Originally Posted by lonely-and-sad

Its a poor choice of drug for someone that is depressed. Most drugs are but recreational drugs in particular will multiply your suffering.

Look, I don't like to be lectured.

Weed happens to make me feel better...okay?

Not everyone can get antidepressants, so I have to do with what I can get.

It just so happens that right now I am having to do with nothing, and it's hell, so you really can't blame me for wanting what I want.

I don't mean to be rude, and I don't wanna get into a whole big debate, but...

I just thought I'd point this out.

[lonely-and-sad]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Look, I don't like to be lectured.

Weed happens to make me feel better...okay?

Not everyone can get antidepressants, so I have to do with what I can get.

It just so happens that right now I am having to do with nothing, and it's hell, so you really can't blame me for wanting what I want.

I don't mean to be rude, and I don't wanna get into a whole big debate, but...

I just thought I'd point this out.

Sure if you like I apologise. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by lonely-and-sad

Sure if you like I apologise. Best wishes.

You don't have to apologize, you did nothing wrong.

I've been irritable lately...a lot of bad things going on in my life.

Take care.

[angelene]

My mother is going to put up a Christmas tree for us this year. I'm too down to feel the holiday spirit.

[Rose76]

I'm very down. I'll try to find posts from when I felt better. Maybe I can remember how to feel better.

[tigersassy]

I know how some people who tried to help me must have felt back in the early 2000's. I'm frustrated with a person who has been offered advice and ways out of her situation but stays. She puts no effort forth to escape her "bad life" and get away from her alcoholic abusive parents. And it's to the point now that when someone offers advice they get their head bit off. I'm sorry that we are trying to help you, but you have to want the help first. Until you make an effort nothing can change. I feel bad that I treated my friends the way I did when they wanted to help. Today is just a look back day. Not really good, but not really bad either.

[TheOriginalMe]

Have a stinking cold and a headache. I can't take a simple painkiller because my LFTs are high, if I try NSAIDs I get indigestion So I'm stuck with the cold. Mentally I feel lousy too, all the bad stuff from the past 2 weeks has caught up with me and is being compounded by fear. If my next LFT isn't down then I'll have to stop my anti depressant and with it being christmas I won't get a pdoc appt until January. Can't face anymore difficut choices.

[Clara22]

My leg is bleeding but the traumatologists want to release me and have me as an external patient. It is a long story but this is a public hospital and they do it like that. Thankfully, there is a chief generalist that promised me I would not be released if I need to stay longer here. On Monday, my nephew and nice will come to the hospital to make a case for me to stay. I have a severe disability and because of the surgery I am not allowed using my wheelchair yet, need to be horizontal for a month. How do they think I will do stuff? I live alone. And my legs need more time than regular people's to heal. And, to come to the hospital as external patient, I will have to relay on public ambulances ( they are not reliable at all). It is dangerous, what the heck!
But, I do not know why, if it is due to Prozac or to therapy, I am calm, just waiting for the best to happen. Or I am just crazy, I do not know!

[dandylin]

Been away awhile...started a new job and really like the job. Thought I was over the hill and on the downside of the depression, boy was I wrong. No matter how good things seem to be going, it takes almost nothing to knock me down,

[SeekerOfLife]

Depression has been worse since I cut the klon. I know it will not be easy. I wanted to cry this morning.

Today was a busy day for me, but was alone. Did not spend time with anyone except some small chit chat. They were OK. I was feeling pretty good throughout the whole day.

I felt bad, though, that my friend invited to come to church around noon to help move furniture around to set up for tomorrow. I didn't want to do it. He said that we'd have lunch together after that. I felt like it would have been a late lunch for me and I had shopping ahead for me. So I ended up totally alone instead of getting together with a good friend due to my decision. But getting together today would have been work for me with moving furniture and lots of driving. I didn't feel like it.

By the end of the afternoon (which is right now) I felt like I've come to a nosedive emotionally. I got a message from a good friend saying that his colonoscopy did not go well. It didn't happen because he did not "prep" well for it. I think that there could be something wrong with him. His father had colon cancer, but later died of Alzheimer's. And now I'm feeling like my health anxiety has just come and hit me hard.

[Bmee2]

Just wanted to to...talk about something that happened tonight. My neighbor two doors away, her son was just killed in a car accident. Just maybe a week ago I spoke to this son. He stopped by I guess to visit his mom and parked where I normally park. Okay. A little annoyed but....it was great to see him. He shared that he had been married for a year in November. In a teasing manner I joked I was going to give his mother a spanking for not telling me. Then I proceeded to congratulate him and I game him a giant hug. Tonight, about 5:30 PM I found out from my twin( I live in a Twin House) neighbor that the son I had just been speaking with a few days ago died in a car accident. In fact the services were from 1 to 6PM today. Of course I thought it must be a mistake. Then as the information sunk in, I began to feel especially bad and alone in my grief. Why did not the neighbor share the news with me? I had spoken to her before the son came home, and asked how her Mother was doing, because she had been in the hospital, then I asked how she herself was doing since she injured her leg. All seemed friendly and okay. I do not know how to interpret this.....this oversight? I felt somewhat connected to these neighbors but the feelings were not mutual. Hurt at the loss of this young man and the potential he had before him, hurt that perhaps I am being shunned as a neighbor, hurt suffering the loss of this young man alone. Stupidly I feel so so so alone. I have no friends. And the slight from the neighbor hurts all the more. Sure she was grief stricken. Perhaps not informing us..my mother and myself.. was the only way she could keep her composer. Yet,
I want to withdraw from this neighbor now. Her actions make me feel unworthy.

