I suffer from great amounts of stress. It was so intensive when I was attempting to sleep, I just can't
I suffer from too many things, too many issues to ever have a meaningful life
There is only one therapist I met who brings me hope, but she only did my intake
I really don't mind dying in peace. I know my condition is harsh and I know there's no point in pushing forward. To attempt further means going against a wall
That stress was so painful it consumed me whole. It is too much to bear
Moving out stresses me allot. Also, family dynamics which put me down, particularly my mother
I am in a lose-lose in all directions
The thing to put me down the most is how much people discouraged my love for the crush I had - that put me down ALLOT

I only wanted her to see there is no harm intended. Like the Beauty and the Beast, while I can be like a beast at times, I really want to learn
But sometimes I wonder who really was the beast here - me or her. When I think it's her, I feel very stressed. But when I think it's about me, I feel much better. It's because I really care about her. I know there's a tiny little heart there. I saw some of her introverted smiles.

Crush my hope and you will only bring me further down into the pits of hell, mark my words

I do know she has a heart there. I may have ASD and some tiny "holes" in figuring out signs, but I have a gift regarding relationships with specific women. I can tap into their hearts, happened a few times
And I know another thing - she LOVED that feeling, despite showing discomfort
Despite her usual cold personality she was TRYING to reach out to me, like a dark angel trying to give a bit of light. It's like a light covered in shadows, nothing but a mask or a mirror

I sense nothing but dark energies from her

I know I am speaking mixed up about her. That is exactly the problem with her. Most people would tell me to move on, but what then? Just get hurt and accept the pain? I'm not going to live life for that
I want to live life to FIGHT what is WRONG!!

That's it, I am done venting. I hope someone can help my stress
Even if the crush's love wasn't real, I want to hold into faith that mimicking love with charm and other tools tells something about what she deep down seeks

I am so disappointed I have some misspellings here at times. I sometimes notice it happens when I go through my text
Just wish I could be laid to rest peacefully without fighting for it

A valuable relationship is my only hope, I dreamed of making a platinum ring for marriage rather than gold, to symbolize how much we'd (whoever it may be) value our relationship

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

I suffer from great amounts of stress. It was so intensive when I was attempting to sleep, I just can't
I suffer from too many things, too many issues to ever have a meaningful life
There is only one therapist I met who brings me hope, but she only did my intake
I really don't mind dying in peace. I know my condition is harsh and I know there's no point in pushing forward. To attempt further means going against a wall
That stress was so painful it consumed me whole. It is too much to bear
Moving out stresses me allot. Also, family dynamics which put me down, particularly my mother
I am in a lose-lose in all directions
The thing to put me down the most is how much people discouraged my love for the crush I had - that put me down ALLOT

I only wanted her to see there is no harm intended. Like the Beauty and the Beast, while I can be like a beast at times, I really want to learn
But sometimes I wonder who really was the beast here - me or her. When I think it's her, I feel very stressed. But when I think it's about me, I feel much better. It's because I really care about her. I know there's a tiny little heart there. I saw some of her introverted smiles.

Crush my hope and you will only bring me further down into the pits of hell, mark my words

I do know she has a heart there. I may have ASD and some tiny "holes" in figuring out signs, but I have a gift regarding relationships with specific women. I can tap into their hearts, happened a few times
And I know another thing - she LOVED that feeling, despite showing discomfort
Despite her usual cold personality she was TRYING to reach out to me, like a dark angel trying to give a bit of light. It's like a light covered in shadows, nothing but a mask or a mirror

I sense nothing but dark energies from her

I know I am speaking mixed up about her. That is exactly the problem with her. Most people would tell me to move on, but what then? Just get hurt and accept the pain? I'm not going to live life for that
I want to live life to FIGHT what is WRONG!!

That's it, I am done venting. I hope someone can help my stress
Even if the crush's love wasn't real, I want to hold into faith that mimicking love with charm and other tools tells something about what she deep down seeks

I am so disappointed I have some misspellings here at times. I sometimes notice it happens when I go through my text
Just wish I could be laid to rest peacefully without fighting for it

A valuable relationship is my only hope, I dreamed of making a platinum ring for marriage rather than gold, to symbolize how much we'd (whoever it may be) value our relationship

You may not realize it yet, but pushing a wall gives you great strength to break a wall. It might take a little time, but little by little, you could bring down a mountain.

I've no experience in relationships, but someone worth your love is bound to come your way. Don't lose hope.

[downandlonely]

I know you don't want to hear this, but if this woman has rejected your advances, you need to stay away. Otherwise, it's harassement.

I don't think it's a reason to kill yourself though.

[Mini2018]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I don't think it's a reason to kill yourself though.

