[Shadix]

Ok, I know this is probably really childish and stupid, so no judgement please.

Ever since basically one year ago when I took my first big solo overseas trip, I have become obsessed with travel and all things it has to offer. I have been looking forward to my next big overseas trip basically since I got back. I had it all planned out to do it in the summer but then because of work I couldn't. And I just recently learned that I won't be able to basically until it gets too cold in the places I was wanting to go. Which means it will probably have to wait until at least next spring. I've been super depressed since I found this out. A major aspect of traveling I want to enjoy is being able to meet and hang out with attractive interesting women from other parts of the world. And I have this overwhelming fear that once I get a little older I will no longer be able to attract women in those settings.

Well, even more recently I have found out that one of my friends appears to have gone on a spontaneous trip to a particular country which is lauded as being a place where local girls are very friendly and eager to date and hook up with foreigners. I don't want to go into detail but long story short it seems he meant to keep it a secret and in a sort of funny coincidence I came across something and found out. And for some reason, it caused me to become extremely jealous and start to panic. Something about seeing someone else live out my aspirations while I don't fills me with fear and anxiety. My friend has the looks, so he will definitely get the most out of these experiences. I get the impression that he is frantically trying to do this stuff because he also knows that when he gets older this might change. I mean, this guy took a few other trips pretty recently and this one seemed to have come out of nowhere as if it is something he decided he needed to do immediately. So basically it reinforces my fears to see somebody else(and someone younger than me to boot) having the same fears. Like maybe I can't afford to put it off any longer...

Just when I was starting to calm down about the fact that my plans are canceled, this hits me in the face.

[continuosly blue]

This is not a judgment, BUT , you ARE acting childish. Jealousy is a very bad and childish emotion which brings no positive benefits. You sound like a kid who's been to Disney world and wants to go back again ASAP ! You know there are millions of people who are doing things right now that I would LOVE to be doing.
And there are millions of people who would love to have my boring , go nowhere, do nothing lifestyle right now ! The main thing is you don't say how old you are.
If your young you'll have plenty of time to " meet all these fabulous women ". ( I think I know what your really looking for though ). Are you worried that your friend may get more than you ?( Lol). And if your older are you afraid that by next year you won't be able to " meet " these women !
To finish , if this is really a serious post then I suggest you seek out some professional help to help you with your jealousy and anxiety problems.
Best of luck to you.

Based on your other very long thread about wanting to only hook up with women sexually, and your faulty theories that women only want very young men, it's hard not to judge and think (given what you've said) that you are simply very shallow and immature. I know that sounds harsh, and I don't mean to be, but honestly, I think it's time to grow up. To want to travel overseas just so you can hook up with loose women is pretty deplorable in my opinion-- or, at the very least, it's shallow and immature. What about the experience of learning about another culture, their traditions and history, the architecture and different landscape? What about learning about another culture's world views and politics? There is so much more to travel than just meeting attractive women. You are obsessed with this and I believe that you objectify women.

Why not work on yourself more, grow up some, pursue your hobbies and interests and get to know women at a real level of human interaction and human relating? There is far more to life than sex, and far more to women than their sexual attractiveness. That is the more mature route. I'm afraid you're on a dead end track given the way you're thinking and approaching both life and women.

[divine1966]

I have visited or lived in 20 countries (many of them i visited way more than once, some around 10 times, and some are large and consist of many different regions), I can't imagine what countries are known for having women eager to hook up with strangers.

Unless one is planning to visit brothels or red light dustricts and pay for sex, I can't imagine what countries are known for random women "eager" to have sex with random strangers. It's just not a reality.

Women in very poor struggling countries often want to find a foreign man so they can hopefully escape poverty or dangerous situation by being able to move. So they'd look for relationship with foreign man for that reason (not hook up). There are also sex workers who might prefer foreign men as they might pay more.

There is no woman though (and certainly not many enough women to make country known for that) eager to hook up for sex with some random strangers unless they are sex workers hoping for good pay. I really doubt regular women expect random strangers to be a good lay just because they are foreign. It's not a reality.

I obviously travelled a lot overseas and in the states and love to travel despite it being expensive. I know others who travel a lot. I don't know anyone willing to travel internationally so they can hook up with strangers. Not only it's expensive, it could be quite dangerous to hook up and especially have sex with strange people in strange places . It could end ugly.

