[lmn]

Hi everyone,

I am new to the forum....and I guess still in denial about my depression. I have been dealing with it for over a year now....not quite understanding what is going on. I was just waiting to snap out of it and guess what I am still waiting. I am in talk therapy and have recently tried 2 different types of antidepressents....one making me feel 10 times worst.....I couldnt control my emotions at all. I have so much to be thankful for but I cant seem to look at all the good things I have. I am so focus on what I dont have and I am scared I will never find love and happiness in life. And I am so scared to be alone. I am beside myself most of the time but then I will get involved in something and I will feel normal for just a few hours so it makes me wonder how depressed can I be. I am just afraid I am doing this to myself. I want to know just how to fix it. And my biggest problem is I am in a long distance relationship and I cant seem to be able to tell him what is going on in my life. and tha worries me....infacteverything worries me. I just to be one that thrives on stress....not I cant handle any of. Tell me what to do....how to return back to the fun Lauren I know is somewhere in there

[dexter]

lmn all the stuff you describe about not being able to enjoy the good things you have and being afraid are all just part of the depression.

i feel exactly the same way, it is so hard not being able to enjoy the things i love.

but you shouldn't worry about that just worry about getting better, and you are already taking steps to do that. don't think of it as "I have so many good things in my life how can i be so depressed?" instead you have to realize that it is the depression is the cause and not the effect. "I have so many good things in my life, but I can't enjoy them because the depression won't let me.

Don't give up on the meds. Sometimes it takes a while to find what will work for you. Each person will respond differently to each med. The good news is that there are many new meds and many different kinds of meds now so if one doesn't work there are still plenty of options. You have to have some patience and hopefully a good doctor who will work with you to find the right med and the right dose for you.

I am glad you are in therapy, because the meds alone won't do it by themselves, they only take away the chemical imbalance that makes it impossible for you to feel better on your own. The therapy will help you cope and function better.

Good luck. Keep working on it.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[Dude]

Hey Imn. Welcome to the forums. Are you bye any chance fairly young? What is the deal with me being able to relate to basically everyone that posts tonight? I also feel alone and feel like I am going to be alone all my life. Do you feel bad about who you are? Or your looks or something? What makes you think that you are going to be alone? Sorry for these flood of questions, just need to get a feel for where you are coming from. We are going to try to help you out I am sure and I hope it helps.

[krzyk101]

Hello, lmn

Therapy and Medication together are really a good start in treating the depression, you have made a very positive decision as far as recovering from the depression.

I myself have and still do relate to the problems that you expressed, in one way or another. I feel that each individual suffering will experience these things in one form or another. Worry is part of depression, as well as fear and I experience them both only no where to the extent that I did before starting treatment. I mostly discuss my fears and worries with my T and how they affect me. At times just having someone let you know that your fear or worry is real and that It is ok to be afraid helps me alot. In fact it actually helps me fear and worry less.

Medications are tricky, it is alot of trial and error, it takes some time to get the right medication or combinations of medication to help. I at times expect to feel better after the first dose, though they have told me that some medications can take up to 3 to 4 weeks to start working all the way.

I hope for you the best in overcoming this

Peace~ CHRIS

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[lmn]

I know I haven't totally given up.....but I am not sure what else to do.
I am embrassed.....I used to be a person who could handle and even thrived from stress....and I now something new pops up and I cant handle it.
My therapist thinks part of this is because I am morning the lost of school and I dont want to transition into the world of adulthood and I think that is true. Life is hard.....decisions are hard.
My current struggle is the hardest thing I ever had to do......and I have a hard time talking about it.
I need some advice though. I am in a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years now and we are great together....and he does metion the future but we haven't made specific plans.....but anyway thats another fear. I just wanted to know how I can tell him some of this....I am so afraid he is going to be disappointed in me..........he know something is wrong but he doesn't know the extent because he is not here during the week. ANd on the weekends I am so happy to be with him that one I dont want to think about it and at times I dont and two I dont want to screw up the few good times I can enjoy. But recently it is creeping into that relationship to. I just dont know how to tell him cause he is very conservative and he is to quick to judge that people are to overly medication. He doesn't know I have exhausted all other options like herbal remedies and acupuncture. Anyway how can I tell the man I love....how sad I am.....and isn't werid that I dont get that upset when I am spending time with him but as soon as I return to my world....2 hours away I am a mess? Please help............

[dexter]

hi again lmn...

I don't think anyone can properly give you an answer about your relationship because nobody knows him as well as you and even if they did predicting his response would be impossible.

Two things come to mind to think about though. First, if you are worried about causing a rift in your relationship, consider that not finding a way to tell him may make a larger rift than coming clean. He knows something is wrong, but he doesn't know exactly what, so he may perceive that as that you don't trust him and that in itself could prevent him from remaining close with you. At worst he may think that you are purposely being vague in order to give him a "hint" that you want to break up.

The second thing is that if you can't tell him because you are afraid he won't take it well, what will you do if you do end up with a future together? You will eventually have to tell him or else he will figure out there is something wrong on his own. If you can't trust to tell him now will you ever be able to trust him? I realize it is extra extra difficult because he is far away. But if you are using that as a reason not to tell him now will you just come up with another reason not to tell him if things go further?

Maybe you could find a way to tell him gently when you are together. Maybe not make a huge deal out of it. It is after all just a part of "you" it doesn't define you. The good times he spends with you are a part of "you" too.

There is a risk that he won't be able to accept it well. There is a risk of that with anyone. You will have to decide if you are willing to take that risk if and when you are ready. But also consider that if he can't deal with it might it not be better to find out now rather than later when you are even more invested?

