Depression and Anger.

Does anyone else have the following issue, or ever experienced it?

I get angry about something, which triggers anger and hurt from all other places. I can't get angry about one thing because one thing triggers everything else.
Then i feel guilty for getting so worked up about something small,
Then i feel even more depressed than i did in the beginning, full of self-hatred, and have thoughts of suicide.
I don't know how to cope with it.
It's uncontrollable, and i'm sort of scared of myself, i don't trust myself. I know I act on impulse alot of the time, and the people around me would be so much better when i'm not around anymore.

This isn't the only pattern i experience, it's just the most irritating and confusing..

anyone else get like this?

Hi Kelly3

It's such a vicious cycle isn't it? Hard to find a way to break it and work on it.

I don't know if you are in therapy or not or on meds. One thing I found that helped me to find my way out during those times was to journal. I was able to go back to what I had journaled and kind of figure out what the trigger was and then I would work on that trigger. I would make a plan as to how I would change my reactions to that trigger. Like, instead of reacting emotionally first, I would stop, breathe deeply and slowly and make myself think about the hows and whys of the situation came about. I would try to see other views of it. In doing that, I had something else to think about other than the initial emotion. Not that the emotion was wrong per se, just that in acting emotionally first and thinking later is what usually gets us into a space that's really difficult to get out of and really sets us up for the guilt. By thinking first then reacting, we have more control. And control is what we crave don't you think?

I know it's not an easy task. It takes practice and lots of hard work. And its a continual job for those of us who react first and think second. But it is definitely worth all the effort especially when you see the progress you are making.

Wishing you well!

Hugsss
sabby

I used to cycle through the anger issues. I'd be going a long having a normal day when suddenly I'd snap. One part of my brain would be saying "wow, where did that come from?" But could I stop even when I knew that whatever small thing happened did not warrant this murderous rage? No. For a while I rationalized it, this small thing was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Meanwhile that other part of my brain was going "you're freaking out because of ... this does not make sense."

Kelly I would talk to your doctor. There are antidepressants with mood stablizers that are really helpful. And something new that I learned recently, those rages may be a symptom of OCD as well. There is no reason be suffer through these things when there is a medication that will help. It's a chemical imbalance.

((((((((((( Kelly )))))))))))))

I can't say it better than sabau2 did

yeah, i've experienced this one Kelly... depression comes in waves... you need to stop the wave machine somehow..

are you seeing a doc?

Kelly,

The thought that everybody else would be better off with you gone is DEFINITELY your depression LYING to you. Don't you believe it for a minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EJ

i just thought of something else, an edit to my earlier response... and along with what everyone is saying...

depression is like a wave machine... life comes in waves... instead of turning that wave machine off.. i would rather get on toop of it, take the controls... swing the tide and get those waves working in my favor...

still feel the energy rushes.. but istead of a negative energy cycle which drains and exhausts everything, a positive energy cycle would feed and color my life... still waving, but wit more desire-able results...

I call it taking a ride on the Mood Swing. I also experience the same thing, one minute you're just fine and then POW!!! Out of nowhere comes the rage. And the explosion at whoever might be in my path. Then comes the sadness and guilt, maybe an anxiety attack to top it all off. Just know that you are not alone. It's not easy to deal with but i'm trying to remind myself that I have an illness and I'm trying to get treatment for it. I am hoping that you do the same. Remember that you must take care of yourself. The other day I made a list of all the things that make me feel good. What I now try to do is pick one of those things when I feel one of these episodes coming on. It's not easy but it works sometimes.
Keeping you in my thoughts....

Hi Kelly,

Yes I can relate to your two cycles of torment. I'll explain how mine go and you can see if it's simiar or not. Mine usually begin with a trigger that being my husband most of the time. I would become intensely angry with him, but not discuss the situation as I know it would just make it worse as before. This anger would linger for a few days where I fueled this anger with additional negative thoughts and added some that may not be true. Then for sure as always it would seem like all of a sudden it turns to numbness, which accompanys my severe depression. I have bipolar disorder and it rapid cycles frequently. However, most of the time I stay in the depressive side of it and each time it changes it comes from being hypomanic. The depression lingers on for weeks it seems and pulls me in that black hole and won't let me go. No matter what I try it it intent on keeping me hostage. I am happy to say that this last one almost ended me being hospitalized, but I give thanks to this website and forum for giving me some new tools to express my despair and got me slowly out of it. I also started journaling each day online and it does help. So I hope I have answered your questions.

My therapist once told me that depression is just anger turned inward. So true. Now when I find the anger coming on, I have to learn how to let it go and think of the consequences. I know this is very hard thing to do, but it could be lifesaving. I hope things will be better for you Kelly and nice to meet you.

I was in therapy, but told my T i'm having doubts now. Not sure i want to see her. got an appt. with a Psych next month, and I refuse to take meds.

Thanks for everyone's replies, It sort of helped a bit - but i'm still completely .. crap.

I might speak to the psych about it, but i'm not sure yet. to be honest, i'd rather keep my mouth closed in reality.
It's easy to talk on here as I don't really have to express it as such, it's more like writing a diary. whereas in person, face to face with a T, i end up going quiet, or not finishing sentences. I also find it impossible to talk to them about certain things because I feel such a failure.
I don't know, we'll see.
Thanks again everyone.

Kelly. x

Why do you refuse to take meds? If you were diabetic, would you refuse to take insulin? Why torture yourself by limiting your treatment options. I hope it's not a pride issue...

On meds: I understand not wanting to take them. Please everyone, do not pressure someone to take them.

I refuse to take meds because 4 family members were put on anti-depressants and they made them alot worse.
Also, the amount of side affects that go alongside with them.
I'm not risking it.

... that is not a meaningful statistic.
If you won't take meds, then what could the pdoc do for you? Save money and just see the T.

> ... that is not a meaningful statistic

I suspect it is to her.

Kelly, whatever you do, psychcentral will always be here and someone will listen and care.

I also found journaling useful. My T told me I could "talk" to the people who'd hurt me and feel like they'd heard me and the best part was that I'd never have to confront them. I "told" them things like, "Remember that time you told me.....? Well, I hate you and worse." At times I was digging holes into my paper, letting out the anger and pain. I needed to know I'd be seeing my T to do this though.

Best wishes