Check in. How are you doing today?

I know this type of thread exists on other forums and wondered if it would be useful here? Not necessarily to seek replies, but just to share how things are, good or bad.

Soup

I woke up feeling bitter and angry about my circumstances and not being able to get over what was done to me by others. I've been isolating myself for a long time and the loneliness is very difficult to deal with. However, the loneliness is a result from my childhood - I rarely smile. I've been like that my entire life.

Feel like i'm withdrawing into myself. Rough time of year. So many reminders, so many triggers.

Wish i could hibernate for a few weeks.

I had a very difficult day yesterday. Managed to contact a helpline that was helpful to me. Things feel better today. Those tough times always do pass but it is so hard to remember that at the time.

I wish I could hibernate for a year

Thanks for this thread

I'm struggling. It feels like I'm surrounded by triggers, and everything feels like more than I can handle. It feels like I need to wrap myself up in a thick layer of bubble wrap so I don't keep getting hurt by everything.

Geis, my T gets me to use imagery alot and I know if I said that to him,
he'd get me to really imagine bring wrapped in bubble wrap in my head.

Me too fuzzybear. Where will it be? A hollow tree ? A cave? Or somewhere else? Soup

I was feeling fine for the past few days then the anxiety, emotional flashbacks, panic, and all that came back. I'm using healthier ways to cope but it is so tiring.

I am exhausted. I've been sick for almost 4 weeks....saw a friend today and she said it seems like she can't remember me without a cough! I think I need more antibiotics....or something. It has been such a tough year.

I'm stressed about seeing my therapist again this week, for different reasons.

I'm feeling so broke and disheartened with all the hard work I have been doing to get ahead, and yet keep getting bashed back down.

I feel soo sad tonight, because my son teared up after his prize giving for school because he wanted to come home with me, but his Dad said no. He'll be home tomorrow after school, but still.......

I'm just sooooooooo exhausted and want to hide....I am still keeping all the memories at bay with amazing avoidance techniques, because I just can not face it right now.

And now I feel bad for complaining......

(I'll head over to my gratefulness thread to find some balance)

to you all.

I got really badly triggered yesterday. I'm doing a bit better today, but I'm still feeling very shaky and on edge and unsafe. I wish I could just take a vacation from my life.

How am I doing? Well, let me see. I am doing way well in the area, that I know why I feel why I do, as the list of the symptoms I have , at times, I have them all, not all at once, but I do have them. I have been pretty much isolated in my home for at least ten years. No one really knows why, but I did, and not until the last three years, did I find a doctor that got it right. I had a series of really traumatic events since being a premie , and an only child. I was abused by at least one sexual predators, starting in high school. I never thought I deserved a good guy, and I attracted either verbal abusers, male and female, and married into a narcissistic family, and in the last three years I was in a really bad abusive , mentally, relationship, that was and is the reason that I put all of this together, and for that I am grateful.
I, until the last two to threeyears, took all the blame for everyone in each relationship, from my youth til the last two years. i not only took blame for me, but all of the abusers til maybe a year ago. I did not know how to set boundaries, which I do now, but I am pretty sure I was a victim of a personality disordered male if not more, and also a couple females, as well. One a boss, one a inlaw, female. I drew disdain from those types of people like magnets to steel. I understand and am looking at these things as lessons, and that i made it this far, and am grateful, but the freezing, isolating, not sure if that is a common thing, have read it is. i get flashbacks, of things, use to not sleep, have some really clear times now, and some that i have to realize that i feel very small, like a little kid, and want to go and be alone. I had many relatives and friends pass growing up, and it seemed that everyone i would be close to, i would be taken to a funeral home setting, for many years as a kid. i use to have dreams of people sitting up in caskets, and getting out, and talking to everyone in the funeral home. i dreamed that people died, years before they did. i was raised in sunday school. I love God, and have always loved people, and I guess I should even ask if this is the correct area of this site to even tell my story. I have had one really traumatic time of a home intruder at age twelve or so, and i was dreaming of that forever. please let me know if there are any books to read, or work books to get to go with them. i am knowing that every lesson learned is for a reason, and i am putting this all together for a reason. i know i will be fine. thanks, peace

Relapsed and had another EFFING flashback and it was terrible, still feeling terrible about it. How it effected my partner and everything just f**king sucks right now.

Jane so sorry it is hard for you. Being physically sick is bad enough, all the worse when it combines with the psychological

Just exhausted beyond belief......... gave in and had to go back to the doctors. Back on more medication(which I hate btw) and if not better soon, then chest xrays.

Being sick turns me into an impatient horrible mummy, with no energy or motivation. And it makes it far harder to manage myself emotionally. More memories and dissociation and yuk in therapy yesterday.

Is there a cave I can crawl into somewhere, where I can feel safe and someone else will take care of me and pamper me and I can get better without having to face my life?

(too much to ask right)

I would like to hibernate in a villa in the Bahamas. lol

As usual, the narcissist and the PTSD are at odds again. Guess I'll man up and take control for a bit and help the wife out with house chores. Do a cpl things then let the kids (narc/ PTSD) play again 4 a bit.

Email from bio family triggered me today, so I've been grouchy and moody. We trimmed the Christmas tree [my gf and I], and had an otherwise lovely day, but my inner turmoil made it feel a bit icky.

Struggling with emotional pain (time of year) and physical pain (neck injury).

One of my primary coping mechanisms is going for long walks, but it's not safe at the moment as the swelling around the slipped disc compresses nerves and i have dizzy spells. And the pain is so intense at times i can't breathe, let alone walk. It also makes me feel really sick.

May have to wait a while for physio through the public health system, which is stressing me out because of the pain while i wait. But physio was traumatising last time (the physical contact, the pain) so i'm also dreading it.

And it just feels so incredibly unfair that i'm having to deal with all this physical pain (plus the scariness of having a spontaneous unexplained injury) during the most triggering time of year.

I just feel so miserable.

I'm feeling quite good. Have been seeing my T for 5 years and he has been trying to get me to be more aware early on, when I am heading for overwhelm. For the first time, I did notice some symptoms on Saturday and I was able to manage them without being taken over by them.

I feel cautiously optimistic.

Really well, actually. I had a very good day in terms of how I felt physically, and I was able to get through a 4 mile run workout - with a nice blister to show for it where my new pair of Fila's cut into my foot.

Well, I am tired today tbh. I went out Christmas shopping with my husband yesterday and it was so crowded everywhere we went and it did trigger the PTSD symptoms in me. He wanted to get me some new sneakers and had me try some on so he could buy me a pair, actually the ones I have been wearing are in really bad shape. The thought of spending the money was making me sick, worse that it was on me too. I felt like crying and I don't know why I did not want him to spend money on me. Well, I knew he was going to put it on his credit card and we are struggling right now. I don't want to think about that and the last thing I needed was to think about credit cards because of how my own credit cards are still basically maxed out because of the bills created by my neighbor. I just don't want to think about that anymore, it's been such a prison for me for so long now. I used to save every year for Christmas shopping and I had always had a good credit card rating too. Now my life is PTSD, paying on this debt, and trying to work even through the PTSD has been so bad and I don't work as much as I used to work. I have been in debt in so many ways that I don't shop or buy anything really, but just do my best to keep paying on the debt, a debt that is a reminder of something I really wish I could just "forget" tbh.

I'm learning that things don't change who I am.

I went out shopping with my husband again to try and finish and I really tried hard to keep going even though I felt like I was racing on the inside while I was walking. I wanted to do well so bad. Then my husband looked at me and said I had an awful scowl on my face.
That shattered me, and I felt awful, did not realize that my trying so hard was showing on my face like that. I just wanted to sit down and cry.