confessions of little turtle

I am not sure about anti-depressants....if you have major depression do you need an anti-depressant for your entire life...at present I don't think so but I don't know this for sure...I tend to think it is better to take them during the very acute phase and then go off them....I was one who kept taking them for many many years....and now I cant get off them...and I have tried many times.....I don't like having that chemical in my body...I don't like taking any of these chemicals....what am I doing....I just don't know....I wish we knew more about the causes of depression....and I think most people really believe in these antidepressants...but I am now very skeptical...

my teachers let me down...they taught me stuff that I thought was true...
they taught me that psych drugs were THE answer...I don't think that is proper science..
I am disappointed that my teachers couldn't say that they just didn't know....
we still don't know....if we knew there would be more MENTAL HEALTH...and I would feel happier....

The last time I tried to stop mine (Bupropion/Welbutrin 150 mg per day)--I had horrible headaches (I hardly ever get headaches), was dizzy, lightheaded, nauseous, and lethargic. No wonder I am still taking it.

In retrospect, I wish I had tried a therapist before a psychiatrist. Sometimes I also would like to try having a chemical free life (with the exception of coffee--don't really want to give that one up...)

thanks hopingtrying.....I don't want to give up my coffee either...I like the stimulation in the morning.....also I have some wine at 5 with my wife...I know you are not supposed to mix alcohol with an antidepressant...but I still do it....I take my celexa in the the am....

I have a lot of fears ...how about you

new confession today----------------I wanted to be famous...I wanted to discover a cure for depression...I didn't do it....it didn't happen...I really didn't have enough drive...even as a kid I didn't have the drive...but I tried and I failed....but I don't think antidepressants are going to be that helpful....we need something better...much better...
addictive stuff helps but that usually ends up in a deep hole...

I wonder how good of a mother I was. I fear if I did not do a good job, then the damage has been done. I want my children to have the tools and confidence to be the master's of their own lives. I have all the basic necessities I need in my life and my spouse is a good companion. My life is not bad. My children are still trying to figure out how to make their way in this world. That is what keeps me up at night......

Of course, while I can still help and encourage in little ways and understand their POV--it's their lives now. I need to let go of this anxiety--it helps no one--I bet my H agrees!

*Everybody* (and i mean everybody) keeps telling me to take meds. I hear it all the time. I tried Lexapro and HATED it. Like you, I didn't like the chemicals in my body. They made me feel, i don't know, "altered". I can't describe it very well. It made me feel like a zombie.

So me, I decided I’d rather feel something, even depression, authentically than feel nothing artificially.

I wish we knew more about what helps....I was reading the national institute of mental health website about depression....besides meds and psychotherapy they mentioned some things like exercise.....but they didn't mention about eating healthy whatever that means...

Oh I know exactly WHAT i should do to get better but i don't have what it takes to WANT to get better.

If it helps here is some info on what i will maybe want to do someday:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/07/09/6-steps-for-beating-depression/




Most of it is from this book “The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs”, by Dr. Stephen Ilardi:
https://www.amazon.com/Depression-Cure-6-Step-Program-without/dp/0738213888/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

I know meds work for some/most people and that is great. I'm going to try a little while longer without them.

people dying is so sad.....people dying by suicide is so sad....
people can be so helpful or they can be so harmful...

I am a psychiatrist...but I am really a dumbo...maybe just simple..
there is so much I don't understand about psychology and neurology...
they say I am supposed to know that but I don't know ...
and this has nothing to do with my depression...
this has to do with I just don't know very much...but I am a good guy...
I don't harm people...do no harm

I want help for me...
I can be helpful for others...
my real life relationships are not very satisfying...
there is so much trying to take others down..

(((((((( little turtle ))))))))

hey I just thought of something...I am more nervous right now...and when I am nervous I get more depressed...could it have anything to do with springtime...in the northern hemisphere the highest suicide rate is in the spring for those with mood disorders...
maybe things will get better next month....I hope so

[QUOTE=little turtle;5662547]hey I just thought of something...I am more nervous right now...and when I am nervous I get more depressed...could it have anything to do with springtime...in the northern hemisphere the highest suicide rate is in the spring for those with mood disorders...
maybe things will get better next month....I hope so[/

The change of seasons, particularly spring to summer affect my anxiety and depression too I think you're on to something little turtle

I am not doing something good right now...I had one terrible day yesterday.i..I took myself down...way down...I saw myself as a failure in life...

so today the wonderful psychiatrist is going to have extra coffee and 5 mg of valium...I shouldn't do it ...but I am going to do it...I have done it...right now I hate this life...I hate what is going on in the world...I have very little hope...

I m coming close to death...I don't want to die....I am glad that I did not kill myself...
my life has been a life of depression and unhappiness...but there were some good times between breakdowns...but the breakdowns were absolute hell holes....I regret trying to fight so hard to fight my depression and fear....I should have just gone with it....my breakdowns had a life of their own...I tried to hide my misery from others...that was a big mistake for me....I was so ashamed and afraid that people would stay away from me if I wasn't normal acting..

i have been married a very very long time....and I still get furious with my wife...
I need to tame my tongue....she can hurt me like nobody else in this world...

I am very sensitive and shy...I am not a hard worker most of the time...
I think the general public sees these things as some disorder..
I just don't fit in to this awful terrible world ....
people want to blame and bully....this is not love
I think we are damn good people in a world that looks down on us..
I am not going to kill myself because I am just me...

I think this world is really screwed up...
maybe we are having a hard time living in it...

I think so too, and I'm also having a hard time living in it. Hugs to you again. You are doing the best you can every day to keep going.

I have to disagree sometimes people avoid jail by going to a psyche ward because they are indeed ill and not a bad apple.
It is for their own protection. I was dead set on killing myself so I got put on a compulsory treatment order for six months. I climbed the fire escape and sat on the edge of the roof of the hospital. The hospital has since put a high gate infront of it to stop any future occurrences. I wasn't allowed out at all but I know why the doctors did it. I needed a lawyer and everything

I am really disgusted how I take myself down for being mentally ill...
I take myself down...others help out..
what do I really like about myself...this is something I don't ask often..

I am very sensitive...I really like this... but it is very difficult to live in this awful world being sensitive...but I like that in me...that is my defining quality...to hell with what the world wants...

I need to add------------I see beauty in nature...I see terrible in nature...
the worst I see is how people hurt and kill each other...

I feel very alone in this world....I am different...I had breakdowns...but I am not sure about the nature of my problems....it may not be a disease in the usual sense

I am so unhappy about psychiatry....it has gone the way of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$..
the causes eventually will come out but now we are stuck with psych drugs...