[eggplantlife]

Doing a lot of self help books and audios. I have been learning about the brain.

I am going to change!

Last week's depression hit hard and got a lot of help.

This time i am going to work harder to change.

Please come join me!!

[gayleggg]

I think we all need to work on self help techniques to help ourselves. Mine are to take my meds at the same time everyday, keep a regular sleep schedule and to find things to keep my mind busy and alert. These are the main things that I stick to.

What have you learned? Anything that you can share? Ideas for self help?

_____ _____

[vital]

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

Doing a lot of self help books and audios. I have been learning about the brain.

I am going to change!

Last week's depression hit hard and got a lot of help.

This time i am going to work harder to change.

Please come join me!!

Cool eggplantlife! What are you reading? - vital

[eggplantlife]

Someone here recommended "Think Forward to Trive". I don't like doing exercises in books these days, but i am forcing myself as it is all meant to heal.

I got in upset a while back when a friend wrote to me that all self help books work. I felt really upset because i READ a lot of self help books and a lot didn't help. I feel like i read the whole section sometimes. I think there might be a lot of people here who might feel the same way. I will admit that David Burn's book, "Feeling Good" was one of the most helpful book. It helped me to talk back to myself and stopped me from waking up every morning being upset and angry. I mean it was the most wonderful thing to happen to me.

Since people abandoned me, i reading now, "taming your outer child". This one you deal with 3 parts of you. You write exercises.
I listened to her audiobook last week or so, "the Journey fron Abandonment to healing." Though i think i might have that book about 9 years ago when my sufferring began.

I am listening to audiobook, "the woman who changed her brain". Don't really know how this one is going to help. I do feel now there is damage done. Listening to this i think i might have learning problem, but don't know how to get it fixed. I mean i can't go to her place.

This audiobook "the tools: transform your problems into courage, confidence and creativity". This one is more about being spiritually connected. I sort of already have learned this on my own. One thing i guess i am going to learn is to go through my pain. Really go head into the pain. I mean i really hate to do that because it is very painful. But if we really go into the pain and you might be able to learn the lesson and heal from it.

I have read another book about 3 years ago about a woman who had anxiety. Her main focus of the book was go through the anxiety and accept it. Then she said that she was able to live her life. It comes and then it goes but that it doesn't affect her anymore and that is how she said she cured herself.

Listened to "rainy brain, sunny brain". I really thought this would be a how to book but it isn't! I think the last chapter was the only helpful one. One thing i learned is that negative people see the negative in life. And then you would assume that happy people see balance of negative and positive and then decide to be positive. nope! The positive people filter out the negative and just see the positive. That really was a surprise.

This is really strange. I decided to focus on doing the self help book but sonehow i end up doing other things and have not done much exercises. And now it is the weekend.

I hope people here keep me on track! Please. Thank you!

I have been focusing mostly on "Trive" book as i am focusing on the future. I really got tired of going back in my life. This is future directed therapy. It is saying that we need to focus on the future. Like having something to look forward to. For me it have been so hard with so many failures in my life. I really mean a lot of failures.

Like i wrote i have already done my search on spirituality. It really helps to connect to something bigger than you when everything falls apart. I admit that i am part of a weekly thing for i think 10 weeke (session) where it's healing through online. I really have a problem connecting to spirits. I am willing to try almost anything that helps people out. I really don't know.

Back to "the tools". I just heard a new thing, "you don't have to believe but if it works than it works" the saying was something like that. I don't know, the reading i have been coming upon is that you have to believe. You have to believe that your future is the way you visualize.

[eggplantlife]

I know that i am not "getting" something. Maybe it is one little click that would change everything for me.

I do feel a little bit of my old self back. But we need to learn from this depression. "The Tool" says that we go inner to learn our lessons in life. I mean i really want to learn my lesson so i move forward. How much inner do i need to get!?! I am getting used to being isolated again.