I don't fit in.

Am not going jogging for the second day in a row. Told myself I was going to go three times a week, and if I don't go today it'll only be two. I hope I am not giving up on jogging altogether. I know it's got to be beneficial for me. I'm telling myself that tomorrow after ECT I'll go and that it's not the end of the world if I have a week where I only go twice. Part of me feels like I've been jogging but still so depressed so why bother. But the reality is maybe my depression would be even worse without the jogging.

It is so very hard, this depression, as we all know. The days just seem so long and everything seems like such a struggle. Yuck. I just want it to go away. The times that I feel good and optimistic are so fleeting. I think I've gotten worse since this job I really wanted appears to be falling through and now I have no idea how much longer it'll be that I'm stuck struggling to fill up my day with activities. My default activity is facebook and much of the time I can't bring myself to do anything else even though I feel so useless doing it.

Yuck is all I can say. I'm so envious of people who don't have to deal with depression. I've been coming on here lately because I need to feel a sense of community with others who are suffering.

[Rose76]

Maybe a little less down today. My head is ringing from an increase in my psych med. It also makes my throat sore.

I have to just fight my way out of this. There is no one I can talk to IRL.

Today was another busy day for me. I felt bad for not going to church today. I deliberately did not go because, following the service, I would have to move furniture around. I was not the only one being asked to do that. I felt bad that I declined to do something. The reason the furniture had to be moved around was because of setting up for the annual Christmas Concert tonight. I've moved furniture for this before and was not crazy about doing it. It always seemed disorganized and people get very bossy. Plus I ended up having to do the real heavy stuff. Besides that, the Christmas Concert is meaningless to me because I wouldn't go to it.

It was nice to just be at home and relax today. This morning I noticed a homeless man talking to my downstairs neighbors. My neighbors talked to him and give him cans and bottles that he collects for money. They are nice to him to help him out. Well, I got talking to the homeless man myself and had some food items (a gift basket of snacks given to me that I was not crazy about) and I gave it to him. He was very appreciative for me to do that for him. It was my pleasure, though I felt bad that I was giving him junk food.

In the early afternoon after lunch, I took a hike at a park nearby. It's a hill to climb, which is about 1,000 feet up. It was a nice day for it; nice and cool, and able to see far off.

[avlady]

Exam time is a big thing and so are papers due!!! you have alot on your plate especially around the holidays!!!

[angelene]

The "Christmas-ing up" of the house continues. Mom can't locate the tree stand, though. I think when the tree is lit up, that's when I'll feel something. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

[Justicia]

Every Sunday is always hard for me because then that means that I have to be functional again, go to work, get up, be a human being … That just seems like so much work, and I don't ever want to do it, I just want to spend time with my woman and that's all I want to do. She always asks "What's wrong now ?" And I just say nothing because she doesn't understand/gets so annoyed with my depression and that I don't want to ever do anything. Some days I do want to do stuff, but some days I just don't want to. Why do I feel so BLAH and un lifelike ???!?!?! This is such a annoying feeling, better than depression though, maybe I just need to "get into" something, like working out and work on my body, because I'm not very happy about it, maybe I'll just do that. I just need to occupy my day until I go to work or my appointments, I just need to be involved with something, something that is able to occupy a lot of my time, I need to get back into reading maybe too. I do have a lot of books, ok I'll try to work out more and read more. At least do that daily, at least one of them, I need to feel worthwhile. I need my life to contribute to something, I need to look forward to something, I'm moving into a house with my lady so I'm looking forward to that, but I still feel like I'll feel the same way, maybe my woman and I can do something together, read a book together, smoothing that I can look forward to an involve her with as well. I'll propose this tonight, and talk to her about what I posted tonight. Hopefully she doesn't get annoyed with me, I think she understands my depression but she gets so annoyed with it, what can an ally do for helping me with depression ? HELP !

[dandylin]

It stinks that when everything is going well and there is every reason in the world for me to be happy...but I'm not

[aprillynn197]

Originally Posted by dandylin

It stinks that when everything is going well and there is every reason in the world for me to be happy...but I'm not

That's me too.

[boomerango]

Slept away the day.again. Accomplished only the minimum. Hibernated. Again. Still. Poor dogs got no walking today. I am glad they have one another and the huge yard, and that they know i love them.

Not much to report this evening. I've been very depressed, as usual. Another cloudy day (ugh, not again). The good news, no drinking and fighting. Sunday is the day my poor numb little brain can have a rest. A shame it's only one day a week...one day is so short...not enough. I'm very passionately dreading the coming week.

[Turtlesoup]

Rocky start to the day but it turned out good-I've got to learn to be more patient with myself-seems like I use my patience up on everyone else & have none left for me. Didn't sleep well last night so will probably take ambien tonight.

[Little Jay]

Down down down. Triggered by someone I know committing suicide yesterday, and I'd been doing so so well lately.