what do you do

What do you do when you've ran out of coping skills? When telling yourself to keep going isnt working anymore? When you are tired of living for others but you can't live for yourself? What do you do when the people who understand are all gone, they left or were forced out of your life? When you are seaching for a way, any way to end the pain you feel on a regular basis? When you can't stand the person staring back at you in the mirror? What do you do when everything is a reminder of the days where everything was okay? When everyone thinks you should snap out of it? When the people you are supposed to rely on break you? What do you do?

Sorry for how you feel. I can definitely relate. Life can be a cruel ***** and when you're grieving you can feel like there's no end in sight. I'm reading a book by Cheryl Strayed right now (Tiny Beautiful Things...it's great you should read it), and one thing stuck out to me. She said that life is long and that things can change and we can't predict what's going to happen to us in the future. Better times, new connections, could be right on the horizon.

For right now all I can say is to endure. Take it. Own it. And hold on to the hope that tomorrow could bring relief, peace, and hope for you.

Hey- Lost you in the chat...
I think I got answers for all your questions bc that's how I feel almost every day

What do you do when you've ran out of coping skills?...
No choices, YOU HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK, sleep, go for walk, do something really nice for yourself- like eat your fav food, listen to fav music -
When coping skills gone, we can be too - So regardless U need to take a break - (I feel like that often, even little stresses put me over the edge - BREAK mandatory- (Sometimes I just go to sleep to give my brain a break for an hour, when I'm past the point of being capable of doing things I mentioned) ...

Continued...
U said, "...When telling yourself to keep going isnt working anymore?
When you are tired of living for others but you can't live for yourself?
What do you do when the people who understand are all gone, they left or were forced out of your life?..."
See my last response, YOU MUST TAKE A BREAK, for as long as it takes to have the strength to deal with all these other important questions...
YOU must take care of yourself, or you'll have nothing to give to others -
We can't depend on anyone, when feeling this bad, only you have the power to keep YOURSELF going, it's up to you, to be nice to yourself, to survive - When you feel stronger, and recoup some of those couping skills, you can then work on fixing the problems, like getting back those things you lost (e.g. people forced out of your life)
Still here?

We can't end the pain (that's why being dead is so desirable to me, the pain has gone on for too long) -
But when we "take a break" and distract our minds from those painful things and traumatic losses, our coping skills start coming back a little, and then we can tackle all the rest -
U sound too much like me, which is why I know you must take a break, and take care of yourself- I wouldn't be here anymore, if I hadn't done that the many times, when I felt I could no longer handle the pain, and my coping skills were depleted...
There's just so much pain any mind or body can withstand...
And when you've reached the breaking point, there's no other choice than to step back, and take care of yourself for a little while -

The problems and people can wait, until you're stronger and you have the strength to keep battling (life/problems)...

I don't have good advice, but sending big hug on your way
Life is hard, but someone told me that horrible moment will pass sometimes. I believe it will, and I'm living for that day.

Continued:
You said,
"What do you do when everything is a reminder of the days where everything was okay?
When everyone thinks you should snap out of it?
When the people you are supposed to rely on break you? What do you do? "

IDK, because I've been stuck in "grief" stage for a long time - When people tell me to just forget all I've lost,
or that the future will bring me better things, better life,
I just want to smack them and say shut-up.

I want my old life back - I want my home back, I want my son back, I want everything back (too much to list, all that I lost) -
WE need to just guard/protect our spirits, because we may never get anything back.

I lost my spirit, I've been beat up too bad, too long, and that's how you sound too,
so for now my best advice is we need to take a break and take care of ourselves for a little while, so the pain doesn't get worse, and maybe it may ease up a little, soon...
Hugs- Gotta go.
P.S. If all coping skills completely gone, you need to go to doctor or hospital,
because when pain is most severe, (unbearable) and you can't take a break from the pain,
it's not a good time to make such an important decision, as life or death -

Things I keep doing to keep hanging on - Advice is to me as well as you, because there has to be some other solution, better than death - -So I'm hanging on, by a thread, to hopefully find it.
IDK - But few choices left, when things this bad, then to try to ease the pain a little, by taking a break, to shut our brains off a little to survive.
- Not sure I can, but I'll keep trying a little longer, and hope you do too.
Good Night.

