[NoGreaterLove11]

I was wondering if anyone on this forum is dealing dysthymia or Persistent Depressive Disorder and suicidal thoughts? It seems that I can't go a week or two without being convinced I am going to kill myself at least once.
I was diagnosed with Dysthymia about a year ago and have had reoccurring suicidal ideation all my life. I'm starting to feel likeI am going to want to die of the rest of my life

I can relate to this. It is really hard to live life when all you can think about is dying... I'm not on top of this yet, so unfortunately don't have any advice for you I just wanted you to know you're not alone

[kal1995]

Unfortunately I don't have any advice either, but I'm also dealing with this so much lately. You definitely aren't alone.

[Skeezyks]

Well... the Skeezyks hasn't ever received an actual diagnosis. But I've certainly struggled with depression, as well anxiety & some other stuff, all my life. I'm suicidal every hour of every day. I've made several previous attempts... a couple of them serious.

Barring something unforeseen, I think I'm at a point where I'm willing to simply let nature take its course... since I'm getting older now. But you never know... I will want to die for the rest of my life. That's really no way to live though. So, I send warm hugs your way, NoGreaterLove, with the hope that you might be able to find deep peace within...

Dear NoGreaterLove11, I cannot relate to Dysthymia but I have gone through periods in my life (since a teenager) where I have compulsively fantasized about suicide. I kept it a secret from everyone and never sought any treatment for it until a near attempt in my late 40's. I think its an indication that our lives are really crappy in some way. We just don't want to think about the worst things about our life. I still don't like to face some of them. Don't like to journal about them and or post about them. It's much easier for me to talk about my "wins". Hate to acknowledge some of the bad things I've been through. SI is one of many ways I would distract myself from them. It can also become sort of a habit. But it's a very serious issue that needs to be treated because, from experience, it can eventually lead to a real attempt. I'm pretty sure that I have PTSD from my attempt last year. Actually attempting is much more dark and scary than it is in our fantasies. I do not recommend it to anyone!
Sorry, I sort of digressed and started talking about myself but it is important that you seek treatment for your desire to die. Hoping you can have more enjoyable fantasies than death soon!
Sincerely, Myst

Just looked up dysthymia, it is a serious state of chronic depression, which persists for at least two years. Maybe I can relate, I was depressed more than two years before my attempt. (Though I am not currently depressed.) However, if you read postings at this forum, a lot of people who post here have been seriously depressed for years and years. I truly wish that you and others who have suffered for so long can get some relief from your suffering and that some good things will find their way into your lives!

[Sula B]

You are not alone. What you describe is me to a T. My thoughts are so persistent, frequent and have been for so long that its almost as though I have learned to live with them regardless of how awful and clear. I've sat there listening to someone giving me really positive feedback, smiling and nodding and saying thankyou, whilst contemplating seriously specific and detailed thoughts.

I hope you are seeking and receiving help. Medication, therapy or a combination could provide a great deal of relief but it is a very different journey for each of us.

But just know that you're not alone and there are ways of moving through it.

[Fuzzybear]

[speckofdust]

I am struggling with all issues mentioned in the opening post. I wish I had some good advice, but I can only offer that you are definitely not alone in your struggles! I wish there were not so many of us!

[Deeplyhurt77]

I too deal with suicidal thoughts daily. Somehow I feel prepared if the occasion arises and have a stash of meds to take. However this is probably no help to you but just like all the other posts, you are certainly not alone.

[Always Hurting]

I can relate.

[Onward2wards]

Too many negative stressors and not enough personally meaningful experiences in a given period can leave a person feeling depressed and/or dysthymic, imo.

[qwerty68]

I have been diagnosed with that and have been dealing with it for 21 years. Yeah, suicidal thoughts are definitely a part of it. It is so common for me that it feels weird not to have them.

I think what helps me is just to let the thought come and go, even if it happens a dozen times a day. Letting it hang around makes it so much easier to start thinking about specifics and even do a little self-harm.

[Sula B]

Originally Posted by qwerty68

I have been diagnosed with that and have been dealing with it for 21 years. Yeah, suicidal thoughts are definitely a part of it. It is so common for me that it feels weird not to have them.

I think what helps me is just to let the thought come and go, even if it happens a dozen times a day. Letting it hang around makes it so much easier to start thinking about specifics and even do a little self-harm.

I agree. I have learned that its almost like allowing the thought and then letting it go is the best way to move through it for me. The thoughts as I said are so persistent and consistent its almost like I can simply dismiss them and put them aside for that moment.

[Crazylion]

My dearest....I can think about it and participate in feeling depressed. No one can sit, stare and feel heartache, emptiness, lonliness and hopelessness better than I. I have 52 years experience in it.

However, I choose to keep it as a hobby of sorts now and try to keep as busy doing things that keep me from hangning out with myself if I feel I will get "stagnant." I make getting up in the morning an activity to look forward to. I make different coffes daily that I only drink a few sips and in a cup that is hand painted with my name. I get up at 5:30 a.m, when I don't have to leave till 8 and I shower at night and have clothes and everything already set out night before. So I take my time waking up, snuggling with my cat for a bit, then deciding on what I willl have for breakfast and lately I've been on monster fruit salads for breakfast with a muffin or cereal. Were talking banana, peach, nectarine, kiwis gold and green, pears, strawberries, black berries and raspberries and hen decide on yogur or applesause.

