Stressed... about to go into hospital

Good thing you made one sub section. Guess you'll have time for the others later.

Hi there dear TJ. Oh dear, I'm so sorry to see that you're having a hard time and thus you're not feeling any better. The SI is really about anger/frustration and depression. It's all kinda mingled in together. I do that to. I've been hospitalised a number of times and I do see right where you are coming from. On the whole it DID help me at the time but sometimes I was threatened with a section, they did that when I was ''non complient''. So in other words they ''blackmailed'' me when I wouldn't do what they wanted. Said they'd section me!!!! Quite honestly although I was glad of going in~patient mostly, they didn't give me any treatment!! The first time I was in the hospital for 2 months. I actually didn't want to come out!!! I'd gotton used to being in there and actually LIKED being in!! But sometimes they did nothing and the floor staff did nothing too, I used to wander aimlessly, like you are now I would imagine. So YES, I do ''get it'' and I DO UNDERSTAND what you are talking about. Please do message me if you'd like to talk, always know you can. HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXX

Just been triggered, agitation went up... Been given anti psychotic, panicked... Nurse will be coming to speak to me soon... I don't want to flip out.. Got the swear word version of crap being mantrad and I want to scream but trying to stay calm.. Breathing fast.. ****... They want to move me out to main area tomorrow and I'm petrified.. ****... Sorry... I don't know what to do

Been a good day till now and boom... ****

Hey you need to stop, breath slowly and keep calm. Breath, every thing is gonna be ok.
Hugs

((((((TJ)))))

I hope talking with the nurse helps to calm you

I dunno what the "main area" is but I assume that they just want whats best for you. Try to find comfort in that.

You may not "feel" safe in the main area but right now your feeling might not be the best judge of reality. Breath and trust them to keep you safe.

Hi TJ,

Have been following your posts for awhile now.

Just want to say that you're making a huge step in recovery by being there and getting the extra help you need. It's not going to be easy.. you will try hard to si again but I hope you know that you're strong enough to conquer this with the help of people around you. Please don't feel bad, and continue posting if you need to.

you, and all of us here, are warriors afterall.

I am proud of you too. As someone going through an awful time as well, I look up to you for being there, for being brave enough to get the help you need. Like sidestepper said, it is important that you trust that they are there to help you and keep you safe.

Big hugs to you and (and all of us struggling).

Thanks for the messages and sorry for the slow response today. Been a bit of a roller coaster... They did a possession search on me this morning and I burst into tears whilst admitting and volentarily handing over a drawing pin I had taken to cut with. They weren't mad or anything and said it was to my credit to give it up before found but again removed a load of items they deemed 'risk'.

It is hard talking about that in chronical form as it's difficult to compare myself to those moments to when I'm calm and lucid. Right now it is infuriating and I hate that person for the way he is.

Had a few wobbles through out the day including a rage fit where I punched a wall till one of my knuckles bled.

Tonight I was allowed to go see my T under escort of my wife and then care given over to my T

Session went well surprisingly and I've come back calmer. Temptation was of course there not to return but as the hospital has my catheters and I can't pee without them I didn't really have a choice.

Anyway, again, thanks for the messages and support

TJ

Hello dear TJ and thanks for sending us your hugs, but we don't automatically expect them, you have well enough on your plate. You really are going through the mill, I DO UNDERSTAND darling ~ honestly. I've been where you are now and I have no doubt I'll go there again. The only difference is I don't show physical anger or frustration, mearly SI instead. You're in such a bad place right now it's real hard for you to see any glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, I pray that soon you will. Wish I had the magic answer but there isn't just one answer, it consists of many but finding where to start is the most difficult. I so so hope that soon you'll feel slightly better, impossible as that may seem right now TJ. Please keep writing to us, share whatever you need, we are here. LOVE and HUGS. XXXXXXXXXX

I'm glad that you at least could have a good session with your T I know how hard it is having to go back! I was allowed leave to go to group therapy and it was so tempting just to walk off and not go back to the hospital! Well done for going back and good on you for being honest about the drawing pin! That must have been hard, but it was a good step to make

It's good you get to keep your phone!

Best of wishes TJ. I know you are going thru a hard time right now. You are doing good. Your circumstances are not easy. As hard as it is to trust and be dependent on others, trust that the hospital staff is working to help you. God Bless.

This is good news. Does your private T have an early assessment of how the hospitalisation may be affecting you?

Hang in there, TJ. I hope you are better soon.

Poor morning again, had another self harm episode... So annoying, must be a combination of being tired, disorientated to where i am and rush of anger/anxiety.

Won't go too much into it.. Just annoying and leaves me feeling sad.

Wife got in touch with one of my long term and from child hood friends who has since text and called me being very supportive. Hadn't told any of my friends to this point so a bit of a big deal that I was worried about... But yeah he took it well and is coming to visit me this weekend which was so nice.

One of the care workers on my unit has befriended me as well and imparted a very poignant phrase that I think I'll carry with me for a long time. That though right now I may be scared, worried and concerned about the future 'this is not the end, it's just a bend'

The perspective of that struck a cord and I'm really thankful.

Hi TJ, really glad things are going better for you. Although there was the SI don't let it overshadow how far you're coming or the positive things going on for you like the contact with your friend, or the connection with the care worker. They really do matter, like I think you already know!!

Alison

Thinking of you, hang in there.

I omitted a risk I took last night. Though I had been in contact with one friend who I felt uncomfortable telling but relatively safe... Latter that night I sent a text to my best friend who I had always been scared of telling anything... That to do so would terminate our friendship.

Well I sent the following:

'Hi Andrew. Hope you're well, was great to see you the other week. Not sure how to proceed with this but going to bite the bullet and hope that it doesn't make you uncomfortable or annoyed with me. Been in a mental health hospital for the last week due to long term depression and a few other niggling issues. I think things are steadying out as they've played with my medication but yeah it's been a bit of a mess :s sorry for not sharing with you before... Was always a bit fearful that it would be very awkward but I'm coming to realise that going alone only goes so far and we need our friends if just to shoot the **** and take our minds off serious problems. I think you know how much I respect you so however you process this I will take it as it comes... But yeah, wanted to let you know. All the best, Mark'

Well he called me (is a police officer and was on duty at the time) but took the time to talk, listen and ask me questions... Wasn't as bad as I feared and though yes it was a bit awkward in places he told me he'll call me again today.

That's a really great step... Xox I'm glad your friend responded so awesomely

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Thats great, I'm glad your friend came through for you! It certainly is true that you find out who are real friends when you go through **** like this. Looks like you've found out you've got two good ones to keep a hold of

Hurray. Cheers for tj ^^

Hope the self harm episodes will fade away..

Edit: And also...gj. It's not an easy task to go against your fears and tell friends whom you've never trusted similar things with before.

As well as EVERYONE on pc!!!! well...maybe not everyone...but you get the point.

Thanks, he is coming to visit me tomorrow. I couldn't believe it when he said so but I am over the moon. All these years of basically going it alone and being very very very frugal who I told in real life... And now that my 2 best friends know... Haven't rejected me and are actually taking time out of their busy lives to come see me is... Well yeah, I want to cry but with relief if that doesn't sound weird.

TJ