Sadly its one of the top ones statistically
[SPOILER] If there's one thing I know, its that there's only so many times you can go through the gutwrenching pain caused by love lost, that is, until death becomes a constant thought that you fight[/SPOILER]

[imaginethat]

I'm sorry you're hurting. Wanting to die is a familiar feeling when I'm depressed. I wouldn't kill myself, but at times I wouldn't mind if it happened.

What saves me is I don't know if this is the only life we get. If it is, then I better try to make the best of it. Otherwise, there's no telling what I might miss.

Remember a time when you weren't under such stress. It can happen again.

My mom is also not very encouraging. She causes me more heartache than anyone else, so I know what you mean. I tell myself that she doesn't know any better (and no wonder I grew up to be so depressed). Sometimes I tell her when she's making me feel worse.

I hope these words help you. Please take care of yourself.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I know you don't want to hear this, but if this woman has rejected your advances, you need to stay away. Otherwise, it's harassement.

I don't think it's a reason to kill yourself though.

I agree. You are entering into the realm of harassment or worse, stalking. You need to end this dangerous obsession. Yes, that's what it is. It's not a crush anymore, it's become a full blown obsession.

You even see fit to demonize her, call her a psychopath over this whole ordeal. I know that rejection is very hard, especially once you've gone from innocent crush, to full on obsession. I was in this very situation. It gave me a complete and total mental breakdown.

Here, this article helped me so immensely and I was finally able to move on from my obsession for good. Give it a read.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/learni...ys-to-move-on/

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I agree. You are entering into the realm of harassment or worse, stalking. You need to end this dangerous obsession. Yes, that's what it is. It's not a crush anymore, it's become a full blown obsession.

You even see fit to demonize her, call her a psychopath over this whole ordeal. I know that rejection is very hard, especially once you've gone from innocent crush, to full on obsession. I was in this very situation. It gave me a complete and total mental breakdown.

Here, this article helped me so immensely and I was finally able to move on from my obsession for good. Give it a read.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/learni...ys-to-move-on/

She IS a psychopath. People can call me intelligent yet not trust me when I say such words, not even considering I am intelligent enough to check for evidence over the net to see the TRUTH
That word even came out of of my mouth intuitively when I vented about it with an acquaintance, and that was BEFORE I checked sources!

And DON’T! give me the “doesn’t mean it really is that way”, otherwise leave because you (general you, nothing personal) don’t trust me

My family doesn’t care. The only thing my father said was “So you fell for it”
My mother was completely apathetic

"I do know she has a heart there. I may have ASD and some tiny "holes" in figuring out signs, but I have a gift regarding relationships with specific women. I can tap into their hearts, happened a few times
And I know another thing - she LOVED that feeling, despite showing discomfort
Despite her usual cold personality she was TRYING to reach out to me, like a dark angel trying to give a bit of light. It's like a light covered in shadows, nothing but a mask or a mirror"

This is incredibly disturbing. It's the type of statement that would have me thinking about a restraining order if I was her.

You deserve to be loved, but this particular scenario is extremely unhealthy. I hope you do not give up and continue to seek out help. While you obsess over the wrong woman, you could very well pass over the right one.

[Shazerac]

So what if she was a psychopath? That is past tense. I hope you find some way to get past these intense feeling that you “know” what someone else needs. You don’t ....period. You literally do not have the right to decide what someone else needs. Maybe you can direct your focus inward and learn how to love yourself and providing yourself with what you need. Until you learn to love yourself instead of focusing outward everything is going to go sideways and feel weird.

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

"I do know she has a heart there. I may have ASD and some tiny "holes" in figuring out signs, but I have a gift regarding relationships with specific women. I can tap into their hearts, happened a few times
And I know another thing - she LOVED that feeling, despite showing discomfort
Despite her usual cold personality she was TRYING to reach out to me, like a dark angel trying to give a bit of light. It's like a light covered in shadows, nothing but a mask or a mirror"

This is incredibly disturbing. It's the type of statement that would have me thinking about a restraining order if I was her.

You deserve to be loved, but this particular scenario is extremely unhealthy. I hope you do not give up and continue to seek out help. While you obsess over the wrong woman, you could very well pass over the right one.