I know i am blessed that i have roof over my head. And i know it isn't from my own doing but because of kindness of a friend. So with this, i really need to move my life forward. Have my own life and money and such...and i decide yesterday that i want to help others with depression. Help them get through this! We shouldn't have to suffer like this. This past year, i realized how many people don't get depressed people. And how a lot of people are happy in their lives. Sure they go through struggles, but it isn't the same as depression. And reading from these posts, i realized a lot of things that people feared might happened actually happened to me. And i didn't even have those fears in my mind or realize that would happen. It is real shocker to me.

I know i am very fortunate though because a friend loved me enough to see me heal. She really help me to put myself together to even come this far. May she be blessed and be helped through her struggles. I know this part isn't about the self help books i read.

[eggplantlife]

Self help.

I take vitamins...when i remember like one should do. I believe that helps. Well, my body needs it.

Sleep: i have been having problems but i don't go crazy about it anymore. I do feel real bad when i get knocked out around 7pm then wake up all through the night after 2am. But i don't have the anxiety feeling. And i don't feel desperate to connect to people at those hours. Sure, sometimes it comes back but it isn't so bad now. I just decide to accept this is how i am sleeping now. It is going to change later. But for now i accept there is a reason i am up at these hours like maybe my mind needs the quiet of those late hours...and that i need to be awake to listen to the quiet.

Exercise: i really hate to exercise. I walk around the block mostly. I need to get back to yoga from video. It's more breathing yoga. Everyone tells me to exercise to feel better. I have done this most of my life as my father used to teach exercise. It never helped me feel better. I used to walk a lot outside. It helps some people, but i am not sure it helps me. Sometimes i feel like when i am walking outside that i am running away from my problem. I mean people tells me how much it helps them.

Meditation: this one i try to do every day as i believe it is my cure. Sometimes i fall asleep on this. But a lot of times it helps to quiet the mind. But sometimes when you are feeling real bad, it is a hard thing to do. But there are research out there and i am believing the research because i want to live a happy life.

Spiritual: i try to pray but not as much. But being connected to something bigger than you helps when you are suffering. I learned that if it cause you pain, then it's not right for you. You need to find one that works for you. I light a candle and pray to get over my pain.

Friends: i always had friend problem since my childhood. Friendship means a lot to me than other people. But then i might have had the wrong people. I am learning to let go. This one is the hardest for me. I need to let in good people into my life. This part is hard. Though it might be the easiest of all the things i am going through. I have reached out to a lot of people. And a lot of people have left me. And some people have been supportive. It is mostly long distance and email thing. But reaching out, you really get to know people in different ways.

This forum and hotlines help a lot this year for me. It really help me keep myself together.

Gratitude list. I do it somewhere here once in a while. I do it in my head. I have a friend who works very early and we do it in the week mornings. Very short but i think it helps us. I originally did it with a different friend and it really helped us and we got closer from it. In beginning it was very hard thing to do. I ended up being grateful for bed as i didn't have a real bed for few years.

New thing is to wake up and say "it's going to be a wonderful day". This was soooooo hard thing to do. I did it as tinyhabit project that someone recommended here in the forum. It was a good project for a week. And it did feel good that someone checked up on me. So that was very hard thing to say. But now i feel okay saying it. I even look forward to saying it. Day could be horrible but i say it to cheer myself up and maybe the day will change. I think it kind of helps.

Another thing from tinyhabit is to kind of praise yourself after doing your new tiny habit. Inside i kind of do it for other things i do. Maybe finish a project and then pat myself on the back or look in mirror and say "yahoo!" ...something silly like that. I mean i used to pat myself in the back when i was feeling better and it kind of was natural when you did succeed in something. So now instead of major things, it's minor things that you get done you praise yourself.

I used to say "this too shall pass" bit i don't say it much these days. It seems to be better to be grateful.

I also am trying real hard to visualize a better future. When it gets real bad, i try to see my dog and that we will be together. Before, it used to hurt me to visualize my future because i couldn't see it happening. Everything i tried failed. It was just painful to do an exercise like that. I still don't know how it is going to happen. I just am going to believe. I think i might need to set a time to just visualize my new futures. Coming up with stuff is very hard although as i write this, it should be easy as i need all aspects of my life to be better.

