[themotions]

Feeling pretty down today. Messed up at work and feel like an idiot who cannot do anything right. How is it that everyone else sees it as not a big deal but I cannot let it go and keep tearing myself up over it. Was so anxious about it today that I made myself physically sick.

[Bigmike727]

Well things are starting to look a bit up for me, been feeling productive all day.

[tigerlily84]

Today was a better day. One of my coworkers invited me to a party at her apartment tomorrow. These are not the same coworkers from before. I'm a little nervous to go, but I'm always complaining how lonely I am. I don't know, I can't decide. Mostly I feel like everyone is judging me. What if they only invited me to make fun of me? Then again, the coworker that invited me out tomorrow helped me to calm down when I was had a panic attack at work a few months ago. It's hard to figure out what people's intentions are.

[konstargirl]

I finally got a job now, but I'm nervous because I'll be working for my dad. >< I start tomorrow afternoon.

[NWgirl2013]

Trying to hang on, not get too down in the dumps, but this pain in my head is mind numbing and nauseating. I am another one who want to curl up under the covers and stay that way some days. But that doesn't stop the pain. Why can't I get relief? It makes me very depressed.

[mulan]

I realy wanted to be more suportive here in the foruns. But I think it's because a little bit selfish reason.
I don't have many people around me, friends. I'm realy tired because nobody seems to realy like me, and it makes me sad. It makes me realize that is something wrong about my personality. I'm not a mean person, I think I'm nice with everyone, but being nice isn't enough. I don't talk a lot, I'm not naturaly funny most of the time, I barely talk seriously (just being ironic and making jokes that few people seems to like). And I don't get attached to people, it's not my fault, it doesn't mean I don't like them, but it is also my fault.
In these past days it seems that unintencionaly I made people not care about me, hate me. There are this academic activities in my country. It's a all week without classes and a lot of parties and events. Some of them are dedicated to the ones that finish their graduations this year, and that includes a sort of a lunch/dinner that the young students have to prepare. The fact is that I didn't help in anything and I went there to eat, some people from my year became upset with me.
I was not comfortable being there, I didn't want to be there, but my roommates finish the graduaction this year, so I went there with them. And I don't feel very comfortable to be there with those people of my year... :S
I get used to go to the other academic activities with my sister and her friends, because I had no one to go with me. My classmates never ask me to go with them or simply they don't care to much about the activities and they don't go. This year they went, some knew I was going to, no one asked me to go with them...and in the end I got to know that many of them went and they were all together, while I was hanging almost alone with my sister. When I go out with her I always find myself in the second plane. It's she and her friends, and sometimes I have the opportunity to join the conversations. But for instance when we are walking in groups side by side. I always have to move from one side to the other, otherway I would be in the back of the line or out the circles, when they are stand, what happens a lot.
What's wrong with me, why? It hurts, but I know if I make myself take the first step more often it will be at least a little bit different, because people forget who isn't normaly there.
I don't want to be forgoten here as either, I want to be an important part, but I guess it hapens too.

[painisme]

stomach ache from the new meds...but ok besides that

[eggplantlife]

This morning I'm feeling okay. Might be almost good.These couple of days, I find that my mood swings up and down during the day. Most of the day is depression, but for an hour or so I feel good. I hope it continues to be good soon and my life turns around. It's been hard these 8 years. Most of my life I had depression, but these 8 years life have been rough on me with deaths, divorce, no job, poverty, debt and the most sad giving up my doggie daughter. I'm so grateful that my friend took me in. I want to be well.

[tigersassy]

Doing ok I guess. Not deppressed really, but not good either anxiety has been up since I woke up. I think it has to do with work requirements today. Wish I felt good for a while.

Tig

[regretful]

Vacillating between depression and apathy...I can't stay in this spot forever as it is intensely uncomfortable. I suppose that sooner or later something will "give" - I'm hoping for sooner because this depressive/dysthymic episode has been going on since early October...

Just in a major funk today. Everything seems so pointless because nothing I do improves this depression. It is an unwelcome companion that just won't leave me.

The temp-to-hire paralegal job I was enthusiastic about turns out to be for a company that sells ATMs! How exciting and prestigious-sounding - - NOT! The agency is sending over my resume. Not even sure if I'd want to interview for the job if they're interested in me, but I guess I better because what else do I have to do - - nothing! I can just hang my head in shame about what a fly-by-night operation it is if I were to be offered and take the job.

My life just sucks, big time. I hate it and myself for being so pathetic. That's all for now.

[Rose76]

Back from my get away to visit family. Feeling pretty okay. I'm so glad it's still cool weather.
My s/o gets weaker every week. It was a nice escape for me. Now I'm back, and the worrying about him continues.

[StarStrike]

I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I felt like I hadn't got enough sleep. Even though I had eight hours. At the library my name was not on the rota. They'd forgotten about me on my last day. But then one of the staff members gave me some grapes as a goodbye gift since today was my last day of work experience. Then the manager gave me a box of chocolates and a thank you card. But there was still whispering going on. They're nice towards me but I'm sure they're saying stuff about me behind my back. I had a sugar rush from a milkshake that had crushed skittles in it. But sugar rushes never last and as quickly as I had it, it was gone and I felt tired. All in all I'd like to say thank goodness the two weeks of work experience are finally over. I am not a people person.

[Pikku Myy]

I can not get my "thinking" together......... I feel a bit lost again.

[themotions]

Today just sucks. I am sitting here, do not want to go to support group. Just want to mope.

[seeminglyreal]

Had a very good day. I didn't want to get out of bed to go to uni, but I had to go because I can't miss any more classes. So in Linguistics, I sat next to this girl and she started talking to me and we worked together during class. That's a first, because I always do group projects on my own. She is very very nice and I didn't feel anxious at all when I talked to her -which is also a first. We walked together to the bus stop. I hope she'll be my friend.