If you want to help a stranger you don’t even know then go ahead
I will continue to seek support and encouragement instead of people who think against me

Shazerac - Speaking of past tense, why are you looking at things I said in the past?
I do know they are contradictive, but that’s exactly what happens when you stumble upon such personality. One of the relationship traits are they make it hard to forget about them

So if you really want me to move on from the past, then you need to look at what I say in the now and not what I said in the was
And I am not attempting to argue or decline advice. If you want to understand and help me then you have to listen to me

SadGirl - You have your right to think what I said seems disturbing to you, but it’s doing the opposite of helping and supporting me, because you’re literally supporting her when empathizing with her

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

I suffer from great amounts of stress. It was so intensive when I was attempting to sleep, I just can't
I suffer from too many things, too many issues to ever have a meaningful life
There is only one therapist I met who brings me hope, but she only did my intake
I really don't mind dying in peace. I know my condition is harsh and I know there's no point in pushing forward. To attempt further means going against a wall
That stress was so painful it consumed me whole. It is too much to bear
Moving out stresses me allot. Also, family dynamics which put me down, particularly my mother
I am in a lose-lose in all directions
The thing to put me down the most is how much people discouraged my love for the crush I had - that put me down ALLOT

I only wanted her to see there is no harm intended. Like the Beauty and the Beast, while I can be like a beast at times, I really want to learn
But sometimes I wonder who really was the beast here - me or her. When I think it's her, I feel very stressed. But when I think it's about me, I feel much better. It's because I really care about her. I know there's a tiny little heart there. I saw some of her introverted smiles.

Crush my hope and you will only bring me further down into the pits of hell, mark my words

I do know she has a heart there. I may have ASD and some tiny "holes" in figuring out signs, but I have a gift regarding relationships with specific women. I can tap into their hearts, happened a few times
And I know another thing - she LOVED that feeling, despite showing discomfort
Despite her usual cold personality she was TRYING to reach out to me, like a dark angel trying to give a bit of light. It's like a light covered in shadows, nothing but a mask or a mirror

I sense nothing but dark energies from her

I know I am speaking mixed up about her. That is exactly the problem with her. Most people would tell me to move on, but what then? Just get hurt and accept the pain? I'm not going to live life for that
I want to live life to FIGHT what is WRONG!!

That's it, I am done venting. I hope someone can help my stress
Even if the crush's love wasn't real, I want to hold into faith that mimicking love with charm and other tools tells something about what she deep down seeks

I am so disappointed I have some misspellings here at times. I sometimes notice it happens when I go through my text
Just wish I could be laid to rest peacefully without fighting for it

A valuable relationship is my only hope, I dreamed of making a platinum ring for marriage rather than gold, to symbolize how much we'd (whoever it may be) value our relationship

for the most part, I don't mind dying either.

Possible trigger:

A, I won't have anyone who will miss me (I don't have family, I'm all ready dead to them, so)

B. my life is just a series of bad things- one after another, and lost oppotunities, some of them I can never get back.

C- it's easier to die than it is to relive, every day, all the abuse and trauma I suffered (and continue to suffer)

the only thing I worry about when it comes to dying is.... what will happen next on earth?. will life continue?, and if so- for how long?

I am terrified about life continuing when I'm gone. just..... I am, somehow.

[Fuzzybear]

Yeah. For the most part, I too feel that way. That I really do not mind dying, in fact I would rather welcome it...

And I’m not expecting a single hug to this post as today I’m a piece of ****.

[Smitkit]

[QUOTE=Vibrating Obsidian;6101820]If you want to help a stranger you don’t even know then go ahead
I will continue to seek support and encouragement instead of people who think against me

Shazerac - Speaking of past tense, why are you looking at things I said in the past?
I do know they are contradictive, but that’s exactly what happens when you stumble upon such personality. One of the relationship traits are they make it hard to forget about them

So if you really want me to move on from the past, then you need to look at what I say in the now and not what I said in the was
And I am not attempting to argue or decline advice. If you want to understand and help me then you have to listen to me

SadGirl - You have your right to think what I said seems disturbing to you, but it’s doing the opposite of helping and supporting me, because you’re literally supporting her when empathizing with her

No contact. If she is a “psychopath or narcissist”, she will reach out when you stop contacting. If you truly believe she is this way, do not engage.

If you haven’t, consider talking to someone about PTSD from your abusive childhood. I went through some similar thought patterns in my early relationships after childhood abuse. Being perfect, fixing everything, achieving a relationship to fill a hole and blaming others when everything consistently fell apart. There are no shortcuts, believe me I tried everyone. And killing yourself is not a solution. I promise if you start really caring for yourself and take your value back from others; you will look back on this someday and it will seem so miniscual. And the best part, you will have true happiness.

Good luck. Pulling for you.

[Shazerac]

I am listening to you. I just don’t agree with you on this issue. I see you hurting yourself over and over and it makes me sad.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I agree. You are entering into the realm of harassment or worse, stalking. You need to end this dangerous obsession. Yes, that's what it is. It's not a crush anymore, it's become a full blown obsession.

You even see fit to demonize her, call her a psychopath over this whole ordeal. I know that rejection is very hard, especially once you've gone from innocent crush, to full on obsession. I was in this very situation. It gave me a complete and total mental breakdown.

