Hate

I hate this depression so much I WISH I could KILL it.
I wish I could turn off these thoughts and feelings of anxiety. Where's that button!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

(((Hazeleyes)))
I understand more then I wish I did.
I know what you mean by wanting to destroy it...since normally it destroys us!
How can I be there for you right now? What do you need to get an ounce of faith that together, as a team, we can make it?

sj..... right now I just feel like a hopeless case. I don't know what can help me. I feel I have no control over my brain. I am so tired of this depression and the thoughts of what I have to do.... like call the doc for help again. I am on meds already but don't think they're helping. I just can't seem to pick up that phone to make the right calls..... Also going to go thru something with my T and maybe it's necessary but sometimes I wonder if this is right!!! All the digging into the past, all the thinking. I don't want to go thru this anymore. I want to go off the meds, take control of my own mind and body. But I can't do that either since I was suicidal... I should really appreciate life but I can't. Something is taking over my mind!

Maybe I should just pretend that I am healthy and happy and not come here anymore. I don't want to belong here. But where do one belong? Sucks....
sorry for being a pita right now. ((((((((((((((((((((((((
I need to be in pain.

Trust me Hazel, I understand. I hear every word you are saying. I wonder myself how many times the doc or the T can hear I want to die. How many times???
I get tired of feeling that way...and they sure as hell have to get tired of me saying.
We have to concentrate on what brings us the slightest bit of hope...
We have.
We need to.
I understand what it is like to have your mind feel out of control and twisted and swirling. This is how mine is every day. I am in a "fly free zone" right now and am thinking clearer then usual.
But I so get what you are saying. I so understand your feelings!

and when does it get better? When can we stop hoping and start believing? Maybe we're just too hard to please. Not everyone gets better.... I just know I have to, there's no other way. No other way. I wish I could stop time, and just sit still for a year.....and wait for this to all be over...

Believing comes from faith, from the unseen.
You can believe TODAY and I promise you it will help.
As you grow stronger in your mind the more belief you will have. But, it has taken me years to reach the ounce of faith/belief I have right now. We all work at our own pace I guess.

Is there something specifically troubling your mind today?

I've always managed on my own. Always been strong. I am a survivor. My old ways are not working anymore. Everything crashed. The depression can't be controlled. I should go on sick-leave again my T says. Then make a call do get help with one of my kids. I am not strong anymore. I am weak, just like my parents. The more I seek help and accept that I am not well, the worse I get! Because I don't want to be a depressed woman on meds that is on sick-leave because I can't take care of my own kids. Hubby does everything at home. And I just long for an escape..... can't stop trying to find a way to stay in pain. Then feeling guilty...

Something that is troubling me today? I don't know what triggers this... maybe that I know I will wake up tomorrow, and the thoughts will come knocking again as soon as I wake up. The depressive thoughts... the fear, the anxiety.... .... It's like it won't end. What if it doesn't? Can it be controlled by will power?

(((sj))) thank you for caring. I'm just praying that one day I can give ppl what some are trying to give me. I just have a big thing with trust. Too many abandonment-memories... I long to escape... to do things I know I shouldn't because it will only make me fall deeper... (can't talk of them here).... Secrets... makes me sick.

(((((hazeleyes)))))

Hazeleyes ........ new tah this room, new to being weak too.........but know exactly what u r talking about. Must be something in the water. How can our symptoms be so much alike? There has got to be some code to this depression nightmare.we need to find it.

if anyone is reading this right now will you tell me how to post on this board and how to see it in real time? really ........

Could you state the question a different way? Don't get your meaning there. You can preview your post and then once you tell it to post it will return you to the thread after a few seconds and your new post will be at the bottom. I think that is as real time as it gets.

it might never be completely vanquished...but you can put a big hole in it's power by finding the med that helps...keep on fighting the good fight....grace

Hazel Eyes,

Does any form of exercise help with these feelings?

Jane