It's been a long day and I should be pretty tired. Two nights in a row with not much sleep. I guess being in a hospital environment is not helping in that sense. I could ask for something to help me switch off and sleep but I guess I'm trying to avoid that where possible.

[cherrykix]

I'm feeling really happy, but also scared. I finished the semester with better grades than I expected, had a long phone call with a good friend that has similar issues as me and she's doing great, and I found the perfect apartment. I'm scared because I know my good mood won't last and I don't want to sink into a depressive episode.

Sent from my SGH-T999L using Tapatalk

[Nammu]

The last few days have not been good. Did the intake yesterday, quite upsetting. Today woke up in so much pain, my back hurt, couldn't pee no matter what, jumped into a warm tub of Epsom salts, that and three huge glasses of water helped. When I got out there was a message for an emergency appointment with the psych nurse.

Ihave a bladder infection and she wants me to keep the appointments I received yesterday and keep calling about PHP. I can't take being w/o a car any longer and asked my neighbor I give me a ride to the mechanic. He said the only thing left was the inspection and it will pass now but he needs to see the insurance form before he can officially run it. Only other thing left to is renew the plates. Cost so much less than I was afraid of, really like my mechanic.

When I talked to my neighbor I found out what all the police, fire and ambulances last month were about. My downstairs neighbor killed himself. Another neighbor I had never met might also have killed herself, the cause was uncertain. My neighbor is an ex cop and has ways of finding out everything that happens around here. My first thought was jealousy, why did they succeed when I have tried so hard? I've been in a coma and gotten epilepsy from my attempts but can't succeed! I keep thinking if they had just let me die I would have avoided all these years of pain and humiliation not to mention avoiding the surgeries. I'm so afraid to try again because I'm sure I'll fail. Anyway the talk with the nurse curiously was helpful although she didn't really do anything beyond being supportive and order the antibiotics.

[TheOriginalMe]

Today was pretty much the same as yesterday really, except that my bladder problems have returned, this time in a supermarket queue. It's like from nowhere I have an uncontrollable urge to pee and nothing I do can stop it. This time was worse because of the menstrual problems I'm having. Suddenly I was standing in a pool of blood stained pee and hoping no-one had noticed. I figured if they did notice that their embarassment was probably greater than mine and that thought got me out of the door and into the street. After that I just had to make it home where of course there is nowhere to hide as the builders are still here.

Don't know what to do, have to wait until 4th June for an appt with female GP, who knows nothing about my depression or see my usual doc who will say it is important to treat my depression first and foremost. Plus I don't want the hassle of loads of examinations, I have barely got the motivation to get out of bed and sleep on the sofa all day, having to go to various appointments and all that will entail is just too much, way too much.

[waterknob1234]

I'm so tired and I'm glad it's the weekend. I have been too sick the last week to worry about the chaos and hassle at work. I had bronchitis and chest congestion. Wednesday I had a CT scan of my head and carotid ultrasound done. I almost decided not to have it done but my doctor's office insisted I have it done and they jumped thru hoops to find a facility that would accept my insurance. Last night I sat on youtube listening to old love songs and pop songs from the 1960's and 1970's. That brought a sense of peace and calm and made me think of happier times during my childhood.

[PoorPrincess]

The physical malaise still besets me, feel defeated, weak, worn out, give up.
Depression today as deep and dark as the rainy day.

However an unacceptable response from the dr office late today 'riled' me and I let the young woman know that the Corporate CYA generic one-size fits all neat and tidy little answer was altogether unacceptable. It did not address my inquiry at all and left me with NO care or instruction for the entire weekend.

Tonight after 6 I get a call from the prescriber. He was very good and apologized.
Communication is such a great thing. He answered my question very well. Thank you.
So I guess I'm not dead yet, I've still got an intelligent voice when I'm riled at least.
I feel better for the satisfaction after the aggravation today.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

The last few days have not been good. Did the intake yesterday, quite upsetting. Today woke up in so much pain, my back hurt, couldn't pee no matter what, jumped into a warm tub of Epsom salts, that and three huge glasses of water helped. When I got out there was a message for an emergency appointment with the psych nurse.

Ihave a bladder infection and she wants me to keep the appointments I received yesterday and keep calling about PHP. I can't take being w/o a car any longer and asked my neighbor I give me a ride to the mechanic. He said the only thing left was the inspection and it will pass now but he needs to see the insurance form before he can officially run it. Only other thing left to is renew the plates. Cost so much less than I was afraid of, really like my mechanic.

When I talked to my neighbor I found out what all the police, fire and ambulances last month were about. My downstairs neighbor killed himself. Another neighbor I had never met might also have killed herself, the cause was uncertain. My neighbor is an ex cop and has ways of finding out everything that happens around here. My first thought was jealousy, why did they succeed when I have tried so hard? I've been in a coma and gotten epilepsy from my attempts but can't succeed! I keep thinking if they had just let me die I would have avoided all these years of pain and humiliation not to mention avoiding the surgeries. I'm so afraid to try again because I'm sure I'll fail. Anyway the talk with the nurse curiously was helpful although she didn't really do anything beyond being supportive and order the antibiotics.

How are you feeling now? A good and honest mechanic is hard to find. I'm glad that the cost of the repairs and renewal is a lot less than you thought.

[tigerlily84]

I want to go out. I don't want to be lonely. I know it's my fault.

[Bigmike727]

Well, today was going quite fine, until I lost my wallet. Mind you nothing much was in it, but it held alot of sentimental value to me since it was my grandfathers own, who was like a father to me. It feels like I'm completely disoriented without it.