[JustTvTroping]

I'm happier. While there's a possibility that I have schizoid personality disorder, at least I'm one step closer to learning more about myself

I thought for sure I posted on this thread already today, but I guess not.

Feeling a little more blue today, not sure why. I did take my dog for about a mile walk and that made me feel a little bit better.

Today I'm volunteering at an AA administrative office and then have T appointment. The good news, that I found out yesterday, is that I have a job interview tomorrow! It would be as a paralegal/law clerk at a pretty well-respected law firm in the area. Too bad the drive would be 1/2 hour away, but at least it would be a job.

Husband is going out of tomorrow tomorrow until Monday night. More time alone in the house in the dark at night. Yuck. Not looking forward to it. Hope the time goes fast.

[herethennow]

seeing new T on friday.
am really scared and hesitant to open up to someone new. it's funny, since im always changing pdocs every year. guess T is a different level than pdoc - you get more intimate.

i miss old T already.

on another note, exams are tomorrow and i... only know 20% of the content. congrats to me.

still largely sui and down. still acting like im fine infront of everyone else, when inside of me is just.. wish i could stop the si but guess it's the only thing that is keeping me alive right now.

I feel wiped out, emotionally. They fought again last night, though not as terribly, it lasted for about as long, and by the end of it I was too exhausted to even cry. There's no way I am going to make it to spring. Is it just me or is everything getting progressively worse and worse? I don't remember it ever being this bad before. I feel like my health is declining - I'm too young to feel that way. No doubt it's because of the years of fighting and emotional disturbance and the onset of my depression when I was 12 (I haven't been 'okay' since). I don't want to scare anyone, but I am not okay. I feel my life's rope coming to its end. I need to go...somewhere. Anywhere, as long as it's far, far away from myself and my life. I no longer have any plans to get help for myself, it seems too pointless. Why should I go and dredge up all that crap from the past when I'm already so weak. I've been to therapists in the past and hey couldn't do anything for me. Why would now be any different? I feel like I'm at that point of no return. I can't recover the parts of myself that I've lost, and I just keep on losing more parts all the time. There won't be anything left.

[Rose76]

I'm way better than I was yesterday, much less sick. Feel pretty good emotionally.

my day's been okay.

hardly the best day of my life (far from it), but managed

[avlady]

i hope you do the volunteer work, i volunteered for two years in an elderly care unit and it really lifted my spirits.

Originally Posted by avlady

i hope you do the volunteer work, i volunteered for two years in an elderly care unit and it really lifted my spirits.

I assume you were talking to me?

The problem with the place I volunteer at is there's rarely anything to do. Nobody comes in to buy anything and the phone doesn't ring. Once in a blue moon. So I just spend time on the internet. Everyone that volunteers here does.

[Nammu]

Less than an hour I'll be seeing the GP to check the cholesterol levels. From what I've been reading the triglycerides go up from too many caleries. I'm trying to do better but since I gained weight it's like the huger signal never turns off and I'm always hungry. How odd and depressing when I weighed normal I didn't always feel so hungry. Wish my meds would make me feel full.

Doing ok other than that and a sinus headache by way of the weather. Really have come a long way since the last abyss.

[mulan]

After an hawful day, I got to the conclusion there is nothing good in my life.
I can't be around anyone without feeling unconfortable...I'm about to finish medschool and I don't want to become a doctor.
I don't have anyone, literaly, anyone in my life. And I'm always interecting (badly should I say) with people, (family, colegues, specialy) which makes me feel bad.
I don't have a single hobby, there isn't anything I like to do.

[angelene]

Laundry is still on the menu. Not the worst thing in the world, but also not the most fabulous.

[Nammu]

Well that was irritating, my doctors office still hasn't learned how to make a TYY call! I arrive and they tell me we tried to call ....please it not that hard just dial 711 and give them my phone number so they can type the message to me...gees. On the other hand if I hadn't had an appointment today I probably wouldn't have gotten dressed. So I'm up and doing stuff , im trying to find positives in life so that's my positive for today.

Well at least they're not drinking tonight. Because they're out of money. Not because they care anything about me or how I feel. But hey, what do I care, it's a break! Though now I feel like I'm going to pay for it later...good things don't just happen to me. I always have to pay for them by suffering even more later on. I better prepare for something horrible to happen now, I guess... now that I know it's coming...

[TheOriginalMe]

I crawled through another day. The snow gave me something external to worry about, I could fret about whether my trains would run OK instead of wondering if I will find a job. I've been having troublesome dreams too, so when I wake up I never feel refreshed, sometimes I'm even depressed in my dreams so I wake up feeling even more awful than usual.

[Angelique67]

It's gotten a lot colder in the past two hours. I'm extremely lonely and I have anxiety and worsening depression. My body ached yesterday and today. I shouldn't worry about dying. It would be a relief.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

It's gotten a lot colder in the past two hours. I'm extremely lonely and I have anxiety and worsening depression. My body ached yesterday and today. I shouldn't worry about dying. It would be a relief.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

Thank you.

[bronzeowl]

School is kicking my butt. The eating disorder is kicking my butt. Depression is kicking my butt. I'm starting to think my butt likes being kicked.

Birthday is this weekend. For some reason, the closer I get to it, the more depressed I become. I just feel there's no reason to celebrate anymore. So, I made it another year? Barely. And I only have another year of that 'barely' to look forward to as I claw my way through the mess I've made.

Depression really is kicking my butt.

okay I have ward round in a minute. got to be good for the professionals.

[Rose76]

My chest cold is fading, but I'm so sore from coughing. Going to take it easy today also.

I've been feeling a little sick, sneezing, red faced and swollen up cheeks.. but the swelling has been there for quite a while.
Have to clean up everything today, my worker is dropping by for a check in...
Some stuff broke and I haven't even cleaned it up

I don't know . . . I'm feeling today again just not in the mood to do anything. I don't feel like going to the museum to volunteer, I don't feel like going on the job interview. I don't know if it's increasing depression or what. I know I will do those things. I just have an increased feeling of going through the motions of everything and not really enjoying anything. That must be depression I guess.

So tired of being in a less than chipper mood. I wish I could be my old self again.

I think I just need some things in my life that I enjoy. Like training for that relay race I enjoyed until fibromyalgia got in the way and has forced me to back things up to a snail's pace. I also enjoyed horseback riding but have to wait until the first of the month (money) to go again.

I need to vent. I broke up with my latest bf. I feel like playing "I don't care anymore" by phil collins. I'm sick of little boys that can't be a man.

I'd say who gives a crap about my pain and go out and ride that unbroken horse right now bare back and see if she'd throw me off. I doubt it, but she wouldn't let me on her back. other one would. I think I'll do that this weekend, saddle or not, I'm going to ride..

[angelene]

I can't seem to force myself to pick up the laundry basket and take it back to the laundry room. I suppose I should be proud (!) that I managed to collect the clothes and carry them downstairs. I'm just sore and tired and there are so many loads to do because I keep putting it off...

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by angelene

I can't seem to force myself to pick up the laundry basket and take it back to the laundry room. I suppose I should be proud (!) that I managed to collect the clothes and carry them downstairs. I'm just sore and tired and there are so many loads to do because I keep putting it off...

Try, angelene. I don't have access to laundry (no machines in my apartment or building) and having them in your house sounds like such a luxury. Easy for me to say, I know! Sorry.