Why?

I've been thinking about this for a while and am finally posting. Why is it so much easier for my brain to assume the negative or worst possible outcome? Why does my brain have sad thoughts easier than happy thoughts? Why when I have happy thoughts do I still feel like I'm fighting the sad thoughts away, that if I don't keep fighting them they will just eat me up. I never get a break from them. I have to catch myself automatically going there. I just want a break from the negative thoughts hanging over my head. Even when I feel better, I don't really feel better because I'm always having to watch out for it coming back. Because it always comes back. I want to be like other people and be able to enjoy my life. I spend my life hoping that I will have enough energy to do things. Planning for when that energy will allow me to do things not necessary (ie have fun). UGH!

((((googley)))))

A few reasons: partly due to past experience, partly due to genetics, and lastly, turning thought processes another way isn't easy. It takes a lot of practice to change these deeply ingrained automatic thoughts.

I'm very much the same way & I hate it too! So, you do have company, if that makes you feel better.

Why

Depression Doing the Thinking

Take action right now to convert negative to positive thinking.
By Hara Estroff Marano, published on July 01, 2001 - last reviewed on January 25, 2007


It has been estimated that we have anywhere from 25,000 to 50,000 thoughts a day. If your cast of mind is predominantly negative, imagine how many negative thoughts you are generating daily—thousands upon thousands. That is precisely the case with depression.
One of the features of depression is pessimistic thinking. The negative thinking is actually the depression speaking. It's what depression sounds like. Depression in fact manifests in negative thinking before it creates negative affect.
Most depressed people are not aware that the despair and hopelessness they feel are flowing from their negative thoughts. Thoughts are mistakenly seen as privileged, occupying a rarefied territory, immune to being affected by mood and feelings, and therefore representing some immutable truth.
Compounding the matter is that negative thinking slips into the brain under the radar of conscious awareness and becomes one of the strongest of habit patterns. People generate negative thoughts so automatically they are unaware that it is happening, that it is actually a choice they are making.

One of the most powerful actions you can take in combating depression is to understand how critical the quality of your thinking is to maintaining and even intensifying your depression—and that the quickest way to change how you feel is to change how you think. Often enough you can't control how you feel, but you can always control how you think. There's an active choice you can take—if you are aware that changing your thinking is important.
It's not an accident that cognitive therapy is one of the most researched and practiced of depression treatments. It is based on the fact that thought-processing errors contribute so much to depressed mood.

It is possible to take action and to change patterns of thinking on your own. There are six action strategies that bring the quickest results in breaking out of the negative thought patterns that maintain your depression.

• Know that it is possible to control the quality of your thinking. That contributes more to how you feel than any other factor. It is a widespread but false belief that you have to change your feelings in order to change how you think; it is actually the other way around.
• Keep track of just how many negative thoughts you are actually having. There are several ways to do this, but no matter which way you choose, you need two to three days to assess the amount and degree of negative thinking. You can keep a thought journal for several days in which, at the end of each day, you jot down as many instances of negative thinking as you can remember. "I thought I was too fat." "I hate my boss." "I hate traffic jams." Include instances in which you call yourself a name such as "idiot," or think of yourself (or someone else) as worthless.
  Note any kind of pessimistic thinking, any focusing on problems rather than on solutions. Record thinking in which you feel yourself to be a victim, even if you have been genuinely victimized.
  Jot down thoughts of feeling helpless or hopeless. Be especially aware of making sweeping generalizations from one specific bad event so that your whole future appears to be terrible. "I got fired from this job; I'll never have a good job again." "This relationship broke up; I'll never find a partner." Listen for words that are categorical and extreme—always, never. Black-and-white thinking is another sign—it's usually too extreme.
  Alternatively to keeping a journal, carry with you a wad of index cards or a palm computer and note negative thoughts as they occur. Although describing the negative thoughts is more helpful, it is not essential; you can simply tally them.
  Develop a partnership strategy. Ask a loved one or a trusted colleague to point out to you your instances of negative thinking, and then record them.
• After you get a fix on the kind of negative thinking and its frequency, identify the situations that trigger such thinking. The act of writing down instances of negative thinking is an exercise in focusing that helps make you aware of the triggers. In all likelihood, certain types of events are particularly likely to set off a chain of negative thoughts. For some, it's an act of being rejected or ignored or not responded to by another person. For others it might be a negative remark about or actual setback in their work.
• Convert negative to positive thinking the next time you encounter a trigger. Just flip the switch. For this it helps to have a visual reminder at hand. Keep in your purse or on your desk a switch plate with an actual light switch on it. Refer to it often.
  Which kind of thought circuitry do you plug into—negative or positive? "I'm too fat" vs. "I've never been more fit." "This plan will never work" vs. "I have some suggestions that will help get this plan off the ground." Constantly flip the switch from down and dark to up and light.
• Utilize the partnership strategy. Tell your mate or trusted colleague that you think you're sounding too pessimistic in your thinking and that you want to be more optimistic; ask them to help you out by first cueing you when you are sounding negative and then asking you to instantly convert it to a positive statement.
• In keeping your diary of negative thinking, create a separate column for writing the corresponding positive thought. "I'm too old" vs. "I'm getting better with age." Do this for a few days to get the hang of converting negative to positive thinking.

