[whimsygirl]

Life sure can be weird Lately, due to the return of my back pain, and now my tooth that needs a root canal, physical pain seems to temporarily be distracting me from some of that "other stuff".....the kind of stuff most of us deal with (in various incarnations). Doesn't always work that way, but seems to be at the moment, and at this time I'm content to trade in my tears for some pain meds and a heating pad. Sending good thoughts out to everyone.....

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Turtleboy

I don't know what is going on with me, one day i'm ok and the next i feel horrible, i do have a lot on my mind it must be getting to me more than i realise

Oh Turtleboy.....Those dreaded ups and downs. For me that's by far the most difficult thing to deal with when battling this stupid demon ~depression. I don't know about you, but I get so frustrated, because from one day to the next circumstances may be the same....and yet my mood is different. Just my opinion, but I think it's so important to remind ourselves that the demon has NO rules, and could care less about anyone. Oh! And he makes no sense at all! I had a therapist who called him ~it "the trickster", and I think that name applies well. Sending you hopes for more good days than bad ~whimsy

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by MotherMarcus

Beautiful day out yesterday. Had my butt glued to the couch all day.

That's pretty much what I'm doing today. Blah, apathy.

[alone in the world]

almost 12 noon and I have accomplished nothing, It is really hard to leave the house unless I have an appt. Feel real guilty because I don't do anything with my daughter outside the home. Last week everytime I left my anxiety got real bad not sure whats going on with me.

[regretful]

Holding on fairly well...nervous about the upcoming occupational change (return to what I used to do, leaving a family business after 6 years of self employment with my wife). I'm going to really miss working with her every day...

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by regretful

Holding on fairly well...nervous about the upcoming occupational change (return to what I used to do, leaving a family business after 6 years of self employment with my wife). I'm going to really miss working with her every day...

Hi regretful.....Very understandable that you'd be feeling this way. I guess it's kind of obvious, but even positive changes sometimes involve a "loss" of sorts, as we move from one stage of our lives to another. Sometimes we have to leave something behind in order to move forward Hope that didn't sound to preachy, but I do believe it's true But I'm HAPPY for you!!

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Life sure can be weird Lately, due to the return of my back pain, and now my tooth that needs a root canal, physical pain seems to temporarily be distracting me from some of that "other stuff".....the kind of stuff most of us deal with (in various incarnations). Doesn't always work that way, but seems to be at the moment, and at this time I'm content to trade in my tears for some pain meds and a heating pad. Sending good thoughts out to everyone.....

Know what you mean. With everything spiraling out of control, my car quiting on me, can't find any alternative transportation, the financial problems, and the spine problems and scary surgery coming up everything just keeps piling up. Can't deal with it all.

One day I was sick and didn't go to the partial hospital program, soo... they send the police to check on me. I'm in bed finally sleeping after being sick( Sir, my cat came in the bedroom and woke me up while they were banging the door down! I thought there was an earthquake I was so disoriented, then they are in my bedroom with the flashlights! What is it w/ them and the flashlights don't they know how to use light switches? On TV they always use the flashlights too!), had planed to call the PHP around 6:30-7am to let them know but I either forgot to set my alarm or slept though it. Without my hearing aids in I can't hear anything the police did call first but of course I didn't hear or see the flash-it isn't very bright, so--they broke my door(more $$$) down even though the maintenance man was right there and told them he could get the door off, and that I was deaf.

Then get and email from my therapist, I canceled my appointment at 3 something pm the day before, and my appointment was at 1pm so it wasn't a 24 hour notice! What! I now owe her $130, for being a couple hours late in canceling. Feel totally pissed off and alone. I miss one day of the program and they know I'm not actively suicidal but they send the police! This is getting to be too much. I talked to the director the next day, for this program it is part of the rules to send someone to check up on me--it was suposed to be the MHD but again its police instead! Told them I wanted out of the program, they have been wanting to switch me to the IOP intensive outpatient with higher functioning people and more focused talk therapy and their rules for that program do not include having to check on anyone who doesn't show up, but I have no way to get there. They have been trying to find me a Pdoc, and transportation( I'm not old enough or I live in the wrong place for the rest) but are also coming up against the same walls I did. The one transportation I'm eligible for my appointment is not until the middle of Nov, right before I go to the hospital and then to a rehab place. W/o a Pdoc of my own and transportation this is the only program there is. They don't want me to just stay home. Plus the program is the only food I get that doesn't come from a can, I have no way to get food with my back I can't carry anything much or use the bus, there's too much walking involved. They are going to call my insurance again and see what they can do. I promised to go back Monday and check in, hopefully they can find a SW who might be able to help with all this--their SW left a week or so before I started there.

Then my daughter emails doesn't want me to come for the birth of her son. After all our emails of what we were going to do, plus she is back on bipolar meds. I'm hoping thats what its about but it's hard to not feel left out.

OK one piece of sunshine in all this, my mother sent some money so I can hopefully get my car fixed. The guy got the car Friday but hasn't told me yet whats wrong or how much. I'm scared it is bad, he is usually good about getting back to people with a estimate.

I've been on the lomotrigine for 3 weeks the doctor said to give it 3 more weeks I'm still going up on the doses. I'm beginning to think I don't have three more weeks in me. How long can I go with the thoughts before I give in and start thinking the thoughts are right/real not just part of the depression? With all this going on I haven't dealt with any PTSD stuff for ages. Thank goodness for propranenol to control most of the anxiety, and I guess the good side to all this crap is not having to deal with PTSD and really bad memories.

