Daily Check In - Ups and Down Thread 2

Rachel.i · Oct 06, 2012, 11:49 AM

Only slept three or four hours last night but yesterday got the printer/scanner/fax installed, which has been needing done forever, and now is working fine with my decrepit laptop. Not gonna do much today but later we have we go out to dinner and then a concert, just wish I wasn't so tired and bleary-eyed.

Lots and lots of family drama yesterday in my extended family. I wasn't involved but I got several phone calls and it all made me very tired too and a bit stressed and maybe is why I didn't sleep well.

Getting ready to call and see what the latest is, have to, but going to try to not get involved or take sides though. I already said too much yesterday.

tigerlily84 · Oct 06, 2012, 12:59 PM

This week felt like it took forever. But on Thursday I actually went out with friends for happy hour. And yesterday I went to meet with a T for our first session. I haven't been in therapy for 3 years. So, you know, I'm trying to be hopeful I guess.

krissy702001 · Oct 06, 2012, 04:16 PM

Anxiety is high. My ex husband and his new family will be attending my daughter's function tonight. I am so emotional I don't want to break down and look stupid.

Krissy

Oct 06, 2012, 05:40 PM

I've been stable for a while now (with minor blips here and there), but I feel like I'm falling down that dark depression hole again. I feel like everything bothers me, that everyone is against me (though I know they aren't), and that I am completely unlovable. I'm anxious, I'm overreactive... And I know that much of the stuff I am anxious about isn't reality, but I feel like there is still a little grain of reality in there, and so it's tough to just brush off.

Anyway. I just needed to talk.

alone in the world · Oct 06, 2012, 10:28 PM

Long day today had class from 9am-4pm, so did not get to check in with T. social anxiety did not surface today in class and I actually participated. The blues are slowly turning clear.

Thepointis.. · Oct 07, 2012, 12:47 AM

Feeling way better than yesterday. Managed to keep my anxiety/paranoia down. Hoping I am able to stay strong again tomorrow.

Bark · Oct 07, 2012, 10:54 AM

I can't remember the last time I read this much and enjoyed it. I actually put off drinking my tea hot because I didn't want to disrupt the flow. Read a chapter in one book, a few in another, didn't need to reread sentences to understand them. I can't express how happy this makes me feel. I can only hope that my mind doesn't turn this into a cruel joke and kick me right down into the depths again. I'm still in withdrawal, although the dizziness is better, I think.

I'm going to go read some more.

whimsygirl · Oct 07, 2012, 12:51 PM

Woke up today actually feeling good. That just does not happen.....I mean not just "kinda okay", but actually good. My first thoughts of the day were positive. Hmm. Goal for the day is to build on this and see what happens

Plus I actually slept for over 7 hours without waking up

Shadow-world · Oct 07, 2012, 02:11 PM

Feeling so lonely and isolated it hurts.

whimsygirl · Oct 07, 2012, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow-world

Feeling so lonely and isolated it hurts.

I'm so sorry Shadow

I only wish I could share some of my "okayness" with you

Sending hugs and prayers that some comfort comes as soon as possible

~whimsy

Shadow-world · Oct 07, 2012, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

I'm so sorry Shadow

I only wish I could share some of my "okayness" with you

Sending hugs and prayers that some comfort comes as soon as possible

~whimsy

Thank you so much, Whimsy, and sorry I haven't replied to your longer message properly yet. I've been away for a few days and my mind has been a bit all over the place when I have briefly been online. I'll try and respond properly when I feel a bit more together.

I do miss never having anyone to put an arm around me or giving me a hug. I really appreciate an online hug though. At least I don't feel so totally unreal.
I'm glad you're doing better, Whimsy! I really am. I hope it continues.

whimsygirl · Oct 07, 2012, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow-world

Thank you so much, Whimsy, and sorry I haven't replied to your longer message properly yet.

I'm glad you're doing better, Whimsy! I really am. I hope it continues.

Oh Shadow.....Please don't ever worry about that, and I mean it. I think we all need to take care of ourselves, and then if there is something left over, then maybe we reach out to others. But if just surviving is taking up all we have, and that time doesn't come, then that's okay too. It's understood

And thank you for your kind words. I just have to appreciate whatever good comes, and keep learning to deal with the rest. And things can (and do) change so quickly. Seriously, just yesterday I felt a similar way to what you're expressing today.....all day I was so aware of my isolation and "aloneness", and yet today here I am. I hope something like that happens for you soon

~whimsy

alone in the world · Oct 07, 2012, 03:24 PM

Today i am feeling sad. Feeling for my sister whose husband is dying from cancer. She is doing such a good job of holding it all together my heart goes out for her. The sadness is creeping deep and I hope I can come out from it. Also feeling alone since I have no one to share my feelings with and be there for me.

whimsygirl · Oct 08, 2012, 11:33 AM

Wish I felt as good as yesterday morning, but I'm beginning to realize, not so much. Going to try and turn things around

ps....Wishing a good day to everyone

Rachel.i · Oct 08, 2012, 11:38 AM

Yesterday was a good day. Watched the Bears game with my husband, my grown kIds came to visit, and I got the house straightened up some. Now everyone is gone and it's very quiet and and I'm not sure what I'm going to do today.