I realized that this might not be helpful list of how to. I will try refine this and hopefully, i will help others.

[eggplantlife]

I have also a goal book and something about work that i have reborrowed a few times at the library. I really need to get myself a good job or a direction. Bt at this point, i really am going to battle this depression... Although this whole depression first started with me not working.

Any insight in that?

[eggplantlife]

I kind of having this bad feeling that i am exposing myself greatly and i might be taken advantage somehow. I am being open about this as this is what i am trying to get through feelings like this.

Okay. I will stop now as i wrote a lot.

[nushi]

Dear eggplant Your postings are so beautiful, you didn't expose yourself or anything, 'cause you wrote what exactly a lot of people are going through. Actually, I'm going through worse than that

It's very hard for me to write this, 'cause I'm SO DEPRESSED that ticking the keyboard is an exhausting task for me now

Right now, I don't know what to do at all... I've got my OCD, depression, & perfection mixed up together to complicate things for me... Every time I say I'll start healing myself with self help tools tomorrow, & then I feel that I'm not doing it right, & I stop after a week or so... It's been like this for me since I was in high school, & now I'm 29 years old. & I'm like telling myself, OK, I'll start healing myself when I'm 30 years old!!! It's crazy I know

I never stick up to anything for a reasonable time & I don't know anybody to help me, 'cause my family abandoned me, & I don't have any friends. Even when I start searching for psychotherapist, I keep searching for a week or so, & then stop, & delete all the names I found & say I'll start from the absolute beginning tomorrow... It's been like this my whole life... I hate myself so much. i can't write anymore, i hate myself

[vital]

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

I have also a goal book and something about work that i have reborrowed a few times at the library. I really need to get myself a good job or a direction. Bt at this point, i really am going to battle this depression... Although this whole depression first started with me not working.

Any insight in that?

Hi eggplant,

If you have the means, I think it's much easier to try to get undepressed as much as you can first, before looking for a job. Looking for a job often involves a lot of rejection and that can be very stressful and hard to deal with when you are depressed already.

It's really cool what you're doing. If you look in depression success stories, the people who got a benefit from meditation say they needed to do it solidly for a couple of weeks before they got a big breakthrough.

- vital

[eggplantlife]

Nushi,

Big hug to you!!!!

Thank you for your kind words.

Don't give up on yourself. We haven't so far. We are worth it.

Making the effort to write here, please pat yourself or give yourself praise. You did something. It was very hard. You did it! It is a step towards healing.

It is hard to praise yourself and it feels weird but please try it anyway. The feeling might change as you keep doing it. Take very very small steps.

I've sort of stopped with self help and trying to get my motivation to continue. I woke up a while ago and felt very lonely. It was a very hard feeling to shake. Lucky that i had people around me, but i still feel very lonely. I am working through it. I'm going to let the feeling ride through me.

I am here so please write.

Having family abandoning me was very hard. I think i'm finally getting used to it. Sort of. I have good days and bad.

If you need to step back then sometimes you have to. Rest and then when you are ready then keep trying. You don't know it (maybe you do), you have been working on healing yourself.every step counts. Step backs are just rest...then we keep taking small steps forward.

You are healing now. It is hard to see and feel.

I do the same with searching and wanting to see a therapist but my situation now is that i can't. And a part of me don't want to anymore. I am very scared doing this on my own, but is the only choice.

It's okay that you start over again. It is a very hard thing you are doing while depressed, ocd and perfectionism.

Again big hugs to you!!!

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by vital

Hi eggplant,

If you have the means, I think it's much easier to try to get undepressed as much as you can first, before looking for a job. Looking for a job often involves a lot of rejection and that can be very stressful and hard to deal with when you are depressed already.

It's really cool what you're doing. If you look in depression success stories, the people who got a benefit from meditation say they needed to do it solidly for a couple of weeks before they got a big breakthrough.

