[Fuzzybear]

Been a long day, have some kids here for my son's b day (isn't today but celebrating)... let ex in here for the first time in almost a year, only because son wanted it that much couldn't say no. But the nosy *** was looking through my cupboards and rooms that were none of his business.... can't say I can stand the man anymore. Thank goodness my best and only gf was here at the same time, was good so he couldn't get into a fight with me. He's been pretty agressive verbally lately and this kept things in check. He didn't have time for our son (felt bad for him) but glad that he didn't stay long.

I'm tired but my mood is good.. it isn't happy but it is a long way from the terrible sobbing depression I was in.

My blood sugars are high but I'm going to have a piece of the dairy queen cake I got for him anyways

[TheOriginalMe]

I don't know what to do with myself now my anxiety is lower. I feel restless but when I try and do something I am too tired to make the effort for long. I feel that now I have got some help I can allow myself to stop fighting. Maybe I'm just exhausted and need to rest.

I have tomorrow off work for my 50th birthday and I will spend the day with family, then I am supposed to be working 4 days, I'm already thinking about taking Friday off as 4 days seems too hard.

[Bark]

Woke up today feeling horrible. Meh. They've been asking me why, and I honestly don't know. I've been telling them I can't find triggers for my mood. I guess at this rate I'm not leaving today.

[eaglegrafix]

Today I managed to exercise for 30 min on our stationary bike - as soon as I got out of bed. Started feeling better about an hour afterwards. I've been reading a lot about what I can do besides meds. Exercise is something I can do without a lot of hassle of going to the gym or anything.

[regretful]

Staying hopeful from a job interview that I had this morning. Still filled with regret...leveling out on medication...sleepy...but hopeful.

Planning on (finally) walking to the library and returning my books (which are a few days overdue now - was going to do this on Fri. when the books were due, but felt too ugly to go out in public). Then I'm walking to the grocery store with my mom to help her carry bags. I'll have no shortage of exercise today.

[Bark]

Feeling better. Got some things off my chest, and my conversation with the psychologist actually went well. I wasn't as anxious and agitated as last time. I told her how I had felt and why that might have been the case. Things started clicking into place. She is actually quite nice.

Several people said how I had been doing all the right things and doing a good job... it's hard to accept. And today I completed a puzzle I started yesterday. Patients and staff congratulated me. It felt good.

Overall I feel like this stay was much more fruitful than the one earlier this year. In part on their end, and also in part on mine.

But my mood still feels very destabilized. And I don't know if they'll change my med. Maybe if I ask for a decrease that would go well with my doc. Speaking of which, I'm still waiting to see him and it's dark outside.

[angelene]

Just feeling down, down, down for the past... well, for a long time now. Seems that way, anyway.

[TheOriginalMe]

Spent the day with family, really nice to see them all. Really tired now with a rapidly sinking mood. Bed time for me, hopefully sleep will help.

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Planning on (finally) walking to the library and returning my books (which are a few days overdue now - was going to do this on Fri. when the books were due, but felt too ugly to go out in public). Then I'm walking to the grocery store with my mom to help her carry bags. I'll have no shortage of exercise today.

Well, the library didn't happen today 'cause we had to wait on my grandpa for a ride to the store. Mom didn't want to walk to the dollar store because she was feeling weak and very dizzy, so she decided to ask my grandpa if he could take us to the other store that's farther away. He said yes but he's 80 of course and so he couldn't give us a straight answer as to what time he'd pick us up - I answered the phone and he said 15 min at first, then 30-45 min, meanwhile Mom and I were both ready to go and get the trip over with. So after the shopping was done and everything else, I didn't really feel like walking to the library and back.

Of course my parents broke their vow to put down the alcohol after not even a day. I'm not surprised. (And this is why I can't get my hopes up for anything.) Well, at least they aren't fighting...yet.

[seeminglyreal]

Felt okay most of the day. I've been absent from uni for a long time and got back today. I kinda missed it tbh. But I ended up not being able to focus on the lecture, as usual. I feel like people don't really miss me when I'm not there.

