[H3rmit]

I am in a lot of physical pain, feeling dizzy and nauseous often, and find it impossible to focus. So tired. Nap didn't help.

[waterknob1234]

real bad day!!

[birdpumpkin]

Not too bad today. Anxiety has been kept at bay except when I first wake up for a little while. Since I've realized I have some abandonment issues and am suffering from adult separation anxiety, just figuring this out seems to have helped some. Plus am taking magnesium now as my sister heard it helps anxiety, so maybe it's helping, too?? Not sure. It's been nice. I've actually found myself almost feeling like my old self before the fire happened, but then I remember all I lost and my cats and feel the weight of it on my back. I don't know if that will ever go away. I also don't have PMS right now. Things could be bad again in about a week. I know it makes any sadness, anxiety, and depression I have feel way worse.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Feeling pretty good right now, connecting with inner child and drawing unicorns and kittens.

[Bark]

Extremely irritable. I want to be alone. (And just now the door opens.) No space, no privacy. Drowning out their voices with music. JUST GO AWAY.

I thought I'd have left by now. That probably affected my mood. Had to postpone my therapy appointment because I have no way of getting there (if I hadn't slept as much and/or had my phone beside me, I would have had a ride). Just a few more hours and we'll leave.

But hey, at least the irritability and anger is keeping me awake. But for what?

[Clara22]

Trying to live the present moment as my medical appointment is on Friday (it gives me anxiety)

[regretful]

Well...I'm miserable. Though I try to find things to be grateful for, I am having little to no success with that strategy...

[tigerlily84]

Just woke up after having a weird and rather disturbing dream...

I'm going to put it out of my mind. Or try to at least.

[Rose76]

I've had a good stretch of doing really well and not having to fight depression. Also, I've been busy and taking care of responsibilities. I hope this lasts for a good while.

[JustTvTroping]

Not the weirdest dream I've had, but at least it's the least disturbing (apparently just getting a tax statement let's you get shot up into space...Space was amazing though).
...I should be doing my homework, but I'm too lazy

[TheOriginalMe]

Just muddling on, trying to make small changes here and there in the hope that this time I'll not slip back into old habits.

My dog has recovered from yesterday, with no signs of any harm what so ever. To be on the safe side I took her to a different place for her walk today, somewhere with less discarded rubbish with the potential to harm.

[healingme4me]

I need to sleep through this. Mind you, there was a severe amount of paternal estrangement during the important years of my life. My proms, my boyfriends, my license, moving to college, moving home, first job, my marriage/wedding day, my first pregnancy, the birth of my oldest, my sports, my grades, my experiences, my friends. Things were at a distance, through these years, in the past ten years. Couple hours here and there, every several months, maybe three to four visits a year. One week spent here, was eye opening, to some loose baggage in my history. Several emails between myself and stepmother was also eye opening. And bonding.
Yes, I made my peace. And in bonding with her, light shed, along with various passive aggressive comments, driving, etc behaviors.
It's complex,all the tapes of past respinning.
Ya know, mom, didn't smile, all those years. That b/w photo,was the same lost in thought look. My new preggers photos were entirely different.
Almost like, by virtue of her seemingly perpetual pondering, out came a deep, brooding thinking daughter.
I'm recalling how troubled he would profess me as being. No, that was just respectful disagreement.
The frayed ends, are getting glued and knotted back together.
His marriage, I'm not sure there's hope. He's got his own work cut out for him.
Knowing his family dynamics, the little ones sob story,may appear oh so comfortable, to him. Pen v. Vial? (Diabetes) Who attacks, physically cops and medical staff? Why is she more deserving of financial handouts?
And doesn't look like he's helping with school shopping, for the boys,as had been the trend for several years...
I need to get the boys settled, in bed, and sleep this off.
I understand my mother, much, much better. Still curious why her own romantic pattern, may never know...

[glok]

I am flatlining.

[Juuso]

Allowed myself to think about bad things today, I guess I had too much time and at some point my thoughts strayed from what ok, I guess it's only to be expected though. That brought my mood down for the whole day, although it ended up being kind of a blur.

[Pikku Myy]

Finally a better day here

[H3rmit]

Struggling with physical pain and exhaustion from bad sleep, while trying to study for an exam tomorrow. I don't mind we have a heatwave, though it's not ideal for sleep or healing, but I'm sad I'm missing the best gardening season in 5 years. I live for the month of summer when the garden is growing and producing like crazy.

Thankful I didn't break my leg, no ebola or Russian tanks/missiles/presidents here, husband is safe, etc, but still sad and in pain. Life is complicated.

*edit and apparently I am an idiot, because I posted here twice, not realizing what subforum it is, though I am not being treated for depression despite many people considering me a depressive sort over the years.

[Jolisse]

I moved to another state and a calmer environment, my depression is starting to go away.

[SadPam]

I've been crying most of the night. Don't feel well, googling "heart attack symptoms in women" at work, paid $405 to have my car's blower motor replaced so I have ac in August, only to find it didn't work when I got into my 105 degree car. Burst into tears, been crying for one reason or another since.

First world problems, I know, and I'm sooo weary of this world.

[freefallin]

I wish I had someone in my life who I could talk to who would listen to me instead of telling me I'm wrong for feeling a certain way or to get over myself or "just stop feeling that way" or whatever. A hug would be nice too, a real one. But I don't, and laying here crying won't make someone magically appear. Guess I'll attempt cleaning once again.

[tigerlily84]

Finally have my car back and I returned the rental. One of the repairs that I took care of is one that I have been putting off for almost a year now. I know I'm lazy, but I can't help but feel proud of myself for finally getting it taken care of.

[birdpumpkin]

Anxiety coming back. My husband is going to have to start taking the car to work starting Friday as his truck is in really bad shape and wouldn't pass inspection. The sticker runs out tomorrow as is the last day of the month. He'll have to get a new truck somehow, but until then I'm going to be stuck at home all day every day. That makes me really uncomfortable, plus now won't get to visit my parents every afternoon like I have been all summer. It'll have to be after he gets home, which will be rough because supper time and the like. Will probably have to shorten my visits. I keep telling myself I'll still be able to visit - except Wednesdays when mom goes to church in the evening. It's just at a different time. But it's not helping a whole lot. I'm feeling the anxiety adrenaline inside starting up again and will probably awaken in the morning dwelling on it and getting myself into a state. I don't like this. I have an appointment next week and will have to find some way to get there now. I don't know how long this will take because he has to sell his truck first to even have the money to buy a "new" one and probably still won't be enough because it's like 1985 model and not in good shape at all. I find myself frustrated with him, too, because as is typical with him, he's waited til the last minute here to finally realize, "Wow, I need to get another vehicle." He's had weeks to try to sell his and find another before the sticker ran out but haven't seen any effort at all.

[RunningInTheRain]

Bad day today. Last night was terrible...went to bed late, slept till 11:30 this morning (could've easily slept longer). All day today I've been alternating between depressed, irritated, and just kinda off. I feel guilty for hurting people, angry at both my parents for not understanding what's going on with me, angry at myself... And then my brother had a meltdown around 4 o'clock because he hates himself and thinks he's a failure. After about an hour my mother just couldn't handle it anymore and left. She came back a while ago and went to bed; she hasn't even spoken to me.

My family is so messed up. Days like this just remind me that cancer really did tear up our lives, and it's too late to fix it. There's too much to fix.

[regretful]

I just can't get the motivation to turn any of this around. Feeling trapped by business, the un-affordable care act, unemployment, and, of course, depression...

[glok]

Just flatlining. No desire to do more.

[flours]

woman stepped on my foot. freaked me out. touchy.