Here, this article helped me so immensely and I was finally able to move on from my obsession for good. Give it a read.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/learni...ys-to-move-on/

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

She IS a psychopath. People can call me intelligent yet not trust me when I say such words, not even considering I am intelligent enough to check for evidence over the net to see the TRUTH
That word even came out of of my mouth intuitively when I vented about it with an acquaintance, and that was BEFORE I checked sources!

And DON’T! give me the “doesn’t mean it really is that way”, otherwise leave because you (general you, nothing personal) don’t trust me

My family doesn’t care. The only thing my father said was “So you fell for it”
My mother was completely apathetic

Okay, in what way is she a "psychopath"?

Refusing your advances doesn't make her one, FYI.

Also, did you look at the article I linked you too? It was an eye opener for me, and I think it will be for you too.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I am listening to you. I just don’t agree with you on this issue. I see you hurting yourself over and over and it makes me sad.

Sorry you feel sad, last thing I’d want you to feel
But the last thing I’d ever do to myself is to hurt myself, that would be ridiculous

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Okay, in what way is she a "psychopath"?

Refusing your advances doesn't make her one, FYI.

Also, did you look at the article I linked you too? It was an eye opener for me, and I think it will be for you too.

I did, and it doesn’t really help me
But thanks anyway

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Sorry you feel sad, last thing I’d want you to feel
But the last thing I’d ever do to myself is to hurt myself, that would be ridiculous

Ok the title of your thread is “I wouldn’t mind dying” and you go in to spell out how stressed out your are. Now you say “the last thing I would ever do is hurt myself.”

You ARE hurting yourself. If everything about your life was peachy keen...you wouldn’t even be on this forum.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Ok the title of your thread is “I wouldn’t mind dying” and you go in to spell out how stressed out your are. Now you say “the last thing I would ever do is hurt myself.”

You ARE hurting yourself. If everything about your life was peachy keen...you wouldn’t even be on this forum.

I agree. You're hurting yourself through your unhealthy obsession with this innocent person. Please get some professional help if you haven't already. She could very well press charges against you for stalking if it escalates to that.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Ok the title of your thread is “I wouldn’t mind dying” and you go in to spell out how stressed out your are. Now you say “the last thing I would ever do is hurt myself.”

You ARE hurting yourself. If everything about your life was peachy keen...you wouldn’t even be on this forum.

Wanting to die is different than hurting yourself
The original reason I wanted to die is because I am not willing to live a life where I am unable to fight and fend for myself and others
I am not willing to live a life where people hurt and are left to be

This is completely different from hurting yourself!
So no, I am NOT hurting myself, that's the last thing I'd ever want to do. Doesn't mean I didn't mind dying

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I agree. You're hurting yourself through your unhealthy obsession with this innocent person. Please get some professional help if you haven't already. She could very well press charges against you for stalking if it escalates to that.

Why are you thinking I'm stalking her?
And why are you thinking she's innocent? She's more aware and capable than you think she is

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Why are you thinking I'm stalking her?
And why are you thinking she's innocent? She's more aware and capable than you think she is

Let me see...

You repeatedly "meditate" about her...

You claim to know things about her future/past via these "meditative sessions"....

You claim to know what she is thinking/feeling at times...

You also claim to know her intentions....

You claim you want to befriend her and constantly be close to her to help "resolve your crush on her" (which, is the exact opposite of what you should be doing, BTW).

I find these claims to be very disturbing and if I were in her shoes, and knew how much you are so unhealthily obsessed, I would very much want to call the police and have a restraining order placed on you.

I'm sorry this sounds harsh, but you need to face the facts, you have an unhealthy fixation, a downright obsession that will lead to stalking or worse if you don't get help soon.

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Let me see...

You repeatedly "meditate" about her...

You claim to know things about her future/past via these "meditative sessions"....

You claim to know what she is thinking/feeling at times...

You also claim to know her intentions....

You claim you want to befriend her and constantly be close to her to help "resolve your crush on her" (which, is the exact opposite of what you should be doing, BTW).

I find these claims to be very disturbing and if I were in her shoes, and knew how much you are so unhealthily obsessed, I would very much want to call the police and have a restraining order placed on you.

I'm sorry this sounds harsh, but you need to face the facts, you have an unhealthy fixation, a downright obsession that will lead to stalking or worse if you don't get help soon.

No, face the fact you support a person you don’t know of more than you support me
It’s your choice and it’s your right. But it is not supporting me

[Artchic528]

Feeding into your obsession, ISN'T supporting you. It only serves to hurt you, much like what you do to yourself. Please get help.

Sorry Artchic, you crossed the line when you accused me of stalking and talked about a “restraining order” against me