I can tell though that I have to be conscious where I put my thoughts and efforts. I'm glad I'm not far, far down in a hole because then I would not even be able to do that, nor would I even want to try to. But I know my mind can flit all over the place if I let it, or just space out. Sometimes I seriously wonder if I have ADD, or if it's a form of PTSD from years of abuse, which at least for me, boiled down into more stress for longer than my mind could take it.

Anyway, feeling good enough to try and accomplish some things today.

whimsygirl · Oct 08, 2012, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rachel.i

Anyway, feeling good enough to try and accomplish some things today.

Good luck to you......

Bark · Oct 08, 2012, 03:40 PM

I think my counsellor triggers hypomania. It's kind of funny. He's the only person I'd actually show the true side of me to, so I guess that might be why.

I wish my sleep was better, but you can't have everything. Always tired, it's been that way since I was a kid maybe, never had good sleeping habits. Yesterday, I felt way too awake and ended up sleeping past 6 AM. Thankfully, my class starts late today. But usually I'm capable of sleeping whenever. I think my mood was a bit high that morning, for whatever reason.

And I don't know if this might trigger something, so TRIGGER warning:
I've had suicidal ideation for a long time. And the thing is, it hasn't gone away, but for some reason, seems like a total rational and logical thing to do, or at least something I might consider. I can't explain it. I've also had at least two times recently where I've felt like cutting my throat and taking my own life. When I ask myself why, I honestly can't answer. I don't feel depressed! It's downright amazing what medicine can do to you. And please don't anyone worry about me: having suicidal thoughts is nothing new to me, and even if it does seem like a good idea, I won't do it.

Rose76 · Oct 08, 2012, 04:00 PM

I'm better than I was . . . kind of climbing out of the hole.

However, I feel like I've been thrown into medication chaos over the new tightened supervision of controlled drugs. I just got back from seeing my regular doctor. I asked that he give me another prescription for Vicodin for my neck. Three months ago was the first time he gave me a script. Well - now I'm in a new category of someone having chronic pain, which is accurate. But that means all kinds of rig-a-ma-rol. I have to chose between the pain med and my sleeping pill, which I've gotten dependent on.

This is all news to me. I'm kind of upset at the choices I have to make.

dazedandonfused · Oct 08, 2012, 05:27 PM

I feel so alone right now, very blue trying to find my way in the dark with no direction. I feel so down. Why do I feel so different so alone so sad. I don't understand?? I feel that no one is listening. I'm crying out for help and there is no answer no care in the world. I feel cursed and punished by god. I feel no love no happiness nothing all I feel is emptiness. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of feeling this way and I no longer care. I guess it it what it is who cares. Screw it!!

Turtleboy · Oct 09, 2012, 10:11 AM

hi guys i have not posted here in a while...things are awful right now and have been for weeks, i feel so lost and scared things are gonna be this way for a long time, ugh i know its just the depression talking but i just can't see a way out of this hole right now...
anyway hope u are all doing ok hugs..

vin_rouge · Oct 09, 2012, 10:38 AM

Right now I'm feeling very bad. I couldn't sleep last night, and my day has been overwhelming. That insomnia is a new problem...
I haven't managed very well with my studies recently. I'm grateful that my holiday will start tomorrow.
Hugs to you...

Rachel.i · Oct 09, 2012, 12:21 PM

Slept pretty good last night, my mood is kinda even. Am very, very worried about my cousin though. We have been close since we were kids, and now she is seriously ill, maybe close to death, but I haven't been able to get in touch with her or her sister for weeks now to find out what is going on. Gonna keep trying.

agma · Oct 09, 2012, 01:17 PM

Extremely anxious. On the verge of a panic attack.

Rose76 · Oct 09, 2012, 08:52 PM

I had to choose between my sleeping pill (Temazepam 30mg) and my pain pill (Vicodin 10mg/325mg.) (Vicodin is trade name for pill with hydrocodone in it, which is wonderful for my sore neck.) This is due to new Federal regulations.

What to do? What to do? I decided to choose my sleeping pill, which I am tapering off of anyways. Meanwhile, I have to be careful not to stress my neck.

Having made the decision with my pdoc, who was real nice to me today (and warned me about the downsides of Hydrocodone,) I feel okay with what I have decided. My neck is pretty good today. So I guess I'm okay. I did come out of the hole. I think I'm up out of it.