Since my husband leaves at 6, I will purposely leave my dishes in the sink, a fruit peel or too and a little mess that he can clean or not as he gets home 2 hours before me. Since that is one of the petty things he *****es about latey since he has become on the edgle of a breakdown lately, I channel my depression in passive agressve fun and use it on hubby. I smoke in the car now -- i won't let him take a lawn chair out of the living room, and I try to keep up with current events -- like naked fan dancing in Egypt or how sitting in a vat of chicken gravy up to your neck will make you better in the sack.

and even with all that happiness and distraction around me, I can always go to my never-failed depression stomper of inflicting myself on the public. that never fails me.

stay strong....courage!!

[Sula B]

Quote "Since my husband leaves at 6, I will purposely leave my dishes in the sink, a fruit peel or too and a little mess that he can clean or not as he gets home 2 hours before me. Since that is one of the petty things he *****es about latey since he has become on the edgle of a breakdown lately, I channel my depression in passive agressve fun and use it on hubby. I smoke in the car now -- i won't let him take a lawn chair out of the living room,"

That's horrible and you sound smug which I find disturbing. No one has had more reason to be nasty to others than me and I have never stooped to that sort of behaviour. I am sorry if your relationship with your husband has been less than satisfactory or if there are other things that I don't know about but on the basis of your post, your behaviour is passive aggressive, calculated and nasty particularly given your comment that you are aware that he is on the verge of a breakdown. Please be better than that.

[Crazylion]

Sula B,

Please forgive if, as always, I come across the wrong way. My sense of humor doens't bode well unless it's in person. Our relationship is "George Burns/Gracie Allen" type situation, where we jokingly always say we can't stand each other and how horrible we are, but are really in love and take care of each other -- even with our personal individual problems. We just have that wierd humor that is light and we like to laugh together and with friends that we are ready to throw each off the bridge. And yes, it is a 23 year old standing joke that he and I always like to do little things like me leaving fruit peals in the sink couple times a week, or i leave my dirty cup but put everything else in the dishwasher. He doesn't like that I smoke in the car, but we play our game f passive agressive, it's a wierd form of it, because we tell each other were going to do it. I told him awhile ago i was smoking in my car, which he barely rides in and he knows -- he isn't that thrilled -- but i don't put him in the position of getting into a stinky car without warning. Because that would be nasty and rude.
This morning he took the car and had it all cleaned out without me asking, which i tell him to just avoid my car.

We struggle with serious issues that i am seriou about and don't show any attempted humor in it. I haven't had cause yet to express any but they are there.

As for the rest of it, maybe you can see my severe co dependent, avoidant issues, with child hood ADHD, Dysthymia problems, and histrionic personality disorder traits that are the core of my posting which to me was witty in a sarcastic sense -- but never meant to shake up your opinion and view that I most usually will conjure in my writing. It's all rooting in avoidance and still working through the pain, trauma and the various **** we can relate to.

Thank you for saying something to me. I welcome reactions to anything I say and do now, as I want to continue my road to awareness of self and others and will never deny or refuse to acknowledge and consider what anyone else, outside of myself, has to say about a perception of my output.

its a f***kng struggle every minute, but the alternative isn't an option for me anymore.

and for anyone else here either!!!!!!!! When i go to bed at night and cry sometimes to let me die....., i know that when i wake up, it will be a new day.

i have to go and get my hair done. have a great Saturday everyone. Today is the best day for sitting at home watching great movies that make you laugh and cry at the same time -- As Good As It Gets!!

Lighting A Candle For All Of Us That Struggle With This ...

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by NoGreaterLove11

I was wondering if anyone on this forum is dealing dysthymia or Persistent Depressive Disorder and suicidal thoughts? It seems that I can't go a week or two without being convinced I am going to kill myself at least once.
I was diagnosed with Dysthymia about a year ago and have had reoccurring suicidal ideation all my life. I'm starting to feel likeI am going to want to die of the rest of my life

I too was diagnosed with dysthymia early last year & have had persistent suicidal thoughts to some varying degree or another. As of late it is almost a daily thought. I wish I had some advice to give but I do not. Just know that you are not alone.

[Unrigged64072835]

I was originally diagnosed with dysthymia before it was changed to bipolar a few years ago. I can relate to the suicidal thoughts. My meds have knocked it down quite a bit. I also did a lot of therapy so I wouldn't notice the thoughts as much.

[MtnTime2896]

I want to kill myself or at least be put in a situation in which I will die. I have been like this for several years. Even when my cancer got real bad. While I kept fighting, I didn't do it for me. I did it because there was no way in hell I was going to put my fiance through that. Isn't going to happen. Only way I'm dying is if I can't help it. Unfortunately, that's where it is also confusing. I genuinely want to give up so bad. Whether or not I feel my depression is at its worst, I still fantasize about my death. It's constant. I can even feel happy and still think about dying. It never leaves my brain.
The only reason I fight is for my fiance. He's not ready for me to leave and I love him too much to allow him to endure any pain similar to my own. The day I no longer believe that will surely be the day I finally follow through with my fantasies.

[Sula B]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I want to kill myself or at least be put in a situation in which I will die. I have been like this for several years. Even when my cancer got real bad. While I kept fighting, I didn't do it for me. I did it because there was no way in hell I was going to put my fiance through that. Isn't going to happen. Only way I'm dying is if I can't help it. Unfortunately, that's where it is also confusing. I genuinely want to give up so bad. Whether or not I feel my depression is at its worst, I still fantasize about my death. It's constant. I can even feel happy and still think about dying. It never leaves my brain.
The only reason I fight is for my fiance. He's not ready for me to leave and I love him too much to allow him to endure any pain similar to my own. The day I no longer believe that will surely be the day I finally follow through with my fantasies.

Again, you describe me to a T but my main handle on fighting to stay is my children.