• 

((((((((((((((((( googley )))))))))))))))))

Thank you all for your support. I really just meant it more as a rhetorical question than anything else. I should have been clearer It seems like it never ends. And I just needed to vent.

My pdoc/t says that the reason its easier for me to go to the sad/bad ideas rather than the happy/good ones is because I've been conditioned by my life/environment to expect the worst in most situations. Even now if I feel happy, I usually think that I must have done something wrong or I am misinterpreting the feelings. Perhaps this is the same for you?

(((((((((((Googley))))))))) A quiet hug and "been there".

(((((((((((googely)))))))))))

I can relate. Sorry you struggle so.

(((((((((googley)))))))))

I ask myself the same thing all the time. My counsellor is always going on about negative thought patterns and training my mind to break the habit of negative thinking, and I know that she's right, but it's so much easier said than done. (See? More negative thinking right there!!) I'm still working on it. What I've found works lately is looking up inspiring quotes that I save in a notebook to flip through when I find myself particularly bombarded by negative thoughts. What I personally have trouble with is coming up with positive thoughts on my own, or more positive ways to view a situation, and I find that reading those quotes gives me a different perspective on things. There are a lot of good ones here: www.quotegarden.com

Sending lots of hugs and good vibes to combat that negative thinking!

Hi Googley... I have asked myself that question many times too because it is so automatic and consuming to hear and then entertain negative thoughts. One negative thought is like the first dominoe down.

Thanks Babysteps and Justfloating for sharing some excellent tips. I have worked with many of those with good success. It was hard for me at first like any behavioural change.

I think H. Marano makes some really key points particularly about the importance of acknowledging the presence of negative thinking and its relationship to a depressed mood and our ability to control our thinking and thus affect our moods.

I know for me once I saw the connection and learned to stop entertaining the negative thoughts and started to consciously counter every negative with at least one positive I felt empowered to battle the depression better. The sooner I go after the negative thoughts the better. If I let one dominoe fall it can be a long ride on the train of despair into the pit of hopelessness. I often have to fight the urge to ride the sorrow train because sometimes its just easier to give in than to wage battle again and again and again. The negative thoughts about the endlessness of the battle alone can sometimes keep me from making the effort. But I am learning that persistance pays off and it is becoming easier and almost automatic to respond to a negative thought with an instant dose of a positive. I try not to even give myself time to think about it. I acknowledge the negative thought and put my mind to flipping the picture around. Knowing the alternative to waging battle is to increase my suffer keeps me motivated even when I feel too tired to go another round. Suffering is so draining and so defeating and so distructive I can't give in. I can't let it control me. I tell myself that over and over to keep me motivated and to provide me with the strength to counter the negative thoughts and to keep on countering them everytime they pop into my thinking.

