[Marla500]

((tigersassy)) I'm right there with you

Feeling rather ****** today. A mix of reasons, just feeling rather ignored and perhaps avoided for some reason? Who knows? Maybe my head just thinks that?

[ScathachWarrior]

I haven't been here for awhile. School has been stressful, but I love it. I love spending six hours after school doing homework and studying, knowing how much the AP's will pay off once I'm in university.

I'm so drained with everything, with school and with my depression, I feel so worn out. Not to mention one of my dear friends is in the hospital and I can't stop checking my phone every five minutes. He's okay now, mostly going stir crazy in the hospital. Boy do I know what that's like.

At the beginning of the year, I was rethinking going to art school. I've had it all planned out for the last five years, but it never fit right. Now I've decided what I really am meant to be doing, and I'm going to go into Psychology, but I wonder if that's a crazy idea. I want to, I want it more than everything, and it fits so well, but I wonder if that's not a good idea what with my own problems. I handle people's problems well, no matter how *I'm* feeling at the time, but I worry talking to a patient and talking to a friend is different, too different and difficult for me to handle. I don't know. I just know I really want this, and I'm happy I've worked my *** off in high school thus far, especially since it wouldn't have really paid off in art school.

[1948kate]

Very poor sleep last night. Way too many memories of childhood abuse raised their ugly heads. Processed them this morning. Happy they came into consciences, now I have the tools to progress in my healing journey.
Tired but feeling good.

[ToeJam]

Down in the dumps today. Should have been good as I had the house to myself and the freedom to do whatever I wanted... but I just sat there for the most part staring into space.

[healingme4me]

I've been teary eyed and irritable, all day. Could be lack of sleep, from last night, combined with stress. However, Day 1? Will there be continued days? I'd rather keep an eye on it...

[themonster7]

I don't know. Can't even think. What's the difference between an up and down? Life keeps moving and I'm not feeling.

[Blue_Bird]

Feeling great today, thank you Lithium

[Patagonia]

Why does it feel like I'm only living & looking forward to my next T's appt. How pathetic is that while I watch my life slide by

[crashnebula]

i broke down it's been a long time since iv'e hit so low..

[bronzeowl]

Eventually I'll brave the other forum. But I feel so comfortable here.

I'm still depressed, but I think it's slowly coming out of a dark depression. I managed to seek help for advice on getting my medication and a lot of people came through for me. It no longer looks impossible. Last night was rough. I did things... that I regret. I feel horrible physically right now. If it gets worse,I may end up asking my sister to take me to the ER tomorrow. But for now, it seems to be getting a little better. Despite the physical pain, I'm kind of... calm mentally for now. I don't know how long it will last, but I don't want to question it. I'm thinking that.. maybe I can do this after all. Maybe it is possible. I hope it is. I'm still depressed. I cried a lot earlier tonight. But I saw how quickly people like us can help one another and that, in a way, temporarily lifted my spirits.

I'm slowly accepting it. No matter what I'm told.. I'm still me.

doing okay so far.

just got my 2 requests played on the radio- which i do every sunday.

it is the highlight of my week..

[Bark]

I keep putting things off indefinitely. Like checking in here. Later, later, later... before you know it, several days have passed. I seem to be doing that with everything lately. Putting it off, putting it of....

My mood has stabilized since I crashed hard two weeks ago. Occasional ups and downs, but they're short-lived.

Financial problems are still there, family problems....

There are things I could mention here, but I don't want to trigger anyone. I'm worried about friends both on here and offline. They're doing things that I worry will end badly. I don't want to lose any of my friends: I cherish them all. And it feeds into the guilt, because I feel like it's my fault and that there is nothing I can do. I hope everyone is safe and not in too much pain.

I apologize for not going back and reading all the posts I missed. I need to figure out how to manage my time properly. But I'm tired and exhausted and just want a break from everything, all the problems and commitments and reponsibilities....

How could I go from feeling "normal" Friday and Saturday morning, and then Wham the depression hits again? I just don't understand it. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. Somedays I have to force myself to get out of bed and try to be productive. Other days (few and far between lately), things just seem to flow. How can I get a handle on this and feel normal?

Originally Posted by tigersassy

I'm better functionality wise. I have therapy next week if I can afford it. Panic attack city because I hate money. I'm mentally ok kindda I guess. I don't understand why I can be ok one min then not ok the next. It makes life so hard. I want to be better. I know it can be I just don't know what to do to make ok permanent.

Tigersassy, I completely understand about feeling okay one moment and not the next, and confusion about how to make it permanent. It's a very weird thing (the fluctuations).

[themonster7]

So ready to be done with everything. Not just this depression but everything. It's not worth fighting, it's endless and it's painful and it's destroyed every part of me.

[tigersassy]

Feeling icky. Just want to go home and go back to bed.

[Rose76]

Still feeling good. This is fantastic.

[Bark]

Doing something that might have been helpful triggered anxiety out of the blue. It was only ticking boxes and no one else had to see what I ticked, and even if they did, it really was no big deal. I don't know. Spent some more time talking to my friend, then the nighttime depression hit, possibly triggered by the time and what we were talking about. Negative thoughts are back; going to try sleeping them away.

I have no excuse for forgetting/putting off my make-up quizzes. Why am I sabotaging myself?

I just want a break from everything, from all the stress. I'm exhausted.

[gracez]

Tired of living a facade, and thinking that I "shouldn't" this or that - like be depressed!

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by newgal2

How could I go from feeling "normal" Friday and Saturday morning, and then Wham the depression hits again? I just don't understand it. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. Somedays I have to force myself to get out of bed and try to be productive. Other days (few and far between lately), things just seem to flow. How can I get a handle on this and feel normal?

That is truly the $64,000 question. I face the exact same dilemma. You may have hit on something when you mentioned having to "force" yourself. I am starting to think that that is basically what it comes down to. That may be the only "handle" we'll ever find. It's sure tough though. Others, who don't experience regular bouts of depression seem to have a routine that they follow that sort of carries them along. Somehow, I can't seem to develop that. And meds don't fix the problem. It's just an on-going struggle.

[angryworld]

So down. Hypoglycemic all morning, forgot to bring something to raise my blood sugar. Panic binged for lunch and made myself sick. Still sick at dinner, couldn't finish my food.

Today was just a crap day all the way till I picked up my daughter from school.
Once I was around my sweet little angel, it got better, but I was still in a funk and I had to apologize to her for being "blech" while we were together. But she just cuddled up next to me and told me she loved me....oh thank You God for blessing me with this precious gift...my daughter is my whole world now, the only one here on earth who loves me!

lowest of the low today.

sitting here empty..

[ToeJam]

Strange. Yesterday was horrendous yet today so far has been pretty good... been happy to deal with any obstacles in my path and have kept in fairly good cheer.