Dying a slow and painful death

I just don't know how much longer I can deal with this psychological pain. I feel all twisted up and feel as if I can't breath.i just don't know what to do, I can't. Move off the couch I am just watch my kids do anything they want to do and I am to slow or dead to yell at the . I took some Ativan but it didn't. Help. I need to make dinner but I can't I am useless and can't help my kids. I want to die but their is no one to care for my kids, maybe I should just give up and hope someone will come forward and take them, hopefully their loser father wii, bt I don't know maybe they will be better off with me. I can't see any getting better by talking with my therapist once or every two weeks will do. I fell overwhelmingly hopeless. Every day I wake it is the same **** and the same problems, I am hanging by a string and that string is going to. Real soon. Th
Is pain will never end, it just gets worse and worse.

((((rcrss)))) i am so sorry you are suffering so much right now. You are not alone. There are people here that hear you, understand and can relate.

I am wondering if you have spoken about these particular feelings with your doctor or pdoc. Ativan is for anx/severe stress and a nervous system depressant, so if you are already feeling depressed, it could very well make things harder (no motivation, feeling incredibly down, weak, confused, hopeless, etc).

Please call your doctor and make an appt. If you feel you are in immediate danger, go to hospital or call 9 1 1.

There is help available.

Also, your children love you. For as overwhelming as that sounds, perhaps once you meet with your md and address these serious feelings, things wont be so difficult or seem so bleak.

Also, i have found, for me, Rx without T is not really that effective. The Rx helps the symptoms, but in T, I am able to get to the root of the matter...

Please take good care and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs to you,
Rose

Sounds like you are hating your present life and need something more to satisfy you. Your husband is a loser so you can't even kill yourself since you can't leave the kids with him. So now what? Well, unless you got money you can't change your living situation and that can hurt your personal growth.

Can you get away for a while on a little vacation. Take one kid and leave the other? Or leave the kids at a friends/relatives and just never come back. You need to start a new life and chuck that old one away. Divorce that loser and get a younger man? What are you looking for?

If I had any money at all, I would go out and live while I can cause life is way to short to waste away on a nightmare when you could be living your dream. But right now I am just living check to check so I can't even get out and away from my loser wife so I know how you feel. Hang in there.

Rcrss5
Your recent hospital stay apparently helped you but minimally. Your posts shout out your agony and that shout deserves to be heard. Please reach out for help. Your older children may be able to assist you in that.

Hoping against hope you'll find some hope...

I'm so sorry you are in such pain. If you need to see your T more often, will insurance cover that?

Yes, I left the hospital in better shape and was on five different meds, I had a seizure one week later and eas told to stop three of them Wellbutrin, cytomel,
And Ativan. When I call my therapist he told me I had to wait over one month to see a psychiatrist and my PM felt uncomfortable prescribing me anything. So I am back to square one, I am starting to feel overwhelmed and very hopeless. I feel like I need to be hospitalized but I have no one to watch my kids, my **** ex husband said he maybe able to come but I couldn't go in the hospital and had to be home at night to tend to the kids and my mother she is dysfunctional and is bad for my kids psychologically. I am stuck in pain with no way everyday I picture myself crashing into a pole or vision slitting my wrist watching the blood leave my veins, and I have been writing letter to my kids explaining why I took my life. Which will not bring much comfortm to them. The people around me do not see the cyclone that turns in my head. I can't do anything write, I don't take care of my children's needs, I have no interest or motivation in life. I am a loser and I finally realized that I truly suffer from a mental illness and most discerning I have borderline personality which comes with a stigmatizsm of being munipulative which I am not. I have no place in this life and I can't wait until I am brave enough to end it all. I wll feel very Badley that I left my kids or if I decided to take my younger ones with me. I have to protect them from the predators that my lirk in my own family. I am sure that I want to die but I don't want my children to feel the painful aftermath. As I walked through my tree of life I came to a crossways, one side said be with him and the other said no he is not for you keep moving on. Being the weak person afraid of being alone i choose my ex even though I knew it was wrong. I am paying for this decision and will continuing paying for it. He has no guilt and has told me many times that I would go to hell for leaving him and taking the kids, maybe he was right?

I'm so sorry, you're hurting so much. But no matter how much you're hurting, you can't leave your kids. You need to let them help to bring you to happiness. You can't let their father take them. THEY LOVE YOU. They're going to be there for you. And, no...he wasn't right for saying that you'll go to hell for that. You did what you needed to do. And, I know that sometimes it feels like everything sucks, and nothing is going right. But you need to hold on and keep trying. No matter how much you're hurting, you need to think about your children. Think about how much it would hurt them if you were gone. IT WOULD KILL THEM. You need to tell yourself that things will get better. And things WILL get better, I promise you. Please feel better?

I am sorry that you are feeling such pain and my heart goes out to you. The sudden reduction in medication has likely thrown you into the downward spiral.

It is difficult to think clearly when in such a depressed state.

I really think you need to get help immediately.

Is there a crisis line you can call in your area? If you are having thoughts about harming yourself, go to the hospital or call 911. It is a medical emergency.

Your children love you and need you. It will get better, you must believe this.

If your therapist is not helping you enough, maybe you might want to check out the Psychotherapy forum here on PC? http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=25 The posters give a lot of great advice on how to get the most out of one's therapy sessions. They might even be able to help you decide if you have the right T. I learned how to communicate with my new T and that made all the difference. I think deep down we all know what we need. I hope you will be able to feel better soon. Please hang in there. Wishing you all the best.

your pain is severe. i've been close, but eventually the storm blew over. it got better, not great, but better. it can get better for you. it's really just so very hard to see this where you are now. I suggest reaching out to as many people as possible. Get em' on your side, and let them bring you out of this struggle as a team effort.

excercise as much as you can and keep moving. be moving constantly. INERTIA INERTIA INERTIA. blast the music and dance around. walk swiftly around the block, to the library, to the store. keep moving. keep moving.

Read some recovery stories. they will give you hope.

Do anything that gives you any temporary relief. Anything that gives you relief is worthwhile.

Hold on. You can beat this!