- vital

I do understand about a lot of rejections on job search. I tried to get back into my field couple of years back but i failed. I had my friends telling me i wasn't looking hard enough, but i know i was searching. I could of done more but with what i was going through, i think i managed the best i can. Then situation got worse. Then someone really helped me out with housing. Still have to figure out job situation, but i do have a low paying and not many hours job. So i am grateful for some money coming in.

Thanks Vital! I have to finish reading your section. I think it was long and i stopped and haven't gotten back to it.

You doing okay now?

There was a time i did meditation often with group of people. That really help sitting with others. Doing it alone is a lot harder as when you want to get up and sleep, you can do it so easily vs when you are sitting public with others.

Thanks so much for your input and helping others.

I try to do your snap sometimes.

[vital]

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

Thanks Vital! I have to finish reading your section. I think it was long and i stopped and haven't gotten back to it.

You doing okay now?

There was a time i did meditation often with group of people. That really help sitting with others. Doing it alone is a lot harder as when you want to get up and sleep, you can do it so easily vs when you are sitting public with others.

Thanks so much for your input and helping others.

Hi eggplant,

Thanks for the nice words!

I'm doing really well myself with SNAP CLUB, exercise, diet and supplements. I consider myself no longer depressed at all, but I keep trying to improve anyway. Getting higher quality sleep is on my to-do list now and I'm also going to experiment with Pranayama (Yogic breathing) and meditation. I also use SNAP CLUB for present moment awareness throughout the day.

- vital

[waterknob1234]

Hi eggplantlife. It sounds as though you are really working and trying to help yourself as best you can. I like your suggestion of books. I may try to locate these books and read them too. I also am in a low paying job with very poor insurance benefits which means I cannot afford a psychiatrist or therapy so I have to do this on my own.

I had started reading Dr. David Burns' book "Feeling Good" but did not get very far with it. I need to get back to it. It reads a little like stereo instructions but I think if I stick with it and do the exercises it will help.

I think I just need to work up the motivation to do stuff. After 11 hour workdays I come home and tend to flop on the couch. I wish I could overcome being so tired. I am still battling the flu. I came home from church today, took an anti-histamine for the congestion and went to sleep for 2 hours!

I am hoping that you find something that works for you and is helpful. I understand about trying to change things in a work situation. I need to do that as well. It isn't always easy finding a new job or learning a new career but it can be done. I agree with working on the depression first though. I think if we don't conquer depression it just follows us to the next job or next situation.

Wishing you all the best. Don't forget, you have friends here.

[JohnCrow]

The problem with self help books is that someone else wrote them; they are solving their issues and, if I may wax eloquent, seeking out self help during depression is a bit like reading up on swimming lessons after you have fallen overboard

I know I hated doing it - I thought I was strong enough to tough through another down cycle and it seemed an admission of defeat

But ask yourself, if you broke your leg would you set it yourself? How about a stab wound? Going to just take a tylenol, be fine in the morning. Don't want to be a bother

One of the perennial problems with depression is that lack of self worth and self-loathing that makes us avoid seeking help because, well, why bother?

Also, if I may be so bold as to quote Big Bang Theory, taking handfuls of vitamins is less a solution and more a recipe for very expensive urine. Most vitamins sold over the counter are water soluble as opposed to fat soluble) and don't get absorbed other than in minute amounts

Need more vitamins? Eat more fruit, vegetables, etc.

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by JohnCrow

The problem with self help books is that someone else wrote them; they are solving their issues and, if I may wax eloquent, seeking out self help during depression is a bit like reading up on swimming lessons after you have fallen overboard

I know I hated doing it - I thought I was strong enough to tough through another down cycle and it seemed an admission of defeat

But ask yourself, if you broke your leg would you set it yourself? How about a stab wound? Going to just take a tylenol, be fine in the morning. Don't want to be a bother

One of the perennial problems with depression is that lack of self worth and self-loathing that makes us avoid seeking help because, well, why bother?

Also, if I may be so bold as to quote Big Bang Theory, taking handfuls of vitamins is less a solution and more a recipe for very expensive urine. Most vitamins sold over the counter are water soluble as opposed to fat soluble) and don't get absorbed other than in minute amounts

Need more vitamins? Eat more fruit, vegetables, etc.