Ps I do know though that there is specific "sex travel", some men travel to countries like Thailand for that particular reason, visiting particular shady establishments within "sex industry". Perhaps that's what being discussed. But again that's "sex industry" and women are in it for money (and many are exploited against their will, sex trafficked, coerced by their own families etc)

[Shazerac]

The only place where women are willing to hook up with foreigners are where the women need or want something from that. They are hoping to get a green card or money, or something else. That's exploitation of woman pure and simple. And YES, I'm judging.

My guess that the anxiety you feel from this jealousy is because somewhere in your heart you know this is wrong. Maybe your conscience is trying to send you a message.

[Shadix]

1. Yes, I said I know this is childish and immature, but it's how I feel. I can't just wish it away.

2. No, I am not traveling just to meet women. I love exploring and experiencing different cultures. It is my biggest obsession. On my last trip I didn't really meet any girls, but it was still a great experience.

3. No, I am not just interested in hooking up with women. I want to hang out with them and form social connections. One of the great things traveling has the offer is the opportunity to connect with different kinds of women from all over the world. Not only the locals, but also fellow travelers at hostels. However, I believe that it is mostly young women in their 20s looking to connect with guys around their age. I am 29 right now. By next summer I will be 30. Also, I concerned that my looks will change in the next couple years and I will become physically unappealing. I believe these opportunities are mainly just available to attractive looking guys. Not only that but you probably have a much better traveling experience if you have a local girl showing you around and introducing you to her social circle.

4. But yes I would also like to pursue sexual hookups with women as well. Is there anything wrong with that? I think a lot of people on here have said they have done the hookup thing before. A big part of why I am so inhibited from doing that here is because I am concerned that it will affect my social reputation if my mess up and do something embarrassing in the process. When you travel, what happens there stays there for the most part. I think this will allow me to practice being less inhibited in my interactions with women which is something I need.

5. No, this is absolutely NOT about going to countries for sex tourism or going after women who want a green card. A guy can do that at any age, you don't need to be young and attractive. I have another friend who is doing that, and I actually feel sorry for him.

6. No more judgy comments. This is something that is causing me a lot of turmoil. And I am trying to switch to positive thinking. If you can't be supportive, don't comment please.

[Shazerac]

I am willing to support you struggling with feelings and emotional turmoil. However I am not willing to support choices and behavior that I view as harmful or exploitive to another human being.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I am willing to support you struggling with feelings and emotional turmoil. However I am not willing to support choices and behavior that I view as harmful or exploitive to another human being.

And again, there is nothing exploitative involved here. Is it exploitative for a guy to meet girls and maybe hook up with them if they are interested? Perhaps it is if the guy is past a certain age? That actually does seem to be the prevailing opinion, which is why I am trying to have these experiences while I am still young.

I know I was seemingly judgemental, and if that caused an issue for you, I do apologize.

But now I am confused. Your original post said that you are jealous of your friend who is hooking up with loose women in foreign countries, who is living out your aspirations, and now you're saying something different, ie, that you don't want to just hook up with women, that you want the social connection and interaction. Yet, originally you also stated that you want to travel (mainly) to meet attractive women. This all seems contradictory to me, so it's hard to tell what you're really after.

I am willing to support anxiety issues and it's great that you love to travel, but I have trouble with the objectification of women. Your whole premise revolves around attractiveness, being attractive and women being attractive to you... it just seems... well, there is just a whole lot more beneath the surface to people than just looks, and I'm afraid that you keep missing this point. In saying this, I don't mean to upset you...

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I know I was seemingly judgemental, and if that caused an issue for you, I do apologize.

But now I am confused. Your original post said that you are jealous of your friend who is hooking up with loose women in foreign countries, who is living out your aspirations, and now you're saying something different, ie, that you don't want to just hook up with women, that you want the social connection and interaction. Yet, originally you also stated that you want to travel (mainly) to meet attractive women. This all seems contradictory to me, so it's hard to tell what you're really after.

I am willing to support anxiety issues and it's great that you love to travel, but I have trouble with the objectification of women. Your whole premise revolves around attractiveness, being attractive and women being attractive to you... it just seems... well, there is just a whole lot more beneath the surface to people than just looks, and I'm afraid that you keep missing this point. In saying this, I don't mean to upset you...

Here are my exact words:

Originally Posted by Shadix

A major aspect of traveling I want to enjoy is being able to meet and hang out with attractive interesting women from other parts of the world

Yes I would like to have some sexual experiences, but I never said that was all I was looking for or even the main thing. If you see casual sex as wrong, that is your opinion, but it's a thing that people do and it is considered perfectly normal in modern society. I know at least a few people posting on here have mentioned having had casual sex.