I also do the gratitude and affirmations. Sometimes I post stickers on my walls and around my mirror. I generally don't like mirrors because I don't like who I see. When it dawned on me how much I actually avoided mirrors or seeing any reflection of myself I decided to make the mirror my friend instead of my trigger for negative thinking. Especially when I am down and most critical of myself I will push myself in front of a mirror and use it to talk to myself. To force a smile and say positive things about myself. Sometimes I will make funny faces and try to get myself to laugh and play in the mirror like a child would do. I will affirm myself and tell myself my plans for the day and even ask myself if there is anything I would like to do just for fun or pleasure. When I have had enough I will wish myself a great day.

I think sometimes the hardest thing to get past is accepting that to some degree the battle will never end. At best it can get easier to manage. The answer to 'why?' will never be sufficient because the situation, the depression and the sadness will always feel unfair and cruel. I think one needs to practise the discipline of flipping the question to 'what?' What can I say, think, do now to counter the negative thought? One must be willing to take action no matter how slight to turn the tide and claim control of one's thinking.

Never give in. Sometimes that is the best affirmation I can muster just to get myself out of bed to take one baby step at a time to get myself to fight the good fight.

Sorry for the ramble but I kind of needed to remind myself to do the work and not overthink the why.

Blessings.

ps... love the link to affirmation quotes stillfloating.... here are a couple I thought I would share....

Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do. ~Jean de la Bruyere

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination. ~Sam Levenson

It is often my inner child who guides me away from negative thoughts. She is unhurt by our history. She keeps on keepin' on. That's my girl!!!

Guys, from this thread I have witnessed that we go on about 'Negativity' but just stop and think...When you have experienced and you know that another person is a jackass then if you say 'I never want to meet this guy' are you being negative or realisitic? Isn't it realistic to keep away from an annoying jerk and be with friendly people or is it another example of negativity? I think we use the word 'Negative' more than we really should... When you say No to certain things you arent necessarily always Negative...Infact one of the reasons why we are depressed is cos others have labelled the word 'Negative' on our foreheads when all we have tried to do is be more individual than conform to things which the 'cool' people approve of...

This is true.

Point taken CK23. Language is an interesting thing. So loaded with different meanings as in the case of the word 'negative'. I agree that a NO response or assessment of something is not always negative in the sense that it is wrong or needs to be changed or fixed. Saying No can be perfectly valid and as in your example be founded on personal preference etc and could in fact be a positive position to take with positive outcomes. We can't always agree or share the same tastes or see things the same way. You may love suchi while I might not but that doesn't make my negative opinion of sushi wrong or something I need to change to feel good about myself or to be respectful of my individuality.

My reference to negative in the context of this thread refers specifically to the unfounded and self distructive hateful messages that dominate my thinking when I am depressed. Those 'negative' thoughts impact how I feel about myself and the world and have a 'negative' impact on my life.

I think there is a difference if that makes any sense.

I appreciate your post because it kind of reminded me to give myself credit for being able to actually say NO or to validate my preferences. Sometimes my self loathing tries to convince me that I have no right to an opinion or a contrary point of view. That anything I might have to say is wrong when the truth is being able to say NO or express a non-conformist view is a very positive reflection of self love.

There is the added problem that when we are depressed, the depression insists that the negative pictures that one has of oneself ARE realistic. The only thing I have found that works for me is 1) ask myself how I can be the only person on the face of the earth who has NO good points and 2) read a bunch of these posts. After a while, you see a pattern, and the pattern is caused by the illness. Huggs all, and good posts, sanity seeker!

And this is true, too!

@ Sanityseeker first of all thanks for appreciating my point of view ... I agree with you that there are instances where we do tend to get negative... You are absolutely right when you say that you are negative when you think that you are useless and have nothing special in you cos you are DEFINITELY not useless and if you take a closer look I am sure you will find that you are just as special as everyone else perhaps even more... Cheers! and have a lovely day...

UGHI'm so in the same boat as you!!! Negative, negative, negative! I so want to feel JOY~I haven't felt JOY in 5 years since all of this stuff happened. I miss being happy and joyful. I'm a downer. And, like you said, I don't even hear myself most of the time. It takes someone to point it out. I don't have any advice for you, only that you're not alone. I'm beginning to think I have a lousy psychologist. He doesn't really help, just makes me feel like crap. Who needs more crap? Anybody? It's a bad for me...

