship. Now that school restarted, I've hardly come by to this forum and say something comforting to my fellow friends. I've stopped reading blogs on bipolar by capriciousness, and I feel bad because I wouldn't make time for it due to fatigue.

I've come back to school and as usual, I make a point to sit in a separate lecture hall from her if I could, as she is still a distraction for me. Why? No matter how well ican handle the heartbreak and look forward in life, she left an impression of well-mannered and politeness in my heart that it can never erase itself with time.

I've learnt to accept this as an experience in a teenage phase. Now that I feel I am transitioning into an adult, it visualize as myself slowing letting go of her hands, fingers by fingers until she becomes a deep memory in my heart forever.


Hope everyone will be blessed!

[ThunderGoddess]

like everyone with bpd hates me for trying to stay positive

[HUNGRYSwan]

Originally Posted by ushichan

Thank you avlady!!! It means a lot

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How are you feeling now?

Sorry to hear you have no energy etc. That's how I've been the past week although mine is self inflicted what with the substance misuse.

Hope you're feeling better

[cryingontheinside]

Lost

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Originally Posted by HUNGRYSwan

How are you feeling now?


Sorry to hear you have no energy etc. That's how I've been the past week although mine is self inflicted what with the substance misuse.


Hope you're feeling better

Still sick. I'm going to contact my doctor again soon. I have a few more days to go on this new antibiotic but it doesn't seem to be doing anything for me. Thank you for checking on me!!

I hope things get better for you, too. Feeling tired and yucky all the time is the worst.

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[Achy Turtle Armor]

Been away quite a bit. Very suicidal. Just felt the need to say that I won't be able to read any trigger posts because it's not safe for me to be there. For those who are struggling, with trigger posts...

[dancinglady]

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

Been away quite a bit. Very suicidal. Just felt the need to say that I won't be able to read any trigger posts because it's not safe for me to be there. For those who are struggling, with trigger posts...

PMme if you want. I hate to see you struggling so much. I thought u were doing better.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

PMme if you want. I hate to see you struggling so much. I thought u were doing better.

Thank you.

[junkDNA]

hang in there ATA

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Waiting on a call from my therapist. It's 9:13 here. I have such anxiety right now. My guts are hurting like I've done 100 crunches. I will be honest with him about what I did yesterday. I don't say here because I don't want to cause any problems with anyone else. I'll say I took 6 times the amount of something just to get effed up which I did but the other side effects are horrid which begs me to ask why do I keep doing this? I'm concerned he will want to hospitalize me again. I also feel guilt or shame for doing it after he "babysat" me all week via phone so that he didn't have to put me in the hospital. I don't know what I would do with me if I were him. How do you help a person like me? Let's face it, hospitalization doesn't really do anything except keep me safe for a few days...

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

Waiting on a call from my therapist. It's 9:13 here. I have such anxiety right now. My guts are hurting like I've done 100 crunches. I will be honest with him about what I did yesterday. I don't say here because I don't want to cause any problems with anyone else. I'll say I took 6 times the amount of something just to get effed up which I did but the other side effects are horrid which begs me to ask why do I keep doing this? I'm concerned he will want to hospitalize me again. I also feel guilt or shame for doing it after he "babysat" me all week via phone so that he didn't have to put me in the hospital. I don't know what I would do with me if I were him. How do you help a person like me? Let's face it, hospitalization doesn't really do anything except keep me safe for a few days...

Okay. I survived that. I think he was angry that I did what I did but quickly calmed down. We talked for ½ an hour about stuff. He said he wants me to call him next time before I do something self-destructive. I don't understand why I am hesitant to call him when other times I come up with excuses to call him. I'm so thankful he didn't quit on me. I really thought he might. Anyway, my anxiety is all but gone and my stomach feels normal again. I'm really glad I told him because it is necessary for me to get better. Now I need to go pick up a white key tag at NA tomorrow night. I'm starting over.

[technigal]

Doing pretty good with my BPD. When I next see my pdoc (early November) I am going to ask about reducing meds. I know I will have to be on something for life but maybe not all the meds I am taking at the moment

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Picked up on white key tag at tonight's NA meeting. That's the one you get for 0-29 days clean. I had 7 months clean. I'd like to say I'm hoping that the next 7 months goes by faster but that just means that much closer to when my therapist takes a temporary leave of absence. I also want to share a small victory for me. Last night when we spoke he asked if I wanted him to call me on Tuesday. Meaning, would I need the extra support. I don't think I will need it so I told him no, I'll see you at the appointment on Thursday. I really would love to talk to him but I don't need to so I did the right thing. I'm proud of that. Of course now I regret it. Hahahaha.

[ThunderGoddess]

sad and tired of worrying, distracting and thought opposing isn't stopping the negative and worry inducing thought. will it ever end.

[technigal]

Feeling overwhelmed by housework. I have so much to do and no energy to do it. I have a friend who is coming tomorrow to help me organize the kitchen, but I need to get the dishes done first (plus if we want to eat tonight - nothing is clean). We are looking into getting a cleaning person to do the bathrooms and kitchen floor.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I saw my new GP for the 2nd time today. He seems like he knows a thing or two about medicine, even psychiatric medicine. He's probably 50 and not good-looking in my eyes, but I imagine he thinks he is. Anyway, he agreed to do a blood test on me in order for me to get my lithium level checked. When the appointment was over he ordered the nurse to take my blood. She proceeded to try to take my blood but after 2 tries she gave up. The next nurse tried and no luck either. Then they called the doctor in to try and he was successful. I mention this because I wonder if he is aware of the can of worms he possibly opened. I'll explain... As he sat across from me, legs spread, street clothes on because he was about to leave, rubbing and touching my arm, being as gentle as he could, smiling at me, and calling me "Darlin'," I got that funny kind of feeling and felt drawn to him. Before that I felt no connection with him at all because he appeared to have very little to no "bedside manner." I dunno...just thought it was interesting.

[shezbut]

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed, with housecleaning, organizing, and most importantly emotionally.

I am trying hard to use my Wise Mind, and allow myself to let go of the housecleaning & organization for now. It's late. I have to work in the morning. Let it go for now. Emotionally.... open up a little, and see if that helps relieve some of the anxiety & shame.

Still horribly sick. My computer's acting up and my therapist once again proved himself to be really... Not suited for therapy. That's why I'm looking for a new one.
So the beginning of my day today was not that great, but the end was pretty fun. I talked to a group of friends who apparently missed me a lot while I was busy being mad at them for not missing me, and things went pretty well, except this one girl in the group call just loves to talk about herself and how great she is, and I had forgotten about that. It was an annoying surprise.

But the best part of my day was staying up until 6:30am with my best friend sending each other pictures of our favorite Vocaloids. She's honestly the best person to ever grace this earth... I love her to death. And she loves me, too!!!

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[Lonlin3zz]

Originally Posted by shezbut

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed, with housecleaning, organizing, and most importantly emotionally.

I am trying hard to use my Wise Mind, and allow myself to let go of the housecleaning & organization for now. It's late. I have to work in the morning. Let it go for now. Emotionally.... open up a little, and see if that helps relieve some of the anxiety & shame.

I share what you are feeling right now.

I'm having the worst night. My best friend stopped talking to me and I'm thinking about stuff that happened in the past and I'm just so freaking done. No one's listening to me and I've already taken 3 klonopin tablets today. Tonight is just the WORST.

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I'm having a good day physically, not feeling better but better than I have. A little more energy and no headache so far. So my mom took me to get my nails done!! Now they're cute and pink!

My best friend talked to me last night, it turns out she was just busy with dinner. She calmed me down quickly. She's amazing.

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