[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

sad. i feel as though i have lost myself again. i hate this feeling,

Possible trigger:

normally it would lead me to SI. i'm not sure. it's not that i deserve it, its that i love the feeling SI gives me. help.

Please stay safe, you have been so strong and made so much progress. The "good" feeling you mention is an illusion, nothing more. Hugs

[TheOriginalMe]

So tired and rather afraid. I have nowhere to hide, sometime soon I'm going to have to admit my past is real and not something I imagined. I want my fantasy life back, just to escape to pretty, happy places in my mind, I miss those dreams so much.

[color14u]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

sad. i feel as though i have lost myself again. i hate this feeling,

Possible trigger:

normally it would lead me to SI. i'm not sure. it's not that i deserve it, its that i love the feeling SI gives me. help.

[Turtlesoup]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

sad. i feel as though i have lost myself again. i hate this feeling,

Possible trigger:

normally it would lead me to SI. i'm not sure. it's not that i deserve it, its that i love the feeling SI gives me. help.

You're not lost we're here with you

[eggplantlife]

So low. Tried something new. Started to feel hope then they were gone. So low. Trying to get rest for hour before work. Please things must change for better fast!

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

So tired and rather afraid. I have nowhere to hide, sometime soon I'm going to have to admit my past is real and not something I imagined. I want my fantasy life back, just to escape to pretty, happy places in my mind, I miss those dreams so much.

Yes, i can relate. Dreams was so goid then no more. Trying to create by force is not the same as ones that come naturally.

I don't understand...lately, i have been having lots of typos.

Really really messed up feeling. I don't even know why....considering i felt like i had healing moment on sunday. It feels like i had it for a long time eventhough it is 2 days. And i feel like i'm talking to myself with no body listening.

Not very enthusiastic about the day. I wish just one day I would feel like doing what I need to do that day. Volunteering at the museum today and then bringing the car in to be looked at. No great shakes, as usual. No word from the bank yet either on whether they want me for the temp job.

Possible trigger:

I dreamt about SI

luckily today is T day

[LindaLu]

My T has a family situation of some kind. She needs to take time off. She was very professional telling me but I could tell she was grieving about the person and the situation.

I felt bad for her but of course the relationship is strictly professional. I have nothing to offer but a wish for the best.

Im a little sad to miss out on sessions. I will try to find something specific to do in our time slots. Maybe visit a local park. It's selfish but am feeling a little down right now.

[Chummy]

I did a 60 min run. That was good. Now I feel a little bit sad. I want to eat eat eat, but I need to eat healthy. I want to lose weight.

[herethennow]

Possible trigger:

i just want to cease to exist. and i should stop triggering someone. and i should just tell everything to pdoc. but this heart is so wary...

i can't stop crying. i am just so so so so sick of this.

[dandylin]

I just want to trust someone.

[Angelique67]

I want to take a walk but my bad back has me just about immobilized. I'll take a walk in here. :/

[Ruminati]

i'm taking a walk down the corner shop.. nobody interesting working there or anything.

[hope2010]

I can't think, the last two days I can't even clean my house . I feel so lonely even though I live with my husband it is not enough, I believe he is tired of my mental health issues. Who wouldn't be tired.
I don't like me anymore. I don't know what I want. I do know that some time ago I lost my true self. That is a horrible thing to happen to someone. I isolate myself, scare to others people after the episode that lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I don't want artificial happiness. I want to just feel better and be able to do things. Times goes by, and I still the same depressed, sad, lonely person. I only shine when I am in touch with my family or the few friends I have, later I just cry ... sighs
PS. Sorry about my poor English skills. Hopefully you will understand. Thanks

[Smileonmyface]

ugh. so blah. can't motivate myself to do anything. dishes piled in sink, laundry sitting in dryer, kids' toys all over the floor.dinner needs to be thrown together for later. just.so.tired.
dreading the next two days of colonoscopy prep and colonoscopy itself.
on positive note my 3.5 yo finished her potty training and is now going to preschool locally. i wasn't going to do preschool with her till next year but broke down and signed her up. think it will be good for her. though i must confess half the reason i called them was because i was tired of driving the kids all over creation to try to get to free storytimes and playgroups. figure this way all i have to do is pick her up in the afternoon as hubby brings her there, she gets enrichment and i get 3 hours with just the 1 year old. is that bad of me? that i feel too tired to do things for my kids? ugh.

good... i had therapy

I feel like ****

Possible trigger:

and I want to die.

[Fizzyo]

I'm Still struggling to believe that life can be any better. I Have everything, a husband who does his best and is in a good job, supportive family and friends yet I feel so low. What a wimp! I don't want to live but I don't want to hurt these special people. I'm In a bit of a cleft stick, the option I want with the consequences I don't want. Meds haven't helped and neither has therapy. I Have to keep going, I have little choice.

[Nammu]

Things are going well. Went to the exercise class this am, been listening to ole rock and on the computer all afternoon. I can't get over what a difference my current meds make.

[TheOriginalMe]

I am getting used to the idea that this is it, nothing better will come along. I can't dream anymore, there is no point. I don't like this place at all, but it is all I am going to get. When I actually allow these thoughts to penetrate I feel very bleak indeed. I am trying to comfort myself by lowering my expectations but each time I lower my expectations I lose more of myself, what happens when there is nothing left?

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

I am getting used to the idea that this is it, nothing better will come along. I can't dream anymore, there is no point. I don't like this place at all, but it is all I am going to get. When I actually allow these thoughts to penetrate I feel very bleak indeed. I am trying to comfort myself by lowering my expectations but each time I lower my expectations I lose more of myself, what happens when there is nothing left?

I feel exactly the same way.

[LindaLu]

I visited someone who recently retired and almost at once suffered a significant injury. I'd always thought her a bit of an ***. But seeing her in her home environment describing what her extended family has been through made me realize that was wrong. I pulled out of her driveway and started crying realizing only then how relieved I was that she is okay. How f'd is that? I'm so out of touch with my feelings. I don't know when I'll pull myself together mentally.

I started in this forum when I was breaking down and crumbling.... Just crying and in so much pain. Sharing with everyone and the people here are fabulous! The last few days have been getting better for me. Wish i could hold onto my strong days.

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

I am getting used to the idea that this is it, nothing better will come along. I can't dream anymore, there is no point. I don't like this place at all, but it is all I am going to get. When I actually allow these thoughts to penetrate I feel very bleak indeed. I am trying to comfort myself by lowering my expectations but each time I lower my expectations I lose more of myself, what happens when there is nothing left?

Oh my god! Both of you are in same position as me? I hate the place i am at. Being with my friend is okay but i don't like where i am. I don't know where to go to. It's about time to move out of here because been feeling the same for a year i have been here. Been trying so hard to create a dream, but doesn't frel like mine because not naturally come. Everything i do seems to demean me. Why?