Jman, I hope u r ok, and I hope u get some rest, and feel stronger/better later or tomorrow.
I'm a mess so I need to go recoup (rest) so I have the strength to keep talking myself into staying alive a little longer...
Cause I know things can always change (get better) if I stay alive, but won't if I give up and am dead.
It's exhausting but it's really the only choice we have that makes sense,
to hang on a little longer,
and hope for some miracles, or anything good that may help heal our pain and losses.

I really have no clue what I'm talking about, other than knowing deep down
that giving up is NOT a good choice, it feels like it is, (stopping the pain NOW), but it's not.
We need to hang on a little longer, it's the only rationale choice we have right now, tonight.
And I'm willing to risk that I may be wrong, if hanging on and staying alive tonight,
turns out to be the wrong choice,
there's always tomorrow to reconsider,
so again it's the only choice that makes sense right now.
...I hope I'm right, and I'm just not prolonging the pain and inevitable --

Good Night. TTYL.

Jman and pppp3, it sounds like both of you are in a really bad place right now. I wish I had some magic answer or profound words of wisdom. Sorry. All I've got is the same thing that kept me going for a while. Sheer stubbornness? The faint hope that things could get better (not even that they would get better, just the possibility that they could). Challenge my beliefs. What if I wasn't as bad as I thought? Was there even a .001% possibility that I could be wrong? That the lens of my depression was making me judge myself more harshly than I actually deserved? The things I was kicking myself for--were they really bad or were they...human? Could I cut myself the tiniest bit of slack?
If any of those were possible, then maybe I could hang on just a while longer and see what developed. Life isn't static. Change happens. Change for the better is possible even when I didn't believe it was very likely.

One last question: Why can't you live for yourself? It sounds like that's exactly what you need right now. That isn't selfish--that's saving a life. Yours. You need to look after you. I hope you're reaching out in the real world for help (Doctor/therapist/minister even?)

Sorry. Didn't mean to lecture. Just wanted to offer a little hope.
Sending healing thoughts and virtual hugs your way.

When coping skills have gone, we too can be gone...as said above

Good suggestions.. glad that people here have brains that they use
(This is not a dig about anyone on pc)

Thanks for posting

I hope all on this thread are "ok"

(Including me)

Thank you, Fuzzybear. UR like the depression/crisis DETECTIVE,
that finds us, validates us, and gives us hope to carry on, because you care so much about us all.

But every good detective needs a shield, too.

I'm embarrassed by my frantic posts to Jman the other night. Why? Because as I was quickly typing those thoughts that constantly run through my (depressed) mind, wanting to help him to survive,
I forgot that other people would be reading them too.

And although my survival tactics might be useful, when people like me and Jman fall into these depths of despair,
I left out a few important points, such as
DEPRESSION LIES!

Depression is like a cancer that spreads and grows, except it is very contagious.
And, because it has become so hard for me to feel hopeful these days,
my notes to Jman were solely focused on survival.

Fuzzybear, put up your shield, and cling to hope, because it's the best remedy to counteract depression (and to prevent falling prey to the lies depression so often creates).

Everybody's life has hope, and when we can't recognize it,
sometimes we have no other choice than to step back and take a break,
which means we need to simply stop thinking about whatever it is that leads us back to thoughts of giving up.

Again, the lies of depression, mask hope and can be very contagious.

Even those with the worst possible lives, should be able to feel some hope,
and if after "taking a break" , anyone keeps falling back into the despair and hopelessness,
it seems clearly evident that some chemical in the brain is missing or depleted,
that really should be checked out.
That’s kind of where I’ve been stuck.
My hope for good things in the future disappeared.

My problems in life are real (situations/events/traumas, challenges of day-to-day life), but my thoughts on giving-up are probably more based on lies; Future is not as bleak as I believe it to be.