But yes, I also want social connection. I have another friend who went to one of these countries and only hooked up with prostitutes. I didn't envy him. I actually pitied him. But this friend I am talking about now is attractive and he will without a doubt find girls interested in connecting with him. I know he intends on meeting girls there because he is using a messaging app that also functions like Tinder. In fact that's how I found out he was there. Pretty much nobody in the U.S. uses this app, but I got it so I could keep in touch with a friend who went to China. I noticed he was also on there and his profile said where his location was.

And yes, I know there is more to people than just looks. I never suggested that looks is all that matters to me. But there is no denying that most of us generally seek to date people we are physically attracted to. And I think that as a young physically attractive male I will have much more opportunities to connect with women than as an older unattractive male.

[Shadix]

Also, there is more to it than just the meeting girls aspect. The other aspect is a bit more abstract and harder to explain. I guess it has to do with the "image" associated with traveling as a young 20something vs as a 30something. When you are in your 20s, most of the other people traveling are around your age. You feel like you fit in, like you're doing it right. Particularly when we are talking about the "backpacker" kind of travel as opposed to a "vacation." When you are in your 30s, people probably expect that you would have been doing it for years already if it was your thing. It makes me feel like I would be out of place. Actually, from my facebook feed, it seems like every other person went on a cool trip this summer. When I see all these people my age and younger getting their traveling done, it reinforces the feeling that I should be doing it too and can't afford to keep waiting around.

[divine1966]

If you worry about social reputation, you might date or look for casual hook ups further from home but don't have to wait until you are overseas. You can do weekend trips that won't require days off work. Leave Friday night and go to places few hours away in your state or other states near by. Unless you are a celebrity, no one will know you 2-3 hours drive, heck even one hour away bet no one knows there. Your dating life isn't ruined just because you can't go overseas.

Only in movies local girls show foreign guys around their towns. It might happen once in awhile in real life but it's very very unlikely. And they certainly wouldn't just do it because you are attractive. Why would they bother? I travelled all over the place and am social and look good yet no local people ever showed me around for no reason. It's not a common occurrence. Women wouldn't just approach you because you look good and start showing you social scene or hooking up with you. They will not.

No it's not wrong to want casual encounters at all. The issue is that you are upset you can't obtain it unless you go overseas. But you don't need to fly overseas for that and get upset that you can't. You can obtain it just few hours away from home if you want to be discreet.

And if you just want to travel for travel reasons, have you been to many states? You can start with that. You will not need long vacations if work isn't going to give you that. Start with short trips.

Hope your therapist suggest something good too

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you worry about social reputation, you might date or look for casual hook ups further from home but don't have to wait until you are overseas. You can do weekend trips that won't require days off work. Leave Friday night and go to places few hours away in your state or other states near by. Unless you are a celebrity, no one will know you 2-3 hours drive, heck even one hour away bet no one knows there. Your dating life isn't ruined just because you can't go overseas.

Yeah, this is a good point I guess. But there is more to it than just the hooking up thing. I made a couple ppsts above that did not get approved yet, in one of them I explained it a bit more. International travel is something very important to me and I feel like there are way too many places on mu bucket list to be waiting around another year. It would be nice if I could have more of those experiences while I am still young.

Originally Posted by divine1966

Only in movies local girls show foreign guys around their towns. It might happen once in awhile in real life but it's very very unlikely. And they certainly wouldn't just do it because you are attractive. Why would they bother? I travelled all over the place and am social and look good yet no local people ever showed me around for no reason. It's not a common occurrence. Women wouldn't just approach you because you look good and start showing you social scene or hooking up with you. They will not.

Lol, I know it doesn't happen like that. But there are venues where young people mingle and guys often do end up meeting and hanging out with local girls as well as other travelers. Also guys use dating apps to meet girls, like my friend for example is on WeChat and I am fairly certain it is for dating purposes. I am not getting this from movies, I know about it because I saw it happening last time I traveled. I didn't get to partake in any of that, but I promised myself that next time I will. And that hasn't happened yet.

[divine1966]

Of course using dating apps is a good idea. But the point is there is no need to travel overseas in order to meet girls on dating apps or mingle with them in social settings. Like I said if you want to be discreet, then just go to a neighbour town or next state over.

International travel is good but as you see it's not always possible with work schedules and not everyone can afford it. Yes travelling is easier when you still young and in a good shape, but you have many years ahead of you. I am still travelling with no problems and enjoy it just as much and I am 51. My parents slowed down on travelling as my dad approached 80, but he is thinking he might still go on another trip. At 29 life isn't over. Also you can travel in any season if you choose right locations. Most of Central and Western Europe isn't that cold on the winter.