I feel lonely. It hits badly at night. I hate myself for thinking that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be so sad if I had someone who loved me.

[tigerlily84]

Feeling okay. It's been a busy couple of days. I got a call today from another company I submitted my resume to and they asked me to come in to interview. Why not? So we'll see. I got my shift covered so I can go. My only problem is that I'm still having trouble sleeping. Last night I only slept about 2 hours and I was exhausted today at work. So tonight I will try to sleep at an earlier time and see if that helps.

[Shriveled Muse]

My family will not stop bugging me. Because it has led to this point, I am forced to bottle up my feelings again. It is only the second day but it feels like I'm suffocating.... I didn't want to suppress my feelings anymore, but this was the better outcome in my dilemma. It is not as manageable it was last year (not that last year was easy either), but I didn't expect it to be this huge of a difference in difficulty!!! Goes to show how much worse I got over the summer....

[TheOriginalMe]

Bad day at work with lots of problems that wouldn't resolve. I did my best but I'd been left alone in the office when I had told my boss working alone triggers my anxiety. I'm surprised I got through as well as I did. I just made a list of what I couldn't do because of IT issues and sent it to my boss with a reminder that I have asked not to be alone. He is off all week so he's going to look pretty bad for not being around. I have to believe that none of this is my fault.

[gina_inthewoods]

Yuck! Feeling numb and sick from all the meds...

[Nammu]

Yesterday I said I would go to the activity center to start exercising for my back, today I said I will go....it's now after 5 and I'm still in my PJs...perhaps if I post it on here I'll get up and go tomorrow?

[angelene]

I need a shower; I feel icky and gross.

[aprillynn197]

Same here. Cannot wait to take a hot shower and sink into my pajamas

[tigerlily84]

I was doing pretty good for a few days there. Today I felt down. I think though that I was triggered by the book I was reading; it's about how this girl survived her emotionally abusive childhood, and it struck too close to home. I was reprimanded for some BS reason at work, and since I was already on shaky ground emotionally, I wanted to burst into tears. I didn't and kept quiet, when normally I would have argued my point.

Last night I started wondering about how I will do in a new work environment, and what that involves, like meeting new people and what will happen if I can't handle the change, etc. I'm worried about all of it. I think though that the risk will be worth the reward, so I'll just have to think about it in those terms and hope for the best.

It has been a day to realize that I'm getting smarter about how to handle some sticky issues with my son and ex. I can't be sucked into the ex's problems. My brother can be pretty tough to talk to, he has very strong ideas about discipline for my son and puts it in rough terms, but I get what he meant. My son needs more reassurance and love than any of my family seems to realize. They all think I should be tougher on him, but I know why he seems to be out of control to them. He's been through things he shouldn't have.
I just feel like I've finally turned a corner and found the right balance, not weak and not overly strict.
My mood is staying well. Thinking of the rest of you

[TheLastChapter]

Things seem to be going from bad to worse really quick. The other day was the first time that I really did not talk to my counselor, and I cried in front of her. I just am so out of it. It is really taking its toll on me. I just dont do anything any more. Even worse I got sick and have used it as an excuse not to go to school. My mom is leaving me in charge again this week. I tried to tell her how much stress it puts on me, but she said that I am in college, I need to deal with it. I am sorry, but I didnt know that her child was my problem. I now I have to take care of my younger brother. I just wish that she would understand what it is like for me to deal with the whole house, my younger brother, dogs, and staying on top of all of my classes. I guess this what I get for living at home. But on the plus side, my boyfriend is finally coming home from studying abroad in less than a month It will make thinks so much better for me!

[flewby]

can't sleep, I've been so low, I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm living for. this is so difficult.

[seeminglyreal]

I wonder if I'll ever have a job I don't hate. I wonder if I'll ever be happy...

[Can't Stop Crying]

just when i think i have found the bottom.....another one appears...there is no way out of this hole i am in.....