[Psychotic_Phil]

I feel like crap right now. Luckily I'm not going to sink into a black depression again because of the Prozac, which has worked 100%, and my own work on myself. But I just need to vent...

I asked this girl named Jenn out, even though she didn't know if she was splitting up with Chris, who, if he found out would pummel me to a pulp. She refused of course. After all, who wants to be MY girlfriend. I'm a hopeless freak moron!

To top it off, she said we could be friends, then started ignoring me. My step dad thinks this was accentuated because I told her that my romantic feelings are not hers anymore.

She's led a pretty traumatic life; molested by her uncle, beaten by her grandfather, countless suicide attempts and her sister is bat %#@&#! crazy. She's in therapy for PTSD and depression.

I just wanted to provide for her, let her know I cared and at one point loved her. But she obviously hates me now. God I'm stupid...

To make matters worse, I'm now attracted to one of her friends. But I don't feel like being told no again, because she will NEVER agree to be my girlfriend. So I have challenged the universe to make us a couple. The universe failed the challenge last time. I'm not a schizo. So I should just crawl into a hole and die. No one except my stupid relatives, teachers, friends (except Jenn) and psych doc think I'm smart and have hope in life . What do they know? Kelsey will never go out with me. But I love her like crazy.

[Psychotic_Phil]

No one cares? I thought so...

In that case, I may as well leave for good then, huh? After all, it's inhuman to answer me isn't it?

[nowheretorun]

FROM STARDUST: NOT NOWHERE. My cousin is Nowhere. He asked me to reply to you. First i just wanna say that I love you. And so does God. Because God is Love and Love is unconditional, and thus undivided. My best advice is to Love all things fully and completely with all your being, then the love that compliments and expands on yours will come.
Love is not something that you do, it's something that you are.

Big hugs to All!!!
Peace, Love, and Cupcakes,
S.T.A.R.D.U.S.T. (tech) officers cousin (perFederal regulation) PC Enterprise, formerly known as Jefferson Starship ... comm waiting

[nowheretorun]

Phil... hope there no confusion regarding the above.. my cuz, the boy/man ... sees things correctly imo... i let him use my id to answer.. prob against regs.. but, i admit, im not perfect...

just wanted to say... when i was younger.. teens/early teens.. we had about 13 girls in my class.. i was no jock... apparantly that mattered to them..

one by one iasked each girl in class to be my girl... one by one, each said no...

talk about crushed.. all said "we like you as a friend" ... how did that help then?

what i felt in my heart was all heartache... i imagined the bandaid was love... but i didn't see how i already had that... i only could see what i hadn't recieved...

its taken me a long time to understand this better... today i don't feel any great need for a girlfriend, wife, or dog... they can't heal me... only give me clues that in my blindness i've slowly strung together to make the Greatest Story ever told to me... The Story of My Life..

and you have your story to learn and share... we are Blessed for it..

exposing your pain is painful... thank you... and may you Heal soon...

Nowheretorun

[Abby]

Hey Phil

It's always good to vent - allows you to get it off your chest and rationalise things. I don't think Jenn hates you - why would she?? Afterall what you told her was that you LIKED her - everyone likes being told that! Maybe she's just confused right now if she's in the middle of a breaking up with someone?

"So I have challenged the universe to make us a couple" - ok...why don't you help it out though? I say ask her out...do you know what i regret the most? Not taking the chances that arose!

"No one except my stupid relatives, teachers, friends (except Jenn) and psych doc think I'm smart and have hope in life." - i know that it may not feel like it now...but that's quite alot of people. Perhaps you can add yourself to that list at some point?

hope you're ok!

[timeforsleep]

I know how you feel . The love of my life left me 4 years ago and is with someone else raising a family. I have not had a relationship for four years and am still in love with her. Pretty pathetic huh?

[(JD)]

Aw you gotta give us time to find the thread, time to come back and read it all if we can't right then, and then time to think about an answer, if we have one. ((((hugs)))) Plus it's a holiday weekend here.

I think you could benefit from reviewing the 10 cognitive distortions posted at the top of the psychotherapy forum.

You're leading yourself into a lot of conclusions that just might not be so correct. Depression tells you lies, remember?

I think it is great that you spoke to her and shared some of your feelings!
Go ahead and ask her friend, if you think enough time has passed for her to decide on Chris or you. But you know, if she has ptsd and depression, she's liable to be in turmoil at times too, and take longer to get things figured out.

Go after "friends" and just maybe you'll find someone to love in the process.

[Psychotic_Phil]

Apparently Kelsey is dating Levi, so no go there. It always seems like I meet and like girls that are dating, about to date or in the process of breaking up. It sucks.

As far as my opinions go, I think most of that stems from my saying "expect the unexpected" and my low self esteem. I tend to think pretty darkly about things of importance. It's a bad habit, and part of this damned illness!

By the way, does anyone else agree that Doctor Doom is the best Marvel super-villain ever? Right up there with Magneto and a few others...

[sassypants]

I am glad you came and posted here. I just read your bio
and I think you express yourself very well. I am sorry that
the girls you like are not responding to you. I have also felt the way you do. I am chubby. Who wants a chubby girlfriend ? Ha Ha! I guess what I am trying to say is that society should like people for their character,not looks ,fame or money.

I hope things get better for you, and NO GOD DOES NOT
HATE YOU.. HE LOVES YOU, unconditionally...
Keep the faith!! :

[stefano]

Don't mean to judge, but I submit a couple of remarks to your attention:
Can't you find a girl who is less dangerous and difficult? you already have your problems...
And now you like her friend... you are searching for trouble.

[Psychotic_Phil]

Her friend is actually OK. (as far as I know) And Jenn is really sweet. Yes, she has problems, but that doesn't stop me from liking her!

I still haven't gotten a response on my Marvel comics question...I guess that's not very popular here...