[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Deejay14

Still on the ups and downs. Tomorrow Rose promise me you will get up and make one phone call to move off the mood rollercoaster. You are worth it!

I am improved today. I walked a lot yesterday to get some errands done. No longer have a car, so I use busses, Uber and my feet. I feel so much better after I leave the house and get some things done.

I did make 2 important phone calls today to make doctor appointments. I'm coloring my hair now. I'll get it cut tomorrow. It feels like I'm gradually improving, but it's slow-going.

Thanks for the encouragement.

[Deejay14]

Keep on rolling Rose!!

[Buffy01]

I wish that I knew why I am so depressed all the time

[3rd rock]

Apartment is getting so cluttered. I'm going to take 2 trips out to the dumpster today and more tomorrow. After this week I have 9 of 11 days off, so I'll try to use that time to clean my apartment and throw out as much junk as I can. I'm not a hoarder, the depression just gets to me and tells me to just put something somewhere within reach and deal with it later. Not in an audible voice, of course...

I've cooked my own meals 3 days in a row. I have a few basic recipes I use on rotation. But I'm still feeling quite down right now over the woman who ghosted me. I've accepted that it's over and she's likely never to reappear in my life in any way, but the grieving process is likely to be rather long. I think it's made worse because just 2-3 weeks before she disappeared my best friend, my cockatiel, died, so it really feels like I'm more alone than ever.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

snip: I think it's made worse because just 2-3 weeks before she disappeared my best friend, my cockatiel, died, so it really feels like I'm more alone than ever.

Rock, I’ve experienced a similar double whammy. Grief over my parents’ deaths was complex enough since they were not warm or close to me. Then my only surviving “family” threw me under the bus regarding the Trust. And stopped talking to me. This poor excuse for a human being isn’t family to me, just blood. Also got nasty letters from both that scum and the LAWYER.

I never know how I feel because my parents kept a lot of secrets from me and I found out from legal documents. My whole family betrayed me.

I lost a friend a few months before the first parent passed.



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Sent from my iPhone 📱

[Rose76]

I'm starting to feel really good. It's been a long bout of depression - one of the worst I've had in years. I've been cleaning and cooking decent meals for myself. The quagmire that was sucking me downward finally let go of me. I just hope this lasts for a while. What will help is me developing better habits, which I'm genuinely working on.

[Rose76]

I'm continuing to feel good. One pdoc told me I was bipolar. This was after him knowing me for 6 years. He came up with that after he saw me have a very dramatic shift in mood, due to some hard stress. Subsequently, another pdoc told me that "bipolar" was too heavy-duty a diagnosis for me. He said it might be just "cyclothymia.".

I'm not sure I believe in those diagnoses. All the same, there is something very dysfunctional in how I respond to serious stress . . . and even, at times, to rather trivial stress. Lack of social support has a lot to do with that. I spend way too much time alone. That's something I need to change.

I have been going out to the courtyard of my complex and talking to neighbors. Their dogs know I carry dog treats in my pockets. So they get all happy to see me, wagging their tails. The warming weather and longer days encourage me to not stay stuck in the house so much, as during winter. Small pleasantries have a big impact on me.

I hope this lasts for a while.