I understand what you mean. I have no other choice right now. So this is my means to heal. This forum is my only means to talk to someone and other peers. I do not know where i would be without support from here and my one friend.

I have seen others. I have been medicated. I believe this site is more about seeing someone and being medicated. There is nothing wrong with it. They are professionals. But sometimes being medicated you really don't get to deal with your problem right or maybe i just never had the right person. I am older so I had many experience. I don't know if i am lucky but i never went to hospital. Maybe i should have. I don't know.

Right now, i think i may have learning disability. I mean other people have told me i am smart but i don't feel it. I know there are things i don't get. So learning (ironic) about learning disability is new to me. Have always felt it though. I have thought that people have different learning style and it was about me accepting that. This is more about cognitive learning. If anyone knows something about it, please help me.

I also don't have the money. And my the state i am living in doesn't have medicaid for the poor. If i really want to i can try to see someone that is going to take a lot of effort on my side to go see them. The transportation will be long and i really don't want to go through it as it really upset me greatly. But i must say that there is transportation and need to be grateful for that.

I also don't want to be medicated because when i lived in a different state and i had medication then medicaid took it away from me without telling me. I was cut off quickly and i had no medication and had to deal with withdrawal. It was a real bad situation. I don't want to go through that again. And from that i learned i have to really figure out how to get out of this without it because i can't rely on it being there.

If someone is in real bad situation, then please do use them. I am not in that bad of a state.

I do not know if i am doing the right thing. I am 46 and i have lost a lot. I really mean it and not saying it. But one thing i am grateful for is my friend and this site. Yes, being grateful is one of the self-help exercises i do.

[vital]

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

I do not know if i am doing the right thing. I am 46 and i have lost a lot. I really mean it and not saying it. But one thing i am grateful for is my friend and this site. Yes, being grateful is one of the self-help exercises i do.

You know, eggplantlife, I would bet on your success over someone who has more money and is doing the standard meds+therapy.

GO GET EM!! - vital

[nushi]

Hey eggplantlife

I'm a bit better today. Reading your words makes me feel that you have a very beautiful & innocent soul in you I never understood people talking about one having gratitude in one's life, 'cause I'm always angry & loathing towards myself & my life, but reading your words makes me understand the potential in a beautiful human soul to be grateful, even though it's hard for me to feel it toward my life

If you don't work full time now eggplantlife, I think it will definitely help you to conquer depression by engaging yourself in something meaningful in your life, besides fighting depression. If you only focus on fighting depression & on your mental condition, without doing somthing "outside the box" that might increase your depression IMHO. I'm saying this, because each time I don't work, my depression increases. Actually, even while working, if I don't engage myself in something I enjoy, I suffer also from depression. The times I least felt depressed is the times I engaged in political activity in my country here, which made me feel good, & gave me no time or capacity for depression. If you don't work now, try engaging in social, political, sports, or any outside activity that might interest you, & trust my word for it, it will change your life

I also got this problem of medication you have. I was scared from reading your story of medicaid abruptly stopping your medication, 'cause I'm currently taking Paroxetine (Seroxat), which is expensive, & I depend on my father's pension money to pay for it, & that money might stop any time! But every time I try to stop Seroxat (even gradually), I start suffering from withdrawal symptoms, so I get to take it again I hate being so dependent on a drug, that I might suffer very bad if I can't buy it anymore! It's like being a slave to some pills!

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by vital

You know, eggplantlife, I would bet on your success over someone who has more money and is doing the standard meds+therapy.

GO GET EM!! - vital

Thank you so much! It meant a lot to me. I sort of felt like crying when i read it because it touched me so much. Thank you for the support!

[eggplantlife]

Nushi,

This forum is how i am trying to help others. It helps me and in return they help me. This is outside of the box for me being here.

I have tried to look for volunteer work and i asked around. I can only do it around where i can walk. I am not from here so i don't know the area and the fact that i hate being here is not good. I try to be okay with being here as my friend took me in. I try to look at the positive although i know how i feel about being here. I can't seem to make my mind to move as i have great support here from my friend and i know i am a support to her too. The support is more important now as it is my only support.