If you want to travel overseas because you want to meet girls while you are young, then like I said you don't need to go overseas.

Also if you like international travel but don't have lengthy vacation time at right season, you can travel international but not overseas. Canada. Mexico. Carribean islands. I don't know how far you are from Canada but there are ton of exciting places there AND social scene.

We can't always have what we want. It's part of growing up. Accepting certain things or change if you can. Some people get flexible schedule and being able to take vacations. Depends on your job. You can look for a different one but frankly very few jobs would give you much flexibility re vacations.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Shadix

Also, there is more to it than just the meeting girls aspect. The other aspect is a bit more abstract and harder to explain. I guess it has to do with the "image" associated with traveling as a young 20something vs as a 30something. When you are in your 20s, most of the other people traveling are around your age. You feel like you fit in, like you're doing it right. Particularly when we are talking about the "backpacker" kind of travel as opposed to a "vacation." When you are in your 30s, people probably expect that you would have been doing it for years already if it was your thing. It makes me feel like I would be out of place. Actually, from my facebook feed, it seems like every other person went on a cool trip this summer. When I see all these people my age and younger getting their traveling done, it reinforces the feeling that I should be doing it too and can't afford to keep waiting around.

Well many people had cool vacations but I bet you many did not. Didn't get vacation days or couldn't afford it. That's just the reality. It sucks but that's life. You just go on with your life. Heck in some careers people never get vacation in good seasons. I didn't have a long vacation this summer so we took two short ones.

I think backpacking is more of a life style than age thing. It's like camping or biking or boating or going on cruises etc That's what people do because of what they like. I know people my age who are camping and backpacking etc and I couldn't stand it at age 20!

Certainly there is no law against backpacking at any age. I agree when you are in advanced age though it's physically hard. But you aren't there yet.

[divine1966]

Actually in my experience most young people don't travel as much internationally because many can't afford it or are busy with school or paying student loans off and pay rent or mortgage etc unless of course someone else finances their trips and their nice life style. Most people travel internationally when they are a bit older or if they have lucrative careers at young age, which isn't always the case. So I wouldn't worry about everyone goes overseas in young age. Many young people don't as it's very expensive. They still enjoy their life. So i wouldn't worry about it.

[Sunflower123]

People of all ages travel internationally every day. The difference between traveling now when you're 29 and in the spring at 30 is negligible. I know you are disappointed but spring will be here before you know it. You'll still meet attractive girls at that age even girls in their 20's. My biggest concern is that you seem to have a vision of how it will be locked in and may get taken advantage of. Please be careful. You could ask your friend about his trip so you can get quality information as to what to do and what to avoid. You'll get there. Hang in there. Sending big hugs.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Actually in my experience most young people don't travel as much internationally because many can't afford it or are busy with school or paying student loans off and pay rent or mortgage etc unless of course someone else finances their trips and their nice life style. Most people travel internationally when they are a bit older or if they have lucrative careers at young age, which isn't always the case. So I wouldn't worry about everyone goes overseas in young age. Many young people don't as it's very expensive. They still enjoy their life. So i wouldn't worry about it.

Yeah, this is what I always assumed was the case: when people are young they don't travel much because they don't have much money, then when they get older they travel more because they have more money. This is why I was very surprised when I came across people on travel forums asking if ages like 30, 27, even 25(!) were too old to travel. But apparently things are not like I thought at all. Most people who go traveling are actually in their early 20s. At this age people are still in school and get summers off, and it is also a thing where people take "gap years" after high school or college where they take a break and go travel. As people get into their late 20s, they have careers(like in my situation) and also many of them are starting to have kids.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

People of all ages travel internationally every day. The difference between traveling now when you're 29 and in the spring at 30 is negligible. I know you are disappointed but spring will be here before you know it. You'll still meet attractive girls at that age even girls in their 20's. My biggest concern is that you seem to have a vision of how it will be locked in and may get taken advantage of. Please be careful. You could ask your friend about his trip so you can get quality information as to what to do and what to avoid. You'll get there. Hang in there. Sending big hugs.

Hey thanks for your concern! Yeah I know things like that are also a possibility. I wouldn't say I have a very clear vision of how things will be, I just kind of have a vague idea of the kinds of experiences people enjoy. Even if it's not exactly like I expected traveling is something I always find rewarding. I didn't really do much social interaction during my last trip but I loved it and it got me hooked on traveling.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Shadix

Yeah, this is what I always assumed was the case: when people are young they don't travel much because they don't have much money, then when they get older they travel more because they have more money. This is why I was very surprised when I came across people on travel forums asking if ages like 30, 27, even 25(!) were too old to travel. But apparently things are not like I thought at all. Most people who go traveling are actually in their early 20s. At this age people are still in school and get summers off, and it is also a thing where people take "gap years" after high school or college where they take a break and go travel. As people get into their late 20s, they have careers(like in my situation) and also many of them are starting to have kids.

People travel in all ages depending on their life circumstances and life styles and interests. I am unsure about your statistics of "most" people travelling in early 20s, not sure if it's most people you read online about or know in real life or you actually calculated percentages. I know a lot of people of different ages and everyone travels at whatever ages. Most people I know, if they enjoy travelling, they find ways of doing it at any age. Most certainly they did not stop travelling because they aren't in early 20s. By this logic I should have stopped travelling 30 years ago! Lol

Go travel when you get your vacation next time.

[continuosly blue]

I can’t believe this thread has gone on as long as it has. Let’s get back to the real issues here. Shadix , you are in need of some good therapy. You are merely immature, have very low confidence, self esteem and certainly lack experience.
Let’s be real here. Your just looking for loose women in a foreign country.
Plain and simple. You are upset that you can’t afford to head over to wherever right now. You think over 30 is old. You are afraid you won’t get laid when you aren’t so pretty anymore. How sad. You have a lot to learn.
Watch out for transmittable diseases !
Good luck dude.

[Shazerac]

I'm 62 years old. I don't consider myself old or ugly. I travel a lot. Age is just a number baby!

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by continuosly blue

I can’t believe this thread has gone on as long as it has. Let’s get back to the real issues here. Shadix , you are in need of some good therapy. You are merely immature, have very low confidence, self esteem and certainly lack experience.
Let’s be real here. Your just looking for loose women in a foreign country.
Plain and simple. You are upset that you can’t afford to head over to wherever right now. You think over 30 is old. You are afraid you won’t get laid when you aren’t so pretty anymore. How sad. You have a lot to learn.
Watch out for transmittable diseases !
Good luck dude.

As I already explained, it is not that simple.

First off, you seem to be suggesting it is primarily about sex. If it was merely about sex, there are tons of "working girls" that you don't need to be young or attractive in order to have sex with. I made it very clear that my interest in women goes far beyond just sex.

Furthermore, there is way more to my obsession with travel than just women. There are many places I can go to meet women, including the particular place my friend went, which have very nice weather during the winter months. But like I said, I have particular places I wamt to go because I am interested in visiting those places for reasons other than meeting women, and the highest priority places are not nice during the winter.

People keep bringing up STDs, but I don't see that as being much if an issue, considering we have condoms. If casual sex isn't your thing, that's fine, but there really is no case to be made for it being inherently harmful or dangerous.

And yes, I am in therapy, but I am honestly starting to think there isn't much therapy can do in my situation. Depression because of not being able to do the things you love isn't a mental disorder that can be cured. A therapist isn't going to rewire my brain so that I don't care about traveling, meeting girls, etc. nor are they going to help me to acheive those experiences.

And again I want to reiterate:

Originally Posted by Shadix

No more judgy comments.

[Shadix]

The improvements I have had in the past really had nothing to do with therapy. But I do have a somewhat suspect that the Law of Attraction had something to do with it, which is why I am trying to focus on positive thinking.

[divine1966]

I don't think you need to stop wanting to travel or to meet people. It's not unusual or extravagant kind of thing to want that. I don't believe you need therapy for that at all.

What is somewhat unusual though that it causes you extreme depression and anxiety. It's somewhat unusual to be that depressed about being unable to go on vacation right now and having to wait till spring etc

Having to postpone a vacation due to work schedule or other obligations etc is fairly normal occurrence. Happens all the time. Your extreme reaction to it though appears to be out of proportion hence a suggestion about therapy (maybe you are in a wrong kind of therapy)or other treatments to help you deal with it.

There is also absolutely nothing wrong with wanting or having sex or meeting people. I see no issue with it. I think it's somewhat an issue though that you aren't meeting people or having sex yet you are extremely upset about not doing it. So maybe not therapy but life coach could be of help? Somebody to help you with developing strategies?

I believe good therapist or life coach CAN help you to develop skills and strategies how to meet women.