Daily Check In, ups and downs #18

I heard about it on a forum here, somewhere. And I'm not sure where else but I do notice it seems to be popular.

I hope it will be OK!!!!!

I'm very tired and I feel kind of old today. Not sure what to do. I'm kind of ashamed, and finding bulimia is a big deal for me. It never used yo be. :/

It would go much better if I wasn't so broken that I can't support anyone else. I don't know how to take care of myself when I need to help everyone else too.

Yes, it's really true, must see to one's own needs first. O_o

I have no idea what I meant to say in the above quoted post, regarding
bulimia, and I never have, so not at all sure. But i definitely feel old and tired.

Feeling excited because my sofa is going to be delivered today. I'm contemplating taking a nap while I'm at home waiting for it to be delivered, but that might mean I have to work late. I'm really excited that my vacation is coming up and I'm going to get like 10 days off. I'm determined to get physical exercise every day and eat as healthy as possible, in addition to getting back into guitar and piano practice. Just gotta get through a day and half more of grueling work.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

Eh, I feel alright today. I had a strange dream last night, it felt like it went on forever! How come the longest dreams are always the strangest ones? Weird, huh? Either way. I feel kind of empty. Just kind of there, you know? I guess I'm having another one of 'those' moments. But eh. It'll go away after awhile, so I guess it's not too big of a deal.

falling.

Feeling really frightened. Just don't know how I'm going to make it. The problem is I don't really believe in myself. How am I going to do this? So alone... alone, alone.

I'm so lonely and over-the-top depressed.

Today was a fairly slow day at work. It was very slow yesterday. Right now I am feeling pretty depressed because I've had some foot pain in the last couple of days. I hope it gets better by itself. I may have to make an appointment if it doesn't. It will mean some time off from work (which is a hassle to negotiate a time) and more money going out.

Also, I had just read in the obituary that a 29 year old man passed away. On the obituary it said that he passed away after a courageous battle with depression. I wondered how he died?

Is it ok if i join??? But i feel like everything is pushing me down... i was going good 2 days ago and yesterday rverything came crashing down at once forn no reason again

Of course you are welcome here! I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it.

New to the depression forum.
Trying a new med, starting today. Not sure how I feel about it. But my pdoc is concerned because I'm still falling and nothing seems to be helping.

It's been a month since we broke up. Haven't found anyone else. Alcohol is my boyfriend now.

It worked for me! And it's terrible advice. Actually, drinking kept me looking longer for a likely candidate. And it let me have a whole lot of fun. It could easily have gone exactly the opposite.

I'm not even looking anymore for another person. I'm too fat and ugly and weird and mentally ill to be loved, ever. I'm not having any fun. I'm going to be a 20 year old virgin. I'm a LOSER.

I think you aren't aware of how many virgins are actually on these forums, lol. And even much older than you.

But it's not like a race to the finish, there is no right way or wrong way to deal with these milestones, only your way of right or wrong. So if you decide you don't need it after all, that's still a valid position. Lol, I'm impossibly having my memory cut out of my head. But I made the point, good.

It still is very valid to encourage you to practise self love. So imagine you have a friend who is exactly like you, and you just love this friend. Treat this friend as if you only just found them, with love, attention, respect, etc.

yeah i guess not lol. it's odd, i'm indifferent about virginity otherwise and i don't give a fart what age others lose theirs, but i hold myself to different standards. someone could be 60 and a virgin, and i would not care. i would not think any less of them. but i guess right now i'm having kind of an internal crisis, because i always told myself no matter what i'd make sure i lost my virginity in my teens, even if very late teens. but if i still want that to happen i have only 4 months to make it happen. let's see... i'm 240 lbs., i never leave the house, i'm socially awkward... not desirable in the least... so yeah, unless i find some way to pay someone it's just not going to happen 'in time'. and if this were somebody else i wouldn't care, like i said. but to me it's loser central... might as well have it tattooed on my forehead or walk around with a neon sign... i'm very ashamed. to me that kinda says ''least sexiest person alive".

i also just want romance too. i want it even more than sex. i need touch and affection and sweet words, but there is nobody to give that to me. i know self-love is important to, but it just doesn't work when it's from myself, and it makes me a little sad. i don't really want self-love anyway. i really tried at it but i couldn't make the feelings genuine.

it's also funny that you use treating myself like a friend as an analogy, because i don't have any friends either.

anyway sorry if i rambled, i'm very lonely. have cried about it more than once today. so i kinda just talk a lot at whoever gives me the time of day. my mom already blew me off.

I think that if you yourself were the one that determined that you must lose your virginity in your teens you are the only one that can extend the deadline.

It's been a pretty busy week at work. I'm very glad that the week is over and having three days off instead of two this time. It was a bit of a frustrating day at work as it seemed like I couldn't do anything right. At least at the part where I had to fill in for the maintenance man who's out.

Also I felt bummed this morning from last night when I put myself out there on another forum, expressing an aspect of my life that I would have preferred to keep private. I got back replies that were not that great. In my personal opinion, I think that this is the best place to put your feelings down. Other sites can be cruel.

I worked out today and went to the pool area. It's been great down at the pool area lately. I just can't believe it! And talked to some people while walking back to my place. It seems like lately I'm meeting much nicer people at my place than before. If this keeps up, I wouldn't want to leave my place like I wanted to before.

i don't know... i just don't think i could feel good about being a virgin that late. it's not by choice, it just that nobody wants that with me. to me that is shameful.

It's okay. Well, that would make the friend all the more precious, if she's the only one, at times.

And I guess hetero men and women meet each others needs. Sex for men, and cuddling for women. So it's like a little exchange. That's a broad sweeping statement, which at times is a little or a lot false, but for the most part it works kinda like that.

Don't hire anyone to lose your virginity. I'd be worried about his disease status, and general well being of the whole situation for you. You can worry about that with whomever you decide to be with, once you're publicly no longer single.

It's summer again so you could keep going with your weight loss, since you mention your weight.

Look how far you have come since a year ago! You might not think so, but from my view, you have had a lot of firsts this past year. So I look forward to seeing you be happier, as more of life unfolds for you.

I'm trying to work up the nerve to make a doctor's appointment, so I can get a referral to see someone for mental health.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk