Getting a Life...

Hi (((((Zen))))). Yes, you would have heard from the police or social services by now if there was anything wrong with reports you filed in the past.

I think that it is possible that you carry some form of guilt because of your father abusing you - that is not uncommon. Perhaps what triggers your anxiety is just the concept of interaction between an adult and a child, even though in the present context you are the adult interacting with children and you know that you would never abuse a child.

As for the generalized anxiety - again, I think you need to try to take the focus off of yourself and put it on others. Instead of approaching the interview as a potential employer looking you over, try to see it as you are going there to check them out to see if you would want to work for/with them. The night before your interview, get your clothes and everything else ready that you are going to need the next day, then sit down and have an interview with yourself; think of the kind of questions the interviewer will probaby ask you and practice your responses (take notes if it helps).

Don't berate yourself for changing the interview at the store - you couldn't deal with it and would have probably been too nervous and anxious had you forced yourself to go ahead with it. Rescheduling it to after your interview for the childcare position makes sense, especially since you have more training and experience in childcare. As for filling out the forms, just take a deep breath, relax, fill them out, and be done with it - anticipatory anxiety is ususally much worse than the actual act. As for the CPR training, it is just that - training. You've been through it before, so you already have the basics - this time you will be able to focus more on the other details and add to your knowledge - you are there for you - to gain knowledge and experience, not to perform for others. Don't be afraid to ask questions or ask for clarification. The interview, background check, and CPR training are not intended to "judge" you - they are simply standardized screenings and training. Good luck and let us know how things go.

Best wishes for your interview! Let us know how it goes!

I had to force myself out of bed this morning. I was absolutely scared. I was anxious and almost in tears. My heart was pounding and thoughts racing. But I got out of bed and had a shower...etc.

I took a taxi so I would get there on time since I have never been to this area of town.

I think I answered most of her questions correctly. I was calm and polite. I think I was well spoken.

I felt a need to clarify why I resigned from my previous jobs.

My first job I resigned due to poor working conditions (I didn't elaborate because this would get me in hot water saying my former supervisor was a B from H). I also told the interviewer that they had an odd signing in policy and that I was told that they wouldn't give references out in case the person turned out to be a criminal or someone who hurts children. We both found this odd.

My second job I resigned for medical reasons. I told the interviewer I had an allergic reaction that I was later hospitalized for. And that I could only give less than a days notice. And that my former boss may give negative feedback due to the notice I gave.

I have to wait about a week to hear back as to whether or not I got the job.

My impressions of the centre were that it looked run down and old. So, I don't know if I want to work there even. I am so confused. The wage is good. I guess this will be a test to see what my former employers say about me and if it hinders me getting the job or a job.

What if my former employers give negative feedback and I cannot get hired anywhere?

((((((((((Zen)))))))))

You went. You did the best you could. It seemed to go well. EXCELLENT!!!!!!!
Give yourself a pat on the back!!!!! If you can manage it, try not to start worrying and obsessiing over it, until later. Take a breather and celebrate what you accomplished!!!!!

KUDOS!!!

Hi Zen,
I'm sorry you're having alot of anxiety right now. I read your first post at the beginning of this thread, where you stated you avoid holiday dinners with family friends because you don't want to be in the uncomfortable positiion of being around your estranged brother. If you're invited by those friends - I think you should go and show them and your brother that you're doing better than before.
Regarding your job searches - times are realy tough right now economically. It takes alot of guts to sit down for an interview - good for you!! When you're being asked about past experience try not to offer negative information about past jobs and keep your answers brief unless they ask. In reference to geting police clearance for the daycare job- don't worry about that - it's very routine. Even parents who want to help out regularly at school need to do that.
Regarding your anxiety - have you tried deep breathing exercises. It really helps to calm the nerves. Try to remember that half the things are brains throw at us, never happen! Think of those thoughts are being like SPAM on your computer - sift through the thoughts and ask yourself if they're legitimate or not. Instead of getting worked up you can just let the thoughts come and accept they're there. Our stress gets worse when we become alarmed by the thoughts and then we start 'stressing about the worries' - it a viscious cycle.
You mentioned you were very stressed first thing in the morning - that's a good time to lay in bed and do the slow deep breathing exercises. I'm very proud of you, that you forced yourself to get ready anyways(high five)!!
Try not to feel discouraged and keep up the good work.
At the beginning of your thread you compare your life and say how you don't have a BF or kids yet - please don't compare yourself to what you think you should be doing or how other people's lives are. You are your own person. I really think a boyfriend would just complicate things at this time for you. Keep focusing on keeping your life on track and I hope you hear some good news soon. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers

It's really good advice to wait until you find the person who is right for you before you hop into a relationsip or some other big life change because you think that you have to go through it the same way everyone else does in order to be happy or "successful". I know of way too many people who ended up in miserable marriages thanks to that type of thinking. Honestly, I was ready to cheer reading your last entry! Way cool! With time you should be able to build up enough positive referrences so you won't have to worry about your old employers. Actually this is where the dreaded police background check can work in your favor, since you are clean as a whistle. They can't claim anything really bad about you and haveit unsubstantiated. So, WAY TO GO, ZEN!!!

There are federal laws governing what information employers can give out regarding their former employees to perspective employers - basically, they are only supposed to confirm the dates of your employment, your job classification, the duties you performed, your beginning and ending salaries, and the reason for your departure.

I'm rusty here - been a while since I worked in Human Resources - I will search online for the guidelines and add info or a link later. Anyway, when your interviewer contacts you, you can inquire about what information was provided.

Lynn, I live in Canada so I don't know if the federal laws are the same where you live.

Thanks (((Zen))) - I'll check out Canada and let you know what I find.

Here you go, Zen: www.hrsdc.gc.ca is the main website for Canadian Human Resources - info on everything - check it out. Hope this helps.