Obviously I have an opinion on this but this is an important thing and you will have to make your own decision. I hope other people will chime in with other ideas on this so that you have a range of opinions to help you make your decision.

Good luck, I hope this works out well foryou.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[Dude]

I also am going to say "Hi again Imn."

Basically Dexter has covered a lot of it but I would like to throw my own opinion in here, so yes Dex, I am "Chiming in" hehe.

Imn I think that you need to be honest with him. I see that you have been dating for 2 and a half years and that is an unbelievable amount of time to hold something from someone. I don't think I could do that even if I tried to, I am too easy in being figured out I guess, I give it all away in a very small time frame. I think that if you have been dating that long that he has a very good clue about what is wrong with you. People are very intuitive as I have learned recently because one of my oldest friends who I thought had no clue about what I was going throguh actually had a clue and when I was honest with him it just confirmed what he had thought and so it wasn't a huge deal. I agree with Dex that it will only become a bigger and bigger rift between you, much larger than being honest. What is it that you fear him doing if you tell him? If anything I belive that it will bring you closer. If anything negative happens from it I would question this guys character. Anyways. I think honesty is the key and to just suck up all your fears and go for it. I think it will go over easier than you think but it's all about just going for it. Hope this helps. Please get back to us.

[lmn]

Dexter I agree with all that you are saying. But I am just scared. I keep telling him little things like he knows about my anxiety and my prn medicine and he knows i dont sleep well and he knows I am struggling with finding something....what not sure. But he doesnt know how far this has gotton.
And I think I am so scared cause I cant accept it myself. I cant. I dont know why its happening to me and why I cant fix it. So how can I expect anyone else to accept me. I also feel good when I am with him. Which I dont understand. My therapist says that its common to feel good when you are surrounded by supportive people or doing something that truely distracts you. And I guess he is one of my few distractions. There are times when I am with him that I get upset and I do show him some of it.....but he doesnt know I wake up crying every morning for no good reason. WHICH I HATE! And it so much easier to wake up in his arms.
I also dont want him to worry about me......he has to finish law school....and I know that I would want to know if he is but I am already hurting my dad so much cause I am so upset. I cant stand to do that to anyone else. I dont know.
I need to tell him but I dont want him to look or treat me any different.

just what I am thinking

Lmn

[dexter]

I know most of this will sound like easy answers but are actually very hard to implement... but just some things to think about...

The fact that he knows some of this specifically is a very good sign. It's not like you would be hitting him on the head with something out of the blue. He already knows and accepts that you have a problem. I think it is possible that you could ease him in on the severity of it, and he really may already know even if you haven't told him specifics.

I assume he has reacted well to the information that he does have? You said he is still supportive. Of course nothing is guaranteed but it is a good bet he will be supportive all the way through this I think.

As for law school, this may be a brutal concept, but really if he is involved it is up to him to make sure you don't take too much of his time or energy. You are the one that is ill and should not have to be also "protecting" other people from this, especially ones who want to be supportive. As long as you are not being manipulative or dumping guilt on him then there is no reason he can't use his judgement and say "I really have to study for a test tomorrow and I'll call you when it is over" and still be supportive. How much he wishes to be involved is his decision, and by keeping it a secret from him you are not allowing him to make that decision which is rightfully his. And that is the kind of thing that may cause problems in the long haul.

I think really that your fear and inability to accept this yourself is the thing you should work on most. I think it is a tremendously positive thing that you realize this. And it is something very very normal for everyone going through this type of thing for exactly the reasons you describe. I assume you are talking about this with your therapist? The best thing you can do for yourself and for your boyfriend is really work on taking care of yourself and getting better. It sounds like you are on the road to that, I wish you luck, and please keep us posted.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[lmn]

I am so tired. Every morning it is the same thing. I get up and I want to cry. THe mornings are so bad. I try to keep myself busy but there is such a horrible feeling in me all morning. Once I get to work and get going...around 11 I feel better....I start work at 9. I dont know if it because I live alone and there is no one here....cause when my boyfriend is here or I am there on the weekend.....I feel sad but not like i am going to cry, well not most of the time at least. I have got to figure out how not to start my day this way. I am so tired of this feeling inside me. I am on Wellbutrin right now...its only been a week cause the first two types of medicine I was on gave me horrible side effects. I take it at night......but maybe taking it in the morning would help. I just think it would be in my system better cause it is a slow release drug. Anyway any suggestions on how to get through these mornings would be so great. Cause I cant go on like this........its driving me nuts

thanks
Lauren

[dexter]

lmn it is usually ok to switch a med from night to morning just ask the doc first.

I take my wellbutrin in the am because it gives me more energy during the day to stay out of bed. if i take it at night it seriously prevents me from sleeping.

BUT it is very important to understand that the same med can have opposite effects on different people, so you have to try it and see and stay in touch with your doctor.

As an extreme example, some time ago i was taking zoloft. I would take it in the morning but it made me nauseaus and sleepy. so my doc switched me to taking it at night, where it actually helped me sleep better and was beneficial.

recently my new doc added zoloft back into the mix along with the wellbutrin. i asked it if was ok to take it at night because if made me sleepy, he said ok. After a few days it was clear that now it was having the exact opposite effect on me, it was keeping me awake and restless. Either something changed in my body chemistry over that time or more likely it just had a different effect in combination with the wellbutrin. in any case i had to switch it to morning.

Also of note is that over-the-counter sleeping meds make me restless and unable to sleep. i gave up on them long ago, because they do make me incredibly sleepy, like they are supposed to, but also keep me from falling asleep. a very unpleasant experience.

So just stay in touch with your doc and keep him posted on your personal experience with each med and with each change. he really has only your input to go on when considering changes.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>