[whimsygirl]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Sidestepper ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) But oh how I wish I could do more than that....I will be praying for you. I've never figured out if God.....or whoever.....ever listens to me, but it's certainly worth trying. Needless to say I am so very sorry about all you're having to deal with in your life, and I hope that something good happens for you as soon as possible...... ~whimsy

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Sidestepper ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) But oh how I wish I could do more than that....I will be praying for you. I've never figured out if God.....or whoever.....ever listens to me, but it's certainly worth trying. Needless to say I am so very sorry about all you're having to deal with in your life, and I hope that something good happens for you as soon as possible...... ~whimsy

Whim, thanks. On another post I relized I had a really great dream last night. I'm hoping thats a sign the med's are starting to work!!

[Turtleboy]

Feeling a lot calmer today

Thank you for your lovely comment yesterday (( whimsey ))

still not sure how to quote yet lol

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Turtleboy

Feeling a lot calmer today

Thank you for your lovely comment yesterday (( whimsey ))

still not sure how to quote yet lol

Hi Turtleboy.....Hopefully this will help. Click on "Quote" right under the post you want to respond to. A box will come up with that post in it. Leave that alone....just go to the end of it, enter whatever you want to say, then click "Submit Reply", and that should do it. Oh and it's good to hear that you're feeling calmer..... ~whimsy

[Turtleboy]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Hi Turtleboy.....Hopefully this will help. Click on "Quote" right under the post you want to respond to. A box will come up with that post in it. Leave that alone....just go to the end of it, enter whatever you want to say, then click "Submit Reply", and that should do it. Oh and it's good to hear that you're feeling calmer..... ~whimsy

emmm like this???

[regretful]

Overall, a pleasant day so far. The omega-3's for depression are really helping me, as is the support from you fantastic people here.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Turtleboy

emmm like this???

Perfect!

[whimsygirl]

So far feeling pretty "okay" today. My current goal (with the help of my beloved therapist) is to become more proactive in fighting my demon ~depression. Hypnosis (during my sessions), relaxation exercises she gives me, listening to music that makes me feel good and want to dance, replacing bad thoughts with ones that make me smile, even watching "The Andy Griffith Show" and "Leave it to Beaver"! What can I say.....I just love those shows, and they tend to make me feel good.....no matter how many times I've seen the episodes. Whatever it takes. Taking one tiny step at a time Hope everyone has the best day possible

[Bark]

Looks like my last post didn't post. Maybe that's for the best. I could post it again... meh.

Anyway, took my first full pill yesterday. Don't think I've felt any side effects yet, unless my waking during the night counts. I used to sleep through the night, but recently, I've been waking up once, twice, or more.

[dazedandonfused]

I haven’t posted in a while I’ve been having a rough time but I'm keeping my head up and trying to walk through everything and trying to remember to breathe. I have been doing a lot of praying as well. Sometimes I feel that my prayers are left unanswered and that god has put me on this earth to suffer but I think that is the depression talking. But for now I’m here and still kicking.

[ExiExi]

New tactics. Making all the wrong choices.

[CloudyDay99]

Your comment reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George does everything opposite of what he usually does and has a really successful day.

Today but tolerable with a touch of sad.

Ssad, humiliating, depressing kind of day

[optimize990h]

I did some phoning to determine exactly where things stood with therapy. I will get clarification by end of the week. It will determine what direction related to policies with different agencies set up a date and time. I know that the phone communication is not clear if phone tag occurs.

I have found it better if appt is done and some direction given by the specialist as to where to proceed as per my surgeon today. A lot clearer even though time was invested into the whole process. I got outside and inside isolated inside a house.

[Turtleboy]

quiet morning, feeling pretty good

[CastlesInTheAir]

another day of feeling outside the world have not left the house since the 5th. sleep, stare at my phone, my laptop, the ceiling, think think think think think

[Rose76]

Kind of low at the moment. This is going to happen from time to time. It will pass.

My S.O. was here at my place for two days. Got along pretty good, but he seemed so glad to be leaving. We kind of each prefer to be at our own places. Maybe that's the way we should just leave it.

I spent some time yesterday with a neighbor who needed help. She's lonely and I feel for her. She would like for us to do more things together. I get worn out though because she wants someone to listen, which I do attentively. She, in return, is not a good listener, so I don't bother trying to be heard by her. Then she complained of being woken up the other night by noise and wanted to know if I had a loud guest. That was not the case. I am quiet and don't have loud people around. Whatever she heard was not coming from my apartment. As I write this, it seems to suggest to me why she is lonely. There I was, doing a favor for her that she asked of me, and being patient and nice to her . . . while she dredges up some bogus complaint. I think people avoid her. I am starting to understand why. I'm afraid I am going to be doing some avoiding, myself.

Well - now I have my solitude again. I'm kind of glad to be alone.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Kind of low at the moment. This is going to happen from time to time. It will pass.

I know what you mean Rose. Speaking for myself, I'm believing more and more that there is a delicate balance between doing all I can do to feel better, but also accepting that there will be times when forces I do not know how to control are at work. May the low feelings you're having pass as soon as possible ~whimsy