(((((Googely)))))

I always tell people who are negative, esp. about themselves that it is the depression lying to them.
I have extremely low self-esteem when I am depressed. When people say the same thing to me I always say, "Ya but in my case it is true. You have evidence that you are a good person. I don't"

I can't seem to believe in my own worth. At least that is what my T says to me all the time.

He had me write a list of my good qualities, turn them into affirmations (by putting them in sentence form, and looking at them every day.

It helps. It doesn’t make the negative stuff just magically go away, but it helps.

I think it is great that you want to work on this. Best of luck and lots of well wishes.

At the direction of my counselor, I once came up with a list of negative thoughts I had repeatedly (I'm not good enough, no one likes me, I'm too lazy...etc.) and I put each one of these to the test by asking, "What is the evidence for this?"
By asking that and realizing that in many cases, the negative thought wasn't EXACTLY true...it seems more believable than simply trying to convince yourself when you're feeling unloved that people do like me.
For example. A "bad" depressed thought process might be:

"I'm alone on Friday night. No one likes me, all my friends are sick of me and don't want to hang out with me. I'm a terrible person, I just turn people away because I'm so negative and depressed. Etc."


A "super positive" way to combat that might be:
I'm alone on Friday night. No one likes me...wait, that's not true! People do like me, I have friends!

Ok well I don't know about you, but that seems fake and unbelievable and wouldn't help me.

Instead, the idea is to be reasonable:
I'm alone on Friday night. No one likes me, all my friends are sick of me and don't want to hang out with me. I'm a terrible person, I just turn people away because I'm so negative and depressed. Etc. Ok, stop. What is the evidence for this? Well, I am alone. Why am I alone? Because Bill is at work, and he can't hang out. Mary is on a date. John is going out to the club, and I'm too tired for that. I haven't called anyone else. This is why I am alone, not because I am a terrible person. My friends haven't said anything to me about being sick of me, and I can ask them if I am concerned about our relationship. My depression is making me jump to conclusions about why I feel so lonely right now.

Not saying that I am the master of the "reasonable positive evidence response" thing. But I thought I'd try to explain...?

I love that Tamale. Reasonable positive evidence response. You are right it is more effective. Thanks for sharing the technique.

Thank you CK23... felt good to hear. Really needed that right now. More reason to appreciate you. Hugs.

More good ideas Berries.... thanks.

U2nance ... hope you are feeling better. I know how you feel. Someone asked me once what I wanted most out of life and I said to be happy. They laughed at me. They have no idea how elusive it can be for some people. Hope things get better with your pdoc. Take good care.

Googley.... wishing you well and for positive happy thoughts to fill you up.

Googley

Just adding my two cents piece, I was inundated with negative thinking until I came across the ten most common cognitive distortions. Google them and read them and learn them off by heart, they are a life saver, well they were for me anyway.

All the best

Paddy

@ Tamale... I think you have hit the jackpot on this one cos what you have just related feels like hitting a home run! ... I go through the same experience everyday actually the fact is that I can't afford a therapist cos of financial crisis at home but I also tend to 'Challenge' the negative thoughts... I also have disturbing thoughts like ' You are so lonely and others are so social' Look at those other guys they are having fun and there you are you stupid pile of bones all alone like a worthless dodo this saturday night...But then the adult version of me that is the 'present', 'strong', 'Hard hitting' version and not the 'Insecure' 'Crying' 'Down on luck' version takes over and pins the depression to the wall... 'No CK you are not worthless the reason why you are alone is cos you believe it is the right thing to do... You believe that back slaping and playing pranks while not knowing someone first is wrong so you dont join 'Their' company...You Believe that 'Hazing' is wrong so you dont join... You believe that having fun at the expense of another's feelings is wrong so you don't join...You order Pizza You watch t.v shows and use the internet you go to shopping malls and eating joints, CK you are so not worthless infact you are the exact opposite of worthless those spineless goons are no wonder jealous of you...