And that’s what I hoped to do for Jman, when I tried to answer/address all his questions.
I did not have solutions (ways to fix the problems or feelings), but knew he needed to keep going (living), even when it seemed so hard or wrong,
because his perceptions for his future could/would likely change,

and good things (feelings) would/could return.

U seem like one of the most positive/hopeful people here at PC - But if u don't always feel that way, and it becomes too hard to pretend, take a break, rest, recoup and/or whatever it takes to reclaim your strength.

And feel free to PM me any negative thoughts U can't suppress, because I'm sure I'm thinking the same types of things;

It's what I call the "lies of depression", which seem real, sometimes until we tell someone about them or we hear someone else saying the same type of things.
It's like when I think my life has no value or purpose, and then even a stranger might remind me that it does...
Or when I think only more bad things will happen in the future, and nothing good, and again, somebody, even a stranger reminds me it will/can.

Thanks pppp3

(I sometimes feel embarrassed about some of my posts too )

I'm not ok, and that's why I'm going to sleep, even if it is only 5pm. The pain is too much to bear right now. Thankfully I was able to get an emergency appointment with my pdoc for tomorrow, because I'll be damned if I'm gonna end up back in the hospital.

Not lecturing, just good sound advice, from someone who has enough common sense to cling to a little hope. Thanks-

I started to explain why I've been unsuccessful with both putting the pieces of my life back together and/or getting help from the "real" world -
but then I start sounding like a pathetic victim, which is not who I want to be.
I will say, that the "real" world can be a very unfair, unjust and corrupt place to be.
And if you're lacking somebody (spouse, parent, friend etc.) who really cares about your well-being, it's easy to fall and stay stuck.

But I agree, like you said that even 1% hope is enough reason to keep going, regardless of how we feel.
Because almost instantly things in our lives can change, and although I like many had that happen in a negative way, it can also happen in a positive way-
Now, I think I'll go buy a lottery ticket - No, just kidding...Maybe tomorrow I can/will be that hopeful

Thanks for your great post - Hope and change= Possibly the 2 most important things we must protect and respect in our lives.
And the 3rd is that Depression Lies -
Really it does, and I'm going to try my best to stop listening to it.

There were some nights that were so bad that the only way I could make it was to think, "if it's this bad in the morning..." Come morning things were different, not necessarily better or worse, just different and that was enough to try another day. I feel the same way you do, nothing works. I've run out of things to try. I've been though CBT twice. No one knows why I know the skills but I'm unable to use them. I'm going to repeat the program on my own. I might be in a better place to practice now. My doctor wants me to join a support group. The depression and anxiety triggered agoraphobia. My world has become very small. Perhaps I'll have more success if I focus on this one specific problem. I must say my timing is impeccable. Resolving to go out more in the middle of a winter snow storm!

I'm sorry u r dreading each day. I think aloneness (small world) intensifies almost all negative feelings. I've noticed people who seem to handle life problems the best have a great support system (friends + family close to them) that reminds them how much purpose + value their life has.

It's hard to build-up that type of support system and winter weather (for those that live alone) can sink even the most positive person into a slump.
R there any group activities (like something weekly) that u might be able to join, that could/would give u something to look forward to, and give u opportunity to interact face-to-face with others?

Some have people they can call. But for anybody alone (like me) who has limited or no daily interactions with friends/family, being constantly alone is brutal.
Take care and remember just like life can change for the better overall, there may be a new friend you've not yet met, who can brighten these cold, isolating winter days.

Btw, (sort of a disclaimer)...My usual (bs?) positive ideas,
which as I'm writing them I'm telling myself to shut-up,
but unfortunately if I didn't do this all the time (brainwash myself to believe something good might happen), while forcing myself to keep going forward,
it would be too easy for me to just give-up.
And none of us should do that
--Some will give-up, regardless of the endless possibilities for positive change available to them, because they just didn't think there were any---
(And that could ieven include me); but as long as we keep waking up on the next day, we all need to do like you've done,
and see the chance for change in each and every day.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It helped me to feel less alone this morning.
Hope today is a good one for you.