And it took a lot of effort for me to ask around to do volunteer work so even though it didn't work out, i am proud i asked.

First thing is that you need to get rid of that fear that your money will run out and then no medication because it didn't happen and you are living in the future of fear. You don't want to do that. You have medication. Know that you have it and have faith or believe there is a way it is taken care of. I don't know what that medication is for. You need to focus on being grateful for that and all the little things.

It seems you have a strong mind. There are the exercises to keep your mind positive. It takes a lot of work.

And about work...it was hard for me to get work in my field. I am older and i didn't work in the field for a while as a lot if bad things happened to me in the last 9 years. All my dreams got crushed. It is really hard for me to get back in the field. It is very hard not being wanted being back in the field. So i come to a place i didn't want to. The job i was sort of promised didn't work out and then i took a job that is very labor and physical which i am not used to. I am used to office jobs so what i am doing now is very hard for me. So it isn't that easy for me. I have to fight the depression to get through. I am grateful that i have a place and that there are nice people around. Whatever it is you need to find something to be grateful for. Depression and negative talks are almost always running in my head so i work very hard to focus out if it.

It sounds like you have a lot going for you. I think it seems that you need to keep telling your mind about that. And keeping active seems to work for you. Do you take time out to see what works for you and keep telling yourself about it? And probably is the field for you.

And it seems that the quiet moments are not your friend. Do you consider yourself friends with yourself? Have compassion for self? This i am working on.

[eggplantlife]

Audio books "you are not your brain" and "you're survival instinct is killing you". Have fell asleep listening to them.

I might have too much i'm looking into.

[vital]

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

And it seems that the quiet moments are not your friend. Do you consider yourself friends with yourself? Have compassion for self? This i am working on.

I felt something like this too eggplant. Now that I'm not depressed, I "enjoy my own company" if you know what I mean. - vital

[nushi]

Yes, eggplantlife, PC Forums here are helping a lot, & helping others here helps one feel better, like you say

But staying closed up to the internet without going out sometimes increases my depression, I don't know! That's why I'm telling you that besides the Forum you can do some sports or activity outside, even some activity that doesn't involve people if you want, I don't know... For ex., you can go biking, or jogging while listening to your mp3... Or you can see an orphanage in the area & play with the children there, 'cause children are the most beautiful thing in this world that brings joy & beauty to one's soul

But it's very good that you're staying with a friend, & you both support each other It's very rare in this world to find a good & helpful friend on which you can lean your shoulder for support & affection...

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by nushi

Yes, eggplantlife, PC Forums here are helping a lot, & helping others here helps one feel better, like you say

But staying closed up to the internet without going out sometimes increases my depression, I don't know! That's why I'm telling you that besides the Forum you can do some sports or activity outside, even some activity that doesn't involve people if you want, I don't know... For ex., you can go biking, or jogging while listening to your mp3... Or you can see an orphanage in the area & play with the children there, 'cause children are the most beautiful thing in this world that brings joy & beauty to one's soul

But it's very good that you're staying with a friend, & you both support each other It's very rare in this world to find a good & helpful friend on which you can lean your shoulder for support & affection...

I actually do go outside. I take a walk. I talk to people i see sometimes. The year i have been here, i have reached out. You do not know how hard i have reached out. I have gone to church because it is nearby. The group was nice but their beliefs were not with mine. It was good learning experience. I looked for one that is close to what i believe but it is far.

I can't bike as i don't have a bike as i have mentioned i have lost a lot. I thought about getting one but really but didn't go further as there are other factors.

I have asked around to volunteer. I was rejected by one and i asked people i got to know about walking distance and they did not know.

I have to accept i am closed up so i do best with what i have. I know being closed in cause depression. Hell! It is one thing i know about myself. When i had my dog i used to walk for hours. I used to run. But i know what situation i am in now. I have tried so now i am accepting and moving towards others ways, i am doing my best to solve my problem. One answer is to move. Right now, i am not strong enough to handle that. I just started feeling better.