Thank-you Lynn for researching the website for me!

I found it alittle confusing and didn't know exactly where to look to find my answer to my question about what former employers can tell new employers about former employees.

If you have time can you please send me a link if you find the answer? Thank-you so much!

Sure, Zen - no problem. I was afraid it might be a little overwhelming for you to dig through. I'll explore the site and see if I can narrow it down for you.

Tis Zen again!

I wasn't overly impressed with the daycare centre where I had my interview today. The rooms were small and crowded. They were also boring, old, and looked run down. It doesn't look like the place that I'd like to work at even though the wage is good.

I have been on my computer this afternoon looking for accredited centres around my city and have e-mailed a couple of them my resume, cover letter, and an excellent reference letter.

As for the daycare interview...etc I am just going to see if I get hired then I will have a litmus point to tell whether or not my previous employers are saying negative things about me.

Life seems so difficult...

Since I have to wait a week to hear back from the lady that interviewed me today. I know I will have stress induced OCD thoughts about what my former employers may be saying about me. All my thoughts are negative and scary.

Tomorrow I will be going shopping for some new clothes...etc.....not just to distract myself...I actually need some new clothes.

I donated to a local animal humane shelther and a society that helps the homeless and less fortunate people.

Tune in soon for Zen's latest worry!

Zen...
It's also tuning in to read about your proactive activities...
The efforts you are making are wonderful, and I applaud you for doing them.
Perhaps it will be a balancing act between the positives and the fears--but you are still putting one foot in front of the other.
I believe this shows a great deal of courage and determination on your part.

Random thought about the concern about them checking for references...here we have Dept of Labor centers, but I don't know if you do. If so, you can call them directly and ask them.
It's what they are there for--to help people.
I roamed that link also and didn't find anything that seemed to fit...googling Canadian laws brought up some info but nothing tied to your situation.
On the original link, though is a place for contacting them...it may be worth a call?

In Peace

I decided to turn down this daycare job. The distance from my home to the centre is too great and I didn't find the daycare environment suitable (it is run down and old...cluttered looking......I couldn't see myself working there and being happy to come to work everyday).

But I am still searching for jobs! Hopefully I will find the right match!

I went shopping today. Went early to avoid large crowds. I did bulk shopping because I don't shop for clothes that often. Only found one blouse that fit me, got a new black leather purse, new pair of black leather shoes, some UGG boots that were too expensive, some parfumes, lip gloss, 2 eye shadows, Autumn jacket, socks, and a load of panties. I think I should ban myself from the mall!

But I finally found a nice purse to replace the purse that my brother got me in Turkey many years ago that is falling apart.

Now I just have to get over my terrible anxiety that takes over my logical reasoning and keep looking for part-time jobs. I found a website that lists accredited daycare and out-of-school care centres. Which means that if the centre is accredited the workers can earn more money...etc! Yes, I know it shouldn't be all about making money but in reality it is part of deciding whether to work for a company...etc.

I donated some money to my local animal humane shelter for injured and/or sick animals as well as a charity that helps disadvantaged ppl that need a warm meal and social services.

Looking for a job isn't fun at all. Seems like too much work. I'll stop my rant now.

((((((((((zen))))))))))

This isn't anything new but someone is still breaking into my car.

All they do is unlock the driver's side door. They don't try to open the car door. I do have a car alarm and a steering wheel lock. I don't have the luxury of parking my car in a garage. Just an open parking lot.

It has become my daily morning routine...get my newpaper in from my mail box and check my car.

It leaves me stressed out for a couple of hours. And then I ignore the fact that my car was broken into.

Some of you may say well are you sure you didn't leave the door unlocked? I do a visual check to see if all the doors are locked then a manual check and try to open each door then I set the alarm.

I sounds like there must be some malfunction in the car itself. Have you taken it to a mechanic?

It seems odd that a person could unlock it without tripping the alarm.

Sorry you stress out about it. I probably would too.

I am signing up with Cornerstone and looking for a residence. I live alone in a very nice place but I'd rather live in a shelter than be so lonely. I sometimes feel like I'm in another dimension like the twilight zone, or some nightmare I can't wake up from. This happens mostly on weekends. How I dread them with fear and trembling. I want ot be dead so much or really want to be alive so much. Can't seem to manage either. I'm taking Klonopin and hoping to hang in. I know going into the hospital I'd feel better, but it's such a hassle and I'd be back in the same place.

Hi, (((Zen))). First, your car - that's weird. I agree with Berries - sounds like a malfunction or someone's messing with you. I'd take it in to the dealer or mechanic and have them check the locking mechanism on that door.

Second - I have some info regarding Canadian employment practices. Took a while, but I found a better site with tons of helpful information for you: Ontario Human Rights Commission (www.ohrc.on.ca). On the main page, you will find articles reporting recent changes to law and practices according to the Ontario Human Rights Code and a link to the Human Rights Code; down the left side is a list of sections and topics.

Clicking on "Employment" takes you to www.ohrc.on.ca/en/issues/employment (Employment & Human Rights). On this page, there is a list down the right side of the screen of publications regarding policies. One publication listed is "Guide to Your Rights and Responsibilities Under the Human Rights Code." There are also pulications (all of which you can read online) about police background checks, etc.

Check this site out; I think it will provide you with the information you need regardless of what kind of job you apply for. Hope this helps.

I kept a promise! I went to church with my friend last night. It was overwhelming for me because they were talking about family and diseases. I felt like crying. But I did enjoy the music.

((((((((((Zen))))))))))

Good for you for keeping your promise and following through!

(((((((Zen))))))))))))))))))) thinking about you ..i hope things get better
Im glad you got out

It's a smiley party to celebrate your getting out and having